History has gossiped so much about what class eats with three fingers.

Hehe, I found it. Is it Li Yanwei? I am Wang, and there seems to be no good answer. I pass on a few, but they are not from the Qing Dynasty. Ask the teacher tomorrow.

1 According to legend, when Liu, Guan and Zhang visited the shanzhai, Zhuge Liang promised to go out of the mountain, but he had to play dumb with Liu Bei. Kong Ming gestured with his hand for a long time, but Liu Bei was puzzled and Guan Yu was at a loss. Zhang Fei (Zi Yide) said, "What's so difficult about this? Wait for Lao Zhang to come! "

Kong Ming looked Zhang Fei up and down, pointing to the sky, and Zhang Fei was busy pointing to the ground; Kong Ming held out one finger and Zhang Fei held out three fingers. Kong Ming drew a small circle with three fingers, and Zhang Fei spread out his hands and held out nine fingers. Kongming drew a big circle with his palms on his chest. Zhang Fei shook his head and pointed to his sleeve.

Kongming smiled and said, "Good answer! Wonderful answer! "

Liu Bei came forward to ask Kong Ming, who said, "I mean astronomy. He pointed to the earth and answered geography. " : I pointed out that it is "unifying the world" and he pointed out that it is "the three countries stand in the balance"; I stretch three fingers to draw a small circle, and he stretches nine fingers to draw a small circle. I looked at my chest and compared it to' gossip of Yin and Yang in my belly'. He pointed to the cuff and answered me,' The sun and the moon are hidden in the sleeve'. Absolutely! "

Afterwards, Liu Bei asked Zhang Fei how to answer. Zhang Fei said, "What's the trouble? He pointed to the sky and said it was snowing today. I pointed to the ground and replied that the road was slippery. He held out a finger and asked us to' go to the cold village first', and I answered with three fingers' we visited the cottage three times'; He stretched out his finger and drew a small circle, saying that he had prepared' three biscuits' for us. I answered with nine fingers,' at least nine cookies'; This gentleman is very stingy. He drew a big circle on his chest with his hand, which means,' My cake is too big, I'm afraid it won't fit in your stomach. I replied rudely:' Don't worry, I can't finish eating and take it home with my sleeves'. "

Liu Bei and Guan Yu marveled: "What a lucky general, strange man, clever right!" "

2 talk big, the three kingdoms borrow arrows.

Zhou Yu: Hello, I'm Zhou Yu, Governor of Soochow. I've been having a bad time recently. Why? Because of Zhuge Liang. Because I found that there is a big gap between him and me in wisdom, height, appearance, singing voice, body shape, magic, temperament, manners and so on. No big deal. But I am narrow-minded, how can I stand it? I was born in, so it is not bright! This time, I must find a plan to at least kill him to ease my hatred.

(Then Lu Su and Kong Mingjin entered the tent.)

Lu Su:

Kong Ming: Hello, Governor.

Zhou Yu: Hello. Mr. Zhuge heard that you learned to read five cars, which in itself speaks for itself. How about we play a game?

Kong Ming: If you win, will there be a prize?

Zhou Yu: Of course, there are plenty of prizes. Has Mr. Zhuge heard of the allusions of the seven-step poem?

Kong Ming: Do you want me to write a seven-step poem?

Zhou Yu: Yes, but our rules are a little different from theirs.

Lu Su: I know, but I just can't do it. You don't have to behead, do you, governor?

Zhou Yu: Wrong! The only difference is that he wrote one song, but you have to write three in a row.

Kong Ming: Can't you do it?

Zhou Yu: Kill people as usual.

Kong Ming: Ah!

Zhou Yu: First of all, everyone says Liaocheng is good. Start right away

(Zhuge Liang is scared to take a step back)

Zhou Yu: Go further.

Kong Ming: Everyone says Liaocheng is good. There are smoke waves on Dongchang Lake. It's really beautiful to go for a ride by boat.

Everyone says Liaocheng is good. There are sandstorms every day. Please don't eat when you go out. The dust is full.

Everyone says Liaocheng is good, and tourism will be a treasure this year. Walking in the street is really fucking dirty.

Lu Su: (always shaking his head with Kong Ming) Good poem, good poem.

Kong Ming: Governor, how are you?

Zhou Yu: Hum.

Kong Ming: I seem to remember that the governor just said that the prize was rich. I don't know. Did I hear you right?

Zhou Yu: OK, I'll give you a task.

Kong Ming: How can a task be a prize?

Lu Su: The viceroy has a real personality. You are the first person who has ever done a task as a prize. You really deserve to be a red hare in a horse and a Lu Su in a person.

Kong Ming: What task?

Zhou Yu: Answer my question first, Mr. Kongming. What weapon do you think is the most dominant in the water war between the two armies?

Kong Ming: I don't know.

