Fortune teller Xiaoli _ fortune teller

Once upon a time there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day,

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn! ! !

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

2. According to legend,

There's a killer,

The heart is cold,

The sword is cold,

My hands are cold, too

therefore ...

He froze to death! ! !

A polar bear stands alone on the ice in a daze.

Really bored, I started pulling my hair to play.

One ... two ... three ... the last one left,

He suddenly shouted ...

It's cold! ! ………………

4. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him.

result ...

One day, he was taken away!

5. Once upon a time, there was a lamb.

One day he went out to play,

I met a wolf,

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

6. One day, bean paste buns were walking on the road, and suddenly they had an accident and their stomachs were broken. Before he died, he looked at his stomach and said, "Oh, I am just a bean paste bag."

On a hot afternoon, a match tickled, scratched and caught fire.

Remember the game in the afternoon? In fact, there is still a game behind. His head feels itchy. After catching it, his head caught fire. Then he went to the hospital. After the nurse bandaged him, he became a cotton swab.

8. There is a child who looks like a tomato. One day, he was walking and suddenly fell down. . . . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that's funny.

9. There is a penguin who has nothing to do but pluck his hair for fun.

After all, he said, it's really cold.

Sequel: There is a polar bear with nothing to do. He tugged at his hair to play. He said: Penguins are right ...

10. One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! Next jump, there is really a beautiful woman waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book! Books! Books! Books! Books! Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person who can't decide what he likes after thinking for a long time. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded "s h i t!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

1 1. There is a fat man …

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be ...

Fat guy ...

12. Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there. ..

13. Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea. ...

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who secretly decided to spend their lives together, but the boy needed military service, so they made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair and ran away from home. In fact, boys have been waiting for girls, but girls remember the date wrong, so it has become an eternal regret. The boy was heartbroken ... a few years later. Boys go fishing. Guess what he caught?

........

......

....

..

New Year cake; rice cake

14. Wife: I am blind and will marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

……

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...

15. One day, a fudge was walking in the street.

Walking, she suddenly said, "Oh, my legs are so soft!" "

16. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

17. A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with friends all weekend.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "You haven't seen me for three days in a row. What do you think?" ? 」

He replied, "I think it's quite good. 」

Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife.

On Thursday,

.

.

.

.

.

.

The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.

18. This is a telephone market survey on pet food. A child answered the phone.

Market dispatcher: "Little friend, do you have any dogs, kittens, rabbits or birds at home?"

Child: "No, my mother only gave birth to me."

19. Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B kept shopping. Then one day, suddenly a truck rushed out and ran over tomato A, with tomato bilibili beside it, pointing at tomato A and laughing: "Ha ... ha ... ketchup ~ ~".

20. There is a lovely pony tied to a lovely pine tree, and the pony becomes a marathon. ....

2 1. One day …

There is a stag running faster and faster. ...

Run to the finish line ...

He became a "high speed stag".

22. One day

Little penguins go to play with polar bears!

Three years later, I walked to the equator and remembered that the house was open.

It was three years before he went home and closed the door.

Six years later, I went to the North Pole.

The child who knocked on the polar bear said, "Polar bear, I'm coming to play with you!" " "

As soon as the polar bear opened the door, he took a look at the penguin and said, "I don't want to play!" Then turn off the child! "

Penguins are home! ! !

23. A snake bit himself and said when he died: I am a poisonous snake. ...

24. One day, a pair of penguin brothers got bored and began to pluck their own hair. When you're done, say, "It's so cold!"

He sent an e-mail to the polar bear living in the North Pole. He said: it will be very cold if you pull out all your hair!

The polar bear listened with a grain of salt, and he also pulled out all his hair. The result was "so cold!" "

He also sent e-mails to lions living in Africa. He also told the lion: If you pull out all the hair, you will be very cold!

Lions in Africa didn't believe it at first. He said I would never be cold! He pulled out all his hair and said, "It's so cold!"

The bird in the tree heard this and thought, I feel very hot now. Does it really get cold when pulling out your hair? ! So he pulled out all his hair, and he said, "Cool!" I'm going out to fly! After he flew out, he touched it and it died ~ ~!

How can birds fly without feathers? ! Haha ~ ~

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot.

