Do you believe in fate? I believe in fate, but I don't believe in it.

I have always believed in life, but I don't, so I struggled and made all kinds of noises.

The fortune-teller said earlier that you were sensible, but I think it seems so in retrospect.

I have never quarreled with my parents since I was a child. I know I should respect my brother and protect my sister ... The sooner I understand, the more grievances I will have. I also want to make trouble like others, regardless of it. But I know in my heart that even if I make trouble, it is useless, because no one is distressed. After all, I like to pick it up.

Maybe it's irresponsible to say so. After all, my mother loves me so much, but she just doesn't know how to love.

I know better than anyone how much I hate this "home". It is a warm place in itself, but now it makes me sick and makes me collapse and suffocate. But I know I can't destroy it! I can't!

So I can only hold back and force myself to forget everything.

I keep telling myself to be strong and smile. All dark and damp things should be hidden in the middle of the night and let it rot in the heart.

The fortune teller also said that 9 years old is a hurdle. When he saw me, he knew that I had survived. Yes, it suddenly occurred to me that I attempted suicide that year. Everything I've been through is testing myself. You see, I'm not well now. At least I'm alive.

I really hate myself, but I can't give up myself.

All this will be over before this year, and then I will redouble my efforts. In order to show "life", I survived another pass!

I believe in fate, but I don't!