Ask for some funny jokes

1, after dinner, I washed the dishes and my wife sat on the sofa giggling; My wife is still sitting watching TV after I clean the floor. I said, can you help me? She said, I don't want to move. I said, why do you always sit on the sofa and watch TV? I have to clean the floor! She said: You can't compete with me. I have a good husband. Do you know that?/You know what?

The political teacher is a weak person. One day, he was giving a lecture and the classroom was in chaos. He suddenly shouted, "Who's talking? Who's the dog!" The classroom suddenly became quiet. Suddenly he said weakly, "Except me ..." A few seconds later, the classroom burst into laughter ...

3. The high school math teacher told us: "When you don't know what to choose in the multiple-choice exam, choose C." The students below are waiting for him to explain it with mathematical theory. As a result, the math teacher said, "Because the letter C ranks third, three times two equals six, and six equals six." Multiplied by three equals nine, always. Here's such a good option. Who don't you choose? "A little market network.

The young couple quarreled over a trifle. After the quarrel, the husband regretted it and let his wife watch two horses pulling a car outside. He said, "Why can't we go forward together like those two horses?" The wife said angrily, "We are not two horses, because one of us is a donkey!" " " .

5. Boyfriend and friend eat in the restaurant. After eating, no one wants to check out, so they have to decide by rolling the dice to guess the singles and doubles. Boyfriend: "Well, the dice are covered on the table. I want to buy a pair. What about you? " Friend: "I'll pay!" " Boyfriend: Go ahead. "

6. Just now, the little girl who just came to the company office ran over and patted me with her mobile phone. I thought, "What, interesting to me?" Before I could ask why, the little girl ran away after filming. I thought, I'm probably shy. After a while, I realized that I didn't wear work clothes at work, so I had to deduct money. ...

7. Xiaoming: Dad, Dad, what is a triad! Dad: Underworld is a person who drives thousands of beautiful cars, wears famous brand suits, holds various positions, embraces dozens of women, is famous, has high academic qualifications and high quality, is often praised by major media, and is always photographed for doing good deeds. Xiao Ming: What about those people who smoked, swore and fought everywhere just now? Dad: That's an idiot.

8. There is a club in the school that is very open and can say anything, so one day I made a speech ... A female classmate proudly said on the podium, "I am flat-chested, I am proud, I am saving the country ..." After that, everyone applauded ... Only one person in the corner replied faintly, "Pit dad? These days, everyone knows that the bigger the chest, the less you wear. " After that, everyone applauded again …

9. The deskmate asked Xiaoming: How did you get hurt? Xiaoming: My dad called. Deskmate: No, you are such an adult. Why did your father still hit you? It's cruel. Disfigured. Xiaoming: It was too late to play games in the Internet cafe yesterday. I sneaked home. My dad thought he was a thief, so he gave me a vase, that's all. ...

10, got a call "Hello? Honey, when will you come back? Your girl wants to talk to you ... "A immature voice came from the phone. "Dad, mom and I are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Come back soon. " I really want to tell me the address. How sweet! ! ! It's a pity that I'm still single … I got a call from this woman a few days later … I wonder if she married the wrong person?

1 1. I went out to play by subway today. There are so many people, I'm so tired! After entering the subway, I aimed at a beautiful woman and slowly leaned over and asked, "Hello, beautiful woman! Do you know Amway? " She looked up and ignored me. I was about to say something when she immediately stood up and left! I sat down on my ass! It is comfortable to have a seat! ! !

12, a buddy in my dormitory likes a girl in our class! I dare not confess! I have to pull me, but I will help him get up the courage, come on! The idiot said excitedly, Juaner, do you know? Every time I see you, I am very excited ... at that time, my lazy eyes instantly enlarged! I feel embarrassed. He just wants to express that he is excited every time he sees that girl ... who knows how embarrassing it is! As a result, the girl agreed ...

13, I just went to dinner and got acquainted with the boss. The boss's son is doing his homework and the boss is supervising. I asked the boss's son to recite a poem, and the unfortunate child read: At noon on the day of weeding, soil was buried in the mine, and my father went over and fried it to 250 ... I sprayed a mouthful of soup, and the boss slapped me. ...

14. A middle-aged man asked the fish seller in the vegetable market, "Is this fish fresh?" The fishmonger said, "Look at this alive and kicking. Do you feel fresh? " The man said, "It's hard to say. My wife is alive and kicking, and I don't think it's new. "

15, an escaped prisoner surrendered to the prison less than a day after his escape. When the reporter asked him why he did this, the jailbreaker said, "I finally got home, and my wife told me," You damn fool! It's been five hours since you got out of prison. Where have you been all this time? "

16. At noon, I bought drinks in the supermarket. The boss said to my five or six-year-old son, Tong Tong, when you grow up, your brother can wear your pants, so you don't have to buy them. Who knows, the little guy jumped out at a glance: I won't give it, I'll keep it for my son, and now everyone is easy to make money. Sister's drink is laughing ... doll, how precocious and realistic you are ...

17, three cowards walk at night. A asked B, "Are you afraid of ghosts?" B said, "I'm afraid." A asked C, "Are you afraid of ghosts?" C also said, "I'm afraid." A said, "It doesn't matter, I'm not afraid. One of you walks in front of me, the other walks behind me, and I will protect you both in the middle! "

One day, three female colleagues were wondering what they had become. One said, "I want to be a mahjong player. People touch me every day." They said, "I want to be a motorcycle. People ride me every day. " The last one said, "I want to be an ambulance. Not only will someone fuck me from behind, I can also make a phone call. "

19, a man asked the fortune teller, "Sir, I heard that my left eye jumped for money and my right eye jumped for disaster, but today my eyes jumped together. What do you mean? " The fortune teller stroked his beard and said, "Well ... your personal accident insurance will come in handy soon."

I bought a skirt a few days ago, and today I put it on for the first time to show off in front of my parents and tell them that I really like the lace on it. At that time, my dad said, "I have used mosquito nets for decades and now they are called lace." Oh, my God. "Mom, have my sneakers been washed?" My mother: "... washed ... part" Me: "Which part?" My mother: "shoelaces …" I: …