Changmin fortune-telling

In the morning, the wife asked her husband who was a cavalry, "What do you often say in your dreams, Jessie? Who is she? "

Husband: "Oh, that's my horse."

"But," the wife added, "you weren't at home yesterday, and your horse called you twice."

2. Poor dog

In the morning, two neighbors met. One said, "I heard that your wife had a big fight with you last night?"

"No, she is angry with the dog."

"Oh, poor dog! I seem to hear your wife even threatening to take away the key to the house. "

3. Self-frustration

John's secretary was drunk at the dinner party, so John had to drive her home. When he got home, John didn't tell his wife about it for fear that she wouldn't understand. The next afternoon, John and his wife drove to the movies. Suddenly, he found a woman's shoes at her feet. He took advantage of her eyes to look out of the window, picked up the leather shoes and threw them out of the window, which was a relief. Unexpectedly, the wife turned her head, touched John with her foot and asked, "John, have you seen my other shoe?"

4. Someone must stay

The husband is reading the evening paper. After reading an article entitled "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife, "I really don't know why men leave first?"

The wife explained, "someone has to stay and tidy up the clothes!" "

People and dogs are upside down.

Jesse finally has a long vacation and will go to the Swiss mountains. He couldn't bear to leave his dog Harry at home alone, so he wrote a letter to a hotel in Switzerland and asked him if he could let the dog live in.

He quickly received a reply: "Dear Mr. Jesse, our store has a history of more than 30 years. We have never driven any unruly dogs out of the house, and no dogs have caused us any trouble, so dogs will be warmly welcomed."

"Besides, if your dog can guarantee your good behavior, you can also come with it."

6. Business

A couple opened a hotel next to the station, which was always open until midnight 12 o'clock every day, and then closed after the guests had finished drinking and took the last bus.

One day, it was already two o'clock the next morning, and a male guest still didn't leave. He fell asleep at his desk and was still snoring. The proprietress is so sleepy that she asks her husband to wake him up. Her husband entered the hall and came back. After a while, he went out and came back, and so on. Wife of shop-owner impatient, "you have been out for six times, why don't you wake him up? It's too late, please ask him to go. "

"No, don't let him go." The boss proudly said, "Look, every time I call him, he always thinks he wants to settle the bill with him, so he takes out a 50 yuan ticket for me and goes back to bed. I have received six tickets now, and it is still far from dawn! "

One day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss said, "No."

The little white rabbit is gone.

The next day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss said, "I told you, no!" "

The little white rabbit is gone.

On the third day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?"

The boss is anxious: "How many times have I told you? ! Don't! ! ! If you bother me again, I'll clamp your teeth with tiger pliers

Unplug them all! "

The little white rabbit was frightened and ran away.

On the fourth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have tiger pliers here?"

The boss said, "No."

The little white rabbit asked, "Well, do you have any carrots?"

The boss was really angry, took out the tiger pliers and pulled out all the teeth of the little white rabbit.

On the fifth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have carrot juice here?"

Three little white rabbits

In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " "Dean fell down and fainted. ...

Discussion between white rabbit and bear

The white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and shit.

Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting!

The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it?

Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away.

White Rabbit and Bear (2)

The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.

An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.

The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...

Don't annoy the rabbit.

The beginning of the matter is this:

One of my cousins had to work overtime on Sunday. Her cousin took a driver's license test that day, so she sent her 5-year-old son to my house and asked me to look after him for one day.

I was afraid of disobedience, so I went to the market and bought him a lovely little white rabbit.

Ask me what the rabbit eats, and I will tell him to eat carrots and all the green vegetables. I had a good time with the rabbit and went to read a book.

The rabbit soon finished eating the carrots, and when it was noisy, it went to the refrigerator to find vegetables. Who knows that only a part of the peppers in my refrigerator are green? If you make a scene, break the pepper and feed it to the rabbit.

The rabbit won't eat, but it will eat when it quarrels. The little white rabbit was forced to hurry and kicked his feet wildly, so he pushed the fine sand spread in his nest into his noisy eyes. I was busy rubbing it with my hands. His hands were burning, and I burst into tears.

