Begging for jokes.

In chemistry class, the teacher explained the relationship between solvent and solute: "A certain solvent can only dissolve a certain solute. For example, if you eat a bowl of rice, eat another bowl, and the third bowl is full, can you still eat? "

A student asked, "Is there anything to eat?"

2. Check-

During the exam, a student took out the dice and shook out ten multiple-choice questions. At last he suddenly took it out and shook it. The invigilator finally couldn't bear it: "What are you doing?"

The student replied, "I'm checking."

3. Where to go-

One day, a lady called a taxi. Miss: "Hello! I am at a certain intersection and I want to take a taxi. "

Driver: "What are you wearing?" Miss: "I wear a white coat and a blue skirt."

Driver: "Where to?"

Miss: "to the knee." Driver: ". . . . . . "

4. People in Egypt and India, oh, don't use toilet paper. Do you know what they look like when they respond to the call of nature? They wash with their left hands and then rinse with water. How dirty it is, but every time I pass a building, I see a long queue to buy Indian cakes there, so I hide my face and walk over with a smile. You know, it's hard to throw a cake with one hand.

5. Know people by their legs-

In an animal experiment in a university, the examiner announced the test questions: there are ten birds in front of the classroom, each with a cloth bag, and only the legs are exposed. Please observe the legs of each bird carefully, and then say their common names, habits, genera, etc.

A college student observed the legs of every bird, but these birds seemed no different to him. The more he looks at them, the angrier he gets. He got up and said to the professor, "This kind of exam is so boring. Who can tell a bird by its legs? "

The professor was shocked by his words and deeds and quickly asked, "which class are you in?" What's your name? "

Angry college students went to the podium, lifted their trouser legs up and shouted at the professor, "Guess, guess!" "

6. Beggars and misers-

A beggar came to the door of a miser's house to beg.

Beggar: "Please give me a small piece of meat, cheese or cream." Miser: "No!"

Beggar: "Bread crumbs will do."

Miser: "No!"

Beggar: "Then give me some water to drink!" " "Miser:" We don't even have water. "

The beggar was angry: "Then why are you still sitting at home?" ? Come and beg with me! "

7. Captives and horses-

A cavalry was unfortunately captured in the battle.

"We will kill all the prisoners." The enemy leader said to him, "But because of your heroic performance in the battle, I can kill you in three days and meet your three requirements before that." Now, you can ask the first question. "

Without thinking, the cavalry said, "I want to say something to my horse." The leader agreed. So the cavalry went over and whispered a word to his horse. Hearing this, the horse gave a long whistle and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back with a beautiful woman on its back. In the evening, the cavalry spent the spring night with the girl. The leader exclaimed, "What a wonderful BMW!" He said, "But I will kill you. What is your second requirement? "

The cavalry asked to talk to the horse again. The leader agreed, so the cavalry whispered a few words to the horse again, and the horse roared again and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back. This time, the girl on her back is sexier than last time. That night, the cavalry and the girl had another happy night.

The leader was greatly impressed: "You and your horse are really an eye-opener, but I will kill you tomorrow. Now you make one last request. " The cavalry thought for a moment and said, "I want to talk to my horse alone." The leader felt very strange, but nodded in agreement and left with his entourage, leaving only the cavalry and his BMW in the tent. The cavalry stared at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ear and said angrily, "I repeat, take a brigade, not a woman!" " "

8. Answer first-

A man went to the toilet at the rest stop of the expressway. The first room was occupied, so he entered the second room. As soon as I went to the toilet, I heard someone next door say, "Hey, what's up? Is everything all right? "

Men think it is strange to talk to people when going to the toilet, but in order not to be rude, they still try to answer: not bad! "

Then the man next door said, "What are you doing?"

The man was surprised and even more strange, but he still replied, "I'm going to Taichung on business."

Just then, he heard the man next door say, "I'll call you later." There's a psycho next to me. Every time I talk to you, he tries to answer. "

9. Between stations-

A passenger said to the flight attendant, "I'm going to Dunkas."

The flight attendant said, "This train can't stop in Kass on Tuesday, but, man, when we change tracks in Dunkas, the speed will slow down." I'll open the door, you just jump. " Although the car is not driving fast, you should follow after jumping, or you will be caught by the wheels. "

When the train arrived in Dunkas, the door opened. The man jumped off the train and galloped forward. Because he was nervous, he ran all the way to the door of the first two cars. Just then, the door opened and a flight attendant dragged him into the car again. The train resumed its normal speed.

The stewardess said, "Dude, you are so lucky. Our train doesn't stop at Dunkas on Tuesday! " "

10, kua-

A farmer boasted that his manor was very big. He said, "If I drive around my manor, it will take a week."

A listener said sympathetically, "Yes, I once had a broken car like this."

1 1, our multiplication formula is very powerful ... Several scientists met together and someone asked how much 1 1 multiplied by 1 1 equals. American scientists couldn't wait to move their feet out, and China scientists immediately replied 12 1. Then I took out my calculator and pressed it for a long time. It really is 12 1. I can't help but be surprised: damn, you are really accurate.

