Nine items from lover to friend (summary of nine experiences from lover to friend)

1 I grew up in a doting and controlling family education. My parents only want me to study hard and do everythi

Nine items from lover to friend (summary of nine experiences from lover to friend)

1 I grew up in a doting and controlling family education. My parents only want me to study hard and do everything else, so I get high marks and low abilities. Although I was admitted to the 985 University in the city and got a master's degree, I feel inferior and afraid of authority.

After graduation, I worked in the financial department of a big city, but I was far from my parents. I am an only child, so that my parents can take better care of them when they are old. So I worked for two or three years, moved to my parents' city, and was admitted to the civil service.

I gave up my great career at work, and my marriage betrayed my parents' wishes and married a boy with only a college degree.

Psychologically speaking, I subconsciously confronted my parents and wanted to regain control of my parents by living a bad life. It's possible. Anyway, I have been unhappy for more than 30 years. For a while, I didn't want to have children because I didn't know how to raise them. I'm afraid she will be as unhappy as I am.

When I first arrived in town, my husband still couldn't accompany me, and I could only see him for a few days a month. My parents help us with the children. With the passage of time, the contradiction between my parents and me gradually emerged. I couldn't help crying to my husband, but he got bored and hid from going home.

After college training and hospital work, I am very independent in life, but I always hope to have some spiritual support, so my husband's attitude makes me desperate. I think, forget it.

Ten years later, I still want to care that my parents have lived apart. There is no future in my job, so I began to explore many hobbies. My husband also changed jobs and lived together so that he could be reunited as a family. The gap between husband and wife seems to have eased, and everything seems to be developing in a good direction.

However, at this time, I met him.

He was transferred from the provincial authorities and served as the director of a department in our unit. He contacted me as soon as he came to this unit. We used to have some overlap in our work, so when we came to the same unit, we had a natural sense of closeness.

In the working group of the unit, he is a gag, funny in private, and sometimes with some color, which may be the so-called "coquettish" of middle-aged men. I don't know why, I've always looked old-fashioned, and I'm not disgusted this time. On the contrary, I understand that their original working environment is like this.

Seeing him for the first time was also a turning point. In the photo, he is very fat. He thinks he's the kind of brain-dead leader. As a result, when I met him, he was not that fat. The key eyes are clear and the gas field is fresh. Suddenly, he had a strange feeling, but he was at a loss.

He said it was special to meet me for the first time, because as soon as I called, I stood up and asked me why. I said it as a sign of respect.

Due to the limited position, I have been working as a clerk in the company. However, due to practical work, honesty and fairness, it has changed from a small transparency to a business backbone, especially the annual assessment has ranked first for many years.

He often contacted me at first. I understand that when he first entered the company, he needed to ask someone familiar with the company something, so I will try my best to introduce him without violating the principle. I was surprised to find that he can see through everything quickly, and even though it took me years to find out the truth, he can come to a conclusion quickly.

To tell you the truth, I've been depressed because the little demon in the temple is windy at work. Even if I can talk to the other person, I always feel that the other person doesn't understand. As soon as he appeared, he felt that he had a confidant, and sometimes he could point out key information that I didn't notice.

Driven by him, I suddenly became humorous, and sometimes I became a strange elf. I like myself in that state very much.

Unconsciously, one day I suddenly felt that I liked him. I don't know what I want, but I want to confess to him inexplicably. His initial answer was: enough. He posted a link article about enough is enough.

I replied: I know the truth, but is it interesting for you to send this? He resigned immediately.

Yes, in his words, I am a bit like a queen. It is also the first time to discover this side of myself.

He said that the relationship between two people is not about two people, but about six people (two families), and advised me to calm down. But later, some people said that it is better to have more confidants and more concerns. Later he said, I really want to be an underground party. Finally one day, he said, let's be an underground party.

Although they are colleagues, they basically chatted online at first. Because of training, vacation, business trip and other reasons, it is not uncommon not to see it for a month or two. We acquiesced in our relationship. After chatting for a long time, the relationship naturally came. At noon on the first day, after a long time no see, we went to work at the same time. He took me to get a room.

There's nothing to say about the bed. I clearly remember my own psychology: I did it to repair my relationship with him. I used to be cold and had no desire for it. However, after having sex with him, I became not cold at all. Cold or warm, perhaps because of love.