He said, it's too hot, I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he skinned it.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down. ...

I had a terrible headache that day. I squatted on the table and groaned, "My headache is going to explode ~ ~ ~"

Xiaoli, my deskmate, cares about me very much. She pulled my skirt and asked me, "Are you all right?"

Then she was blown up.

27. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said:

Then tell me where little red riding hood is.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .

29. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

30. One day, a bird flew from Kaohsiung to Taipei 1 hour. But it took 2 hours to get back!

Why?

Because it is raining! So cover the rain with one hand and let it fly with the other.

3 1. A farmer went hunting with a horse and a dog. After walking all day, I couldn't catch up, but the farmer kept walking. Suddenly the horse said; "I've been walking all day. Do you want to kill me? " The farmer and the hound ran away in fear. They ran under a tree. The hound patted his chest and said, "I'm scared to death." Horses can talk. " As a result, the farmer was scared to death.

32. One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to have a tryst with her mistress. The hostess asked Zorro, "What if my husband comes back?"

"Zorro said," it's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below. "

The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back.

Zorro said: I see.

After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. If it's too late, it will be soon. Zorro jumped out of bed and suddenly jumped out of the window. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door.

I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

33. A passenger plane was flying when it was suddenly hit by a small airflow. The passengers panicked and thought that the end of the world was coming. A beautiful young girl stood up and got up the courage to say to everyone, "Dear male passengers, who can let me try to be a woman before I die?"

As soon as the voice fell, a man in the back seat stood up and said, "I'll do it!" " "Say that finish, the young man took off his T-shirt, revealing a strong muscle. The young girl looked at the handsome man shyly and admiringly, imagining his next move. I saw the young man throw the T-shirt to the girl and said, "Iron it! " !"

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .

35. A zoologist went on an expedition to the Antarctic.

He asked a penguin, "What do you do every day?" ;

Penguin said, "I do three things every day, the first is to eat, the second is to sleep, and the third is to kiss." He asked 99 penguins in a row, and they all said so.

Finally, he asked the hundredth penguin, and the penguin said, "I do two things. First, I eat. Second, I sleep. "

The zoologist asked, "They all play kissing. Why don't you play?"

The penguin says, "... because I am kiss _ t! !"

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will pull this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

37. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

38. A pair of corn fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A corn can't find another corn.

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: I hate it. I don't know anyone who perms hair.

