10 The more you talk, the closer you get.

Ten soul conversations between partners have brought you closer and closer.

If you feel that your inner distance with your partner is getting farther and farther away, start a conversation with these 10 questions, so that you can get closer to each other again. Before starting the dialogue, I remind you to make the following three preparations:

1, set aside about 20 minutes for this conversation.

2. Put down the phone and choose a quiet and undisturbed space.

3. Like a counselor, listen to the other person's answer patiently without making any judgment.

Question 1: What are your best and worst childhood memories?

By talking about my childhood experiences, we can understand how these past experiences have influenced TA to become who he is now. When you understand the events that had the greatest impact on TA as a child, you can also recognize and accept the differences between you more clearly.

Question 2: What three things do you want me to do for you most?

This question is not to let you meet each other's expectations anytime and anywhere, but to understand each other's needs through this question. What the other half doesn't realize is that their relationship can be better by adjusting their behavior.

When you are asked this question, you also need to seriously think about what makes you happiest in this relationship and what you want him to do to meet your needs. For example, maybe you want him to do something on his wedding anniversary, but you haven't expressed it before.

Question 3: Among your friends and family, which couple do you think has the best relationship? Why?

Some people don't know what their ideal relationship is, but with a frame of reference, they will know how to adjust. Management calls this method "benchmarking". Moreover, listening to the story of a happy marriage is a psychological hint, and your own marriage will gradually become happier.

Question 4: What do you love most about me?

Many people always focus on the "bad" side of marriage after marriage. This question will make you notice the most attractive and best side of the other person and feel deeply loved.

Question 5: What behaviors do I have that make you feel uncomfortable and make you want me to improve?

Many times, couples will be dissatisfied with each other's behavior, but they will put it in their hearts and choose passive confrontation. Then a small problem will become a big problem. If it is delayed, it will ignore what the other party has done to make you unhappy, but only remember the feeling of "unhappiness" clearly, which is called "unfinished complex" in psychology, so that the other party's unhappiness will eventually turn into resentment. In fact, many behaviors may only need to be said openly, and the other party will make changes.

Question 6: Is there anything that makes you worry, anxious or even insomnia, but you haven't told me?

Many couples choose to hide their stress out of the psychology of "not wanting to worry each other" or not wanting to increase each other's burden. I think this can protect marriage, but it often leads to misunderstanding and loss of opportunities for mutual support. A healthy intimate relationship should be that a person can truly express his feelings and sincerely share his secrets, thoughts and feelings with others, which is called "self-disclosure" in psychology.

Question 7: Is there anything you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to do?

Through this question, you can understand each other's dreams. Maybe you can give each other the courage to realize their dreams and become their biggest supporters.

Question 8: What do you think I have done that will make you unforgivable?

This question is to let both sides know each other's bottom line and better protect this relationship from harm.

Question 9: What aspects of our X life do you think can be better?

Through this question, you can get a deeper understanding of each other's needs and preferences for X, and two people can talk openly about sex, which is also a sign of a good relationship.

Question 10: If one day our income gap is too big, how can we balance our relationship?

If one spouse's income is too high, the other spouse will inevitably have a sense of crisis and worry, but the income gap is not the core factor affecting marriage. How you measure and recognize this contribution to the family is the key.