12. No matter what car you take, you should lean against the window. One day, he will fly. When he got his boarding pass, he told the lady that he wanted a window seat, but the lady told him that he didn't have one.

After boarding the plane, he casually found a window seat and sat down. Suddenly, a man came up and said to him, this is my seat. He said I liked this seat, but I just wouldn't let him. The man begged to no avail, so he said angrily, well, you can fly the plane! "Turn around and go!

The teacher found a cigarette butt in the dormitory, so he called eight students in the dormitory to the office for interrogation.

[Act I]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy a: no.

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ...

Teacher: Is this still called smoking? Call your parents. ...

[Act II]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

B took the French fries carefully with her palm, because she heard about A.

Teacher: Aren't you going to dip in some ketchup?

B accidentally dipped too much, so he immediately flicked it with his finger. ...

Teacher: The posture of playing ash is very skillful. Call your parents ...

[Act III]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: no, ok, I'll have French fries.

Because of the first two examples, C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

C picked up the French fries and put them in his ear. ...

Teacher: No? Call your parents ...

[Act IV]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: no.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

Eating French fries in fear.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

D carefully put the chips in his upper pocket again.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The headmaster is coming!

D quickly took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet. ...

Teacher: No? ! Call your parents ...

[Act V]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy e: no,

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

E just took French fries, and the teacher said, won't you invite me to eat?

E hurriedly handed me the French fries with both hands and then took out a lighter. ...

Teacher: No? ! Call your parents ...

[Act VI]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy f: no.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

I ate it in fear.

Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The headmaster is coming!

F sweaty palms, but still calmly bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

F takes out the French fries: No, they are still there. The fire hasn't lit yet.

Teacher: ...

[Act VII]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy G: I swear to God, I will never smoke again.

Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries.

G naturally took the French fries and ate them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

(proudly): Greater China ...

[Act VIII]

Teacher: Have a portion of French fries.

Me: No thanks.

Teacher: ...

Title: You can't see wet clothes in the drizzle, but you can't hear silent flowers falling to the ground. This is a poem written by Liu Changqing, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, in A Garden of Other Poems. Someone once understood this poem as: 1, which is a beautiful artistic conception to celebrate spring. 2. Idle flowers and drizzle express unknown loneliness. Seeing and hearing doesn't mean doing nothing. This is a bleak way of life. 4. This artistic conception is no longer suitable for today's world ... write a composition according to your point of view. The topic is self-made and the genre is not limited. More than 800 words

Midsummer, night and late at night.

Jingshan is at the top.

There are people on the mountain, two people, a man and a woman.

These two men are the two most famous killers in Wulin today. The man's name is Qiuyu, and the woman's name is Ye. Jianghu people call it "drizzling flowers".

The poet Liu Changqing once described these two terrible killers as "rain and wet clothes are invisible, and idle flowers fall silent". Drizzle wet clothes, wet clothes are blood; Idle flowers fall to the ground, and heads fall to the ground. These two men killed without leaving a trace. If they want to kill you, you will be dead before you see their figures or hear their voices.

Qiuyu received a post three days ago, calling for killing Ye. After the job is done, he not only has three million and two thousand Mingbi, but also can be allowed to play the role of Cao Xueqin in the talent show A Dream of Red Mansions!

But killing Ye is much more difficult than killing Bill.

No one in the Jianghu knows Ye's martial arts origin, personality and temper, but everyone knows Ye's story.

Ye has a pair of charming big eyes. It is said that she used to stare at Zhao Wei and Gao Yuanyuan, but she was only seventeen years old that year.

Ye Huaxian's voice is as intoxicating as an oriole. Legend has it that Lin Chi-ling was numb and numb for a whole year after listening to her talk. Do you think this will be fatal?

Ye's flying skills are unique in Wulin. She walked through the snow without a trace and landed silently, claiming to surpass Wei Yixiao, the king of green-winged bats. She was seen stealing Liu Xiang's Olympic Pass on the highway last week. Liu Xiang chased 10,000 kilometers and was finally exhausted.

Most people were scared to buy diapers when they heard Ye's story, but Qiuyu didn't buy them.

Qiuyu is not an ordinary person.

He knows that killing people depends not only on technology, but also on character!

The drizzle in autumn is very calm. He is trimming his nails with a nail clipper. His fingers are slender and powerful.

He has to wait, waiting for the other person to lose his temper. There is no room for any mistakes when the masters contend. People who are impatient first will show their flaws.

Fatal defect!

So, Qiuyu didn't say anything, just quietly playing with nail clippers.

Unexpectedly, Ye went to rest, wearing lipstick and perfume leisurely.

Qiuyu had to strike first and say, "You know why I called you out."

Ye Huaxian said softly, "Can't we talk before we start?"

Qiuyu said, "I'm here to kill people, not to chat."

Ye Huaxian said, "Are you sure you want to kill me?"

Qiuyu said, "I never do anything I am not sure about."

