Three-person hilarious comedy sketch in 3 minutes.

Funny version of Liang Zhu's sketch script

First act

Location: Zhu Yingtai's home. Three chairs and a table.

Characters: Yingtai mother (hereinafter referred to as Yingtai mother), Yingtai father (hereinafter referred to as Yingtai father), Ma Gongzi, housekeeper and several attendants.

(Yingtai's father is furious, Yingtai's mother catches up)

Mu Ying: Husband, husband ~ (La Fu Ying)

Fu Ying (turning angrily): It's no use saying anything. The marriage between Yingtai and Taiwan must not be so hasty!

Mu Ying: But, honey, Ma Gongzi is serious. Minmei is getting married ... (interrupted by Fu Ying)

British father: how many times have I told you that it is a new era of reform and opening up, and children's marriages can no longer be arranged by their parents ... (interrupted by outside voices)

Off-site voice: the bride price of Ma Gongzi has arrived ~

(A butler-like man rushes in with a gift list in his hand.)

Butler: My son sent a little man to give these gifts to my parents, which is not a tribute. Please accept it. (Opening the ceremony list, the waiter comes on stage with a gift in his hand) A bottle of Maotai ~ a cloud of smoke ~ a set of diamond jewelry ~ a bucket of KFC takeout ~ a home theater ~ a Cadillac on the way ~ a factory maintenance ~ an Eiffel Tower in Paris, France. ...

British parents: hmm?

Butler: Oh, no, it's a package tour of the Eiffel Tower in Paris ~ and West Lake Longjing, Beijing Roast Duck, 18th Street, Twist, Shaanxi Paomo, Northeast cauldron, Wang Zhi and stinky tofu have all been sent to the kitchen ~ ~ ~

(Mother Ying kneels, hands respectfully accept the gift list, and the housekeeper leaves)

Mu Ying: Look, honey. Ma Gongzi sent so many gifts, Yingtai is his. ...

English: What do you know as a woman? Look at Ma Gongzi's virtue, why is it like a toilet ... (Ma Gongzi has appeared, standing behind EF)

Ma Gongzi (pulls out his handkerchief to wipe his sweat): Thank you for not saying that I look like Feng Gong.

Ying-fu (turning around): You ~

Ma Gongzi (suddenly opening the folding fan): Yes, it's a shame to spend the moon in the dark. A talented person looks like a fairy, and the wind is graceful, and a pear blossoms overwhelm Haitang. People have given me the nickname-Ma Decai, the embodiment of beauty and wisdom, hero and chivalry. Take out a handful of one-cent notes and scatter them in the air to make it look like a fairy.

Mu Ying (rushing to meet him): Ouch ~ Ma Gongzi, please sit down quickly ~ (facing the court) Like a flower, go and make tea for Ma Gongzi ~ (bending down to collect money)

(Onlooker: Yes, ma 'am. )

Ma Gongzi (sitting down slowly): Uncle and aunt, I don't know about my marriage with Yingtai. ...

English mother: ouch ~ of course ~ (interrupted by English father)

English father: No way! (stands up angrily and points to Ma Gongzi) Do you know what Marxism-Leninism is?

Ma Gongzi: I don't know. ...

British father: Do you know what reform and opening up is?

Ma Gongzi: I don't know. ...

British father: Do you know what the Nasdaq index is?

Ma Gongzi: I don't know. ...

English father: Do you know what "who are you" is?

Ma Gongzi: ...

English father: Do you know who is Leslie Cheung, who is Maggie Cheung, who is Ronaldo, who is Yao Ming, who is Tom Cruise and who is Britney Branny? (turns to Mu Ying) Look at you. How can I rest assured that such an idiot who knows nothing told me to marry Yingtai?

Ma Gongzi: Uncle, I ...

Fu Ying (turning to Ma Gongzi): What are you? You have nothing but money!

Ma Gongzi: My uncle really knows my little husband like the back of his hand. My little husband just brought a gift of 3 million this time. ...

English father: Bah! Do you think money can buy everything? I tell you, true love is priceless! Do you think 3 million is ok ... (gradually reacts to the taste) 3 million ... (goes over to ask Ma Gongzi in a low voice) Is that 3 million for me alone or for two people? ...

Ma Gongzi: Half uncle and half aunt, of course. ...

Fu Ying: Absolutely not!

Ma Gongzi: Then divide it into four or six parts. ...

Ying-fu: Let's start on March 7th. She's three and I'm seven, otherwise it's over!

Ma Gongzi: Then do as your uncle says! (Take out a contract) Please sign it, even if you agree to my marriage with Yingtai ... (The contract was taken away by the British father)

British dad: Of course, I really agree with 10,000 (taking out a pen to sign). Hey, Mr. Ma, is that 3 million cash or check? ...

