Fortune-telling sketch performance _ Fortune-telling sketch performance video

Who can find the script of the sketch "Psychological Doctor" for me?

A: There are four kinds of stupid people in the world-those who can't hang themselves in love, those who take medicine without illness or disaster, those who don't yell at me when they see this handsome guy, and those who don't laugh when they see this sketch. I think there is such a person present today? Would you stop laughing if you want to hear me say that? ! Sick, heart disease. What should I do? Psychologist! To tell the truth, my major is fortune telling. However, the public security traffic was very tight these two days, so I had to transfer. Now that I have seen it, I have opened such a psychological clinic in Jiangda, so that I can rest assured to make money and give play to my specialty of cheating. Hey ... man, how can you be so smart? Come and live, and stop taking drugs.

Please come in!

Ouch ... Doctor, is this a psychological clinic?

Yes, yes, please sit down.

B: Doctor, why is he so tired as a human being … Ah, no … Jiang Da's people?

Why do you say that?

B: Sit down and listen to your brother slowly! My name is bachelor, and my nickname is stinky tofu. A girlfriend is as fierce as a tiger, scraping my skin to the bone, dancing in front of me with a kitchen knife and throwing me with a broom. Yes, I'm shy. Yes, I am in pain. I'm worse than a widow now. I really complain that I don't know if it's a man or a woman now.

You look as thin as a dog. Have you suffered a lot? Come here, let me see your face.

B: look at the face.

Our clinic has face-to-face service.

B: it's quite hanging.

Small eyes, single eyelid, golden aquiline nose. Why does this mouth look like a navel? ! Well, brother, I found all the shortcomings of human facial features, all in your face. If it is not abused, the people of the whole country will not agree.

Do you think it's my fault? But then again, I'm really out of breath with her these days. I have to taste the pain of domestic violence from time to time, so I have nowhere to hide. Dude, I have to go to the bathroom now. I think at this rate, I'm playing on the floor next to the cesspit ~

What do you mean?

B: it's not far from shit.

You won't shit in the corner!

B: Shit in the corner? What do you mean?

A: Get angry and paint the wall!

Dare I? I know. You don't know the details: at that time, she blocked me economically, became independent politically, devastated me mentally and tortured me physically. What I can't stand most is that she abandoned me in life.

A: abandon you? I must have taken a fancy to another man. What a pity! But this is also a common phenomenon, so you should relax. Let me send you a pair of couplets! The first part is: as long as life is passable. Bottom line: even if the head is a little green. Horizontal batch: Ninja Turtles!

B: It's not ... it's not like that, big brother! The point is that she hates me and doesn't want to be with me.

A: That's still wrong. Let me ask, how did you two get together?

B: Speaking of which, I have to mention another woman, my first love …

A: First love?

B: Yes.

A: Hearing what you said, alas, awakened my budding spring, and I also remembered my first love ~

Doctors also have stories?

A: Don't interrupt, I feel it. Moonlight night ~XiDD Moon, don't laugh at me for being a fool. A spoony person is not a fool. Hu Lulu Sweetheart, where are you, Biya? I have to find her. ...

Oh ... Ah ... Doctor, I'm seeing a doctor.

A: Please sit down. Where were we just now?

B: Speaking of my first love.

I'm sorry to be interrupted. Go!

B: She said she would wait for me in my next life.

Really?

B: Of course, when I confessed to her, she told me very gently and tactfully, "You want to be my boyfriend, wait for the next life!"

A: This next life ~

B: You said it was their first love. How come... !

A: That's even more important-first love, first love, just for exercise. Even if there is deception, the prospect is infinite.

You are right, big brother. Since my first love left me, another woman has appeared in my life, which is my current girlfriend. I think she was gentle and kind ~ in my mind, she is also a goddess! There is only one thing you can't do. My brother said that her quality is too poor!

A: the quality is very poor. How bad is it?

B: It's hard to say. My brothers once wrote her a pair of couplets to describe his qualities. Listen, this part is: look behind, worry about hordes.

Wow, isn't that great? What about the next link?

B: turn around quickly and scare away all the princes.

A: what about the horizontal batch?

B: also ask horizontal batch? Oh, my God!

A: Then she has grown up like this. What do you want from her?

B: It is said that a lovelorn man is fragile, so I get along with her in such a muddle. Since I was with her, I got up earlier than the chicken, ate worse than the pig and worked more than the donkey every day! Don't say anything, big brother, it's all tears ~

A: Look at your cowardice. I think you know how you usually are. You must be. Usually, you don't wash your face and neck in the morning. You eat vegetables and fight for leek cubes. You ride a broken electric donkey at school. Your mobile phone is like a big lunch box. I wonder why I have the face to live.

B: You blame me, but I don't blame you, big brother. You think I don't want to die? ! I jumped off the building, too

A: How to jump?

B: And before jumping, I asked my predecessors who had similar experiences.

A: You can think of that, right?

I never fight an unprepared battle!

A: Then tell me about it.

B: Listen carefully! The senior told me: if you want to have fun ~ go to the sixth floor; I still want to entangle ~ go to the fifth floor; Those who want to be disabled go to the fourth floor; Want to go to the hospital for 180 days ~ go to the third floor; Want to scare people ~ to the second floor; Want to watch the fun ~ go to the first floor

A: What floor are you going to?

