Secret love chat fortune telling _ chat fortune telling

What does the girl mean by secret love? You don't need to know, it can happen in an instant?

A few days ago, the girl's good friend Xiaofeng sent me a particularly exciting message:

In the past, girls would definitely be excited to persuade her to discuss how to get the contact information of each other. But now, seeing the phrase "I met a crush today", I know this is Xiaofeng's "one-man show" again.

She is a real wife. She is easily moved.

Every once in a while, I can hear a new "favorite" from her mouth:

It may be the new clerk in the coffee shop downstairs of the company, because she accidentally saw the other person reading a book she recently read in her spare time;

It may be a passenger wearing a mask who can't see clearly in the morning rush hour subway, because she looked up and saw that the other person's hand holding the railing was particularly beautiful. ...

She is always moved by these small moments, but almost without exception, her heart always lasts for a short time, and sometimes she loses interest before she knows it.

Quick head, quick head.

At first, the girl didn't understand this behavior and thought Xiaofeng was too hasty in treating love. But after several conversations, I have a new understanding of the behavior of "unrequited love"

0 1

What is "secret love"?

Time difference woman: You like to say "I have a crush on someone today". In your context, I can understand the meaning of this word, but I don't really understand it. Can you explain it?

Xiaofeng: Actually, there is no operational definition. The first time I knew about girls, I came from a group called "Meet girls today" in Douban. It is clearly written in the rules of the League: "Unrequited love", and there is no redundant explanation, but there is still a picture in the rules:

Time difference woman: I tried to translate it. Just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean you want to have sex with ta, you just have a crush on ta.

Xiaofeng: It still seems very vague.

Time difference girl: I checked some more information and saw this explanation:

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word "crush" originated from19th century. At that time, "crush" refers to a crowded social gathering or dance, where people who attend the party have the opportunity to meet people that ta people find attractive.

Slowly, as an informal usage, this word has been extended to a stronger meaning of "obsession" by many writers. Today, the meaning of "unrequited love" can be summarized as "unspeakable, short-lived and intense infatuation with someone or something"

This explanation is a little easier to understand. Can I simplify it further and understand "heart beating" as "heartbeat"?

Xiaofeng: It's close to "unrequited love", but in my opinion, "unrequited love" means "liking someone", but "unrequited love" is far from real "liking".

Time difference woman: What exactly does it mean?

Xiaofeng: First of all, unrequited love is a very rapid process, almost in an instant. I don't need to know, maybe it's just eye contact, or I can fall in love by recognizing a feature that attracts me from a distance. But true love must be based on a deep understanding of this person, including the advantages and disadvantages of ta.

Time difference woman: So, crush is more like the previous stage. After all, you have to be attractive to have the desire to know more.

Xiaofeng: Yes, part of crush is like this. But as far as I know, there are still many unrequited loves from fantasy, so there may be no further understanding.

Jet lag girl: fantasy?

Xiaofeng: Yes, it's a fable. Many times, after being secretly loved, a person does not need to have realistic contact and communication with ta, but only needs to imagine various scenes with ta. In fantasy, ta is perfect, and this relationship is also perfect.

Jet lag woman: It sounds more like projecting your values and love concept onto the carrier of reality and finding a sense of connection and intimacy in ta, but it doesn't matter what the real ta looks like in this process.

Xiaofeng: Yes! That's it! But there is also a reason, because this part of crush's objects come from people who don't have much intersection with us, or people who are absolutely impossible with us. At this time, crush was completely attracted by the other party and obsessed with it, without seeking consequences.

Time difference woman: This feature actually further determines that crush is mostly single-headed, so it is difficult to last too long. No wonder you always go up and down quickly!

Xiaofeng: Ha ha ha ha, you can understand it this way.

02

How did you feel when you had a crush on me?

Time difference woman: I'm still curious. It seems that I have hardly experienced a secret love, or I don't know it myself. Can you satisfy my curiosity and describe my feelings when the secret love happened?

Xiaofeng: Of course. Every time I feel excited, I feel very excited. For example, in the high-speed rail incident a few days ago, when he handed me headphones, his fingertips touched my palm. At that moment, I felt my heart missed a beat. When he smiled and asked me if I wanted to listen to music together, I just felt fascinated and my heart beat faster.

Time difference woman: Did he do anything intimate? Or do you imply that he is also interested in you?

Xiaofeng: No, in fact, in the second half, we really listened to songs with one earphone and hardly chatted.

Jet lag girl: But you are still crazy about it?

Xiaofeng: Yes, how can I put it? Looking back now, it is actually influenced by many factors. For example, it was night, and the sunset hit his face very gently, which also set off a very romantic atmosphere. I can't help feeling: Ah, love is coming.

