Rich woman's fortune teller _ Who is the rich woman's fortune teller?

Fortune teller role: tortoise (fortune teller)

Turtle (Mr. Feng Shui)

Dog egg (disciple of tortoise)

Low-energy (cheated)

Workers (retarded brothers)

There is a table in the center of the stage, and there are two bamboo poles on both sides of the table, on which there is a plaque (big characters) "Counting dead grass" (small characters) "Authentic Maoshan".

The tortoise sleeps on the table and makes a purring sound!

Dog egg is cleaning the table (Song): I'm afraid of you and death, just like mice are afraid of cats. When you die, I won't be able to raise my eyebrows and breathe out. ...

(The tortoise wakes up and stands by)

Dog egg (discovery): I love you, I love you, no matter where I go in the future, as long as I follow you, I won't be hungry. I love you very much. ...

Dog egg: Master! ah ...

Tortoise: Ah. ...

Dog Dan: Hey. ...

Tortoise: Laugh? What are you laughing at? Can't sing like others? Still not working? Dog Dan continued to be busy. Tortoise picked up a newspaper and sat down to read it.

Tortoise: See if there is any news, hey ... huh? What?

Dog egg: Master, what's the matter? Are there any rich women seeking marriage?

Tortoise: There are no rich women, but there are some old men. Do you want it?

Dog egg: well, no ...

Tortoise: Huh? Really?

Dog egg: What's wrong now?

Tortoise: The news headline is "charlatan lying dead on the street" (the dog is unable to kneel on the ground with both feet)

Dog egg: Master, let's close the mountain as soon as possible!

Tortoise: That's a good idea!

Dog egg: Really? Then pack your things quickly!

Tortoise: Bastard! Thanks to your imagination, we are the authentic Maoshan, see? Four words, running script? Have you ever studied calligraphy? Afraid of what? Stand Up!

Dog egg: Master, aren't you afraid?

Tortoise: What are you afraid of? Authentic!

Dog egg: Then why are your feet shaking so much?

Tortoise: Oh, local stroke!

(The tortoise appears)

Here comes the tortoise, rowing with his back hunched, carrying a vertical flat plate with the words "King of Ideas" on it. The tortoise happened to meet the dog Dan and got a fright.

Dog egg: Who are you, this old gentleman?

Tortoise (reaction): Oh, don't be afraid, young man, I'm playing Tai Chi! (Fighting Martial Arts)

Dog Dan: Tai Chi? Master! Master!

Tortoise: What's the matter?

Dog Dan: Tai Chi!

Tortoise: What? Who is sacred? Dare to play broadsword in front of Guan Gong?

Turtle: Brother Dao, please get out of the way. I'm afraid my palm wind will shock you!

Tortoise: Hum! Say something crazy! Facing it, I walked around and suddenly danced the national standard dance. )

Tortoise: My brother's dance steps are really good!

Tortoise: I'm flattered. Yours is good, too!

Wang Ba: That's for sure. Just now, Michael Jackson, the world dance king, called me to ask questions!

Tortoise: Really? I just had a 1 10 hurdle race with Liu Xiang! A little tired, otherwise I can dance with you!

Tortoise: Oh! Look at your sign. Are you the king of ideas that Jianghu people call turning the stone into gold?

Tortoise: It's raining!

Tortoise: You didn't ask?

Turtle: The next turtle, the word Crouching Tiger, No.,Crouching Tiger on Lushan Mountain! I live opposite Lushan Mountain, and I have a house and a field at home. What kind of dead grass is that? Is Brother Tai a master of tricks that shock the Jianghu?

Tortoise: I'm flattered!

Turtle: Teach?

Turtle: So is the next turtle, whose name is Hidden Dragon, and whose home is next to Maoshan, and there are brothers and sisters at home!

Tortoise: Nice to meet you! Nice to meet you! (Two people shake hands and compare)

Tortoise: Look at your pale lips. Why don't you give up?

Tortoise: Look, your brain is sweating. Why don't you give up?

Tortoise: Just kidding! My iron sand palm is by no means a hollow reputation!

Tortoise: Hum! I am the Tathagata in chinese odyssey!

Tortoise: Don't push me?

Tortoise: So what if I force you?

