I want some jokes.

1

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

2

Two people fell into a trap.

The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living?

A: Call for help!

three

What are cloth and paper afraid of?

Cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand

four

A fat man jumped from a tall building. It turned out to be a fat man.

five

Teacher: How to reduce white pollution?

Classmate: Make the lunch box blue.

six

One day, a male deer ran faster and faster and turned into a high-speed male deer.

seven

Miss: Business is bad now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: Bird flu.

eight

Which is the worst, tiger skin, elephant skin and lion skin?

Answer: Like leather. Because of the eraser (poor).

nine

What is it with three heads and one foot?

A: Three monsters with one head and one foot!

10

Once upon a time, a cotton candy was very tired.

He said: I feel soft all over.

1 1

One day, the little yellow duck was hit by a car while crossing the road.

Shout: "Quack!" From then on it became a cucumber.

12

Xiao Ming: Kang, the shark ate mung beans. What has it become?

Kang: I don't know.

Xiaoming: Silly. Mung bean paste (mung bean shark)

13

The elephant asked the camel, why do your breasts grow on your back?

Camel: Stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on their faces!

14

How to make drinks bigger?

Say the spell of mercy.

2. A short joke

1

Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery.

A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day!

B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

2

One day, a mother-in-law took a bus.

My mother-in-law doesn't know the way halfway.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass.

three

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid.

four

What is that man doing?

He's shaking.

Why is he shaking?

He's cold.

A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing.

five

A sausage is kept in the refrigerator.

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other one next to me.

Say: look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!

The root of the tree said, sorry, I'm a popsicle.

six

There are two sausages in the refrigerator. It's been a long time.

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold!

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

seven

Xiaoming cut his hair and went to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle.

Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite!

Xiao Ming felt wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying, he flew.

eight

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas. Go and refuel.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew away her boyfriend's hat.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her, I'll get my hat, and you help me refuel.

As soon as her boyfriend ran away, she heard Xiaomei shouting behind her: Come on! Come on!

nine

One day, a girl went to tell her fortune.

The fortune teller saw that she had a tattoo and said that your boyfriend's name was Liang Xiao, right?

I saw that girl say with angry eyes: This is hate.

10

An orangutan walked through the Woods and accidentally collected gibbon feces.

The kind orangutan cleaned up the ape's feces.

Soon they fell in love, and people asked how you came together.

The orangutan replied: it is ape dung (fate)!

1 1

MM got lost looking for a university.

I met a gentle professor.

Excuse me, how can I get to xx University?

Professor: Only study hard.

12

Polar bears play with penguins.

Penguins have plucked all their hair. After plucking,

Say to the polar bear: how cold it is!

Polar bear, listen. He also pulled out all his hair.

Turned to the penguin and said, it's cold!

13

The ants went to the desert. Why didn't they leave footprints, only one line?

Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back. Why?

I saw his bike parked downstairs.

14

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua: Do you know music?

Xiaohua: Yes.

Xiaoming: Do you know what the teacher is playing?

Xiaohua: Piano.

15

A pair of corn fell in love. So they decided to get married.

On the wedding day, corn couldn't find a wife.

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

16

The little penguin asked his grandmother one day, grandma, am I a penguin?

"Yes, of course you are a penguin."

The little penguin asks his father again, Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?

"Yes, you are a penguin. Why? "

"But, but why do I feel so cold?"

17

The director and section chief take the elevator.

After farting, the director said to the section chief, you fart!

The section chief said: I didn't put it there.

Soon, the section chief was dismissed.

The secretary's reason is: you can't afford big things. What's the use of asking you

18

A woman trembled when she met a robber and said, I'm from X school. I just graduated and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money.

Hearing this, the robber cried.

"Elder sister, I am also from X school. Take your student ID card. The one in front is still from X school. Don't worry, I will never rob my own people! "

19

The host asked: Can cats climb trees?

The eagle scrambled to answer: yes.

Moderator: For example.

The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep and the cat climbed the tree. Then the owl.

20

A man with a bad stomach came to the hospital to see a doctor.

Say to the doctor: I pull everything, eat watermelon and pull watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!

The doctor thought about it and said to him, I think you have to eat shit!

2 1

What do African cannibals eat?

People.

The chief was ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A vegetable.

