What are the wedding etiquette?

In feudal society, men and women "don't give and receive", emphasizing that "there is no cloud and rain in the sky and no marriage on the ground". Men and women usually have to reconcile with each other in order to "harmonious Qin Jin", "tie the knot" and "live in harmony". This agreement is called "matchmaking". After the founding of New China, "matchmaking" was renamed as "introduction". People who do this kind of matchmaking work are commonly known as "matchmakers" and are nicknamed "Yue Lao", "matchmaker" and "introducer".

Matchmaking is a skill. The matchmaker should not only be familiar with the general situation of men and women and their families, but also try to be suitable for each other. Moreover, he must basically and accurately reflect each other's actual situation to both men and women and their parents, hide evil and promote good as much as possible, so that both sides can fully see each other's strengths and are willing to reach a marriage agreement. That is, if you want to have a matchmaker's mouth. To be a matchmaker, you should be diligent in running errands. From the day you start to match men and women, you should always run between men and women, exchange information, convey each other's wishes and demands, and prevent unexpected changes. Generally speaking, both men and women should entertain the matchmaker. It is no exaggeration for a countryman to say that "the media has a hundred meals", which shows that he is diligent in running.

The matchmaker plays an important role in the old-fashioned marriage. After both men and women reach a basic agreement on marriage, he will also guide the man to blind date, exchange Geng cards on behalf of both parties, guide the man to get engaged, choose an auspicious day for marriage, guide the man to take over the marriage, and help the couple to meet the bride and get married until they enter the house. The media said it well and both sides were satisfied. In the future, we will frequent contacts and become old friends. If the media doesn't speak well and both sides are not satisfied, they will generally blame the matchmaker and be regarded as passers-by from now on.

If you become a matchmaker, the matchmaker can get some money, which is called a "thank you gift". The money is usually paid by the man (or by the woman if the man goes to the woman's house) and sent to the matchmaker's house together with chicken, elbow, shoes and socks and cloth the day before the wedding. The matchmaker must guide the next day and call it "round media" or "initiating media" or "sending media". Thanks to the media, the amount of money depends on the owner's financial situation, but no matter how much, it should be sealed with red paper and called "red envelope" or "envelope". It is customary to write "envelope label" on red envelopes.

Approve the eight characters to push the zodiac

The ancients attached great importance to marriage. If a man wants to marry a daughter-in-law, he first obtains her horoscope from her home, and then gives it to a fortune teller to see if it matches his son, commonly known as "Wu Jia Jia". If a woman's name is Foucault or conflicts with her son's horoscope, two families cannot form an in-laws relationship. You can also put the post with the woman's birthday at the man's house, Buji. Within three days, both men and women can become in-laws if the family is peaceful and peaceful.

There are many folk songs about pushing the zodiac, which are consistent: the green rabbit and yellow dog have existed since ancient times, the red horse and antelope live long, the black mouse and yellow cattle flourish, the green cow and black pig are happy, and the dragon and chicken are longer ... The snake and rabbit must be rich, and so on. Out of step are: white horses are afraid of green cattle, sheep and mice are a burden, snakes and tigers are like knives, dragons and rabbits are afraid of communication, golden roosters are afraid of jade dogs, pigs and monkeys are not at the end, and so on.

Observe and evaluate the suitability of future spouse or son.

After being arranged by the matchmaker, the man often asks to meet. This kind of activity, in which the man meets the woman's house for the first time accompanied by the matchmaker, is called "meeting relatives" or "blind date".

The date of the blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance, and both men and women are informed, so both sides should be prepared. In the past, visiting relatives was the key to a successful marriage. Especially that man, he is very serious. Although the gift is nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, it doesn't care about quantity and value, but it must be what you want to avoid touching the taboos of the other parents; Dress generously and solemnly; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when men met relatives, they could only create opportunities for matchmakers to secretly see girls. It's different now. Both men and women can talk directly. Both sides have the opportunity to have a general understanding of each other.

China is a "state of etiquette", and it pays attention to reserve. The results of visiting relatives are often not directly disclosed, but expressed through various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. The young man liked the girl when he saw her, and then drank the cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl. If they agree to get married, they will leave the man for dinner with the matchmaker. If they don't agree, they will let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man.