I heard him crying badly in the study, so I rushed out and asked him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hand and kept crying: "The rabbit kicked me, and the rabbit kicked me."

I thought the rabbit really kicked him in the eye. I was scared to death. I thought, if there is a mistake, how should I tell his parents? Busy calling 120.

Then the doorbell rang. I opened the door and saw that it was my brother's classmate. I didn't have time to say hello to him, so I ran back to comfort him. I didn't pay attention to stepping on a piece of watermelon skin he threw around and knocked my head on the door frame and fainted.

My brother's classmates quickly dialed 120, and then remembered some first aid knowledge they learned during military training. They knelt on the ground and tried to pick me up.

At this time, my brother came back. When he saw this scene, he thought that his classmates were going to flirt with me, so he picked up one of his mother's pointed shoes and shone it on the unlucky man's head. Suddenly, blood gushed out.

When the younger brother rushed into the kitchen and took the knife, his classmates tried to explain and ran downstairs desperately.

At this time, Grandma Wang downstairs heard screams and looked out from the peephole of the security door. She saw a man running down with blood all over his face, and his brother was chasing after him with a knife. She was so scared that she immediately dialed 1 10.

Originally, she had a slight stroke. In this panic, her hands and feet are even more clumsy. She suddenly sat on the ground and put positive pressure on the kitten's tail.

The kitten jumped out with a sigh, knocked over a pot of soup, and flames scurried around. Grandma Wang picked up a bottle of water and poured it over, but it contained Erguotou that her wife had secretly hidden. So, while putting out the fire, the whole family called the 1 19 fire alarm.

When my brother's classmate ran as fast as he could, he was bumping into an emergency doctor who was walking upstairs. As both sides were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs.

At this time, my brother's classmates explained everything to him. But two doctors broke their arms.

After waking up, I called my cousin and brother-in-law. Cousin is drinking water Hearing the news, she choked in her throat and rolled her eyes at once.

Her colleague is busy typing120; When my cousin heard the news, he drove frantically to my house and ran three red lights.

At this time, two ambulances and two fire engines have gathered downstairs in my house. The fireman was about to turn on the fire hydrant when his cousin's car suddenly came and hit it. Suddenly, the water flowed like a river. He turned the steering wheel again and ran into a police car that had just arrived.

And in the back, several traffic policemen riding motorcycles are galloping, and then behind, it is the municipal facilities to repair the car.

That day, it was like a Hollywood blockbuster playing downstairs in my house. According to statistics, only five ambulances were dispatched. I called one, my brother and classmates called one, two injured doctors called one, and my cousin's colleague called one. ...

You said you were missing one? Don't worry, didn't my cousin come back from his driving school? The old coach in the car was so scared that he had another heart attack. Don't you need to order another one?

Smile for Bo! !

Party A and Party B went camping together and slept until midnight at night. Party A wakes Party B up and asks, "What do you think of looking up?"

B: "The sky is full of stars, the world is so vast, the sky is so vast, and people are so small!" "After staring at the sky for a while without saying a word, B asked A," What do you think? " A said somberly, "I think our tent was stolen." "

A slip of the tongue will not kill you!

1' s colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?

Once I borrowed money from others, and I wanted to say, "I'll pay you back when I get the money."

Say, "I'll take you when I have money."

anxious

A classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the doorman of the dormitory shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: A letter of dried cold rice noodles!

Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan.

The whole class is dizzy, and the teacher is nicknamed "money addiction", hehe.

Once a friend watched a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. The friend said, "Why are there so many Marx?" It took a long time to realize that he was referring to Massek!

6 a buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely.

I said, that won't do. Once a year, be sure to bring it.

7 junior high school role reading "white-haired girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): I pulled two Jin of red rope and tied it for my daughter. ...

Teacher: It's not like wrapping a mummy …

When I was cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said, potatoes.

Aunt asked: cauliflower?

I continued to point to cauliflower and said: potatoes

Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?

I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?

Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. I'm sorry, aunt who sells rice

When I went to buy cakes, I wanted to say "two yellow pears send an egg tower", but the result was "two orioles sing an egg tower"

What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understood. ......

