It's urgent ! ! ! ! Urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, short lines, medium and long, funny, with tongue twisters in it.

Jiang Kun crosstalk "Elevator Adventure"

lift

A: Comrade X X X, I have an idea recently.

How do you think?

A: You said that a crosstalk performer like you would lock you in a big iron cage, put some food and sell tickets, which would surely attract many people?

B: That's right! Don't refuse me. The people you put in will be watched.

So what should we do?

B: What! About people?

A: I was locked up once!

In a cage?

A: It's like a cage!

B: What?

A: The elevator.

B: Elevator?

Old elevator. An iron gate, tightly sealed, can be seen from the outside, and can be seen from the inside. There is a big iron weight beside it. As soon as the weight went up, the elevator came down. As soon as the elevator went up, the iron weight came down, and I was locked here.

What year is this elevator?

I'm not sure. My great-grandmother called him uncle according to his seniority.

B: Where can I find such an elevator?

About the new energy-saving building in our district.

B: efficient building ... what did you do there?

A: To reflect the problem!

Is there a problem?

A: Our residential building is always without water in summer. We should wash the children dry and rub the mud, making the children in our building look like carrots!

B: Then report it quickly!

A: did you reflect it? From summer to winter, water comes!

B: Not bad!

A: The heating is gone again!

B: Worse!

A: The neighborhood committee quickly organized a disco class for the elderly, saying it was to solve the heating problem.

B: can it be solved?

A: No, my aunt from the neighborhood committee came to me and said that the eloquence of our cross talk could easily attract the attention of the leaders. Let me reflect again that I will come to this efficiency building!

B: Don't ask, it must be inefficient.

A: As soon as I entered the door, I saw the elevator like an iron cage, one here and one there. Which one do you suggest I take?

Well, help yourself!

A: Bad luck here means bad luck! As the saying goes, it's not easy to get down. I haven't come down since I called!

B: the elevator won't leave?

A: No? Come on! Just listen to "bang-bang!"

B: What's the matter?

This iron gate is locked! Just listen to "whoosh: it's the fifth floor!

So soon?

A: I can't help being unhappy! You think, the weight of iron, what weight do I have, it drags me away from playing!

Why do I sound so mysterious?

The mystery is yet to come! On the fifth floor, I was just about to open the door when I heard "whoosh-"

B: How about that?

A: I came down again.

Nothing?

A: It didn't come for nothing. I heard "whoosh" it came up again, "whoosh" it came down again, "whoosh" and "whoosh"-boy, it whooshed me more than 60 times in less than 20 minutes!

There is something wrong with the elevator. Do something quickly!

A: I have tried everything! I jumped and jumped, smashed and knocked, kicked and scratched in it. ...

B: Be careful, if you try to knock that big iron off, you will slide to the end!

Don't tell me, after all this trouble, the elevator really stopped! If you don't want to panic about anything, then you are just like me. If you shave twice ... (look up and down), will you scratch?

B: Didn't it stop?

Yes, there is. It's not in the right place!

B: Where?

A: On the third floor, you can see my feet through the iron fence, and on the fourth floor, you can see me pulling half my head!

B: It's a break!

It's your fault. You gave me an idea that I could do whatever I wanted. At first, I wanted to get on the elevator over there. I ... I looked through the bars. Well, the elevator over there is also stuck there!

Everything is out of order. Please call someone!

Answer: If you shout, I will shout "Ouch-"

What's that noise?

A: That's it. It really worked. Everyone on the first floor confessed!

B: Yes, I don't know what's going on!

Guys, look at this. On the fourth floor, an eagle-eyed man said, "Don't look! In the elevator here! Hey, I got it! Well, it's quite big and alive! " (startled) "Oh, you are still blinking!"

Yes, I'm still breathing!

A: At this time, the leader also came: "Grab things from the beginning! Let me see, let me see what I caught ... Hey, hey, isn't this cross talk? "

I know you!

