Lines from Zhao Benshan's sketch Kung Fu

Zhao Benshan's sketch Kung Fu has the following lines:

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he changed his job as an improper chef into an anti-fraud hotline, but he felt threatened and would never be cheated again. The cruel reality almost pushed up my psychological defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to fulfill the topic I promised the audience for three years!

Cai Weili: Master, let's go in.

Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, dial a harassing call first!

Fan Wei: Hello, this is the anti-fraud hotline. I am an old fan who has been cheated by myself. With years of experience, I can make a clear judgment on whether you are fooled or not. Please press 1 for abductions, 2 for cars, 3 for brain teasers and 1 10 for stretchers!

Zhao Benshan: Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello!

Zhao Benshan: Excuse me, are you Master Fan?

Fan Wei: Ah ~ Who are you?

Zhao Benshan: This is ~ ~ ~ I have a question to ask you directly.

Fan Wei: Ah, you're right!

Zhao Benshan: We have an old sow with white flowers in the dark. She got up in the morning, opened the door and ran at 80 mph. She hit a tree and died!

Fan Wei: Killed? Is there anything wrong with the pig's eyesight?

Zhao Benshan: Both eyes are 1.5!

Fan Wei: Are you mentally ill?

Zhao Benshan: I am mentally healthy!

Fan Wei: Then how could it be killed?

Zhao Benshan: Because that pig has no brains! Sadness really makes me feel sad for you. I'm going to travel alone. How can this reassure me?

Wang Xiaohu: Master, kill the pig first!

Zhao Benshan: That donkey thought the same thing! I'm telling you, it's not good for you to kill anyone first on this issue! Why didn't I answer, just because I thought he had a problem! ~ ~ Eh, see? He has grown from a neck in those days to two calves now!

Cai Weili: Master, he is wonderful. I think we should go home!

Zhao Benshan: No, the kidnapper tricked him into limping, and the seller tricked him. If I don't get rid of him in 10 minutes, I can't be a teacher with you two!

Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu: The master led the door. What a fool!

Zhao Benshan: OK, look me in the eye and go in! Beautiful him, look, aha, he ran away, where to run!

Cai Weili: Is Chef Fan there, please?

Fan Wei: Hey, who are you? You ask ~ ~ ~ er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, the pig hit the tree. You hit a pig, didn't you? Did you rear-end the car? Why did you change it to 3 again?

Zhao Benshan: I have missed you for three years!

Fan Wei: Fool!

Zhao Benshan: I've come to confess to you!

Fan Wei: Keep joking!

Zhao Benshan: My apprentice is my witness!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Hmm!

Fan Wei: I organized a group here to fool me. It's hard to fool me. As long as we good people are alert to you, what can you do? Huh? Just a few brain teasers! There are/kloc-0 monkeys on the ground, and there are 7 monkeys on the tree, which are both two monkeys and eight monkeys!

Zhao Benshan: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys!

Fan Wei: Why has it changed again?

Zhao Benshan: Pregnant with a monkey!

Fan Wei: Yes, I can stand up. There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take two steps. Take two steps, eh, eh, eh, eh? Everyone is watching, and everything has nothing to do with me! Why do you always hang around like this? Get up! what can I do for you? Let's get this straight, okay?

Zhao Benshan: Do you want to hear it?

Fan Wei: I want to hear it!

Zhao Benshan: Did you get your letter?

Fan Wei: As long as you stand up, I will believe you!

Zhao Benshan: Go away, I can stand up!

Fan Wei: Say it!

Zhao Benshan: I won't play with you. I will apologize to you today. Get the goods! Look familiar?

Fan Wei: Is this the hundreds of dollars you cheated me of?

Zhao Benshan: Not a penny!

Fan Wei: Which watch is this?

Zhao Benshan: I haven't seen it in my hand!

Fan Wei: Big Brother! ! ~~

Zhao Benshan: The feud between us should be settled. Wheelchairs have been the chief culprit in these years. Today, I must smash it in front of you!

Fan Wei: Brother, if you want to hit me, you are too sincere. The children are right! It is not only a testimony to our reconciliation, but also a reminder to me to avoid being fooled again in the future. I have collected it!

Zhao Benshan: No, how do you accept the money the child gave me?

Fan Wei: I'll pay!

Zhao Benshan: How much is it?

Cai Weili: Two thousand!

Fan Wei: I'll give you two thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'll give 2500!

Fan Wei: I'm three thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 3500!

Fan Wei: I have four thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'm five thousand!

Fan Wei: Deal!

Zhao Benshan: Put it on Chef Fan.

Fan Wei: You shout 5000, and I'll finish with a hammer. Deal!

Zhao Benshan: No! You remember wrong. How did you shout?

