"Fortune-telling" sketch script _ "Fortune-telling" sketch script full version

People: Tong shopkeeper, (Diaoyu Island), (crossing the river) and (cutting cakes).

begin

Manager Tong: Dear friends, Radisson and Jiantemen, fans in front of the TV, Happy New Year.

Children's shopkeeper: Oh, it's getting harder and harder to open an inn these days. This is not true. Last year, Dongguan closed several stores at once, and it wanted to open a grocery store. Unexpectedly, business is quite good. Last year, I opened a 108 branch in one go. I am very busy, but I don't brush my teeth in the morning and wash my face at night. Fortunately, Xiao Lu and Xiao Guo's mouth helped me.

Lv Xiucai: Boss, you don't have to be so busy. Just open fewer stores. You have to open the 108 store with great fanfare. Can you not be tired?

Child shopkeeper: What do you know? Do you know the periodic table?

Lv Xiucai: What does this have to do with the periodic table?

Child shopkeeper: no learning, no skill! What does 108 stand for in the periodic table of elements? On behalf of silver, on behalf of my money, this is a good sign (dream of getting rich ...)

Lv Xiucai: The shopkeeper is really knowledgeable. By the way, where's Brother Bai? Haven't you met anyone else?

Child shopkeeper: exhibition hall? Just forget it． I asked him to deliver food to Xiao Liu yesterday. He insisted on driving that broken tractor and came back late on the way. When you meet a crossroads, click. ...

Lv Xiucai: Crash! ? (Clap your hands and stamp your feet ...) You see, I told you, it's not safe for this kind of vehicle to burn oil and smoke. It's better to use legs and feet. Did you hit a tree or fall into a ditch? Are you badly hurt? You look concerned, and you are stupid ...

Child shopkeeper: What are you talking about? ! In the exhibition hall, he met a yellow light! Isn't this the new traffic law? You can't run the yellow light. As a result, the yellow light flashed all night and came back early in the morning! My hair is wilting, my teeth are creaking, and my eyes are as black as pandas. I am catching up on sleep upstairs at the moment.

Lv Xiucai: Oh, it's too difficult.

Manager Tong: Yes, where are the others? Beckham! Guo! A talkative person ... (shouting human form)

Lv Xiucai: Boss, stop yelling. Guo went home with Dazui last night.

Child shopkeeper: open a room! ?

Lv Xiucai: Bah! What are you talking about, boss? Guo and Dazui go shopping online. Isn't the mouth home without a net, detained, and can't bear to go to the Internet cafe? I haven't heard that Chongqing Baijia has opened a community flash sale. Online shopping is super cheap, and Dazui wants to buy some rice flour, grain and oil to prepare some new year's goods.

Tong shopkeeper: Haha, you two idiots, there is a wholesale market! Panxi wholesale market and yamen stipulate that the only official one-stop purchasing station is designated. Honey, are you still worried about shopping?

Lv Xiucai: Panxi, not at the critical moment. You have to catch a carriage to pull the goods. The key is not to wholesale any of them. It's a waste of time and dog blood to run so far to save some money. This is a lie!

Child shopkeeper: Pit Niang! (Hearing Lv Xiucai "Huh?" Immediately changed his mouth), but also pit old niang!

At this time, Zhen Xuan appeared gracefully. ...

Zhen Xuan: Hey, boss, have a pot of herbal tea.

Child shopkeeper: (looking back) Ah, we have guests. Please come in. Madam, seeing that you are dressed so richly, you must have come from heaven (the scholar looks different), and (the shopkeeper stopped laughing and froze). No matter where you come from, you are a guest. Please sit down.

Zhen Xuan: (sitting on his high horse, ignoring the shopkeeper), I have no knowledge! I'm Zhen Xuan. I must be an unruly person in Shan Ye who hasn't seen TV series, but I didn't know it for a while, so I don't care.

Child shopkeeper: (Gave her a white look, she was not angry) Scholar, tea, 120 degree tea!

Scholar: Here we go. Please have tea, madam. Why are you alone?

Zhen Xuan: Well, think about it. Originally, I took a line of handmaids and little eunuchs in the parade to go anti-Japanese fishing, but I didn't know that the number was too large and chaotic, and soon everyone dispersed.

I won't fight if I think about it. Blame the Japanese shorty, damn it. Diaoyu Island has belonged to our nation since ancient times. I didn't expect thieves and villains to swallow it in a hurry, shameless. Confucius said that women are responsible for state behavior, and this palace cannot sit idly by.

