After junior high school, children's grades are getting worse and worse? Education experts remind: parents should learn from companionship to letting go.

Text | Ruying accompanying parenting classics

After the children enter junior high school, the academic performance in the class is seriously polarized. Children who study well get high grades in all subjects, while children who study poorly fall behind in all subjects.

Excuse me, which parents of Xueba usually educate their children? Xueba's parents will only say proudly with a smile: "I don't usually take care of my children!"

I think it may be that Xueba's parents have reservations and don't tell the truth. However, parents who have asked many children around them to get good grades have answered this way.

Really let the children stay alone, and their academic performance will get better?

With the development of society, the income gap is getting bigger and bigger, and there are two types of parents: "helicopter parents" and "parents who shop without cutting".

Helicopter parents just hover around their children every day and take care of everything. However, the shopkeeper-type parents really don't care. Children usually live on campus and are sent to cram schools on weekends. It's no use for their children to learn well.

The children educated by these two types of parents are also polarized: the more children manage, the worse their grades are. Maybe primary school is better. After children enter junior high school and senior high school, the more parents take care of them, the less satisfactory their grades are and the more rebellious they are. Parents really don't care about their children's good grades.

Education experts say: education is from companionship in childhood to letting go when you grow up.

Parents should learn to stay with their children when they should, and let them go when they should.

Is it useful for parents to let their children go beyond junior high school?

Answer: It is definitely useful.

First of all, children can be made to bear the responsibility of learning by themselves. Many parents care too much, and the ultimate goal of children's learning is for parents to learn. Parents let go, that is, let the children bear the responsibility of learning.

Secondly, it can help children develop the ability of autonomous learning. Especially after entering the university and society, it is very important to have the ability of autonomous learning without the discipline of teachers and parents, relying entirely on the motivation of children to learn.

Finally, it can also make the family parent-child relationship more harmonious. Every parent has had the pain of helping their children with their homework. I have experienced that kind of yelling, and finally the parent-child relationship is getting more and more tense. Let the children do their own homework, that is, give him the problem to solve, and the contradiction between parents and children will be reduced.

Parents let go and let their children learn to study independently, which is actually a kind of trust and independence for their children, so it brings many benefits to their children.

However, after parents really let go, children will have two common situations.

The first type: children's grades soar. This is the best effect. Maybe some children have been looking forward to this day for a long time. Without parents' nagging, children's grades will naturally get better.

The second type: children have poor grades. Children are like wired kites without parents' discipline in their studies. They don't know what to do. If they are not controlled, their grades will get worse and worse.

In the face of failure, parents should not easily doubt the expert's conclusion. It is very likely that you did it too early or too late.

Without parental supervision, a child may not know what to do, because he has not cultivated corresponding abilities, such as time management, target management, study habits and so on.

What parents need to do is to know your child's situation and ability. Gradually letting go at an appropriate time, rather than a unified time from everything to suddenly nothing, will also make children feel at a loss.

Letting go means not letting go.

Desi and Ryan, the author of Intrinsic Motivation, found through research that everyone has three basic psychological needs:

If parents really want to let go, they still need to cultivate their children's self-motivation to achieve the desired effect after letting go. How to cultivate children's self-motivation?

Let children have the ability to learn.

In order to be competent in learning, parents should learn to cultivate their children's relevant abilities, skills and habits from an early age.

As long as the child's ability is achieved, the academic performance will naturally be good. Children will be more confident if their academic performance is good. The more confident he is, the more capable he is of learning.

2 Give children the autonomy to learn.

As parents, there is always an instinct to protect their children and help them make decisions, thinking that this is the best choice for their children. In fact, parents are not children's leaders, but should be children's consultants to help children learn to control their own lives.

Always tell your children that you are your own expert and no one can know yourself better than you. By defining responsibilities, setting boundaries, setting goals and evaluating, children are gradually made to take responsibility, thus realizing children's autonomy in learning.

③ Contact, trust and encourage children.

I believe that children, regardless of their grades, can face it calmly. The new exam is not a problem, parents should see the children's further changes and development. Don't be afraid of children's failure, encourage them more, give them more time, be patient and trust them.

BBKING Zhan Qingyun in the sixth season of "Qi Pa Shuo" met such a good mother. When Zhan Qingyun was in primary school, he hated students with poor grades. However, her mother said to her: Mom has calculated it, and you will be a good student when you reach the fourth grade.

I didn't expect her grades to be poor after the fourth grade. Then her mother said to her, "Don't worry, mom has recalculated, and you will be the first in senior one."

Although her mother's fortune-telling was finally realized in her high school, under her mother's trust, Zhan Qingyun has been admitted to the University of Hong Kong all the way, and then applied to Harvard University, and she has been a "poor student" all the way.

Children's learning is like the growth of bamboo. At first, it only took 5 years to grow 3 cm, but because of its deep foundation, it grows at a rate of 60 cm every day.

So, wait patiently for the day when the child breaks out. From now on, as long as the children make progress than yesterday, parents should encourage them more and wait for the flowers to bloom.

Remember when our parents taught us to ride a bike when we were young? Parents are always behind to help their children hold their bikes. When they were halfway there, they found that they were riding very fast. Looking back, their father has let go. Because of this, we can teach ourselves to ride a bike.

The way of education is the same as learning to ride a bike, that is, parents will accompany you for a while and then put it down. Only in this way can children really learn to ride a bike, learn to swim and learn to learn.