Ma Gongzi: 300 yuan doesn't need a check.

Yingfu: Yes, 300 yuan. What kind of check do you need ... (The pen stops and looks at Ma Gongzi in surprise) 300 yuan? Isn't it 3 million?

Ma Gongzi: 3 million is the total cost of this wedding. Today, I will give you a gift from 300 yuan. ...

(British father throws the contract underground)

Ma Gongzi (bending down to pick up the contract): Uncle, if you are too short of money, we can discuss it again. ...

EF: He didn't do it for the money! He can't lose that man. ...

Ma Gongzi: My uncle taught me that such an important issue as marriage should not be measured by money. But my husband heard that my uncle likes traveling, so he bought a holiday villa in Hawaii the other day. ...

English father: Are you serious?

Ma Gongzi (pulls out a bunch of keys): This is the key to the holiday villa, and the plane ticket has been bought, as long as my uncle promises my marriage with Yingtai ... (The contract was robbed by my English father again)

Yingfu: You won't delay my vacation time ... (I just took out my pen to sign it when I was interrupted by an off-site voice)

Off-site voice: the old lady is not good! Miss is missing!

English Dad: Yingtai! I snatched the key from Ma Gongzi when I ran off the stage.

Mu Ying: My Yingtai! (Running off the stage)

Ma Gongzi (paused): My key! (Chasing off the stage)

(The lights are dim and the first act is over)

Act ii

Venue: Liang Shanbo's private school.

Character: Zhu Yingtai, Mr. Liang Shanbo, accompanied by several scholars.

Voice-over: Zhu Yingtai has been wandering around since she fled her marriage. On this day, he came to the private school where Liang Shanbo attended.

Mr. Wang: Pigeons off, on the boat in the river ~ (shaking his head clockwise, narcissistic)

Liang Shanbo (and all extremely bookish): The pigeon in the river is in the boat ~ (shaking his head counterclockwise, intoxicated)

Sir: Uncle Sam, how many times have I told you to shake your head clockwise!

Liang Shanbo: Yes, sir.

Sir: My Fair Lady, My Gentleman ~

Liang Shanbo (and all talented people): My Fair Lady, My Gentleman ~

Sir: Sambo ~ shake your head clockwise!

(Zhu Yingtai came on stage to sing "I am a bird ...")

Sir: Sam, go and see who is making noise.

Liang Shanbo: Yes, sir.

(Zhu Yingtai sang "Superstar" and changed to nursery rhymes after meeting Liang Shanbo. )

Zhu Yingtai (pointing to Liang Shanbo): Toad has a mouth, two eyes and four legs. ...

Liang Shanbo: Ha! How dare you make trouble here!

Zhu Yingtai: Here is my business card. (handing over business cards)

Liang Shanbo (from the business card): Zhu Yingtai, also known as Serena, 18 years old, whose current residence is unknown because she escaped from marriage. Libra, lively, worships Jolin Tsai. ...

Zhu Yingtai: What's your name?

Liang Shanbo: My name is.

Liang Shanbo. Brother Zhu's singing is great, but I don't want to disturb Teacher Zhu's lecture. Please come with me to make amends to Mr. Zhu. (Pulling Zhu Yingtai off the court)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, the direction seems to be wrong. ...

Liang Shanbo: Didn't Brother Zhu hear that the earth is round? This road is just a detour. Please ask Brother Zhu to teach me some knowledge about music theory. (Continue to pull Zhu Yingtai off the stage) I hope my brother doesn't know. I am also a fan of Jolin Tsai. I don't know what new album she released recently ... (end)

(The lights dim and the second act ends)

Act iii

Location: the wild. Characters: Liang Shanbo, Zhu Yingtai.

Voice-over: Zhu Yingtai and Liang Shanbo went to a private school, chatting, drinking and boxing together ... Oh, the narration was wrong, they chatted together and sang loudly. However, the so-called skynet is long and slow, but it does not leak. Zhu Yingtai's parents and Ma Gongzi finally caught Zhu Yingtai through hardships ... On this day, Zhu Yingtai and Liang Shanbo said goodbye in the wild. A quarrel broke out outside the stadium. "How do you pronounce the narrator?" "What are these messy things?" ...)

Liang Shanbo: Brother Zhu, let's call it a day after seeing you off so far ... (Bowing his head)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, don't you have anything to say to me at this moment?

Liang Shanbo: I didn't. ...

Zhu Yingtai (singing sadly): Later, I finally learned how to love, but unfortunately you have already disappeared into the sea of people; Later, I finally understood in tears that some people, once missed, are gone ...

