Break the fortune-telling spell

Before Oedipus was born, the fortune teller said that this son would kill his father, marry his mother and have two children with her.

His father was so sca

Before Oedipus was born, the fortune teller said that this son would kill his father, marry his mother and have two children with her.

His father was so scared that he left his newborn Oedipus on the land of a neighboring country. He was picked up and raised by the kings and couples of neighboring countries.

One day, Oedipus was walking with a group of people and met another group of people. There was a conflict between the two sides. He killed the leader of the other side, married the beautiful woman in the carriage, and had two children with that woman.

Later, Oedipus learned that the woman was his mother. He gouged out his own eyes to punish himself.

This myth is a metaphor for the common aspiration of human beings:

I want to beat my father (authority) and replace my father (authority), but I am afraid of being severely punished for it.

Freud said that this story summed up the common destiny of mankind.

You want it, but you know you can't get it;

If you really get it, you will face a terrible fate.

Children who talk nonsense often say: I want to marry my parents when I grow up;

Some parents will let their children look at themselves like this: you are a little man, you have to protect your mother, you are the little lover of your father in his previous life.

However, this is impossible. So the children first experienced the taste of "wanting to win but not daring to win".

However, another psychologist, kohut, doesn't think that everyone will be afraid of success because the desire of "killing his father and marrying his mother" can't be satisfied.

Kohut thinks that "I dare not succeed" is because I have been restricted too much since I was a child, so I feel that my life is only "so little", only so little commitment, success, happiness and possibility.

Only when parents are too harsh, children will always be in a state of "wanting to win but not daring to win, fearing that they will be overly successful". He prefers to hide behind anxiety, procrastination, laziness, etc. Or inexplicably feel "bored" and "scared" when doing it, and can't fully pursue it.

A short story with a special image:

In fact, according to kohut's theory, people's "blessings" are not fixed, but can be unlimited.

But the reason why people feel that they have 300 or 500 places of "good fortune" is not because Yan has rules in the book of life and death, but because it depends on people's own hearts.

Everyone's "blessing quota" does not depend on fate or intelligence level, but comes from the "truth" instilled in his heart when he got along with his parents in his early years. Some of these truths are right and some are wrong.

The "truth" that most people are used to observing is an expedient measure when their parents are angry, not the truth in the world. If parents' tolerance is too small, and there are restrictions everywhere, as long as he does something that makes him comfortable and happy, such as winning a game, or playing dirty by himself, or just because he thinks that his grades are not bad and he is a little "floating", there will be very severe verbal or physical punishment waiting for him immediately, so his attitude towards success in this life will be more easily entangled:

Don't want to "finish" ※

I'm afraid he can't do it, and I'm afraid he will bear unbearable pressure if he does, so I dare not do many things;

Limit "self-breakthrough" ※

He thinks he has only a small chance to do it well, but if he screws up, the sky will fall;

Lack of the ability to "love and be loved". ※

Expressing love makes him feel ashamed, not sure whether he can love such a good person or not, and not believing that he deserves to be loved;

Avoid "pleasure". ※

He is so miserable and happy, how can he be willing to spend his happiness quota on some unimportant things?

Many people have thus turned themselves into an unsuccessful mediocrity.

Not because there are too many rules, but because there are no rules at home. Family members must reach a consensus on what can and cannot be done.

If you think this is the rule, but the child knows, "that's not true, it doesn't matter if I foul when you are in a good mood";

You think the bottom line is here, but your spouse knows, "It's no big deal to step on a line over three or five inches."

Lack of respect for family members, "You are so incompetent, how can you be a mother/father/my child";

In order to win the support of children, give children the right to misjudge right and wrong between adults;

-These are unruly families. The family is also an organization. Like an enterprise, status, responsibilities, rules to be abided by, flexibility of rules, and ways of revision and discussion are not your own "should", but must become a "consensus" among family members.

Although people have common desires, they do not live in the same world.

"I know where the rules are and how can I make myself happy" and "I need to touch the rules constantly to get pleasure and then punish". The children raised by these two families are not exaggerated at all, and the difference is so great that they are not like a race.

In a few words, you will know who lives confidently and stretches, and who is the unlucky child who has to constantly feedback his parents' emotions, present negative projections from his parents and be a parent since childhood.

Love and hate parents, resist and obey parents' rules, and envy and envy parents' strength. This is the true nature of human beings.

However, sex is similar, but learning is far away. Parents who let their children love and hate each other are not good or bad, but allow them to love and hate each other, instead of making love and hate impossible to express;

The rules that children should resist and abide by are not strict or tolerant, but the boundaries and rules that everyone in the family knows and respects, instead of confusing him like a ghost.

The example of children's envy and jealousy is not whether they are worthy of marriage, but whether their partners recognize each other and convince children that you are worthy of envy, jealousy and dependence, rather than the habit of accusing and exposing weaknesses among elders, which makes him lose respect for authority from an early age.

People from families are poor and rich, and their psychological capital is also different. Fortunately, however, "psychology" is still very flexible. Even if you grew up in the ravine of psychology, you have never been out of the mountain or seen the sea, and you have grown so big. When you feel "wrong", just think a few more steps.

After all, we adults talk to adults about being human and meeting each other later. We will encourage him when he is unsuccessful but works hard for success. When he succeeds, everyone will congratulate him and rely on him. As long as his parents don't let him have a "quota" in his heart and get used to careful happiness, he will be very comfortable, as happy as he wants and as successful as he wants. No? That's just the difference between taking the law and getting the law.

After all, in the outside world, no one loves their children like their parents, so no one will be like their parents, no matter how good or bad. As long as parents have it, as long as they can, they want to put everything on their children.

Most importantly, parents should dare to express, be happy and admit their limitations. Only in this way can children have the part that hates their parents, the part that is jealous, and the part that wants to resist and "kill" their parents. Success will not be a very bitter thing.

Parents who may be parents are always worried that the beautiful things in the world are unstable, the colorful clouds are easy to disperse, the glass is fragile, and they may also be afraid of success.

However, if your children can experience the flow of colorful clouds and look forward to a better life, no matter whether the external environment is strong or not; Willing to pursue the Buddha's heart, as clear as glass inside and outside, isn't it a brilliant and beautiful life?

I wish you and your family a bright and beautiful life.