B: Brother, I won't tell you the truth. I'll do it step by step!

A: The sixth floor?

B: First floor!

A: Isn't it just one step at a time?

B: You are stupid enough. Didn't you say you would jump from the sixth floor to the first floor? You said it was not easy to jump from the first floor!

A: Well, go to hell. It doesn't matter to die a hundred times. Hey, blow your calf for a while, and you have to cheat money quickly.

B: Huh?

A: Ah, it's inhuman ~ To tell the truth, if this disease is not treated, it will be abolished.

Really?

A: Then I can still lie to you. You are so lucky to meet me today.

You want to save me?

A: Just ask some uncontroversial questions. Do you know who I am?

B: Who is it?

Sit still and listen carefully. I think I broke the hearts of thousands of women in Qian Qian from the beginning. Even now, I am being hunted by countless female killers. I have a famous saying: if you are handsome, you will be punished and chopped into pieces ~

B: Senior ... Senior ... You must save me!

A: That's easy to say. In view of your situation, I will provide you with two packages to deal with your girlfriend: one is a horror package; One is the peace package, you can choose it yourself ~

B: The horror package is terrible. I am timid, please tell me something peaceful.

Peace package, right? Well, this involves intellectual property rights.

I see ... Intellectual property ... Do you think this is ok?

A: OK! Look at your sincerity. Let me tell you something. The peace package uses the simplest language-break up!

B: (points ~) This is basically impossible. You don't know the details. I still have 2000 bankbooks lying there! I lost everything when I broke up, so I lost everything. Isn't that over?

A: Being a escort for a cat is not like a mouse. You want money, but you're dead!

B: This 2000 yuan is not a small sum.

A: Besides, how can this love be hung on a tree?

B: So what?

A: We should master this basic law: keep 2, keep 1 and develop 34567.

B: Then why?

A: It's too simple-development is the last word ... This is the basic principle of Marxism.

B: ... don't mention that to me, doctor. To tell you the truth, I've been in politics for two and a half years, and I can't catch such profound things at all.

A: This makes me very embarrassed.

Doctor, I'm in a dilemma, too

A: Just 50 yuan. It has been changed.

B: There are still some changes! Can you not?

You don't think I dare accept it, do you? I'm telling you, this horror bag is very dangerous and needs perseverance and courage!

B: Perseverance and courage? I'm a jumper anyway. How could I not?

A: That's right. I forgot about it. At least I'm a jumper. I'm telling you, the horror package is self-mutilation!

B: How can it be disabled?

Answer: Be more specific-blind, open your mouth and break your arm and leg.

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

What are you scared of? That's very kind of you. You can't take care of yourself in life, and you don't have to worry about housework.

B: I don't have to work, so I don't have to live.

A: That's right, ah ~ I'll change it for you.

B: That's not right. We must change it.

A: Is your present position equivalent to housekeeping?

B: Almost.

Don't you have the right to decide anything important?

What's the big deal? I have no right to be a trifle ~

Listen, if you don't want to be a housewife, you can be Li. Have the right to learn from Wei Zhongxian ~

B: Do you want me to ~ ~ ~

A: Do great things, not be informal!

B: No! After all, we are men, so if we want to do it, we must be real men.

Doctor, please let me become a real man again ~ I beg you

A: Then be fierce.

B: fierce? You don't know, where there is resistance, there is oppression!

A: Sit down ... Tell you what ~ Drink! The wine is thick and vulgar! If you drink too much, you will know nothing after drinking.

B: Is that all right?

Listen to me! After drinking, while the wine is strong, find a corner and hide: I don't believe it, I can't kill her ~

B: Don't kill yourself?

I also know that. I mainly put lipstick on the old lady to scare her-give her some color to see see.

B: Is that all right?

A: A dog will bite its own ass, that's for sure.

This pager ... My girlfriend paged me. I will call her back ...

My lunch box mobile phone doesn't charge in the dormitory. Lend me your mobile phone.

A: Comrade patient, I have to pay for your small clinic, and I have to pay for my mobile phone ~ Call quickly! Hey, wait a minute, I'll tell you: this is for your girlfriend, you know?

I know

A: First, be ruthless. Second, be patient. If you can't bear it, you don't have to bear it anymore! Be sure to yell at her, shout it out!

I know. Hey ~ what's the matter? Honey ~ no, I have no problem with you. The signal was bad just now. Oh, I invited four students to dinner at Pizza Hut and asked me to go. Hey ~ ~ pay the money ~ ~ how much? 880, ah, nothing ~ I have nothing against you. I mean, it's very economical to invite four students to dinner as long as they are in 880 yuan! Ok, I'll go right away! Uh, 88

Doctor, I must pay my girlfriend at once. We had a great chat today. I'll listen to you later!

A: Hey, being a man is such a coward. This girl from Jiangda University is amazing. You say what is happening now: men are feminine and women are savage. However, if it weren't for this kind of person, I wouldn't make so much money. Ok, call my wife quickly and cook some good dishes for me tonight. Oh, my God, something's wrong. The boy must have taken it. Stop ...