10 University There is a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. The word "Yun" in the lower part of the word "Yun" on the envelope has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and let out a cry, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

1 1 There were rats at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but none of them were cured. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison in the janitor's corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

12 English teacher teaches grammar. Before class, she asked everyone, "I have finished. Do you still understand? " We replied with one voice: "No!"

Until I raised my glass to ask the bright moon and sank into the water, I suddenly remembered home.

14 once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so we had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

15 as the saying goes: kill and set fire to pay off debts.

In physics class 16, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are very dangerous, so you humans must stay away! !

17 Spit grape skins if you can't eat grapes.

18 received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that it would make uniform clothes for a big company and so on. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out: "Our company is not in dressing the!"

The other party whispered for a few seconds, said "I'm sorry" and hung up.

Teacher of our university: I'm looking for three students, a man and a woman. ...

The class began to look around for Chris Lee.

20 nights self-study back to the dormitory, Lu Yu fairy mm one day, and then follow.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

2 1 Allen class, the teacher is passionate: how many heroic children are lingering underground? ...

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When that classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

When I was in junior high school, my teacher called recite Mulan words (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.

When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he slashed his knife at his parents (pigs and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot all about the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~

Heaven and earth, Dou E is more unfair than me!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "

At the age of 25, my father watched me write my composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b

Twenty-six soldiers came to earth to cover up the water.

My mother once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the bank said that you don't have enough money. This is the second page. This should also be handed in.

My mother: What's the second page?

Staff: Sewage

My mother: My family never drinks sewage.

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for being inhuman if you do this again!" "

29 math teacher's signature action

Put up two fingers and say to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words!" " ! ! Do more exercises! ! "

On the 30th day, I said that my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig. She twisted me, and it was painful, and she never let go. When I was in a hurry, I said, "I told your mother that you abused pigs!" "

3 1 One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and younger brother.

I didn't wake up, just come forward to say:

Suffering Guanyin ...

Mom and Dad:->-|||

Brother:->-||||

Bodhisattva: T _ _ _ _ T ||||||

When I was in FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher began to count how many people were in our class.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick ...

One day, my dear mother asked me to buy pepper.

Mommy: "Go and buy a catty of peppers."

Even: "A catty! Why buy so much? "

Mommy: "Nonsense ~ To cook! ! ! "

I was depressed and surprised when I went out to buy it. When I left, I specifically asked, "Are you sure you want to buy a catty?" ! "

Answer my eyes! anxious ...

When I arrived at the vegetable market, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I was. Why did you buy a catty of peppers? Too many, isn't it? ! Take out your cell phone.-Confirm again!

The answer is still the same: a catty of pepper! ! !

28 yuan, a kilo of peppers, the boss weighed and bagged me. I was about to pay when the phone rang ~ ~ ~ Mom? !

I only heard the roar on the phone: "Wrong! No! ! Not a catty, not a catty, but one or two! ! ! "

Sweat! ! ! !

When the house was just delivered, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions.

Originally, I wanted to say that I am the landlord, but I often say that I am the landlord.

I took advantage of the security guard's short circuit and ran away.

References:

Baidu post bar

Interviewee: Xiao Kun-New to Jianghu Level 2 4- 13 00:23

A migrant worker can't solve the stool and goes to the hospital for examination; After the examination, the doctor gave him a roll of paper towels. The migrant workers are puzzled. I came to see the doctor. Why did you give me this ... the doctor said with a smile; Don't use cement bags for PP in the future, ............. haha (I didn't mean to denigrate migrant workers, just kidding. Please laugh it off) ..............

I hope you are satisfied!

Gengbao family and mouse family.

figure

Dou Xiaojia: Father: Hao Hao/Yun Hao.

Mother: Huahua-the hero is in the middle

Son: Cookies-Max Changming

Princess's Family: Father: Geng-Han Geng

Mother: Princess-Kim HeeChul.

Son: Baby Fan-Jin Jifan

1. One day, the princess and Huahua were chatting in a bar. Huahua said to the princess, "Our family doesn't understand me more and more. What about you? "

The princess replied, "I don't know. Geng never mentioned you. " (= =///crazy sweat ~)

2. One day, the princess said to Bao Fei, "If you are good today, I will take you to Xiao Bing's house and let Xiao Bing watch you eat sugar."