A: "What are you doing here?"

Is this a game?

A: "oh, go deep into life ... he is too deep, just showing his head!" Crosstalk actor, really funny, taking the elevator is different from others. He is holding it alone on the second floor, which is really an artist's demeanor! "

People are reflecting this problem. ...

A: "Forget it! Give us some time while you're in there! Come on, everyone clap! "

B: Cough! Open the door first and let people out!

A: "Don't give it away! Open it! He's gone! This thing is really fast! Who is responsible for driving! "

B: What kind of leader is this?

A: You can't blame others for thinking too much. They don't understand what is going on!

B: Yes, you should make things clear quickly!

A: As soon as I told this story, the leader became anxious. One of them stood up and said, "Look, look, what did I say? I knew there was something wrong with this old elevator, but I just didn't say it! "

Why didn't you say anything?

A: "I, I'm the head of the catering department ... we also started with this double increase and double festival." Although the elevator is old, it can still move anyway. Pull a goods and a person. If the car doesn't fall, we'll push it. I won't take it anyway! "

What if we lock someone up?

A: "As far as I'm concerned, it's not easy. If the problem has happened, don't hold the responsibility, find a way to solve it! "

B: That's right!

A: "I have two personal views on business, which may be immature. If you have them, you will be encouraged to change them. " I don't think you can get out for three or five days. I think the key to this problem is ... why don't you join us first? "

B: Huh? Do you eat here?

A: "hey, we can eat in the district." Comrade xx, I'll give you a report about our food and beverage department-I have a year-end summary here, and here's a little hat: health and epidemic prevention should be done well ... "

B: All right, all right, people are still locked up here!

A: "Save people first, right? ..... it's none of my business, and I have no experience. Actors like you do propaganda work ... hey, Lao Li, the propaganda section chief, you see that you are here, why don't you talk? Pay attention to a counterpart in everything!

B: Oh, there is also a publicity section chief here.

A: "I'm not saying nothing. I knew this old elevator would go wrong sooner or later, so I didn't say anything! "

Why didn't you say anything?

A: "I want to see who is locked up! It is not surprising that such an old elevator can close people, but it is strange that it can't close people. "

B: What should I do if I shut people down now?

A: "This is a difficult problem! For you personally, locking you in is a bad thing; But for the overall situation, for our entire revolutionary cause ... this is not good, is it? So this is the contradiction between the new building and the old elevator during the exchange of the old and new systems. Are you not used to being locked in at present? "

It's too painful!

A: "What if it takes a long historical period?"

B: That's ... even more unbearable!

Answer: "So, you should strengthen your study, enrich yourself, and often walk among the masses ..."

Can he walk out?

A: "Give me some encouragement! Our slogan is: work hard 100 days, make a good start in the first quarter ... this door doesn't seem to open, does it? Then our slogan is ... "

B: Don't just shout slogans, but do something practical! Now people are locked in!

A: "Oh, is it someone here? People ... people's affairs belong to the personnel section chief. After studying for a long time, the party and government still have to divide! Director of personnel, if you come, if you come, what I just said will attract jade! "

B: It seems that you'd better listen to the personnel section chief first!

A: "Let me say something. You all saw something wrong with this old elevator, didn't you? I, I saw it three years after I started, but I didn't say it! "

B: Have you all discussed it?

A: "You said you were here, and you were locked up for several days. Are you in a hurry? "

B: I'm in a hurry!

A: "Can you solve the problem by worrying alone?"

B: it can't be solved.

A: "This place has been closed. Is that a thing? "

B: it's a big deal!

A: "If you don't go to work, it will take a long time. Can the leader of your unit promise? "

B: No!

A: "If everyone is as closed as you are, can the four modernizations be realized?

B: it can't be realized.

A: "Can the motherland be reunified?"

B: it can't be unified.

A: "The Thirteenth National Congress proposed that such an old combat mission can ..."