In some areas, besides visiting relatives, there is also the custom of "observing others". Actually, "visiting others" is also visiting relatives. After the man was taken to the woman's house by the matchmaker to meet the girl, the woman's parents stayed put for the time being, and then the matchmaker led them to visit the man's house. The area around Qiyang, Hunan Province is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should offer a cup of fragrant tea first, and then find the woman's parents to understand the situation. The woman's parents visit the man's house and talk to the man's parents. If they agree to get married, they will drink all the fragrant tea. At this time, the man's parents immediately regarded themselves as "in-laws" and treated the guests warmly. Otherwise, the woman's parents will leave immediately and the man will not stay.

Present a dowry to the bride's family

After meeting relatives, you have to go through the engagement formalities, commonly known as "gift". The first step of the ceremony is that the matchmaker gives the man's birthday to the woman and the woman's birthday to the man. Some superstitious parents think they are responsible for their children's marriage. Generally, after receiving the red post, ask the fortune teller to calculate whether the "date of birth" of both parties is consistent. If not, marriage will be reconsidered. Most modern people don't believe this, so even exchanging red posts is often just a form, and some even avoid the form of exchanging posts. After the "eight characters", the matchmaker should choose a good day and get engaged with the man. Gift-giving is a big event, and the active party in marriage (both men and women) usually gives each other a heavy gift. Gifts are generally in accordance with local customs, including meat, wine, candy, snacks, clothes, cloth, even jewelry, red envelopes and so on. The exact number varies from place to place. Usually, everything is negotiated by the matchmaker and both parties separately, and it cannot be decided by the man (or woman). Of course, the parents of the man or woman should also try their best to think of each other, strive to be frugal and accept less dowry.

After the ceremony, both men and women can agree to go to the local government for a marriage certificate and formally establish the marriage relationship. Modern laws and regulations stipulate that both men and women should go to the hospital for premarital examination before getting a marriage certificate; There are also some areas (mainly cities) that require premarital classes. These are all effective measures to ensure prenatal and postnatal care and population quality, which should be observed and implemented.

Dingjiri

After the marriage certificate is completed, both men and women have legally established a legal relationship between husband and wife. But in China, it's just a prelude to marriage. According to the traditional practice, the parents of the active party should choose an auspicious day to get married and let the matchmaker inform the other party that they are ready to get married. It's called "choosing good luck" and "sending the day".

When choosing an auspicious day, you will often ask an astrologer or fortune teller to choose it, or you can choose your own date. It is generally believed that as long as the "Liuhe" corresponds, it is a good day. After the date is selected, both parties should send out wedding invitations and invite relatives and friends to attend the wedding.

Invitations are usually given by married people or their parents to relatives and friends in person. After receiving the invitation of the wedding banquet, except for special circumstances, you can only give gifts and can't attend. Generally, friends and relatives come to congratulate you. Before you congratulate, you should prepare gifts. The weight of the gift depends on the intimacy between everyone and the host, the depth of friendship, and my financial conditions. Generally, those who send the man a gift money are "wrapped" in red paper.

Generally, you should write a blessing on the packaging label.

Gifts for women are often given by relatives and friends when they hear about it, and they don't wait for invitations.

Because the parents of the woman should decide the size of the "wedding wine" according to the number of gifts given.

Send a wedding

When a girl gets married, relatives and friends send a batch of clothes or daily necessities to congratulate her, which is commonly known as "sending marriage". After the girl accepts the gift, she should give her "pomegranate" bread, white cake, pork, etc. from her husband's family when she is engaged to show her gratitude.

Present a bride price

Two days before the wedding, the man should send the bride price to the woman's house according to the agreed gifts, articles and quantity. The custom in Guangzhou is to give chickens (meaning alive), coconuts (grandfather and son, happy family) and gift cakes (to relatives of the woman). It is also a gift to show that the man's family is rich, which will make the woman enjoy happiness when she gets married.

return a salute

The woman's family will also return gifts, including betel nuts (meaning the groom).

