Zhao Benshan Fudge Fortune Telling _ Zhao Benshan Fudge Fortune Telling Video

Zhao Benshan's sketch line "Kidnapping"

Gao Xiumin: Ah-big scam! Big fool!

Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about? Why don't you call me a stage name when you come out to sell this job today

Gao Xiumin: The father,

Zhao Benshan: Well,

Gao Xiumin: If you ask me, don't sell this turn!

Zhao Benshan: Because of what?

Gao Xiumin: The streets are full of good legs and feet. Who will buy your perfect response?

Zhao Benshan: You are talking nonsense. If you don't sell it, this transfer will cost labor and materials. You haven't slept all day and all night, so if you don't do it, you won't lose money?

Gao Xiumin: Gee, this street is full of legs and feet. Can you sell it?

Zhao Benshan: Don't you know me? You still call me a liar. I can tilt the positive fool, tease the faded fool, fool the sharp person and let the young couple live a good life. I'll lie to him and say goodbye. Today I am a kidnapper, and I can trick him into limping with a pair of good legs!

Gao Xiumin: Haha, you can forget it.

Zhao Benshan: Believe it or not?

Gao Xiumin: I don't believe you can fool a man with good legs?

Zhao Benshan: You see, this is my strong point.

Gao Xiumin: I don't know what your strengths are yet. My child's father is very interesting. I heard that some people buy horses to sell motorcycle covers, some people buy motorcycles to sell helmets, some people sell sleeping pills for insomnia, and others-

Zhao Benshan: Stop it. This is called the market. Pay attention to the advance!

Gao Xiumin: Sometimes you make mistakes in advance!

Zhao Benshan: This turn was a mistake.

Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, I'll smuggle this pair out today.

Gao Xiumin: Then the streets are full of legs and feet. Who sells them?

Zhao Benshan: Honey, let's find a good one and sell it to him today to see my bluff.

Gao Xiumin: Then why don't you lie?

Zhao Benshan: Where there is a will, there is a way, understand? Give me a shout.

Gao Xiumin: I won't lie to you. You can do it yourself-

Zhao Benshan: Look at me and blink, will you? Hey, someone's coming, shouting-

Gao Xiumin: Ah, a turn. Oh, turn, turn! Turn, turn! Turn around!

Fan Wei: I said, what are you directing? You knew where I was going, so you made me turn.

Zhao Benshan: Shout for sale.

Gao Xiumin: Oh! Sell,

Zhao Benshan: What do you sell?

Gao Xiumin: Turn around.

Zhao Benshan: Connect.

Gao Xiumin: Kidnapped! Kidnapped!

Fan Wei: Huh? What's going on here? Who wants to kidnap you?

Gao Xiumin: No, he sells-

Fan Wei: Are you selling people?

Zhao Benshan: What's your expression? Kidnapping, kidnapping. I can kidnap this. Do you buy it?

Fan Wei: What's wrong with you? This is,

Zhao Benshan: What's the matter, mind your own business-

Gao Xiumin: We are lovers, and we are playing here!

Zhao Benshan: Hehehe, nothing to play!

Fan Wei: This couple, on New Year's Day, are selling their wives for fun-oops.

Gao Xiumin: Not for sale-

Zhao Benshan: Get off-it's serious.

Gao Xiumin: What?

Zhao Benshan: It's too serious.

Fan Wei: What are you talking about?

Zhao Benshan: Hehe, it's none of your business-

Gao Xiumin: What is serious?

Zhao Benshan: I should tell him-don't tell him about the disease, it's dangerous-it's okay. I think there is something wrong here, and my wife won't let me talk about it, so you can't believe it. You go, it's okay.-Hehe-It's okay.-Go-

Fan Wei: You are so talkative-you really are-

Zhao Benshan: It's too late to find the disease!

Fan Wei: What's wrong with you? Say something nice during the Chinese New Year! What's going on

Zhao Benshan: Don't get excited. You don't believe me when you see something wrong.

Fan Wei: You must tell me whether I believe it or not. What happened?