39. Xiao A said to Xiao B: Dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Do you see it? Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I saw it. What about you? 40. An old woman went on a blind date. She asked the man opposite, "Do you have a Buick?" The man said, "well, I didn't!" " The woman asked again, "Do you have three rooms and two halls?" He replied helplessly: "Me neither!" The woman said, "Hum, do you dare to come and have a blind date with me under this condition? ! "Say that finish, she went away and never looked back. Walking to the door, she heard the man say ~ ~ ~: "Should I change the BMW into Buick and the villa into three rooms and two halls?" 4 1. Ducks and crabs rushed to the finish line together, and it was a close call. The referee said, "a pair of scissors and paper!" " Duck Anger: Shit, set me up? When it comes out, it's cloth. He always scissors! 42. One day, a big grape and a small grape were walking on the road. The big grape suddenly said to the small grape, can I crush you? Small grapes say: good! As a result, the small grapes were crushed to death. 43. Two gangsters were lying in wait, trying to plot against someone, but they never saw him. One of them was anxious and said, "What's the matter? He hasn't come yet, I hope nothing will happen to him! " 44. Question 1: Who fired the first shot during the Huanghuagang uprising? (1) Huang Xing (2) Song (3) (4) Question 2: Who fired the second shot during the Huanghuagang Uprising? (1) Huang Xing (2) Song (3) (4) Question 3: Who fired the third shot during the Huanghuagang Uprising? (a) Huang Xing (b) Song (c)(d) The answers to these three questions are (a) because there is a sentence in the textbook of Education Press: "Huang Xing fired three shots into the sky, which opened the prelude to the Huanghuagang uprising!" 45. There is a student in HKUST University who will graduate soon. He still has no job or girlfriend. So he went to tell a fortune. "You will be poor to forty years old ..." The student's eyes lit up and he felt that there was a turn for the better, so he asked, "Then what?" "Then you will get used to this kind of life ..." 46. I called 1860 to ask how to pay the phone bill. A: Sorry, your phone is out of service. Please contact 1860 for details. 47. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" 48. One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "People who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing." 49. Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? " Student: "because .. because, my mother fell down the stairs .." Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. " Student: "No ... my father was injured ..." Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father was injured?" Student: "Because .. my father has a woman outside .." Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? " Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. " Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?" Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad." Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?" Student: "Because I overslept." Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs! ? "Student:" No, I ... I just mentioned by the way ... "50. A man's car glass is often broken. Although nothing was stolen, it would cost a lot of money just to change the glass, so he had an idea and put a poster on the glass, which he thought should be no problem. Who knows that when I got up the next day, the glass was broken again, and there were many posters beside him. 5 1. Three fashionable female students are discussing the clothes to wear for tomorrow's class reunion. A sheng: "er ... I think I will wear a black skirt because my father's hair is black." After hearing this, B did the same thing. "Then I'll wear a white skirt! My dad's hair is white! " After listening to A Sheng and Yi Sheng, C Sheng suddenly screamed: "My dad is bald!" " 52. One day Xiaoming came home from work by tram, and someone accidentally stepped on Xiaoming's foot. Someone: I'm sorry ... Xiaoming: That's all right. Someone: I don't know how to say Xiaoming: It doesn't matter, someone will inevitably step on him in the tram: ... I stepped on shit in front of the station. 53. A man couldn't find a hotel and decided to sleep in the car. Someone knocked at his window in the middle of the night to ask him what time it was, and he was disturbed in the middle of the night. It was also he who changed the note "My watch is broken". Someone knocked at the window again. "Sir, do you want to repair the watch?" . In great anger, Zhi changed "I don't know the time". I don't know how long it took, but a kind old lady knocked on his window. "Young man, it's 3 o'clock in the morning." 54. The army recruited animals to fight in the army, so all the animals in the forest came for physical examination. The number one monkey in the army didn't want to go to see his long tail, so he bit his teeth hard and rubbed him in ... The doctor said: the monkey's tail is broken, which is a disability. You don't need to be a soldier ... The second rabbit broke his long ear after seeing the monkey's behavior ... The doctor said: the rabbit's ear is broken, so it's not necessary to be a soldier ... The black bear ranks third ... "The ear is so short and the tail is similar. What should I do?" The kind rabbit and monkey came to help him find a way ... suddenly the monkey shouted: I know it is disabled to knock out your tooth! So the monkey and the rabbit severely beat the black bear and broke all his teeth ... The black bear happily went in for a physical examination, although it was very painful. Soon after, he came out crying while covering his mouth ... God ... they said I was too fat to be a soldier. 55. At the art festival, we are going to do a horrible group dance-we need to squat quickly, lift our legs high and other severe and difficult movements. As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days. Some of them were covered with scars, some pulled muscles ... their right legs were badly hurt and they didn't listen at all! I go to class on the third floor today. God, I just lift my right leg step by step. The most irritating thing is that while walking, I heard two girls whispering behind me: "Schools in big cities are more formal, but in our hometown, polio patients can't go to school at all! ! "56. One day, a medium-rare steak met a medium-rare steak. Why don't they say hello? Because ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ they are not familiar with each other. 57. A group of great scientists played hide-and-seek in heaven after their death. It's Einstein's turn to arrest people. He counted to 100, opened his eyes and saw that everyone was hiding, only Newton was still standing there. Einstein walked over and said, "Newton, I got you." Newton: "No, you didn't catch Newton." Einstein: "You are not Newton. Who are you? " Newton: "What do you see under my feet?" Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a square floor tile one meter long and one meter wide, puzzled. Newton: "This is a square of one square meter under my feet, and it is Newton/square meter when I stand on it, so you are not catching Newton, you are catching Pascal." 58. The university rules are extremely strict, and you will be expelled if you don't go home at night! The three brothers came back late and were about to climb over the wall. A brother looked into the wall carefully and saw a migrant worker standing here. He asked in a low voice, "Is there a school security guard?" The migrant workers calmly made an "ok" gesture. Three boys were ecstatic, climbed over the wall and were successfully captured by three school security guards crouching here! Before taking it away, the three boys turned to the migrant workers and said, "Didn't you say' OK' to us?" Migrant workers said bitterly, "I didn't compare it with my fingers and tell you there is a' three'!" 59. Two tomatoes go shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked, Where are we going? The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again. The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly and said, aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk? !

