Classic campus humor jokes

Humor is a gift, a strength, or a civilization created by human beings in the face of common life difficulties. I collected some classic campus humorous jokes for you. Let's have a look.

A selection of classic campus humor jokes

1) In high school, the Chinese teacher saw that the girl in front was sleepy and asked her to answer questions. After she stood up without saying a word, she stood for two minutes. The whole class was silent and the teacher said helplessly. Sit down. ? I saw this woman lying on the table immediately after she sat down. When class was over, the girl turned to me sleepily and said, just now, I dreamed that the teacher asked me to answer questions. ?

2) Today is MM's birthday. In order to be the first to send my blessing, I picked up my mobile phone on time early in the morning and sent a message: sofa.

3) When I was a child, my parents took me home and took me in the middle when I walked? Sing when you're free? A chicken in the left hand and a duck in the right hand? My dad stared at me and almost slapped me in the mouth. . . Who knows, my mother went on to sing, "Tell me to vomit blood at once." . . ? There is a toad in the middle. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. How are you? First-class teachers rely on personality charm, second-rate teachers rely on academics, third-rate teachers rely on questions, fourth-rate teachers rely on homework, fifth-rate teachers rely on roll call, and last-rate teachers rely on changing roll call methods. ...

4) A man meets a beautiful woman on the Internet. I opened a room and did what I had to do. Lying down for a while, I found that she couldn't answer all the topics I talked about before. Wonder! Under his repeated coercion, she finally told the truth: it was actually my mother who talked to you before! ? Just when I was shocked, she went on to say: I don't want my mother to find a handsome guy! I did it, and my mother was embarrassed to ask for it! ?

According to the latest research by scientists, 100 people took part in this experiment. After drinking 20 bottles of beer, everyone becomes extremely talkative but lacks logic, prone to crying and irritability, impulsive, driving skills decline and weight gain. So scientists have come to the conclusion that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!

6) In the composition class, the teacher asked each student to describe his own characteristics in the simplest sentences. A classmate with acne all over his face wrote:? A wave of unrest, another wave. ?

One day, Xiaoming told Xiaohua a story. Xiaoming: The story is divided into the first paragraph ... My husband told his wife that I would give your wife 10,000 yuan a month later. As a result, after a month, my husband only took it. What did the wife say? The husband slapped his wife and said, I'm making money. What are you arguing about? Xiao Ming told the second paragraph. One day, the husband wanted to eat steamed fish, and his wife cooked braised fish. The husband said, why is there no steamed fish? The wife slapped her husband and said, I'm cooking. What are you arguing about? Xiao Ming: Next is the fourth paragraph. Xiaohua: What about the third paragraph? Xiaoming slapped Xiaohua and said, I'm telling a story. What are you arguing about? Vote for me.

8) ? Love? In our future tense grammar class, the teacher is teaching the tense of verbs. He asked Irene, What do you say? Love? What is the future tense of? Irene answered without hesitation:? Get married! ?

9) Class A: "Why do ducks often stand on one foot?" Class b: "because it knows that if it takes back its other foot, it will fall." 」

10) The first-grade pupils are listless in class. Does the teacher remind everyone? Please cheer up! ? So the students began to turn up in their schoolbags, and the last student raised his hand and asked, Teacher, what spirit is this?

1 1) I have a dream: a test paper only has fill-in-the-blank questions, and the school _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

The teacher asked: Answer the question. Let's call the roll. ? The students all said:? Not good? . So the teacher asked the girl:? Ask the boys, okay? . Ask the boy again:? How about asking girls? Don't everyone agree ~? In the math class of senior three, the teacher scribbled on the blackboard, and there was a scene below. The teacher couldn't bear it: students, keep your voice down! A buddy said: Teacher, you will get used to it! The teacher fainted! All high schools must wear school uniforms. There is a repeat student who never wears it. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day. The teacher saw that the classmate was not wearing a school uniform. Ask him why he doesn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why are you wearing mourning clothes? The teacher was sweating like a pig. One of my brothers is in an advanced math class, and the teacher asks:? Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? My brother: No cavities! In Chinese class, the teacher said: In fact, weasels don't eat chickens, which is obtained by scientists through experiments. ......

13)" span style = " " font-size:medium " " >。 The first class in the afternoon is history class, and the teacher speaks enthusiastically in class. What's the nickname? San Mao? However, some students are fast asleep at their desks. The teacher was very angry and called Sanmao up. The teacher asked: What do Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common? Sanmao blurted out:? All belong to the Song Dynasty. ? The teacher then asked:? Tell me, what do they have in common with Emperor Taizong and Zhuge Liang? San Mao is cold and answers:? They are all ancient people. ? There was a burst of laughter in class, and the teacher made mistakes and just played them as games, which also enlivened the classroom atmosphere. So he asked:? Do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun? San Mao thought for a moment and said, they are all men. ? The teacher then asked ... "

Classic and classic campus humorous jokes

1) Teacher: What is the biggest thing in the world? Student:? Eyelids. ? Teacher:? Why? Student:? Just close your eyes and the whole world will be covered. ?

