Classic humorous jokes

Laughing more is good for your health. For the sake of everyone's health, here are the classic humorous jokes I compiled for you. I hope you like them.

1, the goddess passed by, and I quickly pinched my friend's ass:? Say a few words of hometown dialect quickly. ?

After communicating fluently with bad friends, I proudly showed off the goddess who was surprised to see me. Foreign friends are lost, it is right to help others! ?

The goddess smiled: You are also from Fuyang, Anhui. ?

I cried. . .

2. In the shopping mall, my girlfriend pinched me hard and asked, Idiot, what do you think of this necklace?

I yelled: It hurts!

Xiaoqing asked angrily: Fahai, where is my brother-in-law?

Farhai Road: Amitov committed suicide.

Ah! Xiaoqing looked sad: What about my sister?

Fahai sighed: Your brother-in-law killed him.

Hum, I don't believe it? Xiaoqing drew his sword: You lied to me?

Monks don't talk nonsense Fahai said: Your brother-in-law killed himself by biting a snake!

The little crow keeps putting stones into the bottle.

The elephant passed by and asked, Little crow, what are you doing?

The little crow breathed a sigh of relief and said, this bottle is happy, and I can't reach it halfway.

Poof! The elephant was happy, cocked its nose and said, Shit! Do you think you always bring your own straw like me?

Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang and Zhang Fei are sitting at the table.

At this time, the pawn came to report: Master, something is bad. Master Guan defeated Vegas and was killed by Sun Quan.

Ah! what can I do? Liu Bei said: It is impossible to get together at a table in the future.

Zhang Fei jumped up and said, Brother, let me kill Sun Quan, a black-hearted usurer.

Liu Bei quickly put down his cards and stopped him: Third Brother, no, if anything happens to you, my strategist and I won't even have a chance to fight the landlord.

6. Monkey Sun has repeatedly violated the rules. Master couldn't help reciting the spell.

The monkey flew into a rage with pain. As soon as master stopped,

And shout, good Tang Sanzang!

Lift the stick and hit it.

Who knows, just above my head, my head hurts again.

Okay, you're Po Hou! Tang Priest took a treasure out of his pocket and said, It's a good thing I bought a repeater yesterday, or you attacked me again when I was out of breath!

7. Are all students like this? They just had a holiday and thought it would be fun. Halfway through the holiday, they thought, there is still so much time to have fun anyway. The day before school started, they thought, school will start soon anyway. If you don't play today, you can't play in the future.

8. A brilliant poet

1. In On Ailian, Zhou Dunyi said: I love chrysanthemums alone? The poet thinks there is a flaw behind the word love? Explosion? Words.

2. Twitter, Mulan is knitting at home. The poet thinks this topic belongs to Qu Bi. Twitter is not the sound of weaving, but the bed may be shaking.

3. The poets agree that this is a spring moment, worth 1000 dollars, which makes the poet have this beautiful ancient poem "I woke up easily in this spring morning".

9. My ambition

1. If only I were so sleepy when I got up in the morning.

It would be nice if the boss paid wages as readily as he deducted them.

If money falls from the sky, no one will pick it up, only I will.

If only my girlfriend were as beautiful as Liu Yifei and not as coquettish as Cecilia Cheung.

If only my boyfriend was as handsome as Huang Xiaoming, but not as handsome as Chen Changxi.

10, Beauty: I saved a man yesterday.

Girlfriend: So awesome, who is it?

Beauty: An old man.

Girlfriend: What's wrong with him?

Beauty: His pacemaker suddenly broke down and he almost died before the ambulance arrived.

Girlfriend: You also know about first aid. I haven't heard you say that.

Beauty: I don't know. I just lifted my vest to show him my breasts.

Best friend:?

1 1. It's noon again. After walking all morning, Tang Priest and his disciples found a place to rest in Shan Ye.

Wukong:? Master, I'm going to find something to eat. ?

The Tang Priest who just sat down stood up as soon as he heard this. Come back and let Friar Sand go! ?

Wukong is puzzled:? Master, what's the matter? I am quick. I have been there before! ?

Tang Priest gnashed his teeth and stared at Wukong. I have eaten it for five years. If you dare to pick peaches again, I will compete with you for the teacher! ?

12. the president of the royal academy of sciences of the Tang dynasty reported to emperor Taizong:? Your majesty, no, the satellite to the moon has lost contact! ?

