A complete collection of classic funny dialogue paragraphs

1, a passenger arrived at a place for the first time, took a bus to a strange place, stood next to the driver, and asked, is this the station? A: No, ten minutes later, I asked, Are you there? Answer: No, the passenger asked all the way, but the driver kept answering no. Finally, I arrived at the terminal and asked: How did you stop? A: We arrived at the station. Q: I said so-and-so station A: I didn't hear you clearly. I heard you've been asking about the TV station.

I went to the station to see my classmates off. After I left, I called and asked, Did you get on the bus? I replied: immediately, after a while, my classmates got on the bus and called and asked: Did you get on the bus? I replied, yes. Q: Do you have all your luggage? Answer: Gee, you made me forget what I brought.

A rural buddy went to the city, didn't know where to buy cigarettes, and asked a friend. A friend said that where there is wine, there are cigarettes. This guy came to a hotel not long after he left. Excuse me, is there greater China? No, is there a double happiness? No, Yellow Crane Tower? No, man, I'm depressed. I have no cigarettes. What hotel should I open?

At noon today, I lined up in the canteen to cook. When I waited for the classmate in front, it happened to be gone, so I had to eat the set meal. It was a tragedy, but when I arrived, it happened to have disappeared. I got it. It's even more tragic. Later, I went to eat and found that the food of the classmate who made the overseas set meal directly was much better. Then I added: Sadly, I found that other people's dishes waited longer than myself.

My mother bought a dozen quail eggs for her three-year-old son and said, "Son, eat the eggs quickly!" The son said in surprise, "Mom is so stupid, why do you want to buy such a small egg?" "This is not an egg. This is a quail egg. This is a bird egg. " I saw my son running into the yard and running in circles with open arms. The father asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to take off and go to the sky with my mother to buy' bird eggs'."

6. One day, my colleague said: I want to seal the horizon. I asked: Why? She said, I can stay inside because it's all sealed.

7. Rural people say that going to the toilet means going to the toilet. One day, an old man came out of the toilet just to show a child, and the child: going to the toilet. Grandpa is very angry: I go to the toilet, but you want to call me an idiot.

8. The woman asked, "Do you love me?" The man replied, "Love!" Nvxi: "Are you willing to die for me?" The man replied, "No!" Female anger: "Why?" The man replied, "you will be sad when I die!" So I'd rather you die first! Keep that sadness to yourself! "

9. Q: What will happen to you after drinking six bottles of beer? A: Ask the waiter for another bottle.

10, the slogan says: "No sale, no killing." I would say, "Without buying and selling, there would be no world."

1 1. Q: How do you react when someone bumps into you in the street and says, "I'm cristiano ronaldo"? A: Hit him back. You can tell my friends later that I also played C Ronaldo!

12, I went to a shopping mall to buy silver jewelry, but there was no salesperson at the counter, so I asked the salesperson at the next counter,' Is the salesperson there?' I saw the man shouting at the back:' The silver-haired prostitute came out to see the guests.'

13, m: (Chatting on the Internet) Can I hold your hand if I meet you? Woman: Really? How about I send you a bunch of roses when we meet? W: I'll be very happy. M: I will love you with my actions in the future, ok? Woman: Great, sensible, son. Man: ...

14. Someone invited the deaf and the blind to the theater. After watching it, they asked how they felt. The deaf man said, "Nothing, but there is no sound." The blind man said, "I'm anxious to wait, but it hasn't opened yet."

15, m: "I love you as mice love rice! Will you marry me? " Woman: "Even if I were a grain of rice, I wouldn't let rats ruin my reputation!" " ! You are dreaming! "

16, [confession] male: ××, I like you! W: Why? What about practice? Man: I'm serious. I like you! Woman: Don't be ridiculous. There is no scenery in familiar places. We are too familiar to spark. M: I'm serious. I love you! The woman looked at him silently. M: Marry me, ××! Woman: Shit, why did you say it now? I have been waiting for you long. Go and buy a diamond ring!

17, Buddhist scriptures, Pig Bajie passed by Gaolaozhuang. In order to find out Miss Gao's mind, he left a message on the door: Your pig brother succeeded in learning Buddhist scriptures in the West and wants to continue his marriage with you. The next day, I saw the door, and I replied, "My senior went to the East to study early, but the second time was really difficult." . Pig sighed, It's going to rain, and Mother is getting married. Let her go.