Tortoise: Did I try my best?

Tortoise: Trick? Me too!

Tortoise: Well, I'll show you my unique skill! (Jumping back)

Turtle: Kill skill! (Jump back, too)

(Two people walk around each other)

Tortoise: Dog Dan! You hide quickly, the master is going to perform his magic!

Tortoise: Yes, little brother, I don't want to hurt innocent people either!

Dog egg: Yes! (under the table)

Tortoise: Come on, do something.

Tortoise: Come as soon as you come. Who's afraid of who? Come on!

Tortoise: Are you there?

Tortoise: Come on!

Two people: hello, two brothers, six six six, eight horses ... (guessing boxing)

Tortoise: You lost. Get out of here

Tortoise: I just came here. Why should I go again?

Tortoise: This Taoist is saying that two cats can't fit in one mountain. Do you want to take my job?

Tortoise: Brother, that's a terrible statement. The so-called law of the jungle. If you have power, how can you be afraid of me?

Tortoise: Are you kidding? Wang has walked in the Jianghu for many years and has never seen anything. I'm afraid of hurting your self-esteem!

Tortoise: I tell you, I just want to make a living. Don't be so unique! (fierce) Please give me a chance? (Kneeling and holding the tortoise's leg)

The tortoise got a fright: Go away! (coax him away)

Tortoise: OK! Since you don't give me face, I don't think I should give you this steamed stuffed bun! (Take out a small steamed stuffed bun and eat it in one bite)

Tortoise: Brother Tortoise!

Tortoise: Huh? Brother turtle, brother turtle, you are insincere!

Tortoise: Tortoise!

Tortoise: Ah! How dare you pull strings? (pulls out a big knife)

Tortoise: Let's discuss it. We are all scholars!

Tortoise: In that case, good! Do you have any money?

Tortoise: How much is it?

Tortoise: Twenty cents!

Tortoise: Twenty cents? So much, why don't you grab it?

The tortoise pointed the knife at the tortoise: not bad! Now it's a robbery! Did you bring it?

Tortoise: Hum! Python doesn't show off and thinks I'm an earthworm! Aha! (while sucking up the table, Dan the dog is holding it below)

Turtle (surprised, put down the knife): Master!

Tortoise: This is a fascinating specialty that has long been lost. You don't understand!

Tortoise: Sucking people's magic? Isn't it a table?

Tortoise: Come out! Isn't it amazing? (Dan the dog sits reading the newspaper)

Tortoise: Brother, what do you think? (Golden Rooster Independence)

The tortoise went to drink tea, and the tortoise went: Why didn't you ask me what it was just now?

Tortoise: What was that just now?

Turtle: Superman Altman!

Turtle (spits out tea): It seems that your brother's research on martial arts has reached the point of perfection!

Tortoise: You too! You too!

Tortoise: It's a pity that we are not allies, because we have different ways! (Two people walk side by side to the audience)

Turtle (turning on the small fan): What's the explanation?

Turtle (turning on the big fan): You study astronomy and geography for Feng Shui. I study Maoshan Taoism to exorcise demons and collect ghosts!

Turtle (puts on a pair of sunglasses): Why?

Tortoise: [takes off sunglasses and puts them on, looks at the tortoise's shoulder] Look, your Tang Yin is black …

Tortoise: This is the shoulder! (Take the sunglasses back and put them away)

Tortoise: Oh! Strong enough! But you ... (Look at the tortoise's forehead)

Tortoise: Don't do that. Oh, by the way, what are your toilet skills? ...

Tortoise: Sorry, it's Maoshan! You can insult me, but you must never insult Maoshan!

Tortoise: Alas! Come on! Everyone is for life. Why are you so serious?

Tortoise: My parents really gave birth to me. You know me like a turtle! Dog Dan! Did you peek at my Jin Ping Mei again? Come and meet Uncle Shi!

Dog egg (come here): Uncle Shi!

Tortoise: I'm flattered! Good boy, Uncle Shi will give you a dime to buy candy!

Dog egg: Uncle Shi is better!

Tortoise: Remember to return it?

Tortoise: Alas! We are finally heroes in our twilight years!

Tortoise: I hate meeting late!

Dog egg: Master, uncle, if you two don't cooperate, you will definitely break through some land!

