Recorded when wheat turns green again.

Maixiang, I just finished talking to you, but my heart still can't be calm for a long time.

I am still worried about you.

Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? The year before last, when the wheat turned green, you called me that day and asked me to go back to our hometown to find the diviner. I was always worried about you.

You said: very early, your mother asked the fortune teller to calculate your life and said that you would encounter disaster in your marriage. You want me to go back and ask him what your ending is?

I promised you then. I called you every other day and said that the man didn't say anything. Although your marriage is chaotic, everything will be fine afterwards.

I'm sorry, Maixiang, I lied to you. I never went back to our hometown to find the so-called fortune teller again. I never believed this. I know you don't trust graduate students from famous universities-we are not people who believe in fate.

I know, you're just too tired. You just can't find your way and are at a loss. You just don't want to think because you are exhausted. It's just that you've been walking for a while and you're too tired and hard, and you want to stop.

I understand how painful your heart is when you suddenly find that the lover you fell in love with for four years in college is out of the family track.

How much I admire you both. I talked about a real love and walked into a sweet and happy marriage castle. His elegance and talent complement your cleverness. You just love you, and you get incomparable happiness?

I still remember that you came back from the south together during the Spring Festival that year. I remember that your old home is in the northeast, and after several years of marriage, you always come back to us for the New Year. ) Born in Kochi's family, he is so considerate to you, a girl who came out of the countryside. How jealous we old friends who grew up with you are when he leans over to put on your shoes and tie your shoelaces with a baby, when he keeps adding hot water to you for fear that you will catch cold, and when he keeps staring at you with infinite enthusiasm and love!

Maixiang, how happy you were then, you and him.

We silly girls who grew up with you in the past and young women now are all happy for your happiness and happiness.

(2)

So, Maixiang, on that day of that year, when you told me that there was a crack between you, I couldn't believe it.

I won't forget the calm you tried to suppress your sobs on the phone. I know that you, who have always been strong and open-minded, will only call me after experiencing the constant suffering of water and fire.

You said, in fact, you have a hunch, you are just avoiding the cruel truth that you dare not face and believe.

You said that for a long time, you and he had nothing to say except children. The house was as cold as a grave, and you were like strangers.

You said that after giving birth to your daughter, although you no longer go out to work, you still work at home and online, and you earn a lot of money. Your economic status is equal.

You said he didn't even want to look at you. It was chilling to keep people away. There are no hands, no hugs, no kisses between you.

You said that he is no longer the man who cares about you and is tender in your eyes. That man is dead.

You said your heart was dead, too.

……

Maixiang, that day, I listened to you quietly, felt your pain, your despair, breathed your heaviness, experienced the fission of your heart being destroyed, and felt the fear and numbness of the emotional tower crashing down. As a sister who grew up with you and walked through the lush years together, I chose silence.

Listen to you silently.

I can't do anything for you at that moment when you are most painful, helpless, confused and powerless. I can't say anything, I can only be an audience quietly.

I know I have no right to comment on the right or wrong of your married life. I can neither condemn the person who made a mistake for you with indignation, nor urge you to make a choice to leave when you are most angry. Because it's you who live in life, and it's you who feel every bit of life, even if it's sad.

Because you are still suffering for him, because he still loves your daughter, because he never said he would leave you and this family, because you didn't let him know that you had learned about his change.

Dear friend, all I can do is listen quietly and then leave everything to your true feelings to make a choice; All I can say is: don't make a decision in a hurry, calm down for a while, think about what's wrong between you and him, and listen to your true feelings.

(3)

Mai Xiang, I haven't asked you about him for a long time since that phone call. I think you need time to heal yourself.

Everyone is very busy on weekdays, especially me, who is a little lazy and indifferent, and is the last person to chat on QQ. Go up and see what you are doing once in a while. It is quiet to find that most of your space days are Buddhist articles, but it also makes people feel vaguely worried and uneasy about you.

Until the Spring Festival last year, you came back for the Spring Festival with your daughter alone.

At night, like junior high school, we stayed in bed and talked all night.

You said: He has gone back to work in his hometown city. He wants you and your daughter to go with him, but you don't want to go back with him.

You said: it doesn't matter, as long as the daughter is good.

You said: I know that he left to break away from the past and return to his family, but I really don't care. I am not sad or happy about his decision.