60. One day, a kangaroo was driving along a country road, and suddenly he saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost lying on the ground, as if listening to something ... So the kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "What are you listening to, white rabbit?" "A big truck passed by here half an hour ago ..." Wow ... amazing! .. how do you know? ""he NN! That's how my neck and legs are broken ... 6 1. "Get rid of melancholy", the psychologist said to the patient, "Let your daily life be full of enthusiasm, get up and go to work enthusiastically. In short, do everything enthusiastically. " A week later, the patient came back, looking more depressed than before. The doctor asked him if he had followed the doctor's advice. "That's the problem," the patient replied. "I got up cheerfully, had dinner, and then kissed my wife goodbye. As a result, I was two hours late for work and was fired." 62. A pair of nude statues have stood face to face in the park for decades. One day, Cupid, the god of love, came to them and said, "It must be depressing for you two to look at each other every day, but you can't do it. Today I will let you become a person and do what you want! " But only fifteen minutes. "Say that finish, the two statues became people, and the two men immediately jumped into the grass, and the haystack made a rustling sound ... Ten minutes later, the two men jumped out of the grass. Cupid said, "Alas, there are still five minutes. Enjoy it again quickly. " After that, they looked at each other, smiled, and then jumped into the grass ... I vaguely heard the female statue say to the male statue, "I put this pigeon down, and now it's your turn to shit on its head." One day, Xiaoming came to visit his future mother-in-law. Mother-in-law: "Sit anywhere, the food is almost ready!" " "Then I went into the kitchen and got busy. At this time, only nervous Xiao Ming and his mother-in-law's dog Xiao Bai were left in the living room. Suddenly, Xiao Ming found a sharp pain in his stomach. He thought, no! I must hold back! But he couldn't help it, poof! He farted invincible, and he thought, this is a dead man, and he will be driven out! Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law just shouted "Little White!" Xiaoming thought with relief: Fortunately, Xiaobai is my scapegoat. Then he couldn't help farting for the second time, but his mother-in-law shouted "Xiao Bai!" " "When he farted for the third time, he saw his mother-in-law rush out and shout," Xiao Bai! You don't want to run until you stink, do you? ! " 64.

1. A bunch of bananas has been in the refrigerator for some time. One day, a banana said to another banana next to it: It's really cold here. The other banana didn't speak.

The next day, the banana said to another banana, it's really cold here. The other banana didn't speak again.

On the third day, the banana said to another banana, it's really cold here. Another banana said, can we talk?

A bunch of bananas has been in the refrigerator for some time. One day, a banana said to another banana next to it: It's really cold here.

Another banana said, can we talk?

Banana said: You are not a banana? You can still talk.

Another banana said, sorry, I'm a sausage.

Luo Xiao: "Dad, why do we have humps?" Father camel: "Because there is no water in the desert, only the hump can store water!" " Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have long hair? "Tuofu:" Because there is a big sandstorm in the desert, we have to rely on it to stop the sandstorm before we can see it! "Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?" Father camel: "Because the desert is full of sand, we can stand steady!" " Luo Xiao: "Dad, one last question." ... what are we doing in the zoo? "

66. There is a kind of mung bean. If he eats too much, it will become a ... curved bean. There is a kind of mung bean. When he went to play the national opera, it became ... a flower bean. There is a kind of mung bean. It suddenly grew too tall and became ... green beans. There is a kind of mung bean. When he has liver disease, it will become ... soybeans. There is a kind of mung bean. When he was walking on the road, he met a racing driver, which became ... red beans. There is a red bean. When he met a ghost on the road, it became ... mung bean.

67. A man: Ha ha ha, I saw a joke that was so funny! Woman B: What is it? Tell me about it! M: But it's yellow. Woman B: Just skip the yellow place! A man: skip, skip, skip, skip, end! B female: ......