The tortoise took out a "hammer" from behind and knocked on the dog's head: it's heaven and earth! Land, land!

The dog put his head in his hands: I'll block it!

The tortoise took out a toilet from behind and stabbed the dog's egg: Want to hide? (Put it down) Actually, what you said is reasonable, but the society is difficult now!

Dog egg: Add me!

Tortoise: What's your IQ? (The dog walks away bored)

(Low-energy appearance)

Walking listlessly, at the same time, with low energy: Huahua ... (Continue reading)

Dog egg: master, uncle! What happened to him? Always calling Huahua. Is it his girlfriend?

Tortoise: Do your job! Brother, what do you think is going on?

Tortoise: I think it's his bad feng shui. Dick killed his girlfriend! what do you think?

Tortoise: I think some ghost wants to be reborn and take his girlfriend as a scapegoat!

Dog egg: What's going on?

Tortoise, Tortoise: Then we should study! (They solemnly walk back to their own "territory")

Turtle: Fortune-telling ... (Shouting)

Turtle: It depends on fortune telling ... (Shouting)

Tortoise: Hey! Young man! Look at your sad face. Something must have happened, right?

Idiot: Huahua ...

Tortoise: Little brother! Come on, can I read your palm?

Idiot: Hmm! (Holding out his hand)

Tortoise: Ah! Brother, are you in trouble? Did you get a look at him? Duan, middle-aged widowed!

Idiot: Hmm! She is my wife!

Tortoise: I don't think so! Look at the little brother's black Tang Yin. I think there must be something strange at home!

Tortoise: I think it's his bad feng shui!

Tortoise: I feel strange!

Low-energy: Is Feng Shui bad or weird?

The tortoise pulls the tortoise aside: We are disciples now! We should cooperate!

Tortoise: That makes sense! Not only is there something wrong with Feng Shui. ...

Tortoise: And it's strange!

Idiot: Huh? then what

Tortoise: Alas! (The imbecile handed over the money, and the tortoise robbed it) What? Pay me?

Tortoise: It's buying us off! Who do you think we are?

Tortoise: as brave as we are. ...

Tortoise: Be rational!

Tortoise: Excellent academic performance!

Tortoise: Gentle!

Tortoise: Handsome!

Tortoise: Charming!

Two people: unparalleled pillars of the country!

Idiot: What's the matter?

Two people: extinction!

Tortoise: One and a half people! (Divide the money with the tortoise)

Idiot: What now?

Tortoise: Name?

Idiot: Mei Youming!

Tortoise: Gender!

Idiot: Don't know?

Tortoise: I don't know? Is that standing or squatting?

Idiot: I pee in bed when I sleep, but I usually stand!

Tortoise: Where are you from?

Idiot: I can't express it!

Tortoise: Then you can express it how you want!

Idiot: Should I sing? (Song): We all have a home called China!

Tortoise: China people? I thought you were from the Philippines.

Tortoise: Where do you work?

Idiot: A mental hospital?

Tortoise: Or a psychiatrist? What job?

Idiot: People in white often give me clinical experiments!

Tortoise: Do you have schizophrenia?

Tortoise: It seems that Huahua's death is very exciting to you?

Idiot (crying): Huahua ...

Tortoise: You mentioned his sadness again!

Tortoise: Don't be sad, little brother. You tell us how Huahua died, and I'll help you cross over, so you don't have to live in her shadow!

Low-energy: Huahua is a sow I sold at the market for ten yuan the day before yesterday. It froze to death last night! (crying)

The two were surprised: ah! Little sow?

Idiot: I grew up with him, so this is a guess! I can't believe it just left me!

Tortoise: Alas! Who told you not to quilt? Forget it, as the saying goes, pigs can't come back from the dead! Don't be sad, little brother!

Idiot: I thought it would grow up, give birth to dozens of fucking babies and sell them in the market, but ... alas!

Tortoise: There's nothing I can do! Brother, why don't you pay and leave?

Idiot: Didn't I pay?

Tortoise: I thought Huahua was your girlfriend. Let's talk about humanism. So as long as you accept some meaning, meaning is good! But I didn't expect the flower you mentioned to be a sow? Alas!