Zhao Benshan: Regardless of your illness, I know what you do!

Fan Wei: Ahem, I know what I'm doing. What should I do?

Zhao Benshan: You are the big boss in business-

Fan Wei: What?

Zhao Benshan: That's impossible.

Fan Wei: Nonsense. Did Big Boss pull through safely?

Zhao Benshan: Working in a hotel.

Gao Xiumin: How did you know he was in the hotel?

Zhao Benshan: I smell chopped green onion-is it from the hotel?

Fan Wei: So-what do you think I'm doing in a restaurant?

Zhao Benshan: master chef!

Fan Wei: Huh?

Zhao Benshan: Really?

Gao Xiumin: Gee, how do you know he is a chef?

Zhao Benshan: Big head, thick neck, either rich or a cook! -Isn't it? Is it a chef?

Fan Wei: Wow, well, you guessed it.

Zhao Benshan: Not really?

Fan Wei: Ah, ah, yes, yes. So what did you just say about me, saying it was serious and late? What is that?

Zhao Benshan: Can you believe it?

Fan Wei: I, I, I-I believe,

Zhao Benshan: I haven't felt a part of you recently, which is different from before. You think, you try to think-really,

Fan Wei: I don't think so. I just feel my face is getting bigger and bigger.

Zhao Benshan: By the way, this is not the main symptom! Do you know why your face is big?

Fan Wei: Why?

Zhao Benshan: It's the necrosis of your peripheral nerve that makes it bigger.

Fan Wei: Where are you holding back?

Zhao Benshan: Below the waist-feet up-

Fan Wei: Legs?

Zhao Benshan, yes!

Fan Wei: No, there is nothing wrong with my leg!

Zhao Benshan: Take two steps! Take two steps! Take two steps without illness! Let's go

Fan Wei: OK-two steps, two steps, two steps-

Zhao Benshan: Stop! What's wrong with your shoes?

Fan Wei: Is there a problem?

Zhao Benshan: One high and one low?

Fan Wei: This is the heel of a sports shoe!

Zhao Benshan: Yes, your leg is sick and one leg is short!

Fan Wei: There is no such thing! If I want a long leg and a short leg, the pants seller will tell me!

Zhao Benshan: Did the pants seller tell you that you still sell pants? Who is so kind as me? Guess what? I'll adjust it for you. Believe it or not, raise your legs as high as my hands, as high as possible, and throw them hard, okay? Believe it or not? The leg is specified to be sick and the right leg is short! Come on, get up! (Fan Wei cooperates)

Zhao Benshan: Stop! Are you numb?

Fan Wei: I'm numb

Gao Xiumin: Hey, why is he numb?

Zhao Benshan: Stamping will numb you!

Zhao Benshan: Are you numb? Are you numb?

Fan Wei: I'm numb-

Zhao Benshan: Get up, get up! Leave it alone, the leg is 100% sick, leave it alone and relax! Let's go Go, go, go. Forget it, forget it. Would you like to go with me? Go up, just a little, go-

Zhao Benshan's classic quotations and Zhao Benshan's classic sketch lines

I not only have a car, but also can light a cigarette myself, but I am lonely.

It's not that I don't laugh, I lose my powder when I laugh!

People are not smart and bald like others.

Don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

It's also good for mice to make money as escorts for cats.

Who says my face looks like a shoehorn? It is a typical pig kidney face.

Eyes are spinach in autumn.

Sample, take off your vest, I still know you.

I have been looking for happiness all my life. When I am old, I understand. What is happiness? Answer: Happiness is pain.

Go, hurt self-esteem, too hurt self-esteem.

Big head and thick neck, either rich or cook.

How can there be such a big gap between two cohabiting couples?

Ruthless diseases are devouring healthy cells in your brain, and a brand-new vegetative state is about to be born.

Don't mess around, just dig out our IQ and weigh it, which is two kilograms heavier than you.

Don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

Chopin, no matter how awesome B is, it can't play out Lao Tzu's sadness!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

A six-level carpenter is equivalent to an intermediate intellectual.