Zhou Yu: (hands spread out bows and arrows)

Kong Ming: (Oh, it suddenly dawned) I see. The governor originally said slingshot. The IQ of the viceroy is so high that even this unconventional weapon can be figured out. It has the characteristics of simple structure, portability, high hit rate and great power. He took out his slingshot and hit Lu Su, who fell down. How did the governor come up with it? Did you often smash people's windows with it when you were a child?

Zhou Yu: Right. Oh, no, it's not a slingshot. Look again.

Kong Ming: (walking around Zhou Yu twice, imitating his posture) Is it a shotgun?

Lu Su: The shotgun is characterized by great power, high hit rate and long range. ...

Zhou Yu: Mr. Kong Ming, please take a closer look.

(Lu Su gets up from the ground and says to Zhou Yu: Of course, its disadvantage is that it is slow to update, a little heavy, and the price is also ... (Zhou Yu calls again)

Kong Ming: I still don't see it.

Zhou Yu: I'm so angry (jogging for a while and then making a sculpture)

Kong Ming: I see. It turned out that the Governor wanted to invite Guo Jing, known as the Northern Xia, to help train our team.

Lu Su: Fortunately, your master and Wu Dong, the commander-in-chief of our navy, are so imaginative. Why don't we invite the ashes of time together? In the face of 830,000 Cao Jun, I am full of confidence. My admiration for the commander-in-chief is like a raging river, like the Yellow River flooding out of control.

Zhou Yu: (punched angrily again) Didn't you see the bow and arrow?

Lu Su: A bow and arrow? The governor deserves to be the first handsome boy in Wu Dong. He is not only handsome in appearance, but also has many different reverie. He really kills three birds with one stone. My admiration for the governor is like a raging river and another. ......

Kong Ming: I agree with the governor. Is it that the task entrusted to me by the Governor is to make arrows?

Zhou Yu: You know me, sir.

Kong Ming: Of course, everything is arranged by the governor. I wonder how much it costs.

Zhou Yu: 654.38+ Wan Jian,

Kong Ming: When will it be finished?

Zhou Yu: (reaches out his finger and makes a figure of eight)

Lu Su: It was eight years. That is a lot of time. Zhuge Liang immediately went back to prepare.

Zhou Yu: No, eight days.

Lu Su: Eight days.

Zhou Yu: Yes, Zhuge Liang in 8 days. Are you full of confidence?

Kong Ming: Yes, but the war is so tight now.

Zhou Yu: Yes, the war is tight now, only eight days can't last any longer. What, you want to say no?

Kong Ming: No, I mean that the war is so tight now. Is eight days too long?

Lu Su Zhou Yu: (When! Step back in surprise)

Zhou Lu: Still too long?

Lu Su: Can you make it shorter?

Kong Ming: I think three days is enough.

Lu Su: (falls to the ground on the spot) Don't believe him. I'm sure he's just lovelorn.

Zhou Yu: You mean three days? three days

Kong Ming: Three days.

Zhou Yu: Three days (holding out three fingers)

Kong Ming: Three days, three days.

Lu Su: Zhuge Liang, I know it's painful to be lovelorn, but I advise you to be rational.

Zhou Yu: Ha ha ha ha. He really wants to die. Mr Zhuge was joking in the army. Did you just hear what Lu Su said?

Kong Ming: Am I funny now? Ladies and gentlemen, am I kidding now? I am willing to make a written commitment to carry out military orders. If I can't finish the task, I'll come to you first.

Zhou Yu: Pure man, pure (Northeast dialect)

Zhou Yu: Please sign here.

Kong Ming: Take a pen and get ready to write.

Lu Su: (grabbing Kong Ming's hand) Why don't you think again? Think about Liu Bei, who is crying, and Adou, who is a minor.

Zhou Yu: (punching Lu Su) Mr. Zhuge is really courageous and knowledgeable.

Both Kong Ming and Lu Su have left.

Zhou Yu: (laughing with the written written military order) _ ha ha _ ha ha.

(End of the first act)

Act ii

Kong Ming: What about the thirty warships and hundreds of scarecrows that Lu Su asked you to prepare?

Lu Su: Everything is ready. Besides, I prepared a submarine for you.

Kong Ming: (surprised) Why?

Lu Su: I suggest you sneak back by submarine while Zhou Yu is unprepared. I also try my best to be patient, and I promise I will never tell anyone. How's it going?

Kong Ming: I am a hero after all. How can I do such a shameful thing?

Lu Su: Then you just want to die. Tell you what, after you die, I will come to your grave regularly to burn paper money for you, so don't worry.

Kong Ming: I won't die.

Lu Su: You've been rubbing hemp every day for the past two days, and you haven't done anything at all. Today is the third day, and you still say you won't die?

Kong Ming: Actually, all this is under my control. To tell you the truth, I have arranged countless undercover agents in Cao Cao's place. I spoke to them on the phone, and we made an appointment to pick up the arrow this morning.

Lu Su: Impossible. Countless brothers undercover?

Really? I can't believe you're the spy chief.

Kong Ming: It's terrible. Putin was once a spy.

Lu Su: How?