You said: for a long time, up to now, I have never asked, told, cried, quarreled or laughed at that past. Just stay quietly, work, study, learn Chinese medicine and read Buddhist scriptures. ...

Mai Xiang, that night, I looked at your calm face and voice telling other people's stories under the lamp, and I couldn't help but be afraid-if there were no love and hate, where would your passion for life be?

In the face of you, I can't keep silent without sadness, joy, pain and hate.

I said: Maixiang, I know, you have done well enough. I don't know how you endure pain, despair and resentment in the face of your lover who has temporarily deviated from the course. You can keep a family calm like this, which means you don't want this family to break up in your heart, right?

In this case, let's think of a solution to the problem. We can't live like this. Isn't he also looking for change and trying to save your feelings?

Mai Xiang, I don't want to speak for him, but please calm down and think about it. After marriage, especially after having a daughter, you don't go out to work, even though you do work at home. But he came home and saw you in pajamas and slippers, and woke up to see you in pajamas. Your life circle is just your home and your network, and your life route is just your home and your daughter's school. You are less and less like a working girl living in a metropolis, but like a peasant woman living in the countryside for a long time. Your dress is not as fashionable as those aunts and grandmothers in our hometown. I know that you have always advocated nature and simplicity, but how did your scholar and elegant spirit disappear in recent years? When you were in college, you were full of spirituality and wisdom, enthusiasm and vigilance. You are the cleverest among us. Why don't you understand that women should cherish themselves and keep fresh?

Besides, Maixiang, did you notice the change of his mood when he came home? Do you often talk to him? Do you often ignore him and focus on your daughter and the internet? Clever as you are, you should know how to keep your marriage fresh ...

Maixiang, that night, I said a lot, but you chose silence.

(4)

I am very happy this Spring Festival. Because you went back to his hometown for the New Year with him, and besides, you came together again.

As a friend, I have been praying that you can regain your happiness and rekindle your enthusiasm for life.

Your mood was obviously better when you called this time, but you still didn't completely put it down and get through that hurdle.

Maixiang, I know, you want to put it down.

I also know that just because you don't ask and don't tell doesn't mean you don't care; Don't cry, don't make trouble, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt; Don't argue, don't laugh, doesn't mean don't cherish.

As we all know, caring too much is just torture for yourself. Everyone who is immersed in all kinds of pains and entanglements understands.

However, if you really want to do it, you need to let your mind reel off the cocoon and really surrender to reason.

This, he should also understand you. I think he is very grateful to you for giving him the dignity of a man, so he chose to return after losing.

I think he has understood: cherish the happiness he has now, cherish the unchanging people who have been caring for him for so many years, don't expect too much from life, don't let his emotions flow selfishly, don't disturb his own peace irresponsibly, don't just love one pain after another without considering the sadness of others, and don't wait until he loses it to feel heartache and regret.

When we enter the bottleneck of marriage, when we find that life is dull, when we want to pursue ideal feelings, as long as love is still there, as long as love has not completely disappeared, we should protect our quiet life with responsibility, not for temporary pleasure.

If, one day, we feel that we really don't love, life really can't go on, and we want to return to nature after staying in a cage for a long time, we must be prepared to tear down our carefully built cage, struggle out of it, and be reborn with broken wings and arms ... I can't imagine what kind of pain it would be.

I know, it's not what you want, is it?

In that case, just live a good life, okay? Sometimes forgetting is the best relief, and silence is the best telling.

Perhaps, everything can be handed over to time.

Let bygones be bygones, it is just a drop of water in the vast sea, just a grain of dust in the boundless sky, and will eventually drift away with the flow of time.

Everything can be left to time.

(5)

I took my daughter to play in the fields the day before yesterday, and the wheat has begun to turn green.

Maixiang, I know why you gave yourself such a screen name. I know that no matter how far away from home, you are deeply attached to the land of our hometown, longing for the mellow and simple wheat fragrance that grows up with us every year.

I have always liked you now, and I like you who are full of enthusiasm and wisdom for life without despair. I know that after the cold winter, the sleeping wheat will eventually turn green in the warm sun of spring, glow with vitality, and then harvest the fragrance of life in the hot summer. ...

Maixiang, in this warm spring day, in the green wave of spring breeze touching wheat, my dear friend, do you smell that faint fragrance?