B: I said, you can understand that he can't get out unless he wants to be locked up here!

A: "I'll start with this problem and solve it for you within my authority, okay?"

B: Great!

A: "Efficiency means doing what you say! I want to send a business letter to your company to deal with your relationship. Even if you work in the elevator, you are on duty during the day and at night. If you want to sleep, you can take a nap. What do you think of my idea? "

B: thin enough! He's locked in there. Can he catch the bad guys?

Answer: "The enemy of that class ran away, and you didn't even chase it?"

Can I go out?

A: "You're not going to sweep his legs in there, are you?"

Can I stretch my legs?

A: "It's up to you to decide whether to catch it or not. Anyway, the leader has arranged it! I am here to solve this problem for you. If you want to solve it further ... hey, director Wang of the office, you're here. Make up your mind. We can't hang ourselves from a tree. You come and you come! "

B: Director Wang, make up your mind quickly!

Answer: "Let me talk about this elevator accident ..."

I've seen it! I just won't say it!

A: "How do you know?"

B: You all have this problem!

A: I am in a hurry, too. I said, "What are you talking about? Do you still solve the problem? You always lock me up if you dare! Don't let me out! I'll make up a cross talk for you when you come out! I will learn from you one by one! I tell you all over the country! I ... "

B: What did Director Wang say?

A: Director Wang is also anxious: "No, no, Comrade X X, don't do this. We are still contradictions among the people. Why do we make the whole country know? " What a bad influence! Who said not to solve it for you? In my opinion, there are two ways to solve the problem, one is to rely on the leadership from above, and the other is to rely on the masses below-comrades like you, who are locked in the middle, unable to get up below or around. In short, you can't rely on thirteen! "

B: Play mahjong!

A: "Who plays mahjong? I want to deduct his bonus for playing mahjong at work! Isn't it a bit humane to play mahjong when the work of saving people is so tense? Let's go Cadres at or above the department level followed me to the conference room on the sixth floor to have a meeting to study rescue measures. They all left-Comrade ——XX, in my personal opinion, why don't you attend first? "

Can he go? -I said, when will they study this meeting?

A: Don't tell me, the efficiency building is really high. Soon, the food section chief came back and said, "Comrade XX, I have good news for you. We have solved it! "

B: That was quick!

A: "Your food standard is $2.60, four happy Meetballs egg soups at noon and six steamed buns for a meal. Is this enough? "

B: Let's study this!

A: "What do you think of the efficiency of our catering department? Here we go! " I saw, hey, steaming steamed bread, such a big ball, I am greedy!

B: You eat!

I can't get in because the iron gate is blocked!

Not yet!

A: Onlookers had an idea: "Uncle, let's break the meatballs and steamed bread and put them back inside. Open your mouth and go on! " !

Hey, kids have quick brains!

Come on, the children in the zoo are teasing the bear. Come back to this hand!

Well, I've seen it before.

A: I eat in the east and in the west. I'm half full, so drinking soup is a problem.

B: It's irreversible.

A: Children have ideas. He took out the water gun and filled it with soup.

B: Of course!

A: Stop bragging! If you have no hair on your mouth, you can't handle things firmly. You have a good eye, and I am full of egg soup!

What does it look like?

A: At this moment, the propaganda section chief came running again: "Comrade XX, I have a good news for you. We have solved it! "

Have you worked it out again?

A: "We think it is very rare to leave a crosstalk performer like you here. In order to commemorate you, we decided to give you a glorious title, such as planting trees and killing rats as a model, without accidents for 100 kilometers ... "

B: What?

A: "These places are full, so we will not consider them. According to your performance, we decided to hang a plaque for you here in the elevator, with four big words written on it:' Lonely Hero'. What do you think? "

B: even unbearable!

A: At this time, the personnel chief also came.

What has he worked out?

A: "Xiao X, you passed the exam this time, and you will be the section chief in such a short time!" " "

B: section chief?

