Which cute person has a joke?

1.a and C went to fly. A vomited a big bag because of "airsickness", and the bag was not enough. Let C get the bag. However, when C came back with the bag, he found that everyone present vomited. Guess why.

Answer: Because A couldn't help it, she drank all the vomit in the bag and spit it out again.

A 2.5-year-old boy kisses a 4-year-old girl. The girl said solemnly, "You kissed me, but you are responsible for me!" " The boy said maturely, "Of course, we are not children of 2 or 3 years old."

3. An old farmer went into town, walked into a public toilet, chatted with the manager of the public toilet, and asked: How is business? A: Not bad. The old farmer said more realistically: like you, just getting a little is enough to eat.

The administrator didn't understand what it meant, and said angrily, alas, the country people are so bad that they only fart and don't shit.

4. The young man ate the overlord meal in the restaurant, and wanted to leave without paying after eating, and was caught by the waiter.

The waiter threatened, "If you don't pay within five minutes, I'll call the police."

The young man said indifferently, "Do you think the police will compensate me when they come?"

A lawyer won the case. After sentencing, the excited lawyer sent a telegram to the boss: "Justice has won!" " A few minutes later, his boss sent back instructions: "Appeal immediately!"

The wife has a problem with her alcoholic husband. One day, she saw a news in the newspaper and said to her husband with the newspaper: "Look, how dangerous it is to drink! The newspaper said that a young man was drunk, took a boat, fell off the side of the boat and drowned. "

The husband quickly said, "Let me see-it was drowned by water. How can you blame the wine! " "

7. A woman who had just bought a mosquito net was very depressed and asked the fortune teller on the street who stole it.

When she got there, she said, "Sir, I want to measure words."

Fortune teller: "What are you going to test?"

Woman: "Do you know who stole my mosquito net?"

I'm not a policeman either, thought Mr Juzi. Who knows who stole your mosquito net, but you are a fool if you don't make money. "Then write."

This woman can't read But she can play mahjong, so she wrote the word "40 thousand"

Mr. Wang said, "Do you live in a big yard? Is there anyone with an eight in his name in the yard? "

The woman replied, "Yes, yes, yes. Right, right, right. "

It happens that this eight-character man is an idle person who steals chickens and dogs. As soon as he entered the door, the woman shouted, "Give me back the mosquito net."

"Sister-in-law, how did you know that I stole the mosquito net?"

Woman: "I'll let Mr. Wen Zi do the math." Women also said all the measured words.

The thief thought, "I see. I will also test who stole my mosquito net. "

He came to the fortune teller and said fiercely, "Sir, I want to measure words."

Sir, as the saying goes, "What are you going to take?"

"Who do you think stole my mosquito net?"

Hearing this, the fortune teller collapsed. Why do you always ask me about stealing mosquito nets? If you are a bad person, you have to say, "Please write a word."

This man also wrote a four-character, but his four-character writing is sloppy and looks like the e in the letter.

The fortune teller looked at it and said, "You don't have a mosquito net at all. You order mosquito-repellent incense. "

8. It feels good to be out of prison alone. He saw a fortune teller by the roadside and wanted to try his luck in the future.

Man: Hey, fortune teller, it's better to help me see what I should do.

The fortune teller pretends to be profound: well ... you go wherever you come from. ...

Man: Shit, I just got out of prison, and you just let me go back? I'll kill you! …………

The man beat the fortune teller and just wanted to run away. A police car came and took him away.

9. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, please don't tell him …

10. If a relationship lasts for a long time, it should be the time for two people to get married.

1 1. Books are rarely used, and money is not enough by the end of the month …

12. Clear water produces hibiscus, and troubled times produces heroes …

13. How much sadness can there be, just like a pot of Erguotou.

14. Rizhao incense burner produces purple smoke. Li Bai came to the bathroom, Xiao Li flew a knife and Li Bai became a little eunuch.

15. The leaders went to Miluo for investigation, and the local tourism bureau was responsible for reception.

Walking down a mountain, the tour guide said to the tour leader, "There is a scenic spot ahead."

