Why is "sitting" better than speaking?

In business negotiations, people usually sit around the table and talk. Body language researchers have found that the arrangement of seats has certain influence on the mood, atmosphere and outcome of negotiations. Therefore, this is also something that must be paid attention to in doing business. Some people think "sitting" is better than talking. Because you are sitting in the wrong position, no matter how well you speak, people may not listen.

Usually it is common to discuss in conference rooms and other occasions, so let's take the seats of rectangular tables in conference rooms as an example to talk about this problem. Suppose this is a long table in the conference room:

At the same time, if the other person is A and you are B, then you have four kinds of seats around this table, each of which reflects the relationship you want to establish with the other person.

If you sit in the position of 1 in B, there is a table corner between you and the other party A, which is called "table corner seat".

This situation is mostly a friendly and relaxed conversation. This posture allows the two sides to have unlimited eye contact, can use many postures, and can also see each other's postures clearly. If one party feels threatened, one end of the table is only a partial barrier, and there is no isolation of private areas at this time. If A is a customer, B can make a successful sales promotion by taking this seat. If you want to ease the tense atmosphere and increase your chances of winning, you just need to move your chair to the seat of B 1.

If you sit in the position of B 2, you will sit side by side with your opponent A. This sitting method is called "cooperative sitting". If two people have the same interests or work together, they will probably use this kind of seating. This is the best time to make suggestions and it is easy for the other party to accept them. This is the case. By occupying this seat, B can invade A's territory unconsciously. This time is also suitable for B to introduce a third party to the meeting. For example, B is a salesman. When he talked to the customer for the second time, he introduced a technical expert to join. The following strategies will be appropriate.

The technical expert sits in position B, facing customer A, while the salesman can sit in position B 2. In this way, the salesman will be on the same line with the customer and ask some technical experts questions for the customer. This kind of seating is generally called "on the same front as the opponent".

If you sit in the position of B 4, you and Party A have a relatively independent feeling .. So this sitting method is called "sitting alone". When they don't want to deal with each other, they will use this kind of seat, which often appears on chairs in libraries, parks or restaurants. Showing disinterest, even when the site is violated, can be interpreted as hostility, and the two should avoid this kind of confrontation when talking about business. If you sit in the position of B 4, this sitting method opposite to the other side's table A is called "competitive sitting", because sitting opposite the other side's table will create a competitive and defensive atmosphere, and the table will become a barrier for both sides, so that both sides can stick to their own positions. This situation is either competing with each other or one party is accusing the other. If the location is in A's office, there will be a master-slave role.

Some data show that whether there is a desk in the doctor's office has a significant impact on the patient's mood. If there is a table and the doctor sits behind it, only 10% of the patients feel comfortable. If there is no desk, the proportion will increase to 55%.

If B wants to convince A, this competitive and defensive seating will reduce the chances of success unless it is a deliberate strategy. For example, if A is the manager, he will reprimand employee B, and this seat will strengthen the reprimand. But on the other hand, if B intends to make A feel superior, it can also be used.

No matter what kind of industry you are engaged in, as long as you are dealing with people, you should always pay attention to their mentality and make them feel comfortable and willing to associate with you. Competition and defensive seats will not have such an effect. You will make better progress by using table corners and cooperative seats, and the conversation of competitive defensive seats is usually much shorter than other situations.

When two people sit opposite each other across the table, they will unconsciously divide the venue into two halves. Everyone regards their own half as a site and doesn't like the invasion of the other side. In a restaurant, two people sitting face to face will use seasoning bottles, napkins and so on. As a symbol of demarcation.

In a restaurant, you can do the following simple experiments to understand a person's reaction when his site is invaded. I took a salesman to dinner recently. The table where we sit is a small rectangular table. Because the table is too small, I can't sit in the corner of the table, so I have to sit in a competitive and defensive seat.