After going to bed, he told me that his wife had been reluctant to have sex with him since she gave birth. In fact, psychologically, my mother-in-law is a widowed mother. As a daughter, she subconsciously agrees with her mother, so she won't have the heart to be happier than her mother, and she will be loyal to her mother sexually.

He said that he solved the pain by drinking and staying up late.

I believe this in every way, even if there are exceptions, so what? I'm not in a position to ask, let alone manage.

After the second sex, he told me that he was old now. If he had divorced a few years earlier, he would not consider divorce for his daughter now.

In fact, from the beginning, he said that the relationship between two people is a matter of six people, and I knew he would not divorce.

Marriage is secondary, what matters is kinship. Whether a woman feels worthwhile about extramarital affairs lies in her judgment of men's feelings.

Speaking of feelings, I was a poor middle-aged girl at first, with a romantic heart, blx. Unfortunately, he is completely the other side. In order to avoid being discovered, we didn't even dare to talk too much, and we rarely met in private.

Now that I think about it, my need to enter this relationship is to hope that someone will love me, accompany me and tolerate me. When I meet someone who can talk, I will do everything I can to get him into this role. Really greedy. This made me stay in The Loved for a long time. I waited for his message, trying to figure out his thoughts. I suddenly lost the queen fan when I first met, and turned back into a dissatisfied housewife who was waiting hard.

Fortunately, there are also several positive factors that support me to continue.

First, when we chat online, both sides have a little sexual stimulation, but this is not the only one. Once he asked me if I was sad, and I said it was no problem to have him to chat with. He said, oh, I see, your desire is spiritual, and your body is incidental; Some people say that the environment is too bad (hiding), let's live together spiritually. I was particularly moved because he hit the nail on the head.

Secondly, he said that his life has many shortcomings. I am a gift from God to make up for his shortcomings, and he will cherish it.

Third, I doubt his feelings for me, because I can't wait for his information. I couldn't control my emotions and went to talk to a psychological counselor. After listening to some details I said, the counselor said with great certainty that he loves you, this man, and he has done his best. But you don't love him, you only see yourself, you don't know him as well as you did at the beginning, and you see the real him.

Having said that, I want to add his character. At work, his emotional intelligence is very high and he is very skilled in how to treat people and things. But in intimate relationships and even personal relationships, emotional intelligence is really not so good, a bit straight. For example, if someone cries, he will say that there is nothing to cry about. If a child cries when he is wronged, he will feel too fragile.

There are many brothers and sisters in his family. As the most promising one, he took the initiative to bear the burden of too many relatives and paid a lot for his family. He also realized that it didn't bring gratitude. On the contrary, some brothers and sisters depend on him for almost everything. This kind of thing without a sense of boundary is of course a problem in his understanding, but I also feel that it can't be changed for a while. Sometimes I will accompany him to analyze and listen to him.

In this case, I also know that he is afraid of creating a relationship out of thin air and needs to spend energy to maintain it. When I look forward to his concern like a young woman in love, I also feel sorry for him. To be honest, I still have some regrets.

He looks funny on the outside, but at heart he thinks life is suffering. As the fortune teller said, he doesn't worry about eating or drinking, but he has been working hard all his life and worrying about his family and friends.

three

There is sweetness in being loved. For example, he is never used to birthdays. At 0: 00 on my birthday, he gave me a 999 red envelope and cosmetics, and my colleagues in Luo Zhang accompanied me on my birthday.

If I say I am unhappy, he will talk to me. Even if I can't get to the point because of my lack of emotional intelligence, at least I have abandoned the principle of "don't talk too much to avoid being discovered". He will also take the initiative to help me analyze and guide me when I encounter any difficulties in my work.

He said not to give him a gift to avoid being found out, but I bought a watch on impulse and felt it was really inappropriate. Besides, he doesn't like wearing these, so he's not going to give them to him. Later, I wanted to give gifts to my relatives and friends when I had the chance. I told him about the watch and said I would give it to him. He agreed, but unexpectedly, he has been wearing it in public.

On Valentine's Day, he sent me a red envelope of 1999.99. My parents came to accompany me, and he also gave his medical card to buy health care products for the elderly.

In a word, he certainly doesn't have the sweet words that men treat women in love, but I can really feel from various specific things that he wants to be good to me, and I am satisfied.

