40 classic jokes

Connotation joke is an artistic language, which is taken from life, so it is easy to understand and always makes us laugh and relieve the pressure in work or life. Next, I carefully prepared 40 classic jokes for you. Welcome to watch!

40 classic jokes (hot articles)

1. In the morning, it's cloudy and it wants to rain. In the office, woman A: I hope it doesn't rain in the morning. I'll go out later. If it rains, it will rain in the afternoon. B: Don't do it in the afternoon. My daughter is going to the hospital for an injection, and it is best to do it at night. No, my husband is going on a business trip and catching a train at night. D: You three put off the rain, and the four of us can discuss when it is suitable.

2. The first time I brought my girlfriend home, my girlfriend asked me what the wifi password was, and I said: Your birthday? . She blushed and asked me: lunar calendar or solar calendar pinyin. ?

My stomach is not very good these two days, so I'll have some porridge at noon. Female colleague Lulu leaned in and took a photo of my lunch box and sent it to a circle of friends. Alas! Even if the food is not as delicious as pigs, no one will feel bad. ? Soon, her boyfriend gave her a red bag.

Friends, just take her swimming before you confirm that she is your girlfriend. Judging from the figure, there are not many clothes and you can't hide them. In water, any concealer and foundation cream will disappear. When she learns to swim, she won't ask, who did you save first when your mother fell into the water with me? . . .

5. "It's time for lunch again. The girls and women in our unit are sitting there and don't want to move. I stood up and shouted to them, "get up and exercise, women, look at your hips." One of them said to me, "Do you want to eat? I said, "OK, bring me a fried noodles. Then, like a frying pan. Give me a slut ... I went up to them and said, "Are you slutty?" Ensao ""What about you? " I laughed ... you're all slutty! "

6. "In recent days, my stomach is a little uncomfortable and I always want to vomit. Just seen by my colleague MM once. Do you? Me: ..................., you always throw up. Oh, by the way, you just took a leave of absence and got married last month. No wonder you are in such a hurry. Were you married? Me: No, I don't have any children. Where did you get married? Be careful not to get married! If only a man could get me pregnant and force me to get married. Me: crazy Khan ... I have never seen such a woman! "

7. A nearsighted passenger, while wandering by the river, saw a sign erected in the middle, but unfortunately the words in the middle could not be read clearly. Out of curiosity, he had to take off his shoes and wade into the river to find out, only to see the sign saying:

This woman just gave birth to a child. Because there is too much milk, her breasts swell up and the baby has fallen asleep. She can't find the breast pump. In desperation, she asked her husband to help her suck milk. At this time, an intern male doctor saw it and said, Sister, are you holding the wrong baby? .

9. Male compatriots should pay attention again! ! ! ! The latest standard of good man: iso standard of good man. Washing clothes, cooking, cleaning the room and doing housework? Work hard, be gentle and considerate, go shopping, walk with your wife- Sweating like rain, sweet mouth, clever and filial to the elderly, only parents-in-law like it? Tired, diligent, generous, occasionally giving gifts, my sister-in-law winks frequently? Sit still, send early and pick up late, be serious and lively, and play children's activities? Brilliant childlike neighbors, neighbors, relatives and friends, everyone praises-family gambling, pyramid schemes, futures insurance, criminal things can't be done? It's too dark in prison. Beauty, beauty and amorous feelings young women will never make fatal mistakes? Avoid civil war, career, family, affection and friendship. ......

10. I cooked at home on National Day, and my daughter-in-law made a fried chicken with potatoes, which made me full of praise. I praised my daughter-in-law, and she said, I found that I really have the talent to be a chicken.

40 classic jokes (classic)

1.？ Waiter, why can't I connect to wifi? If you can't fucking connect, why can't you even look at me?

2. Having dinner with friends in a restaurant, no one wants to check out after eating, so they have to decide by crapping the dice and guessing the singles and doubles. Ok, the dice are covered on the table. I'll go first. ? I want to buy a pair. What about you? I'll pay! ? Go ahead. ?