Idiot: But this is my girlfriend.

Tortoise: Pigs have no humanity! Why don't you pay quickly?

(Workers come out)

The worker came up angrily: What? You son of a bitch, he's retarded. You take money from him, too? Do you have a conscience?

Tortoise: Not me? Is that him? Brother, wait a minute. Don't say you know me.

Tortoise: Oh! This big brother is really handsome and tall, and he has an extraordinary spirit. This is really a huge fortune. If you seize the business opportunity one day, won't you be successful in my official career?

I have a lost secret book of getting rich here. For the sake of my fate with you, can I sell you two dollars? (takes out a book)

Worker (taking over): Hotel management? Xinhua Bookstore has many such books!

Wang Ba: Judging from your accent, you seem to be chaozhou people? That must be from Hunan? Is it Sichuan? Don't tell me it's from Guangxi?

Worker: I am from Guangdong! (vernacular)

Tortoise: Oh! No wonder your Mandarin is so accurate! Hey, is he from Guangdong?

Worker: fellow villager?

Tortoise (Song): When a fellow villager meets a fellow villager, his eyes are full of tears. ...

Worker: Since you are a fellow villager, please show my brother if he can be saved! Please.

Tortoise: To tell you the truth, your brother is hopeless!

Worker: Why?

Tortoise: Why didn't my brother tell you such a profound question?

Tortoise: He is out of his mind now, and he doesn't even know what he is doing.

Idiot (passing a candy): Do you want candy? (Several people ignore)

Dog egg: I want it! (dog Dan and moron sit aside)

Worker: I just don't have much money. I can't go to the hospital to treat him. I know those two Taoist priests must have a way. I have some money here. ...

The tortoise took the money: I didn't want to accept your money at first, but I had to accept it because you are so sincere and must give it to me!

Worker: Please!

Tortoise: Shall we do our best? Dog Dan!

Dog egg: Master, what's the matter?

Tortoise: Come here!

Dog egg (to himself): Hey hey! I still got a crucial role at the critical moment! Master, can I help you?

Tortoise: Bring this big brother's younger brother here!

Dog egg: Why should I go?

Tortoise: You are having an affair with him!

Gou Dan (past): We are innocent with him!

Tortoise: Brother, shall we begin?

Tortoise: It's my turn at last? (Pick up the knife that was thrown on the ground before)

Asshole: Junior Brother, what are you doing? Don't mess around, okay?

Tortoise: Oh, brother, you misunderstood. I have to put it away so as not to hurt the children!

Dog Dan will lead the imbecile, imbecile: Huahua!

Dog egg: I'm not a flower?

Idiot: You look like a flower!

Dog egg: this big brother, we want to contribute to him. Please go away!

Worker: Oh!

Tortoise: No big or small? Why don't you go away? Is it in the way?

The dog stepped back to watch, and the tortoise turned to the imbecile and pushed it to the tortoise. The tortoise took it and "defeated" the imbecile!

Worker: Why?

The tortoise explained: Don't worry, brother, brother is using his unique skill to drive away the ghosts from your brother!

Worker: Oh! I see. Then push hard. Okay, be tough. Come on. ...

The tortoise took a small hammer and said, Brother, shall I?

Tortoise: Do you want to die? Do you want this too? (Take out an air hammer the size of a human head)

Worker: What's the matter?

Tortoise: Alas! Unexpectedly!

Worker: What's wrong?

Turtle: Although the ghosts in his body have been driven away, the evil spirits in his body have entered six places, and there is no filth. If he is not treated in time, I'm afraid he can't return to heaven!

Worker: That's soon?

Tortoise: Yes! only ...

Worker: Just what?

Tortoise: Hmm ... (gestures for money)

Tortoise: Oh! What my brother means is that if you want to contribute to your brother, you must greatly weaken it. Could be complete death!

Worker: What about that?

Turtle: Unless you want to buy some tonic or something, you can make up your body.

Worker: How much is it?

Tortoise: At least one or two hundred dollars! I'll think of something!

Worker: I still have some money at home. I'll go and get it. Is the Taoist priest sure?

Tortoise: Hey! Brother, how did you cure a born idiot two years ago?