Kong Ming: We will go by boat. As soon as we arrive at Cao Cao's camp, we will tell them our contact information, and they will give us the arrow.

Lu Su: Is this method safe? How many undercover agents do you have? 65438+100000 arrows must be shot in one day.

Kong Ming: I have no fewer than 200,000 undercover agents.

Lu Su: (surprised) I really want to know how you brought your undercover troops into Cao Ying.

Kong Ming: We'll talk about this later. Lu Su, can you do me a favor?

Lu Su: Go ahead.

Kong Ming: Can you give me an undercover job and meet my undercover in Jiangbei?

Lu Su: (angrily)

Kong Ming: I know it's embarrassing to go undercover as the assistant of the viceroy. If you really don't want to, I can. ....

Lu Su: (excitedly) Too excited. Zhuge Liang, thank you for giving me this opportunity to act as an agent. Talk about the specific task quickly.

Kong Ming: Great.

Lu Su: Is there a role like bond girl to partner with me?

Kong Ming: Let's talk about it when we get on the boat.

Lu Su: Go ahead.

Kong Ming: A partner like Bond has never done this task. I may arrange it according to your needs next time.

Lu Su: More care, more care. So what's my task this time?

Kong Ming: Your task this time is relatively simple. When our fleet approached Cao Ying, you called our contact signal and asked our undercover to shoot arrows.

Lu Su: It's really simple. Hey, why don't you do such a simple job yourself?

Kong Ming: I want to plan.

Lu Su: That makes sense. But what if Cao Cao finds out?

Kong Ming: He can't find it. There will be a sandstorm this morning.

Lu Su: What's our contact information?

Kong Ming: Military secrets must never be revealed. I'll tell you then.

Lu Su: OK.

Kong Ming: By the way, you have to wear this treasure armor and helmet.

Lu Su: Why?

Kong Ming: I want to ensure the absolute safety of my agents.

Lu Su: OK. Why is there a hole in it?

Kong Ming: Really? I can't believe I was bitten by a mouse after years of use.

Kong Ming: Are you coming soon?

Lu Su: Look ahead, I feel like a great man.

Kong Ming: I wrote down the famous saying, when you look forward. .......

Lu Su: I feel, Oh, here we are.

Kong Ming: I'm planning in the cabin, and you stand at the bow to get in touch.

Lu Su: OK (catching Kong Ming) You haven't told me the contact information yet.

Kong Ming: Who dares to shoot me? I'm Lu Su.

Lu Su: Why is this code so strange?

Kong Ming; Of course, Jianghu slang is a bit strange. I'll go first.

Lu Su: Who dares to film me? I'm Lu Su. Who dares shoot me? I'm Lu Su. Zhuge Liang, you really have a clever plan. Your undercover did shoot that arrow. Zhuge Liang, I appreciate your appearance.

Kong Ming: Is it a turbulent river?

Lu Su: Just like dongchang lake, it is deep, wide and boundless.

Kong Ming: Lu Su, you are very talented as an agent.

Lu Su: How long should I shout?

Kongming: Keep shouting until our boat is full.

Lu Su: I'm Lu Su. Who dares shoot me?

Kong Ming: Our ship is full. Come on in.

Lu Su: I didn't expect your undercover to be really obedient, but I have something to ask you. How did you know there was a sandstorm this morning?

Kong Ming: Because the general doesn't know astronomy and geography, it's also much ado about nothing to ignore the weather forecast.

Lu Su: I wrote it down (took out a book to write it down), but it suddenly occurred to me that that TV station had a 72-hour weather forecast.

Kong Ming: Watertown Channel of Liaocheng University

Lu Su: Look, isn't that the commander-in-chief ahead?

Kong Ming: Sure enough. Will the governor come to pick us up?

Governor: Zhuge Liang didn't expect you to use such despicable means! And you, Lu Su! !

Lu Su: I also cherish talents.

Zhou Yu: You are so confused.

Lu Su: I've been smart all my life, can't I be confused for a while?

Kong Ming and Zhou Yu: Famous sayings (each takes out a small notebook and repeats it in his mouth)

Zhou Yu: You said that you cherish talents, but this is detrimental to the interests of Wu Dong. Are you immoral or not?

Lu Su: I have been doing good all my life. What do you mean, wicked once?

Zhou Yu, Kong Ming: Famous sayings (I took out my notebook again). I've been doing good all my life. What do you mean, wicked once?

Kong Ming: This is my 654.38+ ten thousand arrows. Please count it.

Zhou Yu: Hum! (Ha ha _ ha ha) 99999 (ha ha ha ha). God helped me. You really need one. But we have an appointment. We can't live without it. Come on, help me stop him.

Kong Ming: _ Hahahahaha

Zhou Yu: What are you laughing at?

Kong Ming: Lv Su.

Lu Su: I have another one here, the viceroy (unbuttoning his clothes for Zhou Yu to see and lying on him).

Zhou Yu: Why didn't you say something just now?

Lu Su: I was so excited that I didn't realize (falling on him again).