18, two sisters quarreled. "KFC!" "Hum, quarreled also want me to take you to eat KFC? No way! ! ""cut! I said kao! *** ! Cao! "

19, one night during my junior year, I thought it was my roommate who walked in front and kicked me hard and said, "Are you here to study?" The man rubbed * * * and said piteously, "Yes." I was about to apologize when the man immediately said, "I'm sorry, I won't dare next time in my freshman year."

20. I made a boring phone call everywhere at home, and suddenly I heard a mm voice: "Come to my house, no one." I said excitedly, "Is there really no one? That address. . . . . "I hung up and left. After knocking for a long time, no one really answered the door.

2 1. In an inpatient ward, the nurse saw a patient drinking, so she went over and whispered to him, "Dear!" The patient smiled and replied, "Little baby."

22. The zipper of the female teacher's pants opened during the lecture! A female classmate stood up to remind the teacher: teacher, you didn't close the door! The teacher waved his hand and said, whatever, the dean will come on a field trip later. Hee hee hee hee. . . . .

23. M: In a man's world, if you catch a man's stomach, love will be happy. Woman: Then I'll be your stomach. Without me, you will starve to death. Female: ......

Attendant: "Sister, this dress is expensive. Please don't touch it casually. " I was so angry that I didn't call: "Little sister, you don't seem to be very rich either. Otherwise, how could you sell that here?"

25. M: There is no substitute, except heart and love. W: Then I am your heart. Without me, you will die. M: speechless ......

Nuts and bolts were exchanged on the wedding night. Nut groom said: after so many years of running-in, I finally caught you. Twist the bride and say, forget it. It's not like I screwed it tightly. You still have to run.

27. One day, a lady went to tell her fortune. Later, the fortune teller said to her: your life is not good. The lady said, "Why"? The fortune teller said: You have a bad omen. Then the lady said, can I take off my bra? The fortune teller said: No, as long as you take off your bra, there will be two * * * in your life!

28. A young couple fell in love and were about to get married. The girl asked the boy, "Is your family rich?" The young man replied, "Yes!" . So they got the certificate. After getting married, the girl found that the young man was very stingy and asked him again, "Didn't you say that your family is rich?" "Yes, but not much!"

29. A mental patient is writing something. The dean came over and asked him, "What are you writing?" Patient: "Write a letter!" Dean: "To whom!" Patient: "Write it to myself!" Dean: "What did you write!" Patient: "You pig, how do I know what it is?"

30. Do you think our long-distance relationship will last? M: Sooner or later, two partition flowers will be tied together. Woman: Then will you cheat? People: when people are not there, it is a negative moment for Yan to return to the air. woman ......

3 1. We went to the market to buy sports shoes. This pair of shoes is very cheap. The students were very happy and asked the boss, "Boss, your sneakers are so cheap, how long can you wear them?" The boss replied, "If you don't play football, it will be fine in a week." . . .

32, mechanical design defense, Z students holding drawings were asked by the teacher. Finally, the tutor was anxious and said, classmate, if you say something you really know about this design, I will let you pass.

33. My graduation project is to study the toxicity of copper ions and zinc ions to Bufo bufo gargarizans. Then when I was defending, the teacher asked you what is the difference between this and the previous classmate. I replied: He is a tadpole and I am a toad.

34, a leader to inspect the class practice, after the end, should be announced by the physical education teacher "dissolved". But when the PE teacher was nervous, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!" " "

35, a buddy undergraduate replied, in order to highlight the importance of its research, my first sentence: finite element method, out of date. A row of faces are professors studying finite element. So this guy was tortured all day!

36. A classmate in our class is cruel when answering questions. The teacher asked how the buzzer sounded. He thought for a long time, but he didn't know why he blushed, and then he summoned up his courage to answer: Ding!

37. On Valentine's Day night, my husband bathed 18-year-old daughter. Just after putting her in the bathtub, her daughter shouted: Mom, look, dad is picking up girls ... Go back to M to watch the lively Valentine's Day date. The last one will definitely make you laugh.

38. On Valentine's Day, a girl dated her boyfriend in the park. Woman: It's so cold. I forgot to wear my coat. My boyfriend tightened his coat, shrank his neck into his collar and said, it's a good thing I wore it, otherwise I would freeze to death like you.

39. A yamen official has a birthday. It is said that he is a mouse. His subordinate officials collected some gold and made him a mouse as a birthday present. When the official saw it, he said happily, "Do you know? My birthday is coming, and my wife is a cow. "

40. A friend's face is a little long. Once I sat opposite him at dinner, and I told him that I thought of something when I saw your face. He followed up: Don't say such disgusting things while eating!

