20 cold jokes about mathematics and data analysis

20 cold jokes about mathematics and data analysis

1, "I am engaged in data analysis, learned how to use SQL to ETL data from DW and built a Cube. Then, after calculation, it is concluded that the operating income in February this year is far less than that in other months. I tried to find out the reason by using the data mining model in spss and sas, but so far it was fruitless. The sweeping aunt said weakly, "February is the Spring Festival, and almost all companies are absent from work for half a month ..." Holy cow!

2, my friend is an IT programmer, single, and was arranged by my family to go on a blind date during the New Year, but I still feel inappropriate after talking for several times. Later, the family asked why it was inappropriate, and the buddy casually replied: Visually, this sister paper has no C++

3. Go to a friend's company in the evening and smoke casually in the corridor. As a result, an aunt came over and said, Are you an Internet worker? We glanced back: How do you know? Aunt A: I have to sweep this cigarette dustpan several times every day. This must be a stressful job! I silently thought: Auntie, you are an expert in data mining.

4. Today, a data analyst came for an interview and wrote "4 years working experience" on his resume. However, I looked at my resume and found it wrong: "You just graduated for two years, how can you have four years of work experience?" . He said, "Haven't you ever heard of overtime?" …

5. Tencent, a private enterprise, has an old employee who earns a monthly income to buy company shares. He has been living a frugal life for seven years. There is only one Li Xia, the whole family rents a house, and the salary is meager. At present, his assets exceed 1 100 million yuan. Since 2007, the old employees of China COSCO, a state-owned enterprise, have earned money to buy shares of the company every month, and have persisted for six years. Their life has always been frugal, BMW cars have been replaced by bicycles, and the whole family has slept in the bathhouse. Their wages have always been high, and they are currently in debt of over 100 million yuan. ...

6. The data is on the way. A gecko is wandering. At this time, a big crocodile just climbed over and prepared to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " "The crocodile was shocked and immediately burst into tears:" Son, don't do any more data analysis. You have lost weight for half a month. . .

7. Snowden claimed that the United States had stolen Weibo content from millions of people in China. The results of data analysis are as follows: 35% are philosophy of life, 25% are commercial advertisements, and 30% are cold jokes, loans, and three-level junk information monitored by copying mobile phone cards. Obama asked in despair: So the remaining 10% must be important content? Director of US Intelligence: Report to the President that the remaining 10% is pornography.

8. In the office, there is a vicious woman who talks a lot. Her face is covered with pimples, but she is very narcissistic. People in the office are very angry with her. One day, she took a selfie in the office. A colleague came in and saw her say, "Hey, Sister Wang, scan the QR code."

9. Fortune teller: "Your wedding dress line is the same as the road in front of Tiananmen Square." Colleague: "Oh? Great, isn't it? " Fortune teller: "Dongdan in the east and Xidan in the west."

10, social repression 1. A woman took her husband's IPAD to surf the Internet at her best friend's house and found that WIFI was automatically connected ... 2. Someone called the recommendation system in Weibo: What a bad recommendation system, recommended my ex-girlfriend to my wife and said that you have mutual friends! 3. A girl deleted her ex-boyfriend from Q, and a prompt will pop up in a few days: You may know him. The girl thought, damn it!

1 1, Data Analyst Reading Course Introduction to XX Analysis -> XX Application Practice > XX Advanced Analysis Method -> XX Data Science and Art > Data Beauty > Data Way->; Zen of data->; Guide to rehabilitation of cervical spondylosis > cerebral palsy therapy!

12, a set of data jokes

I often feel exhausted,

& gt& gt& gt My explanation for this is lack of sleep.

& gt& gt& gt But recently,

& gt& gt& gt I didn't know until I saw a set of data.

& gt& gt& gt I don't lack sleep,

& gt& gt& gt This is overwork.

& gt& gt& gt China's total population1300 million.

& gt& gt& gt Among them, 400 million people retired.

& gt& gt& gt That leaves only 900 million people to do it;

& gt& gt& gt8 billion people live in rural areas,

& gt& gt& gt Then only 1 100 million people are working;

& gt>> 20 million are students,

& gt& gt& gt only 80 million people are working;

& gt& gt& gt Of these 80 million people, 40 million are government workers.

& gt& gt& gt of which:10 million is playing cards,

& gt& gt& gt Ten million people are reading newspapers.

There are 7 million in the>& gt& gt bathroom.

& gt& gt& gt 10 million are chatting,

& gt& gt& gt Three million are knitting sweaters.

& gt& gt& gt This makes only 40 million people working;

& gt>> 30 million people work in government agencies and institutions.

& gt& gt& gt Only10 million people are working;

& gt& gt& gt The rest,

& gt& gt& gt 3 million are soldiers,

& gt& gt& gt Only 7 million people are working.

& gt& gt& gt At any given time,

& gt& gt& gt A total of 2,853,796 people in China were treated in hospitals.