Tortoise: The brave don't mention their bravery, but I don't think I should hide it at this time. I used stealth braking to send that born idiot to Mount Everest. completely

I stayed up for 7749 days, eight hours, seven minutes and 65 seconds! Then I will try to reinvent myself and eat one made of chicken ass, grass roots, yellow mud and moldy Chili powder.

It's like brainwashing and returning to God. Later, I heard that he was admitted to a medical university, and now he seems to be working in a research center for abnormal human bodies. Oh, I heard that when did brother bring the dead back to life?

Tortoise: Alas! That was a few years ago. At that time, I used heaven to return to heaven, and the ninth floor was super invincible and came back to life. Then he used Saussurea involucrata, expired flour,

Rejuvenation pill made of natural rotten apples through 998 1 project. Save poor Zhuang!

Worker: I didn't expect the two masters to have such high attainments. It seems that my brother has been saved! I'm going back to get the money! (Go)

Tortoise: Music (Music)

The two danced wildly because of excitement, and soon the worker ants came, and the tortoise, the tortoise and the dog Dan became serious. The worker stepped aside (eavesdropping)

Tortoise: Master, uncle. You always take pleasure in helping others, punishing evil and eliminating rape, robbing the rich and helping the poor, and taking a foothold in the Jianghu as your responsibility! They are so difficult, why do they charge?

Where is their money?

Tortoise: Really? Why?

Tortoise: We don't accept his money, OK. But we are authentic Maoshan. Without any incense money, I'm afraid they will die!

Dog egg: Why?

Tortoise: Why? Why? Where did you get so many? Why? Besides, with your wisdom, how can I explain it to you clearly?

Worker (moving out): Taoist ... (coming here) You are really good people. This money?

Tortoise: I have always regarded money as dirt, but I really don't want to disappoint your kindness, in order not to disappoint you. I still decided to accept it!

Worker (affectionately): Now I only have my brother as a relative. I haven't seen my father since I was sensible, and later I learned that my father left us because of a car accident. How's mom?

It's easy to bring us up, but because of years of hardships, five years ago, a ruthless illness took my mother away. Leave us two brothers in this strange world! Shortly after my mother died,

My brother has a high fever, but he has no money to see a doctor. I burned my brain. It's always been like this. I didn't graduate from junior high school and have no education. Can only do coolies on the dock,

Sometimes I can't even eat a meal for three days, and I have to give my brother a good meal. Because I have such a younger brother, without him, I have nothing! (crying)

Turtle (Song): I love you and hate you. I asked if you knew. Just like a never-ending river, it turned a thousand turns and a thousand beaches, but it didn't calm down. It is always fighting and happy. ...

Dan the dog took out his radio and turned it off!

Turtle (takes out money): Take it!

Worker: What's wrong?

Tortoise: Not your story. I don't know the true feelings in the world. I'm not only lying to others, I'm lying to myself! If you don't get the money back, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life! Brother,

Take out your money!

Tortoise: Give me the dime that Dog Dan and I just gave you!

Dog egg: I want to buy candy!

Tortoise: Still buying candy?

The tortoise took the money: take out your money?

Tortoise: I want to buy milk powder for my son?

Tortoise: My money will be used to buy underwear, so I am desperate. Help others! (The tortoise takes out the money) Take this. We have given you all the money. Why not take your brother back to see a doctor?

Worker: I don't want your money. Do you want to save my brother?

Tortoise: We are cheating. Thank you for letting our conscience discover. We decided to wash our hands of it and take him to the doctor. Is this money enough?

Worker: Although you are liars, you are good people! Thank you?

Tortoise: So we're leaving? Let's go! Brother! Dog Dan! (packaging)

Tortoise: Where to?

Tortoise: Get a job and be a good person!

Tortoise: Where to?

Dog egg: Hey, I heard (? There is a lot of room for development!

Tortoise: That sentence is the most convincing since I accepted you as an apprentice! Let's go (Several people take things away)

Idiot: Big Brother! They left? How much money did we cheat?

Worker: There is a bumper harvest today! Come on, one and a half!

Idiot: Big Brother, you are really good. These cunning liars have been cheated by you!

Worker: Haha! How do they know that ginger is old and spicy!

Three people come out: ah! You two liars! (Five people bow)

-End-