Usually there are ashtrays, salt bottles, pepper bottles, napkins and menus on the dining table. I looked at the menu and put it on the other party's website. He picked it up and looked at it, then put it in the middle of the table on his right. I picked it up, looked at it and put it in his place. He leans forward, but now he sits back. The ashtray was originally placed in the middle of the table. I flicked the ash and pushed it into his territory. After he bounced off the ash, he pushed the ashtray back to the center of the table. I still pretend to casually play with ash, then push the ashtray to his side, and then slowly push the sugar can to his side. At this time, he began to feel uncomfortable. I pushed both the salt bottle and the pepper bottle. At this moment, he was anxious, as if sitting on an ant nest, and his forehead was a little sweaty. When I pushed the napkin over again, he couldn't stand it anymore and got up and said he wanted to go to the bathroom. When he came back, I also went to the bathroom, but when I came back, I found that everything on the table was put back in the middle line.

This simple but effective game can show how much a person will resist when a website is violated. At this time, you should understand why you should try to avoid this seating arrangement when negotiating or discussing.

Sometimes it is not appropriate to abuse the corner seat of the table. Suppose you use some visual AIDS, such as a book, a report or a sample, to explain to the person sitting behind the rectangular table. First of all, you should put this information on the table, and the other person will bend over to look at it, or take it back to his site or push it back to your site.

If he leans over, you should also sit in the same place and explain, because he said nonverbally that he didn't want you to go to his place. If he brings it back to his website, you can go to his website and use a table corner seat or a cooperative seat. If he pushes the information back to your website, you will be in trouble. Unless the other party has any indication that you are allowed to enter his territory, you must never invade his territory.

Related to the sitting method mentioned above is the question of what shape table to choose.

As mentioned above, two people in the same position will form a competitive and defensive relationship across the square table. Square table is very suitable for short conversation or creating an atmosphere of master-slave relationship. Usually, the person sitting next to you is more cooperative, while the person sitting on the right is a little more cooperative than the person sitting on the left. The person with the strongest resistance is the person sitting directly opposite.

There is a story about King Arthur. In order to make the soldiers feel equal, King Arthur used a round table to show that every soldier had the same status. Round table can create a relaxed atmosphere, and it is very suitable for talking with people in the same position, because everyone is in the same position, and sitting in a circle when not using the table has the same effect. Unfortunately, King Arthur didn't notice that if one of them had a higher status, it would lead to different status; If the king is the highest-ranking person, it means that the people sitting on both sides of the king are not as good as the king. Usually, the person on the right of the king is slightly taller than the person on the left, and the farther away from the king's seat, the lower his status.

In this way, the person sitting opposite King Arthur, that is, the person sitting in the competitive and defensive position, may be the person who will cause the most trouble. Now many businessmen use square tables and round tables. A square table, usually a desk, is used for business talks, short conversations, teaching people and so on. A round table, usually a coffee table with a seat, is used to persuade each other or create a relaxed atmosphere.

On a rectangular table, position A is always the most influential position. In a meeting, if a group of people are in the same position, the person sitting in position A is the most influential. This time it should be assumed that he is not facing the door. If his back is to the door, then the person in position B 4 is the most influential and the competitor. If you want to form a power level in a meeting, you should put a famous brand on your seat so that you can have the greatest influence on everyone according to your own arrangement.

The shape of the dining table in a family can show the distribution of power in this family.

Here, we assume that every restaurant is suitable for tables of any shape, and the shapes of the tables are carefully selected. Open families use round tables, closed families use square tables, and "authoritative" families choose long square tables. This also proves from one side that the above views on seating are reasonable. Therefore, it is meaningful to pay attention to the arrangement of seats in order to obtain the cooperation of others.

Of course, just as nothing can be absolutely certain, we can't make a rigid understanding of the seating arrangement of negotiations and conversations. Mark knapp mentioned in his book Nonverbal Communication of Human Activities that although there was a fixed formula for the interpretation of seating order, the environment at that time also had a great influence. Research on the white middle class in the United States shows that the seats in hotel bars are different from those in high-end restaurants. Moreover, the direction of the seat and the distance between the tables also affect the position of the seat. For example, intimate couples will sit side by side as much as possible, but in crowded restaurants, because the distance between tables is very small, they have to sit face to face in what is usually called a competitive and defensive sitting position. You must not think that their husband and wife are competing.