Married woman, you should know that your husband's house is not your house.

In recent days, a sentence has been madly screened, which has attracted countless married women to feel deeply and even get into trouble. This sentence is: when a woman spends money, she is at her mother's house, and when she can earn money, she is at her husband's house; When I was a child, I was at my mother's house and took care of others at my husband's house. I owe my family all my life, but I don't necessarily touch my husband's family.

At first glance, this sentence seems to be guiding women to be grateful to their parents, but on second thought, they always feel that they are deliberately picking things up. Literally, people can't say anything wrong, but they always have an irreconcilable attitude towards their husband's family, which I think is not conducive to the unity of their loved ones. What I want to say is, married woman, you should know that your husband's family is not your family! Your home should be a small home built by you and your husband, and this newly combined small home is your real home.

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Your girl, your family, that's it. It's just the family you came from, not your real home, but your parents' home. I know many people want to scold me for saying such things, but it's true. In any family, the relationship between husband and wife is always greater than parent-child relationship, and the relationship between your parents is always greater than that between your parents and you, just as the relationship between you and your husband is always greater than that between you and your children. This does not mean that we should not love our parents' home, but that you should have a sense of boundary: your parents' home is your master and your home is your master; Parents' home Parents are responsible, and you are responsible for your home. This is what we usually say that the family is the smallest cell in society: if there is no cell renewal, the organisms in society will soon decline and die.

In the same way, your husband's family is your husband's family, that's all. It belongs to your in-laws, not your husband. Your husband grew up with this, but he doesn't belong here, let alone own it. Is it cruel? This is a bleak life. If you tear it open, you will bleed. But blood woke us up so that we could focus on building our own small home.

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Therefore, the most important thing for a woman after marriage is to quickly learn to pull herself out of her family. Of course, it is not to ignore the family background, but to learn to prioritize. The interests of one's own small family should be higher than those of one's family. This is the correct direction of growth. At the same time, help your husband get out of his family and fight with you. How?

First, of course, it is best to have your own residence. This is a ceremony. Having one's own independent residence is just like animals dividing their spheres of influence in nature, and outsiders can't invade at will. The sense of privacy created by this space can close the distance between you and your husband, and also open the distance between you and your respective families.

Secondly, we should be mentally separated from the family, which is what we often call spiritual weaning. Don't say "our home" or "your home", say your parents' home. When you say "our family", you mean your small family. In A Dream of Red Mansions, Wang Xifeng is very clever, but it's a pity that she didn't learn to leave her family correctly and always left Jia Lian's husband's family, so that the couple's feelings were separated:

Back to 72: Jia Lian refused to raise Wang's son, saying that he was not talented. Feng said with a smile, "We Wangs don't even like you, let alone slaves! I have told his mother, but she is so happy. Why don't you call her in again and give her up? " You are Jia Lian. Are you happy to hear your wife talk like this? Do you think your wife is your family?

On another occasion, in front of her husband Jia Lian, she boasted: "Sweeping the cracks in the ground of our Wang family is enough for you to live for a lifetime! If you say it, you won't be afraid of shame! Existing evidence: Take a closer look at my wife's dowry and mine, and compare it with yours. Is it not good enough for you? " Gee! This not only pushed her husband out, but also condescended to embarrass her husband. You are so expensive, don't marry me! Did Jia Lian think so at that time? This feeling is much more, can you stop going out to find women often?

Even when Jia Rong borrowed the glass kang screen from Wang Xifeng in the sixth time of A Dream of Red Mansions, he did not forget to emphasize that he was still at home-Xi Feng smiled and said, "I haven't seen you either. Is everything all right in the Wangs? " You have those good things there, but you can't see them. Everything that is partial to me is good. "That piece of glass kang screen is search's dowry. It was brought from the Wangs. Jia Lian and Jia Rong are in-laws, so Wang Xifeng said this is our home. You said you were Jia Lian. Would you like to marry a wife who is close to Cao Cao and has a heart in Han Dynasty?

Wang Xifeng's two completely different attitudes towards her mother's family, even a rotten person like Aunt Zhao said, "Great! Great! Speaking of this advocate, this furniture will either ask her to move to her parents' house, and I'm not human. "

Finally, Wang Xifeng's tragic ending, her verdict is: all birds from the last days know that they love this life. Obeying two orders, three people were in a daze, and crying to Jinling was even more sad. Among them, "one obeys two orders, and three people are stupid" refers to the change of husband Jia Lian's attitude towards Xifeng. Be obedient after marriage, be obedient to her and listen to her in everything; The "second order" is interpreted as "cold", which means that her husband is gradually cold and begins to give orders to her; "Three-person wood" refers to the fate that she was finally abandoned by "spelling". "Crying till Jinling is even sadder" is a sad portrayal of her crying back to her family after divorce. In the feudal society at that time, divorce was very tragic. The decline of Jiafu is a historical necessity, but Wang Xifeng committed suicide by being left out by her husband. Who told her to "our Wang family, our Wang family" all day? Where did you put Jia Lian?

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Marry a man without marrying his mother-in-law, and a wife without marrying a helper.

Ma Maonan here is not a man who listens to his mother, but a man who is unwilling to leave family of origin after marriage and wants to carry the whole family on one shoulder.

I used to have a colleague. She and her husband went to college together. They married in our town from other provinces and were assigned to a rural middle school together. After the marriage, the husband brought his brother's two children who were studying in primary school to him without consulting her, saying that his colleagues were teachers and the central primary school was next to the middle school, so colleagues could discipline their nephews and nieces well. Colleagues can't say anything because they are newly married. So I can't bear to take my husband's nephews and nieces for four years. When they were in middle school, my colleague was transferred to the county middle school to teach because of his excellent work. I thought I could get rid of two children from other families, but my husband transferred them to my colleague's new school. I also asked my colleagues to teach them personally. My colleague was very angry and had a big fight. As a result, the two children still live together-because they gave birth to a baby, they asked their mother-in-law to help them, and her mother-in-law offered to bring them together. She must also take care of her grandson. A large family crowded into the house for another three years. Later, my colleague felt desperate-because there were still three years of high school, she managed to get the application in the city. Soon, a middle school in the city hired her and gave her a two-bedroom apartment. She took her children to work in the city, away from this home that doesn't belong to her. Later, they divorced. Colleagues say that I have never felt at home since I got married. Why not get a divorce!

Her husband didn't leave with his family of origin, so colleagues didn't feel the warmth of forming a small family. They always feel that they have been trying to pull the cart. I broke up when I was tired.

The most common mistake women make is to support their younger brother at the expense of their small family. My younger brother studies and gives money; Brother looking for a job, give money; Brother gets married and gives money; The younger brother buys a house and gives money; When your brother gives birth to a child, give him money ... The problem is that you are just a rich woman, and you are just an ordinary person, and you don't earn much money. You can always give it to your brother. What do you eat and drink in your little family?

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Separation from family of origin does not mean severing emotional ties with family of origin. Just remember, no matter in-laws, parents and families, we will help them when they are in trouble, but only if this is the unanimous decision of your small family, and it is a wise decision that will not sacrifice the interests of too small a family. You and your husband will always be together, which is more important than anyone else. At home, you should do everything possible to establish your husband's prestige and let her know that your husband has the final say, and they should really respect your husband; In the husband's family, the husband should make every effort to determine the status of his wife, let the husband's family know that the mistress of this small family is sacred and inviolable, and learn to love and respect her.

In short, the relationship between husband and wife is always greater than and higher than the parent-child relationship. The parent-child relationship here refers not only to you and your children, but also to you and your parents.