Eve of wedding banquet

On the eve of the wedding, the man's house should be decorated with lanterns and the bride and groom should bathe and fast. In the past, the bride had to dress up and tie a high bun, but in modern society, she usually put on makeup. The night before the wedding, the man will find a blessed woman (happy family, parents alive, son) to make a new bed and put peanuts, red dates, walnuts and other foods that indicate early birth. The groom should cut his hair, shave, wear a hat, tie a red bun on the hat, insert two red roses, and wear a dress and coat. Later, it was changed into a uniform, and now it is mostly a suit and tie.

Etiquette on wedding day

Pick up the bride (in a sedan chair) for the wedding.

On the morning of the wedding reception, the man brought six or twelve gifts, used a red sedan chair or sedan chair and colorful flags to invite the band to set out for the woman's home, and then fired his gun when he arrived near the woman's home. The woman's family also responded with a shot, indicating that she was ready to stop. The matchmaker gets off first, others follow, and the groom is invited out by the younger generation. The matchmaker formally introduces relatives and friends of both parties, and introduces the man to the woman's home first. The man came into the woman's house with a gift, and the woman accepted it and gave it a red envelope. The gifts are placed in the living room, and the matchmaker gives the jewelry and gift list to the woman's parents. The woman's relatives and friends collected gifts and displayed offerings on God's table.

offer sacrifices to ancestors

The woman's uncle lit candles to burn incense, and the woman's parents worshipped the ancestors of the gods, told them that the marriage was settled and prayed for their ancestors' blessing.

Eat zongzi; eat rice dumplings; eat glutinous rice balls

Before marriage, the bride should eat glutinous rice balls with her parents, brothers and close friends to show her farewell. Mother fed jiaozi to her daughter, and the bride cried.

comfortable

After seeing the bride's family, the groom will send flowers to the bride. At this time, the bride's friends should deliberately block the groom, go through a series of intellectual and physical tests, and sing love songs when necessary, but more importantly, they should be generous in "opening the door to benefit the market". Sisters will not open the door if they are unhappy.

Looking for red shoes

When the bride gets married, the groom will look for the red shoes worn by the bride in the reception room and put them on the bride. Then the bride will be carried into the sedan chair by her brother or uncle. Or sit in a chair and ask someone to get on the sedan chair; In some places, the floor is covered with red carpet or red cloth. The bride took off her old shoes, got into the sedan chair and put on new shoes.

No matter how you go out, you won't touch the ground.

say goodbye to

The bride should knock on her parents while the groom just bows. In some places, brides cry before they get married.

extinguish

The bride must be escorted on the limousine by a female elder with a bamboo plaque or a black umbrella, because the bride has the highest status and is not allowed to see the sun overhead; On the other hand, I hope to live a happy life like this female elder.

Worship model

Before the bride gets on the limousine, a little boy holds a fan for the bride, and the bride must return a red envelope to express her gratitude.

Don't say goodbye.

When you leave the woman's house, never say goodbye to her family.

splash water

When the bride gets on the bus, her parents will splash a bowl of water (or rice and Redmi) on her daughter, indicating that her daughter has spilled water. I wish her food and clothing, and all her wishes come true.

Throw a fan

After the limousine starts, the bride should throw the fan out of the window, which means not to bring bad temper to her husband's house.

The little boy picked up the fan and returned it to the woman's house. The woman's house returned a red envelope to express her gratitude.

Burning gun

When the limousine leaves the woman's house, you must set off firecrackers all the way to the man's house.

Raojixiang road

The wedding route generally pays attention to taking a big circle and will not leave when you come back. According to the location of Qixian village in Jinzhong, there are "Xuanwu (north) enters and Suzaku (south) exits; Or the white tiger (west) enters and the green dragon (east) exits. The wedding team should wear a red carpet or red cloth, not only for the bride to step on the sedan chair, but also to cover the sedan chair window and the bride when passing through the temple, well platform or stone mill to prevent the sneaking monsters such as White Tiger Star from interfering. When other people's wedding procession in Lu Yu, the two sides should exchange "needle and thread", that is, use the bride's needle and thread to eliminate disasters. Now, when the wedding teams meet, they will give each other handkerchiefs, which is the tradition.