4 1, one day, while the teacher was in class, suddenly a cat was barking outside, and the sound was endless. The teacher was very angry and said, I'm bored to death. What's it called? A classmate replied: Today is Valentine's Day …

42. I miss you so much that I can't stop thinking about you. Sister Furong, Xifeng and Yue are all thinking about you. I won't bless you any more. The Spring Festival is almost over. I wish you a happy Year of the Rabbit!

43. A psychology professor said to the meeting host: If you want to calm the women present at once, ask them a question: Ladies, who is the oldest? The meeting room immediately became silent.

44. If it's my husband, just listen: I'll just say it, or there will be no good fruit to eat; To be honest, I will pay in the class; Don't look at other women when shopping. If you dare to say nothing, you will be severely punished.

45. The reporter interviewed A Dai at the news scene. Reporter: What do you think about setting off fireworks and firecrackers casually in the city? A Dai: What else can I see? I just climbed up the window and watched. ...

46. joke: a very picky guest goes to a restaurant for dinner. He asked the waiter, "Are there any wild ducks?" The waiter thought for a moment and replied, "No, but I can catch a domestic duck, drive it crazy and cook it for you."

47. You have a mature face, a pair of squint eyes, a plaid shirt and an inheritance. It bubbled like a period. More importantly, I heard that you still have a long life. Is it true?/You don't say.

48. The two chatted. A: Boxing is really a great sport! I like this sport. I make a living by boxing, and I have a good income this year! B: So you are a famous boxer? No, I am a dentist.

49. A girl bought clothes and asked the male boss: How much is this dress? The male boss said with bedroom eyes: no money, a dress, a kiss. The beauty picked out a lot of clothes and shouted at the door when she checked out: Dad, come in and pay!

50. The chicken said to the cow: In what world, everyone practices family planning, but my master forces me to lay more eggs every day. Do you think I am unfair? The cow said to the chicken, are you still wronged? How many people did you say ate my milk? None of them called my mother.

5 1, A said: Jumping from the upstairs of our country will not land for several hours. B said: that's nothing. Jump from the upstairs of our country. Do you know how that man died? Starving to death.

52. A farmer came to the market to buy a horse. The peddler pointed to a horse and said, This horse can run twenty miles at a stretch. The farmer shook his head and said, My home is only 15 miles from the market. It runs twenty miles at a time, and I have to walk five miles back.

One day someone wanted to surprise his wife, so he disguised himself as a stranger with roses in his hand. He went to knock on his door. When his wife heard this, she immediately opened the door and said, Come in, my husband is not at home.

54. Feifei went to see a variety show. The host saw that Feifei's nails were beautiful. "Look, Feifei's nails are colored." Feifei: "Ah ~ I'm poisoned."

55. After learning the winning number, my buddy contacted me the first time and asked what number we bought. I said, "I have all the numbers." My buddy immediately ran to my house excitedly and took a look at the lottery ticket. They are all there, but none of them are in the same note.

56. Passing by a roast duck restaurant, I saw a sign saying: "Crying for a big sale, buy a roast duck and get one for free!" So I asked for a fat duck to satisfy my hunger. "Isn't it a fat duck?" Ask questions. "Oh, buy a duck and we'll get a bottle of beer!" Sweating.

57. On a hot summer day, I sent you a story about a cold popsicle. Once upon a time, there was a popsicle. When I was bored in the refrigerator, I said to my companion, "I'm going out to bask in the sun." When I came outside, I complained, "honey, it's too hot." Take off your clothes. " Take it off, take it off and turn it into water.

58. There is a story that needs to be told from the beginning. The head, cervical vertebra, trunk and limbs are connected together, and they will never be separated or abandoned. Let's start from the beginning. The head, cervical vertebra, trunk and limbs are connected together. ......

59. In the middle of the night, * * * sounded, which awakened several batches of good dreams and asked: What's the hurry? Have something to ask you? Q: What is it? A: I don't know when is the best time to sleep? ......

60. I live by the Yangtze River and go to college in other places. Once our college classmates went on an outing, I pointed to the endless water and said proudly, "Look, everyone, what about the Yangtze River?" It's big and spectacular. " As soon as I finished, I saw the scenery sign saying "Welcome to Taihu Lake" ......