(Liang Shanbo tries to persuade Zhu Yingtai, but Yingtai throws him off. )

Liang Shanbo: Yingtai, don't be sad. Look, there are words written on the wings of this butterfly.

Zhu Yingtai: You lied to me. (Still don't look back)

Liang Shanbo: Let me read it to you: I am a bird. If I love you, I can abandon my life. I'm not afraid of English and Japanese at all. I applaud on stage and off stage.

Zhu Yingtai: I ... love ... English ... Taiwan Province ... (slowly turns to look at Liang Shanbo)

Liang Shanbo: You asked me how much I love you ... The moon represents my heart (the author forgot the middle word * #% ...)

Zhu Yingtai (pleasantly surprised): Brother Liang, are you serious?

Liang Shanbo (kneeling down): There was a sincere love before me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say to you: I love you! If I have to add a time limit to these three words, I hope it is-ten thousand years! (it must be said in dialect here, this line is going to rot. If dialects are not used, the final effect will be ...)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang, stop talking (Jolin Tsai's "Say Love You" begins).

They danced and sang to the music only once. The last sentence "At this moment, I finally bravely said I love you" must have been said by two people to each other.

(Music stops suddenly)

Zhu Yingtai: Goodbye ~

Liang Shanbo: Sayonara ~ (I can't find the Japanese input method, but I only understand the meaning * _ *)

(Two people come down from both sides, the lights are dim, and the third act is over. )

Act IV

Venue: Inside the church. People: Zhu Yingtai, Ma Gongzi, pastor, 4 waiters.

(The wedding March rings, and Zhu Yingtai is dragged into the church reluctantly by Ma Gongzi. Four waiters threw confetti to celebrate. When the two men came to the priest, four waiters turned around at the same time, took out cleaning tools and began to clean up the scraps of paper that had just been scattered, and then lined up to leave. )

Father: Mr. Ma Decai, would you like to marry Miss Zhu Yingtai?

Ma Gongzi: I do! (Holding Yingtai who wants to run)

Father: Miss Zhu Yingtai. ...

Zhu Yingtai: No!

Father (to Ma Gongzi): What language does she speak? (Ma Gongzi shakes his head and the priest turns to Zhu Yingtai) Miss, please answer in Mandarin: Would you like to ... (Interrupted by Yingtai)

Zhu Yingtai: I don't want to! (Struggling to get rid of Ma Gongzi's hand and run away)

Ma Gongzi: Yingtai! Wait! (Chasing down)

Father: I've never seen such a couple. God bless you. Amen ~ (cross)

(The lights dim and the fourth act ends)

Act v

Venue: In front of Liang Shanbo's tomb

Characters: Zhu Yingtai, Liang Shanbo (ghost), English mother, English father, Ma Gongzi, priest and waiter.

Voice-over: Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai have been bedridden since they broke up. Finally, they drove the crane to the west. On this day, Zhu Yingtai came to the grave of Liang Shanbo ...)

Zhu Yingtai: Brother Liang! You died a terrible death ~ (crying at the grave)

The waiter catches up and pulls Yingtai away. )

Attendant: Young lady, this grave belongs to our pastor. He married a few days ago. As a result, he couldn't understand the bird language spoken by the bride. He was ashamed and hanged himself with noodles. Your brother Liang's grave is over there. ...

Zhu Yingtai &; *% # ... (rushing to another grave and crying on it, singing the song "Chinese Cabbage") Life is so bitter, how can you have the heart to leave me ~ Brother Liang ~

Voice-over: At this moment, thunder suddenly sounded in the sky, and a flash of lightning pierced Liang Shanbo's grave.

(Liang Shanbo stands up)

Zhu Yingtai: Ah ~ Brother Liang ~

Liang Shanbo: Yingtai ~ (two people hug each other)

(At this time, the English mother, English father, Ma Gongzi and the waiter came to the stage, and the priest climbed out of the grave, and everyone was blessed. )

Everyone: Congratulations, everything will be fine. All shall be well, jack shall have Jill ~

Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai: Be happy together. Come on, let's eat happy candy. ...

Father: I wonder what your plans are for the future.

Liang Shanbo: Hmm ... (interrupted by Zhu Yingtai)

Zhu Yingtai: We've thought about it!

(Liang Zhu begins to guess the fist-"Two little bees are flying in the flowers, flying" ... When it comes to "flying", they pose as Titanic, and the music of Titanic begins).

Schreiber: At first, Liang Shanbo wanted to be a butterfly, but Zhu Yingtai had to be a bee. Alas, this is all the fault of feminism. ...

(Music, curtain call, drama ending)