A cold copy that makes people laugh

1. 1 The monthly salary is 2500. Guess how much I will give my girlfriend? I guess you'd think I'd leave a few hundred dollars for dinner. However, our factory has food and clothing. Aha, I gave her 2500. Haha, I didn't expect that.

2. What is heroic restraint? My raven can't beat Ji Jian, but my Ji Jian can't beat ravens. Just like my mother taught me that I can't learn and I will be beaten; My name is my mother, my mother can't learn, and I am beaten.

Someone asked me: Why do men always like to hug their girlfriends' waist? How can I put it? As a senior single dog, I really can't answer such a profound question.

I sent a message: I drank too much yesterday and confessed to three people. They all said they would consider it. As a result, they all agreed today What should I do? In a short time, I received a satisfactory answer: as long as typing is fast, it's not that we can't speak. ...

I asked three boys a question: If you are very rich, which building opposite you will buy? I want those two red ones. B: I want the blue one. Captain: Hum, I won't sell red and blue in any case!

6. A friend said that he was a diaosi, with a monthly salary of 5,000 yuan, a car, a 2W deposit and no foreign debts. Aha, compared with him, then I'm not a diaosi, and then the whole thing is scum. ...

7. Have you ever been bothered by one thing? I often worry about one thing: alas, I am so handsome, but I can't kiss my face. I am always kissed by my girlfriend, and she always shows off to me. It's really sad ...

8. A buddy went to tell a fortune and said, I dreamed last night that all the teeth in my mouth fell out. The master said: Don't worry, dreams are the opposite! The buddy asked: What does this mean? Master faint tunnel: it means that the lower row of teeth will fall out.

9. Every time I see a beautiful woman, I will say in my heart, "Turn on the handsome boy mode." But there is always another voice saying, "Your configuration is too low, and the open mode failed."

10. I went home on holiday and finally found that my position at home had been improved. My mother used to say: dogs don't eat this stuff, you eat it! Today, she even said: If you don't eat this thing, I will give it to the dog! Haha, finally ask me first!

1 1. Last night, I stopped at the roadside and waited for someone. A head leaned to the window and asked, "shall we go?" I thought to myself: I'm not a black car soliciting, so I said without looking up, "No!" " "After a while, he handed in a ticket!

12. I found an ant in the kitchen. I put a piece of candy in front of it. He touched it and ran home to call his companion. I quickly hid this candy, because I wanted all its friends to think it was a liar, hahaha.

13. I chatted with my boyfriend one day and said; "Dear, your brother said you can't read numbers. Is it true? " He was in a hurry and held out three fingers and said, "Five words for you, nonsense."

14. A sister is thirty for various reasons and hasn't got married yet. Her father: "Girls can't marry!" Her mother: "Why don't you become a monk, Emei or Shaolin Temple?" Her father said, "Shaolin Temple, there are many men!" "

15. jiaozi should eat spicy food, and women should choose fat food, so that life will flourish. Whether life is rich or not depends on whether the daughter-in-law is fat or not. This is called having money. Tell me loudly: do you remember? Remember, remember to call me, I can do it completely!

16. A: If one day my life depends on equipment, please help me turn it off. Really? A: Mm-hmm. B: ... Oh, my God, why did you turn off my router? I can't live!

17. Me: "Mom, I have a girlfriend older than me." My mother answered "as long as she is younger than me" without looking up, and I was silent. Then I broke up with my girlfriend for my mother!

18. When I was shopping with my girlfriend, I found that the street was crowded with people, so I kept holding her hand and walked to a place where there were few people. After I squeezed out, I looked back and said, "Aunt, who are you?"

19. In the self-study class, Xueba and Yu Xue are blocking their sleep with books. When the teacher found out, the teacher went to Yu Xue and patted him on the head: go to bed when you get the book. Then he pointed to Xueba and said: You learn from others and take books with you when you sleep.

20. I am a big boy. I think I should learn to draw a clean eyeliner, trim a pair of clean eyebrows, spray some light and delicious perfume, draw a delicate makeup ... and then compete with girls for men at this age.