& gt& gt& gt Only 4 146204 people are working;

& gt& gt& gt Among them, 4 146 102 people are in prison.

& gt& gt& gt One hundred of them are driving, supervising and evaluating the work of others.

& gt& gt& gt There are only two people working-you and me,

& gt& gt& gt and you,

& gt& gt& gt You know,

& gt& gt& gt Now,

& gt& gt& gt sitting in front of the computer watching jokes.

& gt& gt& gt So,

& gt& gt& gt I am the only one who is still working.

& gt& gt& gt No wonder I'm tired! ! !

& gt& gt& gt If you find it interesting, forward it to your lovely friends!

13, the percentage data is not credible.

According to the annual survey of a university, 50% of the female students in the computer department of the university are married to the male teachers of the school. The news has just been announced It has aroused great repercussions in school, outside school and society. Love for teachers and students. There is a lot of discussion about campus romance. Many people say it's a school hype. After many investigations and verifications. The news is true. It works. Finally, it is confirmed that there are only two female college students in the computer department of a university. One of the girls fell in love with the computer teacher at school and got married.

50% of the real data thus obtained. O(∩_∩)O haha ~

14, interesting number brain teaser

These ten numbers (1 to 10) are very good friends. They live together. One day, they met to go out for tea, and everyone went back to their rooms to change clothes. But some people are hardworking and lazy, some people change quickly, and some people are too lazy to move. Who is the most diligent to return clothes first, and who is the laziest to procrastinate? (The hardest worker is 2, and the laziest one is 1, because if you don't do it, you will never stop. )

As soon as they came out, everyone stared at each other's clothes. 1 and 2, what color do you wear? Who wears the most fancy and bright clothes? Who wears the ugliest clothes (1, 2: 1, green 2, white 5, 6: colorful 7, 8: messy)

They finally set off, but when they arrived at the door of the teahouse, two of them were gone. Which two are missing? (Throw 3 and pull 4)

When the two men catch up, everyone will sit still. Who must be sitting next to 2 (1 and 5: because no three no four)?

10 Who must be sitting next to it? (8,9: Because 89 is close to 10)

Everyone sat down and found 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 sitting on one side. Please type an idiom. (coincidence)

The boss finally brought tea and everyone began to drink. In the process of drinking tea, who drinks the most intently and who drinks the least intently? (The most attentive ones are 1: single-minded, and those who are not attentive are 2 and 3: half-hearted. )

Who is always told what to do? (5 and 6: Wu Yao drank 6 cups)

Finally, only one person finished drinking tea. Which one is it? (gulp it down)

15, I am a data analyst. One day, I was listening to songs in the subway and reading charts on my tablet. At this moment, a beggar came to ask for money. I felt sorry for him, so I gave him a dollar and went on looking at the chart. Beggars may have bad business, so they just watch me do it bored. Then after a while, he said simply, this simple analysis can be done without SPSS and Excel …

16, the story of the data analyst asked: I am a married mm with a small room, and now I want to change to a big room to give the small room to my parents, but the transfer fee is too high. How can I reduce the related expenses? Analyst A: Divorce your husband, give him the house, and remove your name from the real estate license. Parents divorced, husband and mother got married, and the mother's name was added to the real estate license. My husband divorced my mother again. I gave my mother the house, gave her husband's name, and then remarried separately. My father's name was added to the house, and I got divorced and married six times, which cost 54 yuan!

17, a cold joke that only data analysts can understand: "Sir, please give me a penny, I haven't eaten for three days ..." "Ah, how does it compare with the same period last year?" A large number of people say "Give me a penny" as "Give me a son". I think this is a typical Bayesian phenomenon in language recognition.

18, Q: How many analysts does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One proves the existence, the other proves the uniqueness, and the third deduces a non-structural algorithm to realize it.

19. Engineers and mathematicians are trapped on a desert island. There are two coconut trees on the island, each with a coconut. The engineer climbed a tree, picked the coconut and ate it, thus solving the hunger. Mathematicians climbed another tree, picked coconuts, and climbed the first tree to hang coconuts, thus becoming a known problem.

20, the nature of the recommendation algorithm

Douban: I bought two steamed buns. He asked me, do you want a bowl of rice?

Taobao: I finished eating two steamed buns and asked me, do you want two steamed buns?

Baidu: "Boss, give us steamed bread"-"Hunan Zhuzhou Steamed Bread Machine Factory supplies high-quality steamed bread machines"

Tencent: Just when I wanted to buy steamed bread, I patted my back. "Classmate, come and buy with me. It's exactly the same, and it's stuffed with bean paste. "

360: Let me touch it and send steamed bread for free.

2 1. My family set up a wireless network after the last move. The first time I went home after moving, I found "wireless password: 1234567" posted on the wireless router, and then I asked my mother, what should I do if the password is so simple that my neighbors can guess it after searching? My mother looked disdainful and said, "Guess?" Let them guess, they won't guess when they are tired, and neither will the colon in front of me.