The custom of being a Hakka son-in-law

Hakka wedding customs are traditional and warm, among which the "Six Rites" show the world a unique process of pursuing happiness:

1, matchmaking

When the man grows up, his parents entrust a person to be a matchmaker and find an unmarried woman in a suitable family. The matchmaker explained the man's family background, age and appearance to the woman's parents. If the woman's parents agree, they can have a blind date, which is what the locals call "seeing the house" (Hakka: "seeing the house"). Under normal circumstances, "visiting others" means that the woman's parents invite several close relatives and relatives to the man's house to see his appearance and understand his personality and family. The man needs to hold a banquet to entertain the relatives of the woman, and send red envelopes and gifts. In ancient times, the woman's daughter did not participate in this procedure. If both parties have no objection, the woman will write the year, month, day and time (commonly known as "fortune") of her daughter's birth on a red post and send it to the man's house, which is called "seeing off the Geng". The man put the "Geng Tie" in front of the ancestral tablet, and everything went well within three days, so he further asked the fortune teller to "match the eight characters". If he thinks it is "union", the marriage is settled. But in modern times, women can also participate in "housekeeping" programs, which is of course related to women's liberation.

2. Zading

After the successful blind date, the woman's parents put forward conditions, such as a certain amount of money, pigs, wine, chicken and fish, orange cakes, candy, rice, beans, noodles and noodles in rural areas; The man offered to make up a certain amount. At this time it will be decided by the matchmaker between men and women. It should be noted that rural areas often use written forms, that is, "writing engagement" or "writing marriage characters". On the front, it says "the word is unique", and on the bottom, it says that both parents and matchmaker hold one copy. The author believes that this is undoubtedly a side example of the so-called "parents' orders, matchmakers' words" in ancient times. In addition, it is also stipulated that the man should prepare a banquet when writing. If the family allows, it is also stipulated that the man's family should invite one or two tables of "engagement wine". After this ceremony, a woman is a man's home, and her words and deeds should follow the rules of married women. According to the author's interview, in the ancient Hakkas in Meixian County, Guangdong Province, in addition to general gifts, both men and women will also give two "rabbits" to a man and a mother. "Rabbit" is to turn the pig's stomach upside down, stuff it with rice bran, and then make ears and eyes. Vivid image. The woman took the man and gave it back to the man. As the saying goes, "after the rabbit ceremony, you can spit on your descendants."

3. Report the date and send the engagement fee.

The so-called "date of registration" means that the man will notify the woman after choosing the date of "making a bed" and picking up relatives. One month before the wedding, the man should pay the bride price. The traditional Hakka people's requirement for the mantissa of engagement money ends with "nine", which means homophonic, auspicious and long-lasting, and everlasting. When the woman fights for bed, she should send grapefruit and charcoal to the man's house, which means giving birth to a baby and warming the new house, commonly known as "exploring the sun." In some areas, men are required to make big meatballs for women and give them to relatives and friends to show their affinity.

4, plate dowry

According to the traditional Hakka custom, most people marry women in five-color shirts and pants, dressing tables, foot buckets, urine buckets, curtain mats, wooden boxes or suitcases. Wealthy families buy silks and satins, bedding, blankets, gold and silver ornaments, etc. To show off. In Hakka wedding customs, the dowry is called "Qing Niang" and the man gives a red envelope. After the dowry was delivered, the man asked his relatives and friends to "see the dowry". The time of dowry is during the day, and the specific date varies from place to place-the time of dowry in cities is the day before the bride gets married, and in rural areas it is mostly the day after the bride gets married.

Among the Hakkas in Guangdong and overseas, there is still a unique custom of "vegetable marriage". When Hakka daughters get married, parents will seriously tie some auspicious vegetables, such as celery, garlic, leeks and so on. One by one, they use red ropes or strips of red cloth as dowry to express their good wishes to their daughters-in-law. More interestingly, Hakka people also use "everlasting grass" as their dowry custom. Evergreen grass is a kind of wild grass, tied with red rope, married to the husband's family, hung in the bamboo basket at the head of the bridal chamber, and planted in the vegetable garden the next day to show its roots.

5. Pick a bride and send relatives

Receiving the bride is also called "welcoming the bride". In ancient times, this kind of ceremony was mostly performed during the day. The man is going to prepare pig's head, chicken, fish, incense and firecrackers, and then go to the woman's house to meet relatives. As the saying goes, "a broken fan is strong, and a broken sedan chair is imposing." Therefore, "I was carried to my husband's house in a sedan chair!" " This is something that women in the old society should be proud of all their lives. It should be noted that the number of people who pick up relatives should be even. When the bride's family saw relatives coming, she had to close the door. After setting off firecrackers three times in a row, relatives opened the door with candlelight to welcome guests. The woman should prepare a banquet for the bride-to-be, which is called "no seats". Husband and guests moved chopsticks a little and didn't eat much. After the married girl took a bath, the matchmaker and the bride dressed her up. The woman's guests should also be even, generally including relatives and friends such as the bride's brother. When going out, the woman's parents should avoid it. At the man's house, if it is not time to start work, the bride must wait outside the door first. At the beginning, drums and guns greet each other, and the man's parents should avoid it. They should meet when visiting the church to avoid "collision". Stepping into the big threshold, the cook killed a rooster, called "stop the door chicken". Some rural customs put an axe under the threshold, and the bride enters the new house through the rice screen.