2) Tommy: Teacher, Rabin just scolded me. Let me see the devil. ? Teacher:? What did you do? Tommy:? I'm here, teacher. ? Teacher:

3) Xiaoming walked up to the PE teacher and said, Miss Wang, I will never play football again from today. ? Teacher Wang feels very strange: playing football is a beneficial sport. Why don't you attend? Xiao Ming said:? I heard it on the radio today. Playing football is irresponsible. ?

4) A teacher of a learning library strongly praised his son Bandu, who is smart and literate, and can be regarded as the son of a master. The host said:? Very good! ? When the teacher came home, he said to his son, I'll take you to school tomorrow. I praised your cleverness in front of your master only because you were born stupid and didn't understand a word. ? So, he wrote? Quilt, rice, dad? Three words, let the son recite them and respond to the answer. After coming to school, the master asked a few words in a row, but the son didn't know a word. The teacher said: Children are afraid of strangers. If you write a few more words, he will know. ? So he wrote it? Is it? The words are recognizable, and the son is at a loss. The teacher said, What's the cover on your bed? The son replied: ......

5) smart? Teacher, why is your hair bald? This is called brilliant. ? Then I'll shave my hair, too This is called cleverness. ? In the shop, Xiao Gang stepped on the foot of an international student. The foreigner held back for a long time before saying in Chinese: Your foot is hard on mine. ? The coach comforted the defeated boxer and said, It doesn't matter. In the third game, you scared him to death, too. ? He's afraid of me, too. Yes, he thought he killed you. ? In addition to the belt, the mother also took her four-year-old child to the supermarket to shop, and then took off her child's belt after entering the store. The salesman asked strangely why. Mom replied:? He is busy lifting his trousers with both hands, so he can't grab things everywhere. ......

6) When the new semester begins, our senior three students go to the station to meet their new classmates. I saw a little girl standing beside a big box at a loss, so I took the initiative to help her lift it. I didn't expect the box to weigh more than 1000 kilograms, so I was embarrassed to put it down and had to struggle to support it. After only a few steps, the girl said to me: If you can't move your back, go away. As soon as I heard this, I cried out my heartfelt anger, put down the box and glared at her. The girl froze for a few seconds, then pointed to the bottom of the box and said, I mean the wheel. _ _ _ Interpretation A university professor preached to his students: Ancient times? Lu? It means kissing, mouth to mouth, very vivid; ? One of the students asked: What if? Lu? It means kissing, so? Product? Yuyou ......

7) "In the composition class, the teacher asked the pupils to write a composition entitled" My Dog ",with no less than two words. Little Tommy thought for a moment and began to write: I have a dog. I call it Bobby. I like this dog. All are black except the head and neck are white. Tommy stopped to count, but the number of words was still far from enough. He scratched his scalp, thought for a few minutes, and continued to write: I take Bobby for a walk in the park every day, so I won't take him out when it rains. ? He looked at it, but the number of words was still far from enough. He sighed and wrote:? I often bathe Bobby. It likes to bathe, and I like to bathe it, too. ? He stopped to count, but there were still not enough words. He was so anxious that he scratched his scalp, looking at the ceiling and the blackboard for a while. After thinking about it, continue to write:? Bobby likes candy. I often feed him sugar, but sometimes I don't give it to him if there is no sugar at home ..... Everyone knows that wearing headphones will make a loud noise, but they just don't know it. Once in an English class, the teacher asked everyone to study by themselves after class. One of my classmates wears headphones to listen to music (of course this is not allowed). In order not to let the teacher see it, he asked the students next to him to watch and said loudly, "The teacher is coming to call me! " ! As a result, the teacher heard the voice and asked him, what is it? When I was a monitor in junior high school, I once had a geography class, and the teacher delayed the class. I am absorbed in reading novels, and I don't care whether I am in class or after class. A classmate next to him complained to himself: class is over, I thought it was over, so I shouted? Stand up? It's quiet. I feel all eyes are on me. The teacher smiled and said, Are you going to rebel? Suddenly everyone laughed and I blushed. ......"

8) The professor said:? You already know? I have written about this problem in my book Lies. Please raise your hand if any of you have read this book. ? All the students raised their hands in unison. ? Very good! ? Professor, go on. There are new examples in this lecture. My book has not been published yet! ?

9) In a physiology class, the teacher angrily reprimanded the unruly students in the class:? Next time I catch you undisciplined, I will be male or female, and all my words will remain the same. A student stood up and said, Teacher, how can you be our physical health teacher regardless of gender?

10) The physics teacher talks about the principle of electricity: friction can generate electricity. For example, as long as you touch the cat's hair backwards, you can see an electric spark. ? Oh, my God. A little girl cried? How many cats must be kept in that power station! ?

1 1) My mother said that my IQ is just how high I am. I don't know. I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason. I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction? I know! ? A little girl in my class answered and picked up a tree from the ground. ......