Emperor Taizong thought about it and sent a short message to Tang Priest.

After seeing the message, Tang Priest said to Bajie. Wuneng, you are familiar with the Moon Palace. Find out why the satellite is missing. ?

After a long time, Bajie came back from the Moon Palace with a form in his hand. Master, Sister Chang 'e said that the next time you put a song on this list, whoever dares to repeat the single Dongfanghong again will fight with him! ?

13. Bags and policies stroll in the night.

The bag lamented that although the starlight was dark, it also tried to illuminate the whole starry sky.

Ce Ce: What's the use? There is still a moon on your forehead, and it doesn't illuminate your adult's face.

14, Bao: Gongsun Ce, I'm getting married.

Cece: Really, that's great. Oh, yes.

Why are you so excited about my marriage?

Cece: I can find a daughter-in-law like you when I grow up. Why am I in such a hurry?

Bags:?

15, Bao: strategy, it's no use being single. Don't always complain about my low salary.

Ce Ce: What should I do? You sent less.

Bao: Chasing more girls will always succeed.

Cece: Yes, I have chased many girls. When I heard that I worked for you, I admired it.

Bao: Isn't that a good thing? Then why are you single?

Ce Ce: I ran away when I heard about your salary.

Bao: Strategy. If you don't like money, you can raise some small animals and engage in some sideline business.

Ce Ce: It's hard for me to feed my mother. I still have small animals. My mother does feed many small animals.

Bao: Isn't that good?

Ce Ce: My mother's hands are shaking when she eats bread. The falling crumbs feed many ants.

Bags:?

16, Baby: Cece, let's go to eat mutton skewers.

Cece: OK.

B: You can think about it. I go out without money.

Cece: Nothing. I run faster than you.

17, strategy: Mr. Bao, I want to take a day off.

Bao: What are you going to do during your vacation?

Strategy: Go on a blind date.

Bao: Your mother forced you to have a blind date?

Ce ce: your mother B.

18, Bao: What seats are your girlfriends?

Zhang Long: My girlfriend is Aquarius.

Zhao Hu: My girlfriend is a Capricorn.

Dynasty: My girlfriend is a Pisces.

Mahan: My girlfriend is a Sagittarius.

Bao: How about yours, Gongsun Ce?

Ce Ce: My girlfriend is made of rubber?

19, Bao went to patrol, and the robbers in Lu Yu picked up the policy and ran away.

Strategy: Thank you for your sympathy, but if Gongsun Ce can run by himself, he won't bother adults.

Bao: Be honest and lie down. I didn't see so many archers in the back.

Shenyang: Liu Quan, do you think I am handsome?

Liu Quan: Of course he is handsome. He was born handsome.

Small Shenyang: Just because he is handsome, a man accosted me today, which made me very angry.

Liu Quan: Bad luck, sir.

2 1, Qianlong: Liu, and look, this is the ginseng that Fan Bang paid tribute to.

Liuyong: This is ginseng in the field, which is much worse than that in the water.

Shenyang: Liu's adult, are you kidding? Can ginseng grow in water?

Liu Yong: The ginseng fruit in the water is very powerful. Its land, Fiona Fang, is barren for a thousand miles, and the people live in poverty.

Gan Long: What's the name of this ginseng?

Liu Yong: Little Shenyang.

Small Shenyang:?

22. Little Shenyang: Liu Quan, hurry up and pour me tea. I am so angry. Liu Yong buried me in front of the emperor again.

Liu Quan: Don't be angry, my Lord. In front of the emperor, you are a red man. He is jealous of you.

Shenyang: Allocate a batch of high-quality rice for disaster relief. This time, we should do it beautifully.

Liu Quan: Then we will lose a lot.

Little Shenyang: Idiot, if this thing is done, can the emperor give you less reward? And I personally escorted the past, and the officials on the road didn't have to give me any benefits. The deal made a lot of money.

23. the Monkey King and Zhu Bajie came to a clothing store. Pig put on his clothes and tried it on. The shopkeeper asked the pig to look in the mirror. The Monkey King said, Bajie, don't take pictures, you are not human inside or outside anyway.

Pig Bajie said: Try on a dress and look in the mirror.

The Monkey King said: Stop filming, I know you want to call me the devil.

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