Pass by someone's house

Passing the door means that the bride officially enters the man's house after going out from the woman's house to meet Weng Gu and the elders of the man's house.

Touch an orange

When the limousine arrived at the man's house, a child with two oranges greeted the couple. The bride should gently touch the orange and then thank the red envelope.

Lead the bride

When the bride gets off the bus, a lucky elder of the man will hold a bamboo plaque on her head and help her into the hall.

Avoid stepping on the threshold

Cross the threshold.

On the brazier, step on the tiles.

When the bride enters the hall, she must step over the brazier and crush the tiles.

Fine tea

The elders of the man's family introduced the bride to the family and the bride changed her mind.

(of the bride and groom) salute to heaven and earth.

The couple saluted the bride and groom and sprinkled them with grain. They will worship heaven and earth, worship the high hall, worship the husband and wife, and then enter the bridal chamber. Anything forbidden by newcomers should be avoided. Put a brazier, a pile of firewood and a bowl of water at the door of the new house to show that fire and water are in harmony. The bride should come in with the lock on the door open.

After the bride was seated, the groom quickly lit the "longevity lamp". The so-called "longevity lamp" is to add clear oil to the lamp and put it at the height of the bridal chamber. It won't go out all night, but it can only go out by itself, and it can't be blown out, symbolizing "long life, wealth and glory".

Drinking the wine in the wedding cup

In the new house, the bride and groom will have a toast. The ears of the teacup are connected with red lines. The bride and groom only drink one or two glasses, and the rest is shared by young women and dolls. Some young people also scrambled for a drink.

Avoid sitting in a new bed.

On the wedding day, no one can sit in the new bed, and the bride can't lie down, so as not to be ill in bed all the year round. In addition, after going to bed, you should find an underage boy to sleep in bed with the groom on the eve of your wedding.

Ceremonies, weddings, etc.

After the memorial service, the bride takes a seat in the new house and never goes out again. The groom will go out of the new house to entertain the guests. If guests are invited in a hotel or winery, both husband and wife should go out to entertain the guests and propose a toast to them.

The wedding banquet should be arranged according to the seniority of the guests, called "treat" or "accompany".

The principle of seating arrangement is to respect the upper and lower, respect the right and respect the left. Guests are sorted from high to low according to age, identity and status.

The chairman should be placed in the center above the hall, inviting "big relatives" to sit at the right head, the groom's father or uncle sitting at the left head, and the rest sitting according to seniority.

In addition to the main seat in the main hall, a second distinguished seat was placed in the new house. The bride's mother was invited to sit first, accompanied by the groom's mother or aunt. Seats in other seats are usually arranged in priority order. After the seats were arranged, the emcee announced the start of the banquet.

Jingke

After the banquet, when the fish is served, the bride puts on the traditional dragon and phoenix robe to toast the guests.

All tables and drinks should be the same except the seats where "male relatives" and "female relatives" are located. Generally speaking, there must be steamed elbows. Moreover, the groom should wait at the table, pour wine and send hot towels to "relatives" to show respect.

The matchmaker has fled before the wedding reception is over. This is called "escape". If he doesn't leave, the "washing media" will wipe his face into the bottom of the pot. After the wedding reception,' Shangqin' will retreat to the main room to have a rest, have a snack, and be accompanied by the man's elders to say some kind words. When the handyman moved the table and swept the floor, it was time for Shang Qin to get up and leave.

see a guest off

"Sending away big relatives" is another lively scene. All decent men in the family should go out and play music as a sign of respect. The groom and his parents should send the guests to the village entrance.

(of relatives and friends) teasing the newlyweds on their wedding night.

China has the custom of getting married. In the past, because many new people were strangers or even strangers before marriage, it might be uncomfortable to live together on their wedding night. Making trouble in the bridal chamber can undoubtedly help newcomers to bridge the gap and pierce the shy "enough" through public games. But the main purpose of today's bridal chamber is to express my blessing to the couple. The programs of the bridal chamber are:

Take chopsticks: put a pair of chopsticks in a wine bottle, showing only a short section, so that the bride and groom can take them out with their lips together. In fact, they were asked to perform a kiss.

