Laugh till your stomach hurts.

1, my classmates complained to me as soon as they met, saying that he always had night sweats some time ago and sweated when he fell asleep. The hospital examination cost hundreds of dollars. Later, he found an old Chinese doctor and prescribed more than a dozen pairs of Chinese medicines, all of which didn't work, getting worse every day. I asked, "What happened? Is it cured? " When asked about this matter, I obviously saw a twitch in my classmate's mouth and said angrily, "I changed a thin quilt."

2. An idiot friend came to my house to play, and I bought him Sprite. He took it and put it on the coffee table, and accidentally knocked it over. Sprite spilled, and the idiot turned green at first sight. Knock over my desk, grab my collar and say, "This fucking water is poisonous"?

I met a Jianghu elder brother the other day. My brother has a carp tattooed on each side of his calf. The colors are red and black. The fish head on the left is facing up and the fish head on the right is facing down. The shape is vigorous and the face is ferocious. This is terrible. At dinner, someone finally asked about the meaning of tattoos. Big Brother lit a cigarette and said, "I was born in March 1976, 15". We all pricked up our ears, waiting for the story that was doomed to bleed. Big Brother smoked a cigarette and said, "I am a Pisces".

4. Go to the hospital and ask an expert if there is any way to lose weight without dieting or exercising. Experts say there is. I asked eagerly what it was. He said it was garlic. I thought it was wrong at first, but then I thought about it. That makes sense. Garlic can burn fat and promote metabolism. Experts say garlic can keep others away from you. The farther away, the smaller it looks.

A weak person is often bullied at school, bullied by classmates in the morning and bullied by other classes after school. So one day he secretly took a rope, ran to a wild place, hung the rope on a tree, and then sat on it as a swing, feeling much better.

6. A friend of mine told a fortune last year that he was doomed to be lucky this year and would be deeply hurt by a woman who suddenly appeared. Yesterday, he was hit by an aunt riding an electric car at the corner, and he is still lying in the hospital.

7. I went to have my hair cut today, and I saw the barber next to me always saying to a girl: Beauty, let's get a perm! We have a new set meal of 5800 here. A perm will definitely look good. I didn't like it then. Isn't this a scam? I stood up after wiping. Girl, don't listen to him. It's like nothing looks good when it's hot. After that, I calmly went out. The girl kept chasing me, probably to thank me. Ah! That's great.

8. A girl was fined for running laps in the playground for being late for class. Unexpectedly, it began to rain and the girl had to run in the rain. This is a boy running after her with an umbrella and moving it to the girl's head. The girl heard that the boy had been looking at her for a long time, and her face turned red in an instant. She whispered shyly, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." The boy looked down thoughtfully and said to the girl affectionately, "Do you want it? This umbrella is ten yuan. "

9. When I was playing with my mobile phone just now, I suddenly thought, am I living the life I want now? I waste time every day. It's like I haven't done anything well. Thought of here, tears flowed out and dripped on my mobile phone. I wiped it with my hand and accidentally opened the the glory of the king. Do you have one together?

10, if a boy has known you for more than three days and you don't know his height, then he certainly doesn't have 180.

1 1, there are only two kinds of mathematical proof questions, one is "This needs to be proved"? The other is "this can also prove".

12, you opened a circle of friends at 8: 00 in the morning, now I open a circle of friends, and I open a circle of friends at night. People who can't get you will get your eyes.

13, do you like to sit opposite or next to your boyfriend when eating? I prefer them sitting around me.

14, go drinking with colleagues after work. It was nearly eleven o'clock when I got home. I was worried that my wife would be angry, so I thought of slapping the door while pretending to be drunk and humming. Sure enough, my wife opened the door and saw me drunk. She said nothing but helped me into the room. I'm glad I got away with it. Just lying down, my wife suddenly said, why are there women's stockings in your coat? I jumped up and shouted: impossible, absolutely impossible.

15. When I get angry, I get toothache and my face is swollen. My little niece asked me what was in my mouth. I teased her: Good thing! No matter how she asks me, I won't tell her what I ate. When I was lying on the sofa after lunch, my little niece pried my mouth open with a spoon: What did you eat?

16, my mother-in-law is going to choose dishes to cook. When my father-in-law saw it, he hurried forward and said, Wife, how can you do this kind of work when you are in poor health? From now on, you will stay at home and look after your grandson with melon seeds. Let someone else do this technical work. Then, then, while I was watching TV with melon seeds, my father-in-law handed me a handful of celery.

17, called my husband and said, "Come and pick me up. I'm in a supermarket not far from where I work. There are two people outside, following me all the way. I dare not go out. " After a while, my husband dressed like a big bear rushed over and calmly took off a coat and put it on me. I smiled and said, "How do you know I'm cold?" The husband said, "You are still so conservative in such a cold day. In fact, someone still cares about you. You must be wearing less. " .

18, the company leaders had a meeting in the morning, and we worked in my brother's office. Halfway through the meeting, the leader ran to our office and shouted, "that man, bring me that thing." Ba bi hurried back to the conference room. Leaving a room full of people wondering, who is who and what is what?

19, I bought food at the snack bar. When I remembered something, I told my boss to leave it here first and pick it up later. I came over after I finished, saw that the boss was very busy, and then left without saying hello. At this moment, an elder sister grabbed my arm and shouted, "Boss, this woman stole from your house and tried to run away."

20. Today, a classmate went shopping in the supermarket and saw a man ask his boss: Boss, do you have Dove batteries? The boss looked blankly for a while and said, We have Fu Nan chocolate here.