The fate of the second child may be very different from that of the third child. Don't underestimate the order of birth.

There is a folk saying that describes the two children in the second-child family, "the eldest is stupid and the second is treacherous", which means that the eldest is generally honest, and the second is smarter than the eldest, and the mind comes quickly. However, in the triplet family, the second child's view has changed, and the third child stands out and becomes "every family has its own experience." It can be seen that the order of children's birth and their ranking in the family can really change some children's personalities, so what is the wonderful connection?

What is the important role of the birth order of children?

At present, the family structure with children can be roughly divided into four forms, one is an only child, the other is a family with two children, the other is a family with three children, and the rest is a family with many children. The birth order and ranking position of children at home determine the different roles of children. Jane nelsen, Ph.D. in education and founder of positive discipline in the United States, suggested that knowing the birth order of children can enhance parents' view of their children based on their birth order at home.

This is why, in a family with many children, some children will try to be role models for other children, while others will rebel. They grew up in the same family environment, but they were influenced by different survival and growth because of different birth order. Every child will find his own role-playing and positioning, which also directly affects their growth. Today, we compare the second child of the second child family with the second child of the third child family, which may explain.

The second child, the youngest child.

Under normal circumstances, the second child of a second child family is more eye-catching than the boss. They are the youngest children in the family and receive the most attention. Because they are the youngest, they are spoiled, which makes them show a series of behaviors different from those of the boss.

For example, the second child is spoiled by parents, sisters and brothers. They found that manipulating other people's behavior can show their importance, so the second child is good at using his charm and advantages to achieve his goal. For example, the second child plays with the boss, and he wants to play with the boss's mobile phone. When he is rejected by his boss, he will cry to attract his parents' attention. Parents came to scold the boss, still chanting, he is so young, I don't know how to let his mother? So the boss handed the phone in frustration, which would give the second child a hint. He used this trick effectively, so he enjoyed it.

The second child is loved by parents, but it may be in the resentment of brother or sister, and it will be very confused. They may constantly rob his brother and sister of their resources. When his brother and sister are punished by their parents, they will avoid some behaviors that their parents don't like, or monitor his brother and sister's behavior and take the opportunity to complain, so that they can get more love from their parents. In this comparison, they tend to disobey the boss and feel that they are the best, so most of their creativity and energy.

Growing up in such a family environment, the second child is not easy to adapt to external changes. Their sense of value comes from comparison, praise and affirmation from their parents. Once the soil is gone, they will find that everything they have done is worthless, only Su Like Mingcheng in Everything is Fine. His values come from his mother. When her mother died, he was the first to collapse and didn't adapt, because there was no one who always encouraged him and praised him. So his career was hit, his marriage broke down and he became different. Even his wife Julie thinks he is a different person. Therefore, the second child will be affected by this while enjoying the superior treatment at home. To get rid of this bondage, both children and parents should work hard.

The second child and the middle child in a triplet family.

No matter what kind of family, the similarity of the oldest child is the easiest to predict, and they are given more responsibilities, while the only child is likely to be like the oldest or youngest, depending on the guidance of family education, while the middle child changes the most. They are neither valued by their parents like the eldest, nor loved by their parents like the third. Maybe they have, but when they grow up, they only see "grievances" caught in the middle. They have neither the privilege of the eldest son nor the benefits of the youngest son, and it is easy to form a wrong way of growing up. They must be different from other children in some ways, so as to get the attention of their parents or show their value. They are either like a mimosa, which shows the suppressed desire for success, or like a social butterfly (an energetic, sociable and attractive person who is willing to break the deadlock and ensure everyone to participate in the conversation and show excellent social skills), which is a strong desire for success, or the second child is a rebel at home. In short, they are unstable, which depends entirely on the family environment and the guidance of parents.

The second of the three children is often more easygoing, and they are also very sympathetic to the weak. This is because, to a great extent, they believe that they are weak, and when they see the same weak people, they also have a kind of sympathy, so they have strong empathy, are easy to get close to others' hearts and are willing to help others, which plays a very good mediation role in the middle.

The second child in a triplet family is either promising or mediocre. They get less attention from their parents (only in relative terms), expect less from them, and don't want to be spoiled like little ones. So they are more like a dark horse, gaining a sense of value with their own abilities. It is not unreasonable that many families with the third child are the most promising.

Therefore, the second child is the same. The families of the second and third children are very different in personality and all aspects, and their fate when they grow up is also very different. Is this immutable? Is it also a high probability? In fact, this difference is concrete and will change under certain circumstances.

These differences will also change due to other factors.

Gender difference

Of course, the above differences will also change due to many factors. The first is the gender difference. For example, the gender of the boss and the second child is different, and one boy and one girl, then both children may have the characteristics of the boss. Boys feel that they are the boss in male roles, while girls feel that they are the boss in female roles. This principle also applies to families with three children. If the first two are boys and the last one is a girl, then girls will develop the oldest female roles, such as Su Mingyu. She is neither the eldest brother nor the second brother, but she is very independent and enterprising, while the second brother Su Ming has become the second child and is spoiled a bit too much.

generation gap

In addition, this difference will also change with age. For example, the smaller the age difference, the more obvious the difference, and the greater the age difference, the smaller the difference will be. For example, the eldest brother is in the first grade and the second child is born. The growth trajectory between the second children may not affect each other, and there will be much less comparison and competition between them. Their personalities tend to be the oldest or youngest psychologically.

What should parents do to eliminate this difference?

Therefore, the third child and the second child are limited to the same-sex comparison, and the age difference is less than 4 years. The initial setting will be effective, but it also depends on the family atmosphere. If parents treat both the boss and the second child equally and don't condone the way the second child uses charm to gain benefits, then the second child will be very good. However, if the same sex repels each other, children may develop completely different interests. For example, the eldest brother is calm and loves reading, and the second child may be interested in sports.

As for the second child of triplets, parents should also pay due attention to his growth, pay more attention to all kinds of embarrassment caused by being caught in the middle, and strive to create a sense of value for their children. Children who grow up in this family will have a higher probability of Excellence. In short, children's growth has their own efforts and is also the result of family education. When parents treat each other equally and adopt scientific parenting methods, this difference between children will be obviously narrowed, and there will be no question of which child has a better future and a better life. They are all equally excellent, don't you think?