Classic campus humor jokes

1) One night, I couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a short message to a friend and a sister. Depressed, chat with me for a while. ? Soon, my sister wrote back: Okay, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you! ? I thought about it and answered happily. Then let's talk about something heavier, like? Your weight! ? After a silence, the two sisters replied with a short message, which read:? This is too heavy. Let's talk about something superficial, such as? Your IQ! ! ! ? A friend asked her boyfriend in the Department of Botany:? Today is my birthday! Why don't you send me flowers? What? The boy replied:? Don't you know that flowers are the genitals of plants? Why do we have to cut off their genitals? ......

2) A philosophy teacher only got one question in the mid-term exam. Is this the topic? What is courage? While everyone is trying to figure out how to write something. A classmate handed in a paper? He didn't write a word! But he only wrote five words? This is courage! ? Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks. But it must be in the back. Finally, the final exam. The teacher still only takes one exam. What's the topic this time? This is the topic, please answer it? Isn't that a strange question? Everyone still can't write, but the students handed in their papers quickly. What did he write this time? He wrote it? This is the answer, please give points? When the teacher got angry, he became angry from embarrassment and shouted, boy, awesome! Come here, I have two questions for you, if you answer them. ......

3) Rehearse the textbook drama Thunderstorm in the class, in which Lu Dahai has a line? These three things without bones! ? The one who played Lu Dahai in rehearsal blurted out: These three things without skulls! ? Everyone was taken aback and then burst out laughing.

Telephone pranks have been popular for some time since telephones were installed in student dormitories. One day, beauty Xiao C was reading alone in the dormitory. Suddenly, the phone rang. Xiao C raised the phone and fed it a few times, but the other party never answered. At five o'clock in the afternoon, a similar call came again, which was the fifth time that day. Little c couldn't help it anymore: bah! ****! At noon the next day, everyone was eating in the dormitory when the phone rang again. Little c mentioned it first. ****! If you don't talk, I'll be rude! ? Just a standard sexy male voice came from the opposite side: hello, miss! This is the telephone service center. We apologize for the system failure that affected some of your calls yesterday. Now we have eliminated the fault, but we still need your help to carry out the following test. ? ......

5) Xiao Fang, who has always been careless, works in the campus library, helping to clean and water the flowers. She always spills the books beside her when watering the flowers, and it takes about a week before things get a little better. One day, she was carefully watering a pot of bright flamingo flowers, but she saw the head teacher of the library standing by and staring at her. She thought the teacher would praise her for being more and more careful, so the teacher said to Xiao Fang with a straight face. You are watering the plastic flowers now! ! ?

6) The teacher writes couplets: the country enriches the people, the family enriches the people, and the country enriches the people. Class Committee's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent! My bottom line is: fuck you, fuck you! The result was kicked out of the classroom.

7) What is the most important thing in college life? For childe? The most important thing? That's eating! What should I do after eating? Pull! What about when you're done? Eat > Ok? Much like a garbage transfer station, childe eats rice in the campus canteen. To tell you the truth, the son is a shameless old sparrow in the university, and people have nicknamed him? Idiot? . Yes! Some people don't understand that this free meal is also a meal! Where is the best place to eat on campus? Do you have to ask? The first choice is that the meals of dormitory roommates are the best. Otherwise, it is better to be a distant relative than a close neighbor! The son told everyone that one semester, he rubbed my roommate's rice, and the son rubbed it for several months. Impossible, right? ......

8) In class, my deskmate told me a lot about how his girlfriend Wenjing abandoned him, which was really wronged. But his chatter made the teacher unbearable, shouting: you are not quiet, I need to be quiet! ? My deskmate caught fire and stood up. I quickly jumped up and said, there is no quiet, quiet, but you have to calm down! ! ?

9) We will perform a bad group dance at the art festival? It is necessary to have violent and difficult movements such as rapid falling and high leg lifting. After practicing for a few days, everyone couldn't stand it. Some people are black and blue, and some people have muscle strain. My right leg is badly hurt, and I won't listen at all! I go to class on the third floor today. God, I just lift my right leg step by step. What is the most irritating thing? Walking, I heard two girls whispering behind me: schools in big cities are more formal, but in our hometown, polio patients can't go to school at all! ! ?

10) There is a student in HKUST who will graduate from his senior year soon, and has no job or girlfriend. So he went to tell a fortune. ? You, you will be down and out until the eyes of a 40-year-old student brighten, thinking that there will be a turn for the better, so ask: Then what? Then you get used to this life.

1 1) College students always like new and exciting things. Like playing cards, if you lose, you have to shout? I am a pig? Or holding a telephone pole and shouting? Is my illness cured? Something like that How creative do you think Shantou University is? Playing cards in the dormitory, whoever loses will go to the back hill alone in the middle of the night to copy the inscriptions of ten tombstones! The most terrible thing is that the next morning everyone went up the mountain to find a tombstone to proofread! ! As a result, after a semester, I didn't recite a few English words, but I learned the inscription on Houshan by heart. More importantly, everyone's level of literature and calligraphy has been greatly improved, and many people even learned to use Xiao Zhuan as a signature document.

12) high school politics class, teacher:? Zhang Mazi, these people are coming from the back corner. Three people. For the beauty in college? Fight!