3. One day, the princess traveled to China alone. He took a lot of luggage and asked for a taxi. The driver told him that he needed money from 7 yuan, and his luggage was free.

The princess said quickly, "Please take these bags to the hotel. I'll come on foot." (waterfall sweat ~)

One day, the princess accidentally fell down on the stairs and said that she was unlucky, and then got up as quickly as possible. Look around, it's okay,

Geng and Fan didn't see it. Suddenly, the princess found a problem and thought, was it upstairs just now? Or go downstairs?

The princess went out in the morning, but went home several times. The reason is:

Geng, my hat

"Geng, my wallet"

"Geng, my mobile phone"

" G "

"What's left?"

"Geng, today is Sunday, right?"

"yes."

"Then I don't have to go out today."

......

"Collapse ..." Geng fainted.

6, 6-year-old Fan Baobao said to Princess Niang: "Give me some pocket money? Tomorrow the teacher will take us to the zoo to see pythons. "

The princess said angrily, "Why spend that money?" Why don't you take my magnifying glass to the river to see earthworms? "

7. After the announcement, the princess kept crying because Geng didn't come to meet him.

"Don't cry, car!" Brother MC Hu Dong said, "I'll call Geng now. Do you have a phone at home? "

The princess whimpered, "Yes, but I don't have it at home!" " "(= =+black sweat ~)

8. One day, the princess took Fan Hehua and cookies to the zoo. Everyone stood by a big pool.

"Fan Baobao, look, this is a whale." The princess said:

"Hey, come on, it's a crocodile." Huahua standing next to them corrected.

"no! This is a whale! " Princess insisted.

At this time, the animal struggled to climb to the shore.

"Well, see what you say?" Huahua proudly shouted, "whales never go ashore!" "

"Nonsense, you can see it yourself. They sometimes go ashore! " The princess said

......

(Side: Fan, Huahua, cookies dizzy)

9. Fan Bao Bei said to Princess Niang, "You are so cheeky, licking your hands."

The princess corrected Fan: "Baby, cheeky hands are called claws, and human claws are called hands."

10, Geng Che led Fan back from the circus.

Geng asked the princess, "What would you do if two tigers suddenly ran out of the cage while you were watching the circus?"

The princess said, "I want to get into the tiger's cage and lock the door."

1 1. The princess was foaming at the mouth and criticized her husband Geng's mistake. It happened that her lovely son Fan didn't come back until he went out.

The princess thought that Fan was the most self-centered, so she asked Fan: If I quarreled with your father Geng, which side would you stand on?

Fan thought for a moment and said, "Stand by and watch."

12 one day, the princess took her 6-year-old son, Fan, to play at the seven flowers house of God. Soon, she only heard the 5-year-old cookie crying, and saw a crawling caterpillar crawling on Fan's hand, which was quite arrogant and startled the cookie. Huahua shuddered at the sight of the caterpillar, what's more, the caterpillar scared the biscuits to cry again. Huahua said to the lovely Fan, "Fan, get it outside quickly. The mother bug must be looking for it. "

Fan turned and walked out. Huahua thought she had achieved her goal, and then Fan came in with two caterpillars crawling on her hands. Then Fan solemnly said, "I brought the mother bug."

(next. Hehe, it seems to be another noisy day ...)

13, Geng came home and found that something was wrong with the fan. He said to the princess, "Wife, you broke the fan!" "

"Not bad," said the princess. After I modified it, the function was increased. It turns out that fans will only shake their heads, and now they will nod! " "

14, sj and two boys of Shenzhou 7 are talking:

It is said that our ancestors had no electricity, no radio and no TV. I don't understand how they live. (cookie says)

-So, they're all dead. (Fan Dui said)

15, "Fan, you passed the arithmetic test 18. Is your princess mother going to give you a good meal?" Xiao Bing said happily.

"Pick me up? On the contrary, I will go back and teach him a lesson! This is all done by my aunt. " Fan said.

16, one night in a room in sj.

"Is it true that the earth always goes around the sun?" The princess asked Geng.

"Of course it's true, otherwise how can we see the sun every day?" Gengshuo

"I understand this. What I don't understand is where the earth stops at night. " Said the princess.