There is no limit to attacking virtue and suffering-they are really good friends.

4. In the dormitory of college students at night, students often talk about their ideal object at night. On summer nights, the air is sultry and abnormal, so it is difficult for boys in boys' dormitory to fall asleep. He talked about the requirements for his future girlfriend. Xiao Yang is a very cheerful handsome boy and is very popular with girls. He said proudly, as for me, I'm looking for someone who is 1.6 meters tall, slim and handsome. ? Xiao Wu is not very handsome, but he is the president of the school's literary society. He said slowly, well, I don't ask much of my girlfriend, as long as I match her, have a gentle personality and have long bright hair. ? Xiao Wang is a man with little literary talent and not handsome enough, but he is good at flattering. He sighed and said, well, I have the lowest requirements for my girlfriend, as long as it doesn't affect the city. ? Finally, only Xiao Wu said nothing in the dormitory. Xiao Wu is short and introverted, and his face turns red when talking to girls. Three other people in the dormitory always encouraged him to say that he refused, and finally Xiao Yang refused. We all said, at least tell me your minimum requirements for your girlfriend. ? Seeing nothing to do, Xiao Wu blushed, huddled under the bed and squeezed out four words:? Female, alive. ?

The husband said to his wife: When traveling, I suggest driving as little as possible. This is not only environmentally friendly, but also fuel-efficient. ? Who knows that a word from his wife left her husband speechless. She said:? If you say so, I suggest you go to the toilet as little as possible. This is environmentally friendly and saves paper! ?

6. The wife came home and said happily to her husband. I read my palm today. The man said, my second husband is a handsome, learned and very gentle man. ? The husband said in surprise. Have you ever been married? I haven't heard you say that. ?

A girl of 18 years old married a millionaire of 8/kloc-0 years old. At the wedding, the rich man asked. Honey, we are very different in age. Will you really love me? The girl smiled and answered:? Of course it's true. If you are 9 1 year old, I will definitely love you more! ?

It was so windy yesterday that the TV poles fell down. B: It's not too windy. The day before yesterday, an old lady was blown out of the house in the street. A: The wind is not that strong. It's all nonsense. You don't know, do you? The village cadres all expressed their condolences. This can't be true, can it? That's her daughter-in-law's pillow breeze.

9. While sobbing, the wife threw herself into her husband's arms and said, I have been telling you not to give me anything for Christmas for weeks. Now you really didn't give me anything, huh?

10. The speaker asked her audience: Who is Bianca? Landers is smarter than Phil? Donahue is more eloquent, Biemel? Bruce is smarter than Tom? Selleck is more handsome? A poor voice came from the audience: my wife's first husband. ?

1 1. The wife expressed dissatisfaction with her husband and said, Oh, my God! What was I thinking when I promised to marry you? On my shoulder. The husband answered at once.

12. When winter came, my husband was looking for a sweater, and my wife said, I washed it and gave it to my brother. Looking for woolen pants again, my wife said, I washed them and gave them to my brother. The husband is angry: You can wash me for your sister.

13. After someone dies, I brush my teeth in the morning and sometimes help me squeeze toothpaste. I am very happy. I asked her when I found it missing. She said that several times she was too crowded and fell on the washbasin. She didn't want to throw it. Did she blow it again?

14. Wife: Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. What are you going to give her? Husband: Send some good cigarettes! Wife: Are you crazy? It has been more than five years since my father died, and my mother doesn't smoke at all. Why did you give her cigarettes? Husband: Because every time I go to her place, she only invites me to tea.

15. Husband:? I find smart women easy to abuse themselves. ? Wife:? Why is this? Husband:? In ancient times, smart women knew how to tie their feet to attract men. Now, smart women know how to raise the heels of shoes to attract men. In my opinion, both are self-abuse. ?

Husband: Why aren't you satisfied? Look! Your cosmetics are more expensive than your friends! None of your clothes is more fashionable than your friend's! Your wallet, which one takes out of the door has more face than your friend's! Excuse me, is one of your items very cheap, outdated and shameful? Wife: Yes! Husband: What? Wife: You!