Ye Huaxian said, "I want to remind you of one thing."

Qiuyu said, "You say."

Ye said, "Bai is a killer, and my little girl ranks first in the killer list, and you are only second." Can you really kill me? "

Qiuyu said, "I want to remind you of one more thing."

Ye said, "Go ahead."

Qiu Yu said: "As for the killer's strength, I am ahead of you, but Bai Xiaosheng's ranking adopts SMS voting system. There are too many' anthomaniac' people in China, so you can't get the first place."

Ye Huaxian's face changed and said, "I want to remind you that my fan group is called' pollen', not' anthomaniac'!"

Qiuyu said: "I want to remind you finally that all your' pollen' is anthomaniac. Also, we digress. "

Ye Huaxian said, "Aren't you afraid of trouble if we work so hard?"

Qiuyu said, "You don't have to be afraid of trouble anymore. There is only one kind of people in the world who are never afraid of trouble, dead people! " "

Ye Huaxian said, "So you have to force me to do it?"

Autumn rain didn't answer, so he didn't have to answer.

Autumn rain said: "Ming weapons!"

Ye Huaxian said, "I use a knife."

Autumn rain said, "you use a knife? Where is the knife? "

Ye Huaxian said, "I am the knife!"

Ye gave a sweet smile and suddenly took off her clothes, leaving only a lace bikini and black stockings.

Ye's face is breathtaking, and with such a figure, this dress is full of a primitive temptation.

Her eyes can talk, her smile can talk, her hands, her breasts, her legs ... her body can talk every minute.

She knows that as long as he is a man who is not blind, he will be fascinated by her now.

Qiuyu is a man, he is not blind.

But now he seems blind and completely indifferent.

He knows that a beautiful woman is a knife. When you are intoxicated, the knife will cut into your chest.

Qiuyu mused, "I just want to ask you one thing."

Ye Huaxian smiled and said, "Go."

Autumn rain said: "In summer, you are not afraid of mosquito bites if you wear so little?"

Ye Huaxian was silent for a long time. "You must think I just wore perfume, don't you?" I'm telling you, I'm wearing Liushen toilet water! "

Ye Huaxian added, "but this is no ordinary LiuShen. This is a specially refined potion. Colorless, odorless and nontoxic, but it will slowly spread in the air. People who smell it will be paralyzed and unable to move. "

The drizzle in autumn surprised me, and I suddenly felt numb and broke out in a cold sweat.

Ye Huaxian added, "You think I'm talking nonsense with you because I'm afraid. I think I took off my clothes to seduce you. In fact, it is to delay the time and let the potion spread around you. "

Qiuyu was quiet and said, "Aren't you afraid of powerful potions yourself?"

Ye Huaxian proudly said, "At first, the lipstick I wore was the antidote, so I can still move freely."

Ye Huaxian stared at the autumn rain and asked, "Do you still think you can kill me?"

Qiuyu said, "I can."

Ye Huaxian said, "Isn't it ridiculous that you can kill me if you can't move me?"

Qiuyu said, "That's funny, but you will definitely be killed by me."

Ye Huaxian said, "Why am I killed by you?"

Autumn rain suddenly asked: "Can flying knives kill people?"

Ye Huaxian said, "It seems that I can."

Autumn rain said, "Do I have hands?"

Ye Huaxian said, "Yes."

Qiuyu said, "Do I have a knife?"

Ye Huaxian said, "It seems that you only have nail clippers in your hand."

Autumn rain said, "That's enough."

Ye Huaxian said, "Is this enough?"

Qiuyu said, "If I had a hand and a knife, I could kill people."

Leaf said, "nail clippers can also kill people? That's ridiculous! "

Qiu Yu said, "Seventy-three people in the Jianghu used to think my nail clippers were ridiculous."

Ye Huaxian said, "What about now?"

Qiu Yu said: "Now everyone is dead, dead by this knife."

Ye Huaxian said, "Can your hands still move?"

Qiuyu said, "Do you want to try?"

The smile on Ye Xianhua's face gradually solidified. Suddenly, she came!

A trick of "fake nine-yin white bone claws" is almost equal to the canopy of the crown of the autumn rain. She practiced this trick for seven years, four months and 29 days, and she was completely confident that no one could resist it.

But this time she was wrong.

The knife flashed, and the "pirated Xiao Li flying knife" had been inserted into her throat.

She wouldn't believe it until she died. Nail clippers will kill her!

Idle flowers finally landed!

After three hours, the efficacy of the potion gradually faded, and the autumn rain finally moved.

Looking at Ye's body, Autumn Mao Mao Rain said, "Although you are dead, I have to tell you two things. First, I have been using nail clippers to trim my nails and adjust the synchronization rate of my hands and knives. To put it bluntly, it is to find a feel. Second, the real purpose of killing you is not for money or fame. "

As she spoke, Qiu Xiaoyu searched Liu Xiang's Olympic entry card from Ye's pocket.

Qiuyu said firmly: "I love Beijing and I want to watch the Olympics!" " "