Eat bananas: tie bananas with elastic ropes and hang them high enough for the groom to reach. The groom took them off with his mouth. The bride and groom peel off the skin with their mouths and eat together. In order to prevent the rope from rebounding, one must make movements and the other must bite the banana tightly, which depends on the tacit cooperation between the two.

Light a match: insert a match on a red jujube and let it float in a basin filled with water. A lit cigarette was tied in the middle of a red line, and both ends were bitten by the couple. When you enter and I return, you can use cigarettes to light the matches in the basin together. Hold your breath, with solid "dental skills" and vision, you will succeed.

Pinball clip: prepare a plate of glass marbles, let the bride and groom each fight for a chopstick, and both of them will clip out the marbles together. Couples and newcomers present can be invited to compete, and the laggards can perform programs.

Poetry Competition: If the bride and groom are literary lovers, please invite them to a poetry competition. First, the groom recites a poem, and then the bride accepts it. At least one word in the sentence is the same as the previous word. In this way, the loser will be judged as negative, and the loser will perform the procedure.

Saxophone bed

Saxi Bed is a kind of song and dance game performed by the groom and sister-in-law when the bridal chamber is in trouble. Sister-in-law holds a plate with red paper on it, and chestnuts, dates, peanuts and longan are placed on the red paper. The bride sat on the bed, and her sister-in-law grabbed the dried fruit and sprinkled it on the bed, singing as she sprinkled it. Everyone in the bridal chamber listened to the song of the eldest sister-in-law, echoing her voice. Laughter and laughter continued in the bridal chamber, and the sound of laughter and slapstick echoed for a long time.

"Shaxi Bed" game is a folk group game. All the actors have sex, the sister-in-law is the protagonist, and the others are supporting roles. Because the protagonist has a great responsibility to undertake the task of invigorating the atmosphere of the bridal chamber. Therefore, the protagonist has to be carefully selected by the married family. It's as important as choosing a wedding emcee. Before marriage, the groom's whole family chooses one by one from the sisters-in-law of the same clan and neighbors. Some places choose one, while others choose two.

The protagonist of this Sassi bed is first of all a "lucky man" with two children; You must also be able to sing and make up words; Furthermore, you should be articulate, flexible, good at reading words and observing emotions, and improvise. In addition, because it takes a long time to make the bed and the lyrics are long, it is sometimes necessary to improvise according to the specific situation, so the person who makes the bed has a strong memory and can correctly describe what he has seen, heard and seen with lyrics. Restricted by these conditions, the selected sister-in-law is naturally better.

As a sister-in-law, I feel proud to be valued by my married family. They will try their best to help the groom's family adjust the atmosphere of the new house.

(of a newlywed wife) going to her parents' home with her newlywed husband.

According to the custom of marriage in China, after three days of marriage, the bride and groom should go back to their parents' home together, which is also called "going back to their parents' home". On the third day, the woman's family sent chariots and horses to greet the newlyweds, which is an essential etiquette.

When returning to the door, the bride and groom must go the same way as when welcoming the bride. The groom should not be empty-handed, but bring gifts to his parents-in-law. The types of gifts can be chosen by the newlyweds themselves, but you must make up four kinds, and for good luck, you must take an even number.

At noon on the day of returning home, my parents-in-law will hold a banquet in honor of her newly married husband. On this day, the new husband is a distinguished guest, sitting at the dinner table. A woman's close relatives are guests. Before the banquet, the wife's sister-in-law will pack jiaozi for the groom. Sister-in-law often jokes and often packs peppers and straws in jiaozi, embarrassing the groom and making a fool of himself. Some clever grooms open one with chopsticks before eating jiaozi. If there is no pepper, he will eat it in no hurry. Some bridegrooms are honest and eat Chili jiaozi by mistake. At that time, they were bitter and tearful, while their sisters-in-law laughed heartily and the atmosphere was warm.

After dinner, I will chat with my parents for a while, listen to their teachings, and then leave for home. And should take the initiative to invite two old people and brothers and sisters to their homes, or invite relatives, friends and neighbors.

From the son-in-law's point of view, this custom means thanking the parents-in-law and meeting the woman's relatives and friends. ; From the daughter's point of view, it is not forgetting the kindness of parents after getting married and getting married.