A: "We just studied it and decided to let you enjoy the treatment of section chief here from the perspective of taking care of the influence of our unit. Your qualifications are a bit unusual! There are insects in melon seeds and all kinds of kernels. As soon as he closed the door, a section chief was released. This man will be very lucky. You don't know which cloud is raining! "

B: Is this luck?

Now the director of the office is here.

B: Don't ask, he worked it out, too!

A: No, he discussed with me: "I heard that there is a crosstalk performer here, and there are more and more people around the gate, and the masses are also very enthusiastic. In order to limit the number of people, we decided to sell tickets for the visit. The fare is 30 cents. Do you think it's appropriate? "

B: Selling tickets with you?

A: "Go and wash his face with a basin of hot water. Look at this egg soup face, bury more! Spend 30 cents to make people look clean, and you can't fool the masses! "

I think you're joking!

A: While speaking, the crowd lined up and passed me with their heads down, as if to pay tribute to the body.

Why do you keep your head down?

A: I am at the bottom!

B: that's right, otherwise you won't see it.

A: At this time, it was getting dark, and I heard a female comrade shouting outside: "I said I would come out to reflect the problem and never look back. When I ask, I dare to sell tickets and exhibitions here alone! " As for you? Xx, where have you been hiding? Come out! Go home! "

Yo, who's this?

A: Our baby's mother!

B: Watch the fun!

A: As soon as I told you what was going on inside, my wife was so anxious that she was about to cry. I quickly advised, "Mom, don't cry. I'm fine here. I tell you a good news. I became the section chief! The food standard is 2.60 yuan, and lunch is ... egg soup! "

B: Forget it!

A: "You wait at home, wait for the leader to learn, wait for me to go home, don't change your mind, you hold on!" The darkness is about to pass, and the dawn is ahead! "

B: Please, don't take a stand!

A: At this moment, the loudspeaker in the building sounded: "Attention, comrades! Attention, comrades! In order to rescue the people trapped in the elevator, the leaders held a meeting to study and put forward more than 50 schemes. Finally, after drawing lots, they decided to adopt the latest technology imported from abroad-"

What technology?

A: "Directional blasting!"

B: blasting?

Answer: "To ensure safety and prevent accidents, please leave the building 50 meters away quickly!" Hearing this, my wife said, "X X, let's go!" I said, "You leave, I'll cover!"

Can you do it?

A: If not, yes! My wife is anxious to cry. Several leaders came to persuade her: "Cry, cry, no problem. I saw those young people who exploded. They are five big and three thick. They left with such a big explosive bag. It is estimated that six steamed buns are not enough! "

B: I'm the head of the catering department.

A: "Don't worry, Comrade Lover, this directional explosion is very powerful. Such an old elevator exploded, just like powder. Never mind, this one is broken, there is another one over there. "

B: Oh, you don't care about people!

Answer: "People are the responsibility of the personnel section chief!"

What did the personnel director say?

A: "Little X, you copied it again. This imported explosive charge is yours and I'll blow it for you. If someone else changed his level, it would not be enough. Do you think this explosive will explode ... well, you stare, I'll go first! "

B: Let's go!

That is to say, director Wang of somebody else's office should do something serious!

What did he say?

A: "Cut the crap, do practical things, and light the fire quickly! Let's go, Comrade X, don't be afraid, this thing may or may not ring! "

B: Huh? I'm scared to hear that!

A: I have to have an attitude after the leader has finished speaking. I said, "Comrades, leave me alone! Danger, I'll go! If you want to win, shoot me! What's that, lnterna sonnel? Must be realized! " 198765 ...

B: Light the fire!

A: As soon as I saw everyone leaving, I didn't want to insist any more. I'll lie down with my hands on my head and listen to a bang!

B: How about that?

This really surprised me!

B: OK!

A: Good! It knocked me out of the elevator here and into the elevator there!

B: Cough!