Time difference girl: Hahahahaha. Then I can probably explain the mechanism of unrequited love: part of it comes from the physiological level, and the missed beat and rapid heartbeat you mentioned are all because dopamine in the body stimulates the secretion of another neurotransmitter: oxytocin. So, even if he doesn't give any hints, these chemicals make you happy, and you can't get rid of him.

Xiaofeng: That makes sense. Are there any other reasons?

Time difference woman: Part of the reason comes from cognition. For example, if you notice him smiling and ask if you want to listen to music, because in your cognition, "laughing" is a signal to release goodwill and goodwill, so you will pay more attention to ta. Even, this process is unconscious, you won't have this thinking process, you will only feel "Ah, love is coming".

Xiaofeng: Does the sunset I said matter?

Jet lag woman: Of course, but it also belongs to the cognitive level. Influenced by romantic movies, we will associate sunset, bars, stations and other scenes with love in our cognition, so it is easier to have a good impression in the same scene.

Xiaofeng: That makes sense.

03

Why are some people particularly easy to move?

Time difference girl: Well, my next question is, why don't you ask for the other party's contact information this time?

Xiaofeng: Hahahaha, you asked this question after all. In fact, I have mentioned some of them above. Compared with the process of really falling in love with ta, I prefer the scene of fantasy and secret love together.

Jet lag woman: Why?

Xiaofeng: Because fantasy has no cost, and true love is bound to face a series of unpleasant things such as quarrel, running-in and pain.

Time difference girl: Xiaofeng, are you afraid to enter a real intimate relationship?

Xiaofeng: Yes, I think it has something to do with the incident in high school. I even think that it is because I was rejected by the person I like for the first time that I fell into unrequited love so frequently. I don't know if this is the case.

Time difference woman: You have a point. Research shows that most people have a secret crush for the first time in adolescence, and this early experience of sexual ignorance can help us establish a safe and intimate relationship in adulthood. However, if you are frustrated at this trial stage, there will be a situation called "fixation".

Xiaofeng: Fixed?

Jet lag woman: Yes, the experience of intimate relationship is stuck in the stage of injury and can't continue to develop.

Xiaofeng: I see, indeed. I have always been infatuated, because for me, to really like someone, I need to face the risk of rejection, and I don't want to repeat this pain.

Time difference woman: Here's the thing.

Xiaofeng: Do you think I need to change it?

Time difference girl: Xiaofeng, the answer to this question is in yourself. First of all, this is not a mistake, so what you seek is "change" rather than "correction"; Secondly, listening to your description, I can really appreciate the happiness you experienced in the process of unrequited love. So, even if it is fantasy, this kind of happiness is real, isn't it?

Xiaofeng: Yes, that's right. I'm really happy every time I crush it. At present, I really just want to pursue happiness, but after today, I will gradually change my previous thoughts and stop completely resisting intimacy. Maybe I'll be willing to ask for contact information next time I meet ta.

Time difference woman: Great! I am also looking forward to hearing your next secret love ~

Write it at the end

At the end of this article, the girl wants to share a story related to "unrequited love".

This story also comes from a female teacher who just joined a foreign school and posted "I met a secret love group today". In the process of working, she fell in love with her leader, a married and fertile 40-year-old woman.

In her description, the leader is an ordinary person from appearance to figure. However, his works are very attractive. He never avoids problems, is decisive and brave, dares to confront the authority and unreasonable tasks of his superiors in his work, and can also put forward constructive opinions in the face of subordinates.

Because of the experience of working together, she gradually developed a good impression on the leader.

As a result of the story, when she found her strange feelings, she began to consciously keep her distance from the leader and never took the initiative to contact in private.

However, because of this heart, she will read her favorite books. In order to make her laugh, she will watch many comedy performances, which unexpectedly enriches her life and fills the loneliness in a foreign country.

Girls sigh with emotion, this is probably the best ending for people who can't get enough unrequited love:

I don't need a result, but I really lit up my short life.

We have a crush on someone because there is something beautiful and attractive in ta, and the pursuit and yearning for beauty is human instinct.

That's why the girl told Xiaofeng, "You don't need to correct the habit of unrequited love". We need to be aware of the problems behind frequent secret love, but don't forget the beauty of secret love itself.

In the boring and long life, how precious it is that we can have a short and strong obsession with a person and a thing. Crush's existence reminds us:

I still believe in the possibility of romance, and I will be tempted by the slightest thing.

I hope we can all have this valuable ability, not only for people, for food, for beautiful scenery, but also for every moment that deserves our full attention.

The world and I love you.

The end-

References/documents used by girls:

[1] Burke (20 12). Obsessed with the opposite sex in early adolescence. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 629-643.

Helok, e. Klein, E. (1934). Adolescence obsession. Child development, 5, 63–80.

[3] Marinas, M., Barnhardt, K. J., Mark, K.,&Dr. Hepburn Nick (20 15). Women's experience of feeling and attraction to people outside their main relationship. Journal of sex and science. Marriage therapy,

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