6 1. In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaoming to make sentences with "Yellow River". Xiaoming replied, "The Yellow River is very yellow." The teacher was unhappy: "No, change!" Xiao Ming was even more unhappy and turned his head: "Why, I have no money to buy bleach!" " "

62. The book says that the most suitable tourist attraction for Capricorn is the ancient mountain temple, where you can see old trees and new flowers and realize Buddhism. In this Spring Festival and a happy festival, as a Capricorn, I sincerely invite you: Let's go up the mountain and be monks together!

63. Late at night, the doctor's phone kept ringing. It turned out that his colleague invited him to play cards. Doctor: OK, I'll be right there! Wife: What is it? Is the situation serious? Doctor: Yes, it's very serious. There are already three doctors there.

64. The Spring Festival travel rush peak is coming ... Man: "I like you for a long time. Be my girlfriend! " Woman: "With you?" Male: "My sister sells tickets at the train station" Female: "I promised you!"

In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiao Qiang to make sentences with a flashlight. Xiao Qiang said: It's getting dark. I'll light it with a flashlight. The teacher smiled bitterly: make sentences with a flashlight. Xiao Qiang: Teacher, there is only one flashlight in my house.

66. The husband and his wife and mother rowed together, with the mother sitting in the front and the wife sitting side by side behind him. Mother asked: Who would you save if the boat capsized? The wife stared at her husband, who winked at her and touched her. A: Of course, I will save you first.

67. The elevator is very crowded, and you silently watch him in front of you. He nodded to you with a smile and looked at you kindly. You feel very embarrassed, and suddenly you ask carefully: Big Brother, can you move your feet?

68. In the restaurant, a customer was around the manager complaining that the dishes were not cleaned and his teeth were cracked. The manager said impatiently, don't be picky. Look how delicious the old gentleman eats. I saw the old gentleman stare and say, I have no teeth.

69. Xiao Lei bought a house in the suburbs: "I am very satisfied with this house, but there is a factory next to it. Will it be noisy? " Wu Ye said happily, "You don't need to worry about this. This explosive factory may be blown up at any time. "

70. When the mother was making a mask, she heard someone ring the doorbell and told her three-year-old son that the mother was making a mask and could not see anyone. Go and have a look! So the son opened the door and let the people inside in and said, My mother is doing something she can't see. Wait a minute!

7 1, seeing the sun, all glory, just divorced again. The mountain blocks the day, and there is no ticket. Only the boundless universe, boundless, can't stop the tears full of sadness. Ask me how much sadness I can have, just like endless gutter oil.

72. The ant said, "What's the use of watching you grow up silly?" The elephant said, "I can pull up the tree with my nose. You can never do it." The ant said, "What's the use? Now rich people do it themselves. "

73. The horse said to the mule, "You are like a donkey and a horse. What is it? " The mule looked up. "Didn't you see? I am a half-breed and popular all over the world. "

74. One day, a sparrow accidentally flew into the swallow's nest, and it happened that the male swallow was in the nest. The male swallow roared, "Where are you a monster?" The sparrow was taken aback and immediately said, "Husband, it's me. I just finished my face. "

75. A young couple fell in love in their twenties, but they couldn't get married because they didn't have a house. They struggled into their thirties and finally bought a new house. At the wedding, the host congratulated him: All shall be well, jack shall have Jill, and everything will be fine.

Q: Do you know when Pinyin was invented? A: It was invented when I was very hungry, because the first sentence was "Ah (a), I (o), hungry (e)!"

77. One day, it was very cold. I take my four-year-old son to kindergarten by bike. I asked my son, "Are your hands cold?" The son said, "Not cold". I asked again, "What about the foot?" The son replied, "It's down there."

78. The mouse was chased by the cat, escaped into the flower shop, picked up a rose and prepared to resist. When the cat saw it, it immediately lowered its head and said in shame, you damn fool, it's so sudden. Why didn't you say so earlier? I've been chasing you for n years!

79. A young man went to the bank to transfer money. The counter MM asked him if he knew him. Beware of fraud. He said yes, that's my wife. Even if she cheated, it doesn't matter. She cheated me too much, not bad for the money.

80. A MM complained: That night, my boyfriend said he would play games with me. Whoever cares about each other first loses. I agreed excitedly. It's been a year and a half, and he ignored me. Did I get dumped?

8 1, so cool! That time I went to the street, I earned enough comments from beautiful women, and even the puppy barked. When I was proud, I suddenly turned around and stood behind you! Dude, to be honest, when can you wash your face?

82. Xiao Wang has been a little upset recently, and people around him have derailed to find another true love. He also wants to cheat, just afraid of his wife. So I learned from the people around me until someone said impatiently, "If you want to cheat, take the bullet train and keep it for you!"

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