Old dog prose

I don't know why, I always think of an old dog from time to time. For 70 years, whether I am at home or abroad, whether I am in Asia, Europe or Africa, when I close my eyes, the shadow of an old dog will shake in front of my eyes from time to time. The background is in front of a dilapidated fence, and behind it is a big pit of green reeds, which shines through the cracks of reeds.

What the hell is going on here?

No matter how exaggerated, you can never say that this old dog is cute. It is just the most common dog, with reddish-brown fur and gray fur, covered with broken grass and mud. In any case, it doesn't show anything special among rural dogs, neither fierce nor burly. However, it is such a humble dog that has captured my heart for seventy years.

Therefore, the words have to start from 70 years ago. At that time, I was still an inexperienced young man, and I was a sophomore in the Department of Western Literature in Tsinghua University. Being able to enter Tsinghua campus is the most satisfying thing in my life, and my life is very comfortable. However, the good times did not last long. One day in autumn, I suddenly received a telegram from my home in Jinan, with just four words: "Mom will be sick soon." I seem to have been hit on the head and lost my mind for a long time. I bought a ticket at once and boarded the train for Jinan.

My situation at that time was that I lived in my uncle's house in Jinan, which was my home, and my mother lived in her hometown in Guanzhuang, Qingping. Exactly fourteen years ago, when I was six years old, that is, 19 17, I left my hometown, that is, my mother, and went to school with my uncle in Jinan. My last generation had eleven uncles and brothers, but I was the only boy. There is only one girl in Jinan's uncle, so on the surface, I have become a baby egg. However, the only one who really loves me from the bottom of my heart is my mother. Others just regard me as a tool to carry on the family line. This truth is beyond the comprehension of a six-year-old child. But I deeply and thoroughly understand the pain of leaving my mother. On the first night after I arrived in Jinan, for the first time in my life, I didn't sleep in my mother's arms, but lay alone in a small bed. I can't sleep anyway. I cried all night. What's going on! Why did you bring me here? Poor little boy, too young to know where the capital is. I won't guess my mother's mood at that time. Looking back now, she will be heartbroken and cry until after midnight. Now, this has become an eternal mystery that can never be solved.

Since then, I have lived a life of dependence. I can't say that my uncle and aunt don't like me, but the only qualification that I am liked is that I am a boy. Children who are not their own children must have different feelings from their own children. This is human nature, there is no need to hide it, let alone beautify it. I am not a numb person in terms of feelings, and I have a deep understanding of some subtle details. As the saying goes, a child without a mother is the most painful. Although I have a mother, I don't seem to have one. I deeply felt the pain. How I miss my mother in my hometown! However, except my mother, who can really understand my feelings and my pain? Therefore, I wake up more and more often in the middle of the night and secretly swallow tears under the covers.

For fourteen years, I always went back to my hometown three times. The first time was when I was in primary school, I went home to attend my great-grandmother's funeral. Grandma is not my own grandmother; But he loved me since he was a child. Now that she has left us, I naturally want to go home. I only stayed at home for a few days this time. My mother was very happy and cared about herself. The second time I went home was when I was in middle school, because my father was ill. My uncle asked for leave to go home to visit his troubled brother himself. I didn't live at home for long this time. Every day, I take a pack of snacks with an ox cart and invite him to visit my dad in a big landlord and Chinese medicine village far from our village. After reading it, I will send him back with an ox cart. The road is a dirt road, full of potholes. Cattle carts walk on it and bounce back and forth, which takes almost a whole day. What about the medical effect? Only God knows. Anyway, my dad's illness is neither better nor worse. My uncle and I have limited time, so we will go back to Jinan first. Before long, my father finally left. My uncle came to Jinan to take me home. This is my third time to go home, just like the first time, dedicated to mourning. I buried my father at home and stayed a few more days. Now there are only two people left at home: mother and second sister. I was only eleven or twelve years old at that time, and it was difficult to understand a woman's poor life with only half an acre of land, and it was difficult to understand her mother's feelings. However, I still want to leave her and go to Jinan to continue my studies. In such a desperate situation, my mother will never leave me alone, no matter how weak she is. However, she doesn't even have the slightest strength. She doesn't know a word, and she can't even name it for the rest of her life. She has been a "Zhao Ji" all her life. Now that her father is gone, how can she live? Can she give me food? No, never. Even I felt the pain and sadness in my mother's heart. Finally, she can only watch her dearest child leave her, go, go. Who would know that this was the last time she saw her son? Who will know that this is the last time I see my mother?

After returning to Jinan, I went to college from primary school to junior high school, from junior high school to high school, and from high school to Beijing. In the course of these eight years, I have changed from a chaotic child to a young man. My knowledge has increased a little, and I know a lot about life. Of course, I still miss my mother constantly. But the number of crying in the dark is less. Think about some practical problems and methods. I dream that after two years, I will graduate from college, because I am from a famous university, and it is not a problem to grab a job. When I have money, I will take my mother to Jinan first. She is only in her forties, and she will have plenty of days to enjoy herself in the future.

However, this wonderful dream of mine was shattered by a telegram "Mom will be ill soon". I'm sitting on the train now, and I feel uneasy. Hamlet asked Tobeno Tobe, and I asked my mother if she was ill or gone. I won't ask for divination, but I want to know the truth, so I came up with a set of divination methods myself. I close my eyes. If I open my eyes and can see the telephone pole, my mother is ill. If you can't see it, you leave. At that time, the train speed was extremely slow, and it took 14 and 15 hours to walk from Beijing to Jinan. In such a long time, I closed my eyes and opened them many times. Sometimes I am happy to see the telephone pole. Sometimes I can't see it, but I'm scared. In the end, I didn't get a positive result. I arrived in Jinan.

When I got home, I realized that my mother was not ill, but left. The news really surprised me. I was in a coma for a long time and cried in bed all day. Shuimi never touched my teeth. Regret pierced my heart like a poisonous snake. It's been eight years. Can't you take a few days off to go home and see your mother in any summer vacation? The second sister also came to Jinan from her hometown a few years ago, leaving her mother alone, lonely and lacking in food and drink. How does she live? Where is your conscience and reason? You didn't even think about it? Can you still be a man? I regret and blame myself. I can't find any place to forgive myself. I once thought about suicide and followed my mother underground. But mother hasn't been buried yet, so it can't be implemented immediately. In extreme pain, I scribbled a couplet: