Fear of marriage: What makes us so afraid of marriage? -Gender psychology

Speaking of marriage, it was originally a beautiful vision. "We want to fly in heaven, and two birds grow together on the earth with one wing, two branches of a tree." . Now marriage seems to be a human purgatory, and it seems to be skinned several times.

Married people, men want a "parking moment", stay in the parking lot for a while before coming home from work, saying that closing the car door and driving the car are all their own, which is a nuisance.

It's daily necessities, a father, a son and a husband, but not myself.

Women, on the other hand, want a "high-light moment in the bathroom", without children's shouting and noise, without the harsh magic sound of "mom and mom", without confronting her husband, closing the door and becoming a world of their own.

Love is chasing each other on the plain. As long as you run faster, you can feel the sweetness in the wind. Then marriage is climbing a mountain. The road ahead is very difficult and full of bumps. Unless you love each other from the bottom of your heart or have the courage and wisdom to climb a mountain, climbing a mountain is an adventure.

Even if you have the courage to take risks, the wisdom to solve problems and the ability to maintain your marriage, you may not find someone as mature as you.

In this case, it is an unattainable thing for two people to spend 81 difficulties together, overcome difficulties and climb to the top of marriage!

Why do people have such a lonely mood? I think it's because: no chance.

How can people meet for no reason? I think it's because: ego.

Loneliness, this kind of thing, is very abrasive.

When there are many people, your soul will feel lonely.

When there are few people, you feel lonely, otherwise you have to be responsible for another person, which is simply torture.

Everyone lives in his own center, and he is the biggest. This narcissistic feeling brought into marriage is undoubtedly a disaster!

Fear of marriage: six common manifestations of narcissists in relationships;

1. Can't continue to enjoy the sweetness of love in intimate relationship.

After a period of time, you will find that the other half's personality, appearance, living habits and even some actions are unbearable;

2. After determining the relationship, you will become the absolute "master" in this relationship, and you will control the progress of love, the love habits of both parties, and even the lifestyle.

3. You enjoy the admiration or worship of your partner in love so much that you often "over-state" some past experiences, or ridicule and satirize your partner's ideas or achievements;

4. You feel that you are often angered by the other half and will take it out on the other half.

There may be various reasons for being angered:

Ta said something you didn't like, ta didn't put your business in the most important position, ta didn't meet your requirements (for whatever reason), ta didn't spend more energy and time with you, and so on;

5. You find yourself doing some "methods" to make ta do what you want.

For example, win over ta's family and friends and stand on the United front; "Give three dates a slap"-like training TA;

You will create a "third party" to increase ta's attention to you and so on;

6. You find that all your past emotional experiences are "unhappy endings".

Either because I felt bored, I was forced to "ghost break up", or because ta felt too painful to be with you, so I broke up.

If you think the above performance is in line with the vast majority, then you should consider whether you are actually a narcissistic abuser in a relationship.

A teacher once said that when you tell someone I love you, you are actually insulting him, because you don't really see who TA is and who you are.

There is no suitable partner, only the right one.

You can't rely on your spouse mentally, but you should be independent emotionally, that is to say, you can't let intimate relationships occupy a too heavy proportion in your life.

The psychological confusion of "fear of marriage people" comes from "fear of family responsibilities".

Some women have lofty aspirations. After they got married, they turned around their families, husbands and children all day and suddenly became short-sighted.

They want their husbands to be more responsible.

They don't want to be "house slaves" or "car slaves"

Men in a weak position earn less money, so they are under great psychological pressure. In order to escape the responsibility of family life, they prefer to live together in the form of cohabitation, but remain silent about the marital affairs.

The "fear of marriage clan" originates from the desire for freedom and the fear of losing it.

Most women still hold the old concept of "weak wife and strong husband" in their bones. Then the words "extramarital affairs", "infidelity" and "mistress" are exaggerated in the media, which makes women who have not yet entered the marriage feel scared.

Although they love each other, they lose their freedom like prisoners serving sentences.

The "fear of marriage people" have limited ability to distinguish love, and fear that they will not get true love.

Most successful men have cars, houses and savings.

There is no shortage of beautiful women around and I am willing to spend my leisure time with them.

Although they yearn for love and family, money worship and utilitarian marriage are deeply troubling them.

Afraid that the other person only loves money and doesn't love himself.

The problem of a person's intimate relationship stems from the relationship model established with the main caregivers in his early years and the subsequent emotional feelings.

"fear of marriage" originated from the parents of "family of origin" and had a great influence.

Some people grew up in their parents' quarrels and witnessed domestic violence, leaving an indelible shadow in their hearts.

Especially when parents divorce, it is difficult to bridge the mental rift of children.

They think that marriage is torturing themselves, and their views on marriage are no longer "sacred". Instead of getting married, it is better to fall in love, don't worry about the disappearance of love, and find opportunities to develop your career while you are young.

When I was a child, my father had an affair, so you always felt insecure and preferred to be single.

It seems that you have an imagination that your husband will cheat in the future.

The logic based on this imagination is: if you get married, you will cheat, and if you get divorced, you will divorce and hurt your children.

If we follow this logic, then marriage is really a disaster.

But are these connections really inevitable?

Why do some couples cheat and others don't?

Why can some couples make up after cheating, while others can't?

There are many reasons for cheating, which largely depends on the choice of marriage partner and the mode of getting along in marriage.

Faced with the disharmony of parents' marriage, the shadow of children's heart is constantly expanding. For example, if the mother has an affair, the boy's inner feeling is that women can't be trusted. On the contrary, no man in this world is good!

A typical example is the silly old man who moved mountains.

Moving mountains was originally Gong Yu's wish, but it was imposed on future generations, and it was endless.

Fear of marriage is called "marriage phobia", which belongs to the category of mental illness and has nothing to do with medicine. It means that people of marriageable age, who are not married, have an inexplicable fear of married life and want to escape.

This is an anxiety symptom, and the real cause of this symptom is actually their psychological problems, which psychologists call "pre-marital phobia" (don't call it marriage phobia).

Fear of marriage

Common causes

Have a strong sense of rejection or escape from marriage!

Some people are suitable for marriage, but on the long road of life, he may not be your favorite person.

What does getting married mean?

Everyone has everyone's answer.

What I want to tell you is that getting married is the beginning of daily necessities. Marriage is a contract of loyalty to each other, which means responsibility and responsibility, but it doesn't mean that it is heavy, and it doesn't mean that it can't be a poem or just a candlelight dinner.

Test their courage and tacit understanding, and also test their attitude towards life.

Don't treat marriage as suffering. If you are with a person worthy of love and responsibility, you will grow up with him and welcome a new life with him. Isn't it fun?

Refusing to grow up can only make you a giant baby, and marriage is a good opportunity for you to wean yourself! bless

About the author: Teacher Xiaoxian

National second-level psychological counselor, Tarot soothsayer, planetary energy healer, freelance writer and trainer.

Experience the old soul of love and explore the road of life.

Write infinite possibilities with limited words!

Advocate a spiritual life with love as its essence and experience the true meaning of life together!

I met you, then I met myself! -Practical Psychology