Fan Wei: Look!

Zhao Benshan: What a mess! What a mess! Well, it doesn't matter who shouts! Look at us. Who shouted first?

Fan Wei: I called first!

Zhao Benshan: How much did you shout?

Fan Wei: I'm two thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 2500!

Fan Wei: 3000!

Zhao Benshan: 3500!

Fan Wei: 4000!

Zhao Benshan: 4500!

Fan Wei: 5000 pounds!

Zhao Benshan: Look!

Fan Wei: No, I am an elf myself!

Zhao Benshan: Then you are in a mess!

Fan Wei: Stop it, 200025003003500404505005!

Zhao Benshan: Yes!

Wang Xiaohu: I remember wrong, the host shouted!

Fan Wei: No, no, big brother, I called 4000, but you directly called 5000, right? Right?

Audience: Yes! ! ~~~~~~~~~~

Zhao Benshan: Well, it's a mess. Since my brother and I agreed to accept it, let's shout it again and find out who is shouting this 5000. That! ~ ~ What's the starting price?

Cai Weili: 2000!

Fan Wei: I'm in 2000!

Zhao Benshan: Deal! It's not messy this time!

Fan Wei: No, aren't you going to call?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, I'm afraid I'm confused!

Fan Wei: Ah! Don't move! This wheelchair is mine!

Zhao Benshan: I'm telling you, bro, you shouldn't ask you for money. You are still very proud. You have to take care of people, but ~ ~

Fan Wei: But if I give it to you, I will be fooled! Stop pretending. From the moment you entered the room, you used a bitter plan. When you were caught, you used many tricks. Master and apprentice cooperated with the plan to smash the car, and suddenly you fell into the hammer. I only used one plan!

Zhao Benshan: Let's play!

Fan Wei: This is a plan for you!

Zhao Benshan: Walking is the best policy!

Fan Wei: No!

Zhao Benshan: I failed. Do you know why I failed? He is a chef who only reads the art of war without reading the menu. Get out!

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I'm here!

Wang Xiaohu: Master, I'm sorry. Your IQ is so low that I can't learn anything from you!

Cai Weili: What should you do? You're going to miss the No.2 bus soon!

Zhao Benshan: Sad!

Wang Xiaohu Cai Weili: Master, my disciples worship me!

Zhao Benshan: Aye aye! The world is crazy. Rats are the bridesmaids of cats! Oh, my God!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, please accept us!

Fan Wei: Er, er, er, children, this book is endless. Just learn it well. Give you a red envelope in the New Year, ah, a red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Can you take this money? Didn't I pay you both last month? Sad, really sad!

Fan Wei: Come on, everybody, take it!

And: Master Xie!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, take it down!

Zhao Benshan: Ha ha ha, anti-hegemony!

Fan Wei: Alas, it is impossible to prevent! But I refuse to obey you. I'm still in a wheelchair, aren't I?

Zhao Benshan: What do you want?

Fan Wei: What about your promise? Where is your stretcher?

Zhao Benshan: Develop it yourself!

Fan Wei: Hmm!

Zhao Benshan: This is customized for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened!

Fan Wei: Yes, you took great pains for me. Thanks to my superior plan, I opened the red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Fan Wei: During the Spring Festival, I send you a pair of couplets: "Turn around for a year, shake your destiny for a year. Thank you! "

Zhao Benshan: I'll give you another rhetorical question: "Self-taught"!

Extended data:

Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu. It was a sketch performed on CCTV Spring Festival Evening in 2005 and premiered on CCTV 1 on February 8, 2005.

Kung Fu is a sketch of the Spring Festival party in 2005, and it is also the last part of Zhao Benshan's series "Unique Skills". In the first two novels "The Kidnapper" and "Selling a Car", the fool uncle played by Zhao Benshan became an instant hit, and he portrayed the liar vividly.

In Kidnapper, Zhao Benshan pretends to be an expert and uses some seemingly scientific terms to fool the scope. It's hard to cheat your face into a leg, it will shift. Fan Wei was successfully tricked into buying a kidnapping, and a scam was declared successful. The sketch satirizes those who lack independent opinions, follow others' advice, listen to the wind and rain, and worship blindly.

In "Buying a Car", Zhao Benshan changed the way of fooling, replaced crutches with wheelchairs, and continued the series of works of "selling fakes". The sketch inherited the humorous style of the 200 1 Spring Festival Evening sketch "Kidnapping" and won the first prize of the language program in that year's Spring Festival Evening.

In kung fu, Fan Wei finally learned to "hold back", hold back his strength and not be cheated, and finally defeated Zhao Benshan. This sketch also won the first prize of the language program in the Spring Festival Evening that year.