But once a person falls into the whirlpool of emotions, he can't control himself. When he lost his mind, I wondered if he was love rat. He lied to me about his feelings and didn't give the future. He said that feelings are rarely together, and the few opportunities to meet are in bed. Do you take me as a sexual friend? Did you use me as a band-aid when your career was frustrated? Emotional chicken soup says that if you like it, you will reply to the message in seconds, right? There is no distinction between loving you and chatting up to see if he introduced you to friends and family ... these identification methods are not suitable for us.

Secret love is like this, no matter true or false, there is no way to apply any ready-made formula.

But I really hate the self who insists on him. "Why didn't you reply to my message? Why did you take the initiative to chat with me before? Don't want to return my message now? " I feel afraid, afraid to return to myself who can only rely on the love of others to continue my life.

Fortunately, one thing is sober. No matter how I cry and feel sad in the dead of night, no matter how I feel cheated, I always keep calm and rational at work, as if nothing had happened. My idea at that time was that even if I was cheated after breaking up, I would die with dignity and not be laughed at and rejected by others.

My forbearance, pretending to be calm, actually brought what I really wanted. For example, I learned later that he didn't take the initiative because he felt that the relationship was stable and he needed to keep a low profile and didn't need to contact frequently. Once there was any opportunity (such as work or what they needed to talk about, or he sensed my unhappiness), he returned to the way I wanted to care about me.

In addition, I found that my emotional confession or communication embarrassed him, and he was under great pressure. From then on, I adjusted my direction and took the initiative to talk more about what he was interested in or good at, so that he would be more interested, and I would be happy as long as I could talk.

Gradually, he talked more actively, the two became more and more harmonious, and the chat style returned to the original, full of fun. We even started talking about sex and how to make each other happier. ...

However, just when everything seemed to be going well, the breakup suddenly came.

four

First of all, two people want to make an appointment several times in a row (the time is discontinuous), but because he thinks it is unsafe to open a room or is afraid that I am inconvenient, he says there is no way, so he puts up with it. Later, he finally got up the courage to make an appointment and specially opened an all-night room, which means that he can go several times a night for two and a half days if he wants.

I had a pleasant appointment at noon, but he later said that he was very tired. I said it's a good thing I'm not young anymore, just the same. But I suggest chatting and watching TV at night (because he is always worried about meeting acquaintances when he goes out), because I am very happy as long as I can be together.

Straight men felt meaningless at first, but later they agreed. However, I waited in the hotel until after nine o'clock, and he didn't come. I asked him, and he said that he was just about to go out, and his daughter took him and asked me to stay at home with the children. Do not go out.

I'm upset, but I'm not upset. I'm just trying to express my dissatisfaction and feelings calmly. He said he agreed with my criticism (since he didn't intend to make another appointment, he should have refused at that time, not put it off until later).

I also helped him analyze it. I said I knew he didn't mean it. Because of the furtive pressure, he subconsciously resisted going to the hotel again. He admitted that he was indeed guilty.

I said, I'm sorry to embarrass you. You are not good at expressing. I won't tell. It's sad and hurt to bear it in my heart. He said, stop it, everything is fate, but this is doomed love.

I remember that in the psychological counselor, the counselor also analyzed it like this. What a coincidence. Seeing what he said, I said, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this. Can I make it up? Can we still be good friends?

He replied: Of course.

In this way, without premeditation and ceremony, we broke up simply.

five

When we are together, although we also spit on the other half, we never think how bad they are, and even think that they are good people and kind people. However, China's marriage and family are so helpless, and sometimes they make suggestions for each other's family affairs. Of course, I felt uncomfortable at first, but later I calmed down and felt less guilty about my family.

Different from his family, my husband and I used to love each other passionately, but no one can predict what happened later. In fact, with my current theoretical intimacy level (including my understanding of this extramarital relationship), it may be no problem to repair the relationship between husband and wife, but I have no motivation at present, perhaps because my heart is still on him, or I have no hope for the relationship between husband and wife.

My husband and I had a frank exchange about marriage, and our views were totally different. My husband wants to have a beautiful and quiet family, and my wife is virtuous enough, but I am too considerate. He can't give me the spiritual communication I want, of course I can't.

Because I have been completely independent mentally and economically in the past two years, and my children are used to having a father's love but not his company, I once had a very strong idea of divorce, not to find another place, but, since one person can live a better life, why should I wronged two people to spend it in the besieged city?

After this extramarital affair, the idea of divorce has been put down. After all, single women are more likely to be suspected. Even in order to maintain a relationship, I have to ensure that I have a normal family as a cover.