Scholar: Yes, I hate it, too. I have long wanted to go out for a parade, but the shopkeeper said that he would deduct my salary and dare not go.

(Look at the shopkeeper, who raises his hand to fight. )

Shopkeeper Tong: Tell Japan that Diaoyu Island belongs to China, so forget it. Submarine oil is also China's, so don't rob it. In some cases, Japan also belongs to China, so don't refuse.

Zhen Xuan: (sighs lightly) The reason why I left is also related to this. This anti-Japanese game was originally a good thing, but I didn't know people were so popular in cool thin. The parade was in chaos. Some gangsters took the opportunity to make trouble with great malice, and became vandalism and looting. Selfishly speaking, if they destroy their precious cultural relics, won't they make their relatives hate each other faster?

On the other hand, the rouge gouache that my father-in-law snatched back was tried once in our palace, and it was really great. I must have grabbed some genuine products, but it doesn't mean that I helped throw more stones in the past.

Scholar: Madam, you have been talking for a long time and you are thirsty. Here, I'll get you another glass of water. (After leaving, he turns to the audience and smiles) Honey, please refill your glasses for free.

Zhen Xuan: Well, I've had enough rest. If you give me a train ticket back to Beijing, you can use a soft berth. If there is no soft sleeper, it would be great to use a hard sleeper.

Scholar: Don't worry, the train ticket has been bought for you. Please stop!

Zhen Xuan exits. ...

Boss Tong: But Japan is quite arrogant recently. Scholar, I tell you, you will go to the next parade, and your salary will not be deducted.

Lv Xiucai: Well, one day I'm going to abandon my pen and join the army, raise 100,000 urban management brigades and a horse, and go to Tokyo.

Just then, Fiona Fang came in with anxious steps. ...

Fiona Fang: Oh, I finally saw a shop. Hey, shopkeeper, give me a cup of green tea quickly (sit down).

Scholar: I'm coming! Objectively speaking, your tea. (Laughing at Fiona Fang) You can get a refill for free.

Fiona Fang: Thank you! (gulps down), have another drink.

Scholar: You panicked, and you were in shock. Did you meet a robber on the road?

Child shopkeeper: I don't look like a rich man in this dress, and I can't afford to rob others.

Fiona Fang: No, it isn't. I lost my way for a moment and met a forest on my way to the shop. Suddenly, two big men jumped out of the Woods, blocked my way and immediately covered me.

Scholar: Not robbing money. Maybe, you want to rob the color (put your finger in your mouth to make a surprise)

Fiona Fang: No, it isn't. I am still a little confused. A big man with a big microphone asked me a puzzling question.

Scholar and boy shopkeeper: What are you talking about?

Fiona Fang: He asked, honey, is your surname Fu (are you happy? )

Hey, suddenly someone asked me, do you know? I thought he would ask me, "Fiona Fang, what do you think?" I know all about it. These two people are too bad, playing dirty and not playing cards according to the routine!

Scholar: Oh-you are Fiona Fang. I often see "what do you think?" This question is quite difficult, so how do you answer it (both the scholar and the shopkeeper are curious).

Fiona Fang: Is it difficult? How simple it is, of course, to keep answering. My surname is Li! (After listening, the scholar and the shopkeeper turn around at the same time. )

Child shopkeeper: (covering his forehead) Oh, my God, scholar, pour water, and pour me a cup, too! (Turn to the counter)

Fiona Fang: OK, boss, there is nothing to say. Give me a bus card. I have to prepare my travel expenses so that I can catch up with the time. It's hard to solve a case without me.

Scholar: OK, Brother Fiona Fang, the card has been recharged.

Fiona Fang: Brother Scholar, your herbal tea with core tastes good. What brand is it? (asked in a low voice)

Lv Xiucai: Jiaduobao!

Fiona Fang exits. ...

Lv Xiucai: You must drink Jiaduobao for herbal tea, and you can't forget it.

It's good to have everyone. It's good to have Jiaduobao.

Honey, it's free, and you can get a refill for free.

(Scholars happily and proudly publicize)

Child shopkeeper: (walks to the scholar's side) What moths, what advertisements. Work for me. You don't want money, do you?

The scholar and the shopkeeper are in the same place. This is music, Tang Bohu enters.