17. One day my husband came home from work early, and as soon as he entered the room, he saw his wife lying naked in bed. Husband asked:? Why are you naked? The wife replied:? I have nothing to wear! ? Husband:? Didn't you just go to the department store yesterday? Husband said as he opened the closet, turned over his clothes and said, bought a bunch of clothes, shoes, pants and socks? Oh, my god, you even bought back the male clerk.

18. At dinner today, my mother-in-law suddenly asked her husband: If your wife and I fall into the sea at the same time, who will you save first? Look at the expectant eyes of my mother-in-law and me. My husband said simply: I will die with you.

19. My wife told me: Who said that? Is yours mine, mine or mine? This is simply contempt for family harmony. Dear, please rest assured that in our family, without Wu Zetian and Cixi, we will always be equal: the housework is yours and the TV remote control is mine; The loan card is yours and the salary card is mine.

20. Every weekend, I like to clean my room, and I feel very cool. It happened that my husband didn't have to go out to socialize today. I thought he could work with me this time, so I ordered my husband to say, shall we sing while working? This will definitely not make you feel tired. ? Husband smiled and said:? That's a good idea. Let's come together. You do the housework and I sing. ?

40 classic jokes (selected articles)

1. There was a man who was afraid of his wife, and her wife died. When he saw the portrait of his wife hanging in front of the pivot, he couldn't help thinking of the scene where his wife beat and scolded him before his death, and he clenched his fist with hate. Just then, suddenly a phoenix blew and blew up the portrait. The man quickly took back his fist and said with a smiling face, calm down, calm down, I'm kidding you!

2. Send a message to your wife:? Hi, honey, I'm in the bar with my brothers. Please help me wash all my dirty clothes and prepare my favorite dinner until I come back. Thank you. ? Then I sent another one:? Oh, by the way, baby, I forgot to tell you that I will get a raise at the end of the month and help you buy a new car. ? She replied:? Oh, my God, really? I just want to make sure you got the first letter. ?

3. Husband:? I intend to give up drinking. ? Wife:? I'm tired of hearing it. ? Husband:? Don't believe it? I bet you two bottles? Erguotou? . ?

4. Wedding anniversary. The husband asked his wife very unemotionally: What do you want! ? The wife leans on her husband affectionately: I want to be warm. ? My husband smoked a cigarette and went out, leaving his stunned wife behind. After a few hours, my husband came back with an electric hot water bottle.

5. The wife and husband are eating watermelon and chatting on the sofa. The wife and husband said: People say I am a handsome man. I have been married for several years. Why are you not rich? The husband looked up at his wife and swallowed the watermelon for two seconds. The wife thought he was going to say something about himself again, but the husband opened his mouth. Woof-woof?

6. wife:? Will you sell me if you have no money in the future? Husband:? Of course not? You are worthless. Wife:? Then why did you marry my husband? Because? Because? Very cheap

7. Mu and Xiaoyu had a big fight today. Xiaoyu said with tears. If I knew, I would listen to my mother and never marry you! ? A Mu paused and asked slowly. You mean? Your mother stopped you from marrying me? Xiaoyu nodded his head. A Mu thumped on the table and said? Hey! I really misjudged her these years! ?

8. My friend usually talks in a strange way, but these two days are normal. I'm a little skeptical. Ask him what he wants. The goods actually said:? I am a person who does great things, and I can't say those things every day. ? I asked:? What great things can you do? He:? Wife is a big deal. ?

9. My girlfriend hasn't got her ears pierced yet. Today, she asked me if I wanted to play. I said? Aren't you afraid of pain? She said:? Roommate said, if you don't get your ears pierced, you need less jewelry when you get married! ! ? All right!

10. The husband said to his pregnant wife: Your woman's measurement is so small that it can't tolerate people at all. The wife pointed to her bulging belly and said, didn't you see the people inside?