In modern times, Hakka people in some areas have the custom of "dragging green" at wedding ceremonies, that is, there is a man dragging a banyan branch behind the sedan chair, that is, the descendants of the hundred sons. When a sedan chair meets another sedan chair on the road, it will exchange branches with each other according to the custom, and both sides will bless many children and grandchildren, commonly known as "changing green". Then drag them home, throw banyan branches on their own tile backs, borrow the meaning of banyan trees, and exchange red flowers in some places. This custom is still prevalent in Heyuan area.

6. Go to church, eat noodles, eat bowls of chicken and drink a glass of wine.

Meeting the bride is the last ceremony of marriage. The bride and groom worship the heavens together first, then the ancestors, and then the husband and wife worship each other. After the ceremony, they entered the bridal chamber and lit red candles. Cooked chicken, noodles and two eggs were placed on the table. The bride and groom ate together and drank a toast. For the first time, the couple should choose a lucky time to eat with the groom. The things on the new bed are exquisite. There are generally four pomelos in Chengguan, and the word "grapefruit" is homophonic with "grapefruit". Put a red bucket in the country, which contains white rice, rulers, scales, abacus, scissors and the like, symbolizing a rich life after marriage, knowing how to plan and calculate; There is also a red light, which means "Gardin".

After worshipping the church, it is a banquet for guests, called "drinking a wedding banquet", and the ceremony is very grand. Under normal circumstances, the wedding banquet is located in the hall, and the tables are different. The top left is the chief, and the right is the second seat. Sit on the old man and accompany the guests. Guests are seated according to seniority, distance, age and family. The main guests, the groom, must come to him one by one with respectful invitations, take them to the prescribed seats and offer bowls and chopsticks. The banquet was hosted by the bride's parents. The mother-in-law of the bride and groom is a distinguished guest, sitting at the first table. When a woman visits a man's house, the guest is called a "big guest". When married women come, they should set off firecrackers in front of the door to welcome them. They can't hold a party until they arrive. The groom will hold a pot at the first table of his mother's uncle and pour her wine.

A noisy room, with or without it, is not a wedding. Generally, after the guests' banquet, some young men, women and relatives enter the new house to amuse the bride and groom, and ask them to rap and tease, such as the bride and groom biting red flowers (red envelopes), the bride and groom sharing a candy, singing and dancing. There used to be a bad habit of "piling on oil", that is, pressing the brides one by one. This phenomenon, which is somewhat a legacy of early barbaric group marriage, has been abolished. In some places before, housing reform was carried out in the hall because of the narrow new houses. For three consecutive days, regardless of size, men, women and children can participate in these three days. Hakka noisy rooms are also dominated by a concept, and the louder the noise, the more auspicious it is. Four sentences, which rhyme with auspicious, blessing and festive language, stand out in the custom of Guangdong Hakkas making trouble in the bridal chamber, which runs through the whole process of making trouble in the bridal chamber, elegant and funny.

In many places, the old customs have the custom of consummating marriage and testing virginity. In the south, especially in Guangdong, during the Three Dynasties, the bride would send roast pigs to show her chastity when she returned home. The bride is respected by the male family, and the female family is proud of it. "Eating roast pig" has become synonymous with whether the bride is chaste or not. On the day of the Three Dynasties, the groom accompanied the bride back to the door, and the woman's parents were looking forward to it. Seeing the "roast pig" coming up later, they put down their long-held hearts. The daughter is a virgin, and her husband's family is satisfied with her, so parents are gratified that her daughter has lifelong care. In response to this old custom, the poet Yu ridiculed this bad habit: "Whoever teaches the arm to print red in the lane always has a hazy shadow in the bridal chamber;" Who will hold a ceremony for Lu Qing and cook pigs for three days to guard the palace? "Although I sent a roast pig, it would be a shame if my wife chopped off the tail or skinned the pig.

Inviting three dynasties: also known as "Huimen", on the third day after the bride gets married, her family will hold a banquet for her daughter and son-in-law. When a daughter goes back to her parents' home as a guest, she can be the chief. After the party, she took off her red shirt in public and put on ordinary new clothes. On this day, I can't stay at my parents' house, and I have to go back to my husband's house no matter how far away. In some rural areas, my parents will invite some relatives (women) to my daughter's house in a few days. Some mothers invite their daughters home to brew full moon wine when they are married for a full moon. Men and women in-laws choose their own dates and hold banquets to invite each other to drink, which is called "going to the door". The echo of these festivals can strengthen the communication between the two families.