The leader asked, "What places of interest?"

The tour guide said, "It's spring, Quyuan Spring."

The leader asked again, "What spring?"

The tour guide repeated: "Quyuan Spring."

The leader scoffed: "I know pinyin!"

16. A boss drove away for several days. Because of loneliness, he went to a nightclub to find a beautiful little sister and spent 1000 yuan. In order to avoid the investigation of the wife in charge of finance, a receipt for maintenance was issued. Remarks: The weather is very hot and the tire is flat, so we need a new tire.

17. A leader read aloud at the briefing: "Yesterday, I went to your female director's house and I touched her ..." Paused and turned over a page: "The situation." There is an uproar below. . .

18. One person posted: I haven't seen my boyfriend for a long time. I really miss him. I decided to stay with him for seven days. What surprise should I give him?

I saw a reply on the first floor: Give him a cycle. ...

19. I accidentally found that the mobile phone actually has a flight mode. This coke ruined me. I turned on the flight mode, took a deep breath and threw it into the sky. Guess what, he fell and the screen broke! I thought you were cheating! !

20. A MM said: It's too hot. It would be better to take the subway. Crowded. Crowded. You rub me, I rub you, Estee Lauder on my left arm, Mentholatum on my right arm, I rub a big treasure, but I rub Nivea when I go out.

2 1. Liu Bei wants to capture Hanzhong, and even Bian Qiang thinks that he should be the inside man. Cao Cao decided to make peace with him in order to prevent being attacked between Scylla and Charybdis. Unexpectedly, all the people who went to negotiate were driven back, and the report said that the other party only talked with ethnic minorities.

When Cao Cao had no good plan, Sima Yi, the counselor, said, I'll take care of it. A few days later, he really came back and said that the negotiation was successful.

When Cao Cao asked him why, Sima Yi said with a smile, they asked me who I was, and I said my name was Sima Yi Ahmed. ...

22. In order to confront the troops of the West Shu army approaching Chao Ge, Zhou Wang issued a decree to recruit talents, and at this time, the Seven Monsters, known as the Seven Saints of Meishan, came to defect.

Zhou Wang was overjoyed, and named the ape Exquisite Red as the general to protect the country, while the other five were pioneers.

At this time, Long Wu, the seventh centipede, was very angry because he didn't get a reward. The boss comforted him: No way, who let the old saying go well, centipede will not get good results. ...

It is said that centipede essence walks slowly because there is no reward. When I came to the front of the two armies, I found that the eldest brother ape spirit was the only one, so I asked where the others were.

Ape essence, "we chased Yang Jian all the way, only to find that he took us everywhere. As a result, in Lanzhou, your Niu Ge disappeared, in Leifeng Tower, your snake brother disappeared, and in Peixian County, your dog brother disappeared ... "

"What about my brother pig?"

Several colorful birds suddenly rushed out and said, "Alas, your pig brother died miserably ..."

23. The wife said, "I am frugal at home. I couldn't bear to throw away the leftovers at noon, so I had to eat them with chicken, duck and fish at night. "

The husband said, "Then you don't have my savings. I'm afraid I wear shoes and rent a car every day. "

24. The wife is seriously ill and her husband has been waiting for her.

The wife asked her husband, "Tell me honestly, what are you going to do after I die?"

The husband said, "Don't ask me this question, I'm going crazy."

"Will you remarry?"

"If I am crazy, I will remarry."

25. Two married people are chatting in a bar.

A: "Have you been helping your wife with the housework?"

B: "Yes!"

What do you do?

B: "For example, in order to reduce the burden of returning bottles to her, I spent the whole day squatting in the pub with you."

26. Lao Wang said, "Two years ago, a painter drew my wife, but he hasn't finished it yet."

Lao Li said, "That's nothing! Thirty years ago, a painter began to draw my wife. "

Lao Wang asked, "How is it now?"

Lao Li: "Now? I have neither got the portrait nor seen my wife. "