Whether the cat walks in a straight line depends entirely on the mouse.

Big head and thick neck, either the boss or the cook!

I have been pursuing happiness all my life, and I know what happiness is. Answer: Happiness is pain!

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true?

Eyes are spinach in autumn!

You let the blind man go to the South Pole, and he can't find the North at all; You let the cerebral thrombosis on the fork, he can't hook his leg at all; You let the monkey wear cheongsam, it can't see beauty at all; You ask Pan Changjiang to kiss Zhao, but he can't reach his mouth at all.

People are not smart and bald like others.

It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, there are too many chefs who have streaked for more than 20 years!

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I've had enough.

The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to eat in one place for a lifetime, but to eat in every place for a lifetime.

Even if it's a piece of shit, you will meet dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but a Tang priest. Wings are not necessarily angels, but sometimes birds.

Comrades: Don't speculate in stocks. It's too risky Tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Don't lose!

Big head and thick neck, either the boss or the cook!

Whether the cat walks in a straight line depends entirely on the mouse.

If there are no difficulties, we must create difficulties.

China football is a good dish, but the chopsticks with vegetables are poisonous, so we have to stop eating it.

There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep.

White clouds and black soil apologize to you. Please open your eyes and see how pathetic I am. Can you and I repeat yesterday's story today, and can my old boat ticket board your wrecked ship?

After pursuing happiness all my life, I finally understand what happiness is. Answer: Happiness is pain!

Waiting for the aftershock is like a first-love girl and other lovers, afraid that he won't come and that he will mess around.

China football is a good dish, but the chopsticks with vegetables are poisonous, so we have to stop eating it.

Don't come to me for nothing, let alone everything!

Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me?

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Holding your hand, you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears. If you don't go, I will.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain! Why do I need work experience?

Cherish life. If God keeps you alive, there must be a plan.

Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

The foot of my bed shone so brightly that the glass fell in love with the frost. If you don't rub it often, you have to dirty yourself.

Life is numbered, up to 36 thousand days; There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep;

Say that people are like flowers in a pot; Life is a mess!

Chopin, no matter how awesome B is, it can't play out Lao Tzu's sadness!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

Don't come to me for nothing, let alone everything!

Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me?

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Holding your hand, you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears. If you don't go, I will.

Quotations from Zhao Benshan's classic essays

A Collection of Quotations from Zhao Benshan's Classic Essays

1, kill the panda, I am a national treasure!

2. Comrades: Don't speculate in stocks. It's too risky Tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Don't lose!

3, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

4. What touched my dad the most: "Study hard, son. Dad used to play mahjong 10 yuan, and now he plays mahjong 10 yuan to learn from you. "

If you fall, get up and cry again.

6, 2008 is too abnormal, everything is abnormal! At this critical moment, China Men's Football Team stepped forward and proved to the world that China Men's Football Team is still normal!

7, low-key! It's the best b show! !

8. After several decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium and burn them all to ashes. You have a pile, I have a pile, no one knows who it is, and they all have to be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

9. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

10, "love" is a very strong word. The upper part of it is taken from the "change" in Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from the "state" in Metamorphosis.

1 1, sorry to make you laugh.

12, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but a Tang priest; Wings are not necessarily angels, but sometimes birds.

13, I can resist anything but temptation. ......

14. If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow, it's full

15, I not only have a car, but also work by myself. ......

16, even a piece of shit, met dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

17, I lit a cigarette, but I was lonely. ......

18, the real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to eat in one place all your life, but to eat everywhere all your life.

19, it's not that you don't laugh, you lose your powder when you laugh!

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I've had enough.

2 1, people are not smart and bald like others.

22. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in too many chefs for more than 20 years!

23. If you can't tie my heart, don't call me playboy!

24. The feeling of waiting for the aftershock is like that of a first-love girl and other lovers, fearing that he will not come and that he will mess around.

25, Chopin of Niu B, can't play Lao Tzu's sadness!

