Love is always high and low. You may be anxious and attached.

Love is always high and low, and you can get rid of no 7 anxiety and internal friction. Are you anxious and attached?

Some time ago, I mainly wrote some evasive adjustments and behavior analysis, and received many private messages. The most frequently asked question is "What if I am anxious and encounter avoidance?" First, let's clarify two points.

1. If we don't understand, analyze and study the reasons and behaviors of avoidance, objectively speaking, 99% people will be aroused anxiety. Even if you are safe, you will be anxious, but having anxiety does not mean that you are anxious and attached.

2. Unsafe attachment is neither a mental illness nor a static state. Even the safe type may turn to avoidance or anxiety because of some major blows, and the attached type is constantly flowing.

Even if it's not intimate, it's hard to control.

One's own mood, emotional instability

Many anxious and attached people feel that they are a particularly independent person when they are not in love. In addition to intimate relationships, anxious people are basically the same as ordinary people in dealing with life, study and career, but their inner sensitivity and lack of self-security make them feel ups and downs, irritable or grumpy even in non-intimate relationships, which is easy to give people a true emotion and strong emotional ability, but they are not calm and irrational. Therefore, from the professional point of view, most anxious people will be engaged in clerical, clerical and administrative jobs with relatively low pressure, rather than sales, finance, computers and other jobs that require strong pressure resistance and long-term concentration.

As long as the intimate relationship is entered, the whole person's behavior will present an irrational "baby state". For example, at the beginning of a relationship, you will emphasize to each other that "I am very clingy". If you are a partner who doesn't understand anxiety, you may misjudge it as just coquetry, but it is actually a disclaimer. The subtext is: "Because I have told you that I am clingy, and you are still willing to stay with me, so no matter how clingy I am in the future, it is not my fault, and you can't refuse." Many anxious people always want to find their other half when they are in love. As long as they are not around, they can't help asking if you like me. Do you love me or not? I always want to express my love to each other and expect the other party to give me the same enthusiastic response. If the other party can't give it, I will fall into anxiety, doubt and even question the other party.

Strong abandonment anxiety, fear that your partner will leave you. Psychologists have proved through experiments that anxious people are more sensitive than other attachment types, which are manifested in love, daily life and work. Anxious people are good at capturing "details". They are very good at observing their partner's emotional changes, even if it is a slight change, they can feel it immediately. When they feel this emotional change, they will immediately enter a state of "guessing", and they can't help guessing the motivation behind their partner's emotional change and their attitude towards themselves, which is actually caused by a high degree of abandonment anxiety. If the partner can't give a positive response at this time, they will intensify and spread their guesses infinitely, which will lead to more serious anxiety. Physically, the most common thing is insomnia, and I can't sleep.

The defensive behavior of anxiety does not come from them.

True will

Pursuing balance (for example, the other party saves information 10 minutes, and he will come back in 10 minutes), deliberately making lovers jealous, jealous, expressing boredom, cold violence, pretending to be indifferent, and often threatening to break up ... These are actually defensive behaviors that appear when anxious people feel uneasy in intimate relationships. For example, the motive behind cold violence that wants to avoid cold violence is to really want to be quiet and hope not to be disturbed. The motivation of anxiety and cold violence is to stimulate each other, attract their attention, and let their partners take the initiative to coax themselves.

Many people think psychology is mysterious, and even confuse psychology with horoscopes, tarot cards and fortune telling. But psychology is actually a science that studies brain activity. Although it is called psychology, it actually studies "brain activity". As the most complex organ of human body, our brain can maintain emotional health and stability when all functional areas are functioning normally. When a local fault occurs, it will bring serious emotional problems. Anxiety attachment is weak in the area of the brain responsible for managing emotions, so the general emotional self-control of anxiety type is poor. At the same time, the area responsible for emotional connection in the brain is strong and in a high state, which is why anxious people always want to establish contact with attached objects and stay close.