I also thought that in case of divorce, I would take the initiative to break up with him, because I was really worried that I would be vulnerable and would propose to him, and I was also worried that my singleness would make him more stressed and make his feelings impure. Besides, why can't I be reborn after divorce, and I must struggle to be with him who can't accompany me for a lifetime?

Love is eternal, but we can't toss this love with the trivial reality. I would like to bury it deep in my heart and turn it into a driving force for work, life and struggle. Only in this way can love not wither.

In this relationship, I made a metaphor. He is like a dance venue, with mirrors and handrails. I am a dancer. With the help of this venue, I have developed a relatively high dancing skill. He is not a coach himself, nor is he responsible for guiding, but he provides such a stable venue that I can achieve my goal through my own efforts.

Summarizing this emotional experience, I want to share some points with you.

1. Always remember not to forget your innovative spirit.

My initial intention is to like him. I want to be together. I should always remember to watch my words and deeds. Is it harmful or beneficial to each other? Don't say anything inappropriate and don't do anything inappropriate to vent your emotions. Focus on the big goal.

If you want others to be with you, you must make them feel comfortable.

This truth is simple, but many people don't know why they kidnap others with emotion or morality.

3. Learn to be content.

Whether what the other person does meets your needs is one thing, and his motivation is another. If you are satisfied with everything at two points, you should be satisfied. I mean, if he does something for your happiness, even if it's not what you like, you should observe his intentions, not for him, but to make yourself happier.

The most important thing for both sides to be together is honesty.

Honesty in feelings is not equal to "doing". Cry if you want, make trouble if you want, not honesty. This is the most childish performance. There are better ways to make adults honest. The "routine" of goodwill is methodology.

5. Understand and respect each other.

When they met, they lived apart for decades, so it's normal to have different ideas. When they encounter different ideas from each other (for example, it is the only best choice not to divorce for their children), they should understand and respect each other, and have the right opportunity to guide each other to reflect with real cases, and take your time.

6. Don't worry too much about the difference between yourself and the other person. Being yourself is also one of the rules of staying attractive.

For example, he once said that he liked the role of Darling. From the beginning, I was a bit domineering as the so-called "queen". After they got along well, they once became docile and clever to cater to him and gradually became unlike themselves. Later, I took the initiative to find the original me in communication. My slightly domineering innocence and quaint state actually make him feel fresh all year round.

7. Don't treat each other as the only emotional outlet.

No matter how good your relationship is, the other party has no obligation to take care of all your emotions and problems. Your circle of friends should be well maintained. Learn to talk about different things with different friends. Don't pour everything on him, he will be very tired and it is impossible to solve everything for you.

8. Trust each other.

Don't always doubt each other's sincerity and be used? Cheated? Such an idea is actually a manifestation of low self-worth. Even if you are really cheated, think about enjoying the sweetness of love and the release of lust. Why can't you say that you are also a winner? In addition, there should be few cases where others intend to lie to themselves from the beginning.

I believe that many times there is a sincere beginning, but in the interaction, the other party is afraid of being controlled and entangled, slowly retreating, and afraid of breaking up directly and causing tearing events, becoming evasive, and finally making a chicken feather and making a sense of being cheated.

On the contrary, even if the other person has a little insincere motivation at first, the sincerity you show in the interaction and the good impression you bring him (in our communication, I pay attention to respecting his feelings and show my three views of truth, goodness and beauty whenever I have the opportunity) can improve the direction of communication and gain appreciation and respect. Anything that happens to two people is caused by two people, and it is never the responsibility of one person.

9. Continue or end, both from the perspective of beauty.

Collect every bit of beauty, regardless of the outcome, Ceng Mei is better than the eternal moment, let it stay in the bottom of my heart to nourish my soul. Don't deny the beauty of the past just because of some unhappy things. In a sense, each period is independent.

Uncle Mao said:

I don't advocate cheating, cheating and extramarital affairs, even though I know that extramarital sex can bring growth to the parties. However, if the Lord does not advocate it, it will happen. When it happens, you must face it

Originally, the hostess wanted to ask me for advice on how to get through the difficult period of breaking up, but she took Uncle Mao as a tree hole and spoke more than 10,000 words, and found herself naturally calm.

On the contrary, I read her story and felt uneasy. I think her practice and reflection are very good, and I want to express it. So, with her consent, she made some cuts and published them, mainly for the reference of "lost sheep"

-End-

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