26, you will never see my loneliest time, because when I can't see you, it is my loneliest time!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

28. The story of the stone tells us that everything we really love is ultimately scattered, and everything we mix and match is ultimately reunited.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

30, love, just say it out loud, because you never know, tomorrow or accident, which comes first!

3 1, I never hold grudges. I usually report it on the spot.

32. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside. ......

33. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do!

34. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

35. Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

37. I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

38. If you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind!

39. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

40. If you choose to look up at others at 45, don't blame others for looking down at you at 135.

4 1. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

42. You can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the tears I dropped on the keyboard!

43. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

44. The PE teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

45, holding the child's hand, I know that the child is ugly and full of tears. If the child doesn't go, I will go.

46. Teacher, you are the devil in my heart. The closer I am to you, the farther I am from Buddha. ......

47. Zhuge Liang never took a single soldier before he came out of the mountain! Why do I need work experience?

48. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

49. Cherish your life-if God keeps you alive, you must have a plan.

Funny sketch lines

A: Everyone has a pair of hands, and everyone has fingers.

B: Nonsense, who doesn't have fingers?

A: Fingers are long and short, big and small.

B: Yes, telling the truth with your eyes open.

A: But the more you look at it, the more you like it (thumbs up), and the more you look at it, the more you hate it (index finger).

B: It takes five fingers to make a fist. How can you say love and hate?

Well, you don't know. In my family, my thumb is my father and my forefinger is my mother.

B: Why am I getting confused?

A: For example, one day, I was praised by my teacher in kindergarten. I'm so happy!

I should be happy.

I skipped home and shouted happily, "Mom!" .

B: Then your mother must be very happy.

A: But as soon as the voice fell, the "forefinger" came.

B: Why? Do you still have guests at home?

A: (Holding out the index finger) The index finger is my mother. "What's the matter with you? Your clothes are too dirty. Where have you been? "

Well, your mother is really something.

I'm thirsty. I was just about to eat an apple when the "forefinger" came again.

B: What's the matter?

A: (holding out index finger) "How do you know how to eat? Write quickly. You can't eat until you finish writing! "

B: Not even allowed to eat?

A: I just sat down and wrote two words, and I wanted to pee.

B: well, this urine doesn't live up to expectations

A: Oh, I can't hold it any longer!

B: Then you should go.

A: No. The "index finger" is coming again. (Stretching out index finger) "You child, you are so lazy. Hurry up and do your homework! "

B: Alas!

A: In this way, the repeated appearance of "index finger" made me lose my spirit in doing my homework.

No one will be energetic.

A: The less energetic you are, the more mistakes you make. The more mistakes I make, the more my mother criticizes me.

B: It's called a vicious circle.

Do you think I can stop hating it? (Stretching out index finger)

B: Your forefinger is really boring. What about "thumb"

A: The thumb is different, OK! Very good! Very good! Great! Great! Great! You're amazing!

B: Look! It's refreshing to say it.

No, I just finished my homework when my father came back. Pushing the door open, he smiled and said appreciatively (thumbs up), "You are great, son! You will know how to study when you get home. " One sentence made me feel embarrassed.

Listen, praise is like a ray of sunshine.

A: In order to repay my father, I went to get his slippers, newspaper and turn on the TV-

Look, as long as there is sunshine, he will become smart.

A: As a result, my father praised me again (thumbs up). "My son is so lovely, he just knows how to be considerate. I said, my son is the best! " I heard you, don't say how happy I am!

B: Look how beautiful he is!

Do you think I won't like it? (thumbs up)

I should. Even I envy your thumb.

A: "Thumb" means praise and "forefinger" means criticism.

B: Which child in the world doesn't like praise?

A: So, when I have a son in the future, I will use this more (thumbs up)!

Well, it's still early.

A: Do you think they can be the same?

B: It's different. Even the expression is different. The "thumb" is like this (smiling face) and the "index finger" is like this (losing face).

How I wish my mother did the same! (thumbs up)

Your mother will, so she's here!

A: Ah (scare away)?

Oh, look at him!