3. Lengthy cold jokes (but very interesting)

1

A blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and saw that the blind man was distinguishing the authenticity of a hundred-dollar imitation.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, you fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to Lao Tzu!

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, Brother, I'm here for my friend. He was blind and went to the toilet, while I was dumb.

"Oh, I see." So the drunk dropped the money and staggered away again.

2

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

She announced: children, after picking the fruit, we will wash it together and eat it together after washing.

All the children ran to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: Xiaohua, what did you pick?

Xiaohua: I'm washing apples because I picked them.

Teacher: What about you, Xiaomei?

Xiaomei: I'm washing tomatoes. Because I picked tomatoes.

Teacher: The children are great! Where is Amin?

A-Ming: I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped in shit.

three

Visit the Antarctic 100 penguins,

See Penguin 1 Ask "Penguin, what do you usually do?

Penguin 1: Eat, sleep and beat peas.

See Penguin 2 and ask: Penguin, what do you usually do?

Penguin 2: Eat, sleep and beat peas.

.......

See Penguin 99 and ask: Penguin, what do you usually do?

Penguin 99: Eat, sleep and beat peas.

At the100th time,

The inspector said: Do you usually eat and sleep and fight peas?

Penguin 100 said: no, eat and sleep.

The inspector said: Why don't you fight peas?

Penguin 100 said: because, because, because I am a bean,

four

Someone just got dumped by his girlfriend.

I happened to bump into my ex-girlfriend flirting with her new lover.

The more I watch it, the angrier I get, and I want to humiliate them.

So I said hello politely,

And said contemptuously to his girlfriend's new love: hey, you don't dislike the second-hand goods I use?

Just when he was proud of his creativity,

Ex-girlfriend laughs: One inch outside is old, and all inside is new!

five

There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home.

If you walk, it will take 20 years to get there

One day, the penguin was bored at home and wanted to play with the polar bear.

So he went out, but he found that he forgot to lock the door on the way.

It's been 10 years, and the door is still locked.

So the penguin went home and locked the door.

After locking the door, the penguin set out to find the polar bear again.

It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home.

Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, polar bear, the penguin is coming to play with you!

As a result, the polar bear opened the door and said to him, let's go to your house to play.

six

Dialogue between two college students.

You are from Xinjiang.

B: Yes.

A: Wow. It's too far.

A: Is Xinjiang liberated?

No, we all carry guns in class.

You used to speak Chinese!

B: Well, I learned it on the train when I first arrived.

Do you still eat raw meat?

B: Our boss invented a fire out of wood, and we also had a barbecue.

Next time I travel to Lhasa, I will stay at your home.

No problem, but my home is a little far from Lhasa.

How did you come to school?

B: Go to Beijing by donkey and fly.

That must have taken a long time, right?

B: I'm used to it. Just leave six months in advance!

Why not ride a horse?

B: In Xinjiang, people who ride horses are all poor people's jobs, as we have tested. They all ride camels and donkeys. Then there was no college entrance examination in Xinjiang, and all the exams were archery. Put a sign one kilometer away and write "Peking University" next to "Tsinghua". Then a person has three chances. The first shot of Tsinghua and the second shot of Peking University failed. Finally, I took the latest insurance sign.

Do you use RMB there?

No, I had never heard of it before I was admitted to the university.

So you don't buy anything?

B: We took a fancy to others carrying sheep, and the sheep was used as money!

China New Year is coming. Are firecrackers allowed in Xinjiang?

Who will set off firecrackers? We all throw grenades and bury mines to play! Sports are full of joy.

seven

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery.

Q: Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?

Boss: Sorry, not that much.

"I see." The little white rabbit left in frustration.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery.

"Boss, are there a hundred buns?"

Boss: Sorry, there isn't.

"I see." The little white rabbit left in frustration again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery.

"Boss, are there a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, yes, there are one hundred steamed buns today!

The little white rabbit took out the money: great, I'll buy two!

eight

Hunters hunt with hounds on horseback.

I wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, and he didn't want to continue riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said, you won't even let me rest. Do you want to kill me?

The hunter was startled and immediately rolled off his horse.

Pulled the hound away. When I ran to a big tree to catch my breath,

The dog patted his chest and said to him, I'm scared to death. A horse can talk!

The hunter was scared to death on the spot.

Plagiarism is shameless.

The landlord is not enough. I still have it. You can add q and I'll send it to you.