Tang Bohu: Well, everyone says I'm Gao Fushuai, but in fact I'm quite weak. My wife is in room 3456, playing mahjong in Taobao every day. The fortune teller showed me a pendant, saying that if you want to change those worthless wives, you have to go to Washington, which is a little windy, a little moon and a little autumn fragrance.

Boss Tong: Yo, this objective mouth is as slippery as a chain. What's your name?

Tang Bohu: I don't even know you. Take a closer look. I am a gifted scholar in Pan An, the first of the four gifted scholars in the south of the Yangtze River. I have been lying for longer than the average person. I look like I'm shaking all over. I'm the first of the four talented people in Jiangnan-Bohu is also (deliberately stretched)

Children's shopkeeper: Oh (and deliberately stretching his voice)-scholar, hit the tiger!

Lv Xiucai: (broom in hand) Fight the tiger, fight the tiger, where, where!

(Then he sees Tang Bohu standing, and immediately throws away the broom.) Alas, this is not the Bohu brothers. (puts his hand on his trousers and holds Tang Bohu's hand) I've heard a lot about you.

Tang Bohu: Oh, my God, Lv Xiucai (holding Lv Xiucai's hand in turn), that's rude.

Then two people, repeat two rounds of words and actions back and forth.

Child shopkeeper: Ahem, gay friends has it every year, and there are many today.

Tang Bohu and Lv Xiucai listened to the child's boss, knowing immediately, and let go of each other's hands awkwardly.

Lv Xiucai: Brother Tang, please sit down. Drinking tea (talking into Tang Bohu's ear) can be refilled for Gadobo.

Boss Tong: Genius, what brings you to our shop?

Tang Bohu: It's hard to say. Everyone knows that there are many in my family, but none of them fail to live up to expectations. It is said that there is a girl named Chou-heung in Washington who is virtuous and virtuous. This is my lucky girl. This time I went to Washington to find Chou-heung, and I stopped by to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Lv Xiucai: Brother Bohu, it's rare for us to get together and listen to my cousin and my brother. I don't know if we can learn from each other. Let me open my eyes.

Tang Bohu: Yes, I am very happy today. Compared to what?

Lv Xiucai: What is cousin not good at?

Tang Bohu: I have a headache about twins.

Lv Xiucai: Let's match! Cousin, I came first. 12345!

Tang Bohu: This is Tang Bohu!

Lv Xiucai: Yes, yes, yes!

Tang Bohu: Good poem! Good poem!

Lv Xiucai: The moonlight shines on the window!

Tang Bohu: We have no herbal tea!

Lv Xiucai: Peach Blossom Pond is deep in thousands of feet!

Tang Bohu: I heard that you don't need paper to go to the toilet!

Lv Xiucai: Nantong Bridge connects North Bridge, and North-South Bridge connects North and South.

Tang Bohu: Chicken lays eggs, chicken lays eggs.

After that, Lv Xiucai and Tang Bohu smiled and praised each other.

Child shopkeeper: Are you finished? It is outrageous that two big men are very much in love.

Tang Bohu: Brother Scholar, we had a good talk today. Brother Yu wants to give you something as a souvenir. No, before I came, my friend gave me a dessert, so I'll give you a taste.

Lv Xiucai's dessert turned out to be a cut cake. ...

Child shopkeeper and: Wow, cut the cake!

Tang Bohu: Guys, why are you so surprised?

Lv Xiucai: Cousin really doesn't know. This thing is a treasure now. This thing is called cut cake. It's priceless. How many heroes bend over for this. There is a saying: the poor play with cars, the rich play with watches, and the rich play with cutting cakes!

If my cousin is really so generous, I will take it.

Hearing this, Tang Bohu regretted it and wanted to cut the cake.

Tang Bohu: Well, Brother Scholar, actually Brother Fool has other treasures for you, so I won't give you this cake for the time being. (Go up and grab it))

Lv Xiucai: Hey, cousin, I've already cut the cake, so how dare I lust after other things? A cake is enough.

Tang Bohu: Go get it!

Lv Xiucai: No!

Tang Bohu: Bring it!

Lv Xiucai: No!

At this point, the child the shopkeeper said, loudly shout ...

Boss Tong: The audience is objective. Here are some quick-cut cakes. Who lost them? ...

Everyone rushed in and said it was their own. ...

Everyone said New Year's greetings and then took a curtain call.