17. One day, the princess was walking alone in a small park, and a young couple took their dog for a walk in the park. After a while, the young couple were very happy to see the princess coming towards her. The princess thought they recognized herself and was filled with joy. I thought I was a fan again. Ha, my expanding ability is really great.

To the princess's surprise, after the couple handed the camera to the princess, the man stood in the middle, the woman stood on the right and the dog on the left.

It turned out that they just wanted Gong Zhubang to take a photo with them and the dog.

The princess doesn't like to pull after taking pictures, and her mouth is so high. The husband and wife recognized the princess at this time and were very happy. They said, "Ah, it was the beauty of sj. We didn't recognize it just now. Excuse me, can you sign this photo for us? " After that, the husband and wife gave the princess the photos they had just taken.

With a stroke of a pen, the princess wrote down the words' dog men and women'. (- -#)

18, bored, the princess called her friend Huahua. Just as the connection was made, the princess found that she had forgotten which friend she was calling. I have to ask: Who are you? "

Huahua said angrily, "Then who are you looking for? I'm wondering where you came from. ! )"

Princess: "Yeah ... I don't know ..."

The next day in Shenqi and sj's lounge. Huahua asked the princess, "Broken car, did you call my home yesterday?"

Princess: "? ..... is there? Oh, it's your home! "

Huahuadizzy: "Who else in the world calls to ask who the other person is except you!" " "

-

The following are other types

I was born in a very poor family. I remember when I was a child, my father's life was boring and he only counted money all day. My mother, too, sweeps money all day. My family lives in the mountains, and it is very troublesome to go out to buy things every time. It takes five hours to drive a Porsche and four hours to drive a Mercedes. Although there are helicopters at home, it is difficult to find parking spaces there, which is quite inconvenient; I go shopping occasionally. My parents are afraid that I will be kidnapped, and I am protected by more than 20 bodyguards. Everyone will scare me away when they see me, so I have been ostracized since I was a child. ...

Because my home is in the deep mountains, it is very cold every winter. My father also said that going out to buy things is very troublesome, so there is no heater in winter ... no quilt ... I can only burn money with my parents to keep warm every day ... and I can only sleep with money when I sleep (I think the pound is warmer).

I remember when I was a child, I rushed out of the room and peed my pants because the room was too big. So my father put a small sheep motorcycle in my room, and let me rush out of the room with 1000 ping in 1000 minutes, cross the 5 km corridor and reach the 800 ping toilet (I often get lost in the corridor). Dad also asked someone to build another 20 shabby rooms with 250 small toilets in 600 ping, saying: If you get wet in the future, change rooms directly. If the room is not enough or too small, tell dad to ask someone to build more rooms. Our life is hard, so you must put up with it! !

Now that I think about it, Dad is really a kind person! !

I still remember one time, my house was attacked by a thief, because he blew up my dad's safe with explosives, and the gold coins inside kept rolling out. As a result, the thief was crushed to death ... I feel sorry for the thief ... gold coins crushed to death, which was very painful! ! He is not as lucky as the thief who was suffocated by money before. My mother often tells me that our family life is very difficult ... so I have developed the spirit of hard work since I was a child. My future wish is to find 200 monsters who can only eat money, eat up all the money at home and avenge those poor thieves.

It's hard to raise

Xiao Wei and Xiao Zhang are drinking and chatting in the bar …

Xiao Wei: "With the economic downturn, it is really difficult to support the family ..."

Xiao Zhang: "How many children do you have? 」

Xiao Wei: "Five. 」

Xiao Zhang: "Wow, five are really hard to raise! 」

Xiao Wei: "The children are fine, but their five mothers are really hard to raise. 」

Xiao Zhang: "..."

I'll lend it to you.

One day in class, the teacher was bluffing there again. .....

Teacher: "In the dictionary of my life, there is no such word as' failure' ..."

Suddenly, a shy voice came from below. .....

Student: "Teacher, I have to lend you ..."

Teacher: "..."

@ Add Punishment

One day, Xiaoming and Xiaohua were speeding on motorcycles and were stopped by the police.

The policeman said, "You are not afraid of death if you ride so fast."

Xiao Ming said, "No, because God is with me! 」

The policeman said, "Then I'll write another ticket."

Xiao Ming said, "Why? 」

The policeman said, "threesome, overload!" " 」

@ What's the answer

Science class c, grade two, primary school,

The teacher asked, "Who knows why Taoist priests are cold after death? 」

No one in the class answered …

Teacher: "Nobody knows? 」

At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said, "It's natural to feel at ease ..."

@ Horrible book

Xiaoxue asked her father, "Dad, are there any scary books?" 」

"Yes, of course. Dad said, "There is a book about your father. I have read it for more than 20 years, and I still feel terrible. 」

"ah? Really? " Xiaoxue asked, "which book will still feel horrible after reading for more than 20 years?" 」

Dad said, "Marriage certificate. 」

1.

2. Kill the bird man, I am an angel!

3. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

Live well, because we will die for a long time! !

We should keep quiet when listening to lectures in church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

My girlfriend asked me what would happen to me if she died, and I firmly said: I won't live alone (find another job). ..

7. People are not smart and bald.

8. You are the electricity, Li Siguang, and you are the only myth!

9. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

10. There are so many people who despise me. Who are you? !

1 1. When weeding in the afternoon, bow and shoot the eagle.

12. The hair becomes straight and the scalp is more prominent.

13. Don't ask me anything, and don't ask me anything.

14. It is better to fight with a smart person than to talk to someone.

15. Older women can't live without electricity for a day, and younger women can't live without money for a day.

16. The garden couldn't be closed in spring, so I lured an apricot out of the fence.

17. No one has died since ancient times, and you don't need paper to shit!

18. The greatness of life disappears in the flowers.

19. Women are tools to make human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.

20. Chopin, no matter how awesome B is, it can't play the sadness of Lao Tzu!

2 1. Zhuge Liang didn't take a single soldier before coming out of the mountain. What work experience do you want me to have? !

22. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

23. As long as the hoe jumps well, there is no corner that can't be dug down!

24. You don't have to study hard or review well.

The reason of constipation is that the gravity of the earth is too small.

I don't know if I went to college or if college fucked me.

27. The more money you spend, the closer you are to the bed.

28. If you want to mix in the Jianghu, you'd better be single.

29. It's a manhole plug and a manhole socket.

30. Choose a lady, the skirt is easy to pull.

3 1. Everything will be fine, and all shall be well.

32. I am Jesus, his son, Coconut! !

33. University is learning.

34. I have a left Qinglong, a right White Tiger and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my shoulder.

35. If BMW doesn't touch me, MSN will touch you to death.

36. Other people's money and wealth are my property.

I am the most honest person, and I never lie, except this sentence.

Lingling, Lingling, another ice cream.

39. Eldest brother, I heard that second brother's meat is more expensive than master's.

40. I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a circle of 100, hold down ctrl-c and then CTRL-V.

4 1. Professor talks about organic chemical polymers on the platform. He first drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard and said to everyone, "This is the eunuch. Let's give him a" methyl ".Pour! !

42. Bald donkey, dare to challenge the original class teacher! !

43. The inner beauty that men say refers to the inside of the bra, not the inside.

44. It is gold, and it will always be spent. ..

45. Who can stop filming for 90 minutes? .. Chinese national football team! !

46. Handsome men are useful. Can I swipe my card with my face at the bank?

47. It is said that men become bad when they have money. I have been a good person for more than 20 years.

48. A woman said to a man, Come to my house and I'll give you something to eat.

49. It's not that you don't laugh, but the powder falls off when you laugh.

50. Tall is tall, straw bag, short is short, can stand and step, thin is thin and muscular.

5 1. Only women and English are sad, and jobs and wives are hard to find.

52. It's not difficult to drive, and I'm afraid there will be new people.

I heard that women are clothes and brothers are brothers. In retrospect, I have been streaking in too many chefs for more than 20 years.

The pull ring of cans loves cans, but the cans are filled with coke.

I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths.

56. Today, a group of Japanese visited our school. To tell the truth, this is the first time I have seen a Japanese in clothes.

After studying for more than ten years, I still feel that kindergarten is easy to mix.

That's all you can find!