Humorous copy

1. After several severe domestic violence, my wife can't even look at me now. As long as she 1 looks at me, I will sit on the ground and cry.

2. In order to cooperate with my wife wearing high heels, I specially chose the shoes with the thinnest and flattest soles today. I'm half a head shorter than her, so everyone thinks I'm a local tyrant when I walk in the street like this!

3. When you have a son, if you don't teach him well, it will harm your whole family; When you have a daughter, if you don't teach her well, you will harm the whole family. If you have a grudge against anyone, spoil your daughter and marry his son!

4. Look in the mirror at night and look at your body as white as jade. Sigh: Good cabbage! Why can't I find a pig?

5. Looking at the previous photos, my husband sighed with emotion: "At that time, we were really poor and couldn't move!" The wife said, "Yes! Very poor, very cheap, and unwavering! "

6. The mother walked out of the house with her two-year-old son, who was chubby. The mother hugged him for a while and felt very tired, so she said to her son, "Mom hugged her arms sore and the baby was good. Will you go by yourself? " After listening, the son licked his mother's arm and said with a smile, "Mom lied, and it's not sour at all."

7. At dinner with my husband today, I said I was pregnant. As a result, my husband immediately called my father and said, Dad, you are going to be a grandson!

8. Hungry, go downstairs to buy some food and shout to the boss: "Boss, clean up the cage". The boss probably didn't react, so he replied, "What stuffing do you want in the cage ..."

9. My colleagues and I drove out for dinner. When I got to the place where I ate, there was no parking space, so I had to park by the side of the road. When asked if he would give my friend a ticket, he said nothing. He took a ticket out of the box and stuck it on the window. After dinner, I came back safely ...

10. My husband is very worried about the future economic situation. I comforted him: the fortune teller said that I have a car and a house in my life, and I have no worries about food and clothing. Don't worry. Dull for three seconds, my husband lit a cigarette and asked faintly, didn't he say that you have been married several times?

1 1. My classmate said while washing clothes: I put too much washing powder. The other asked: What? Your brother has too many wives?

12. Generally speaking, I am a gentle and tolerant person, but it doesn't mean that I have no bottom line. I quarreled with my daughter-in-law just now, and she actually slapped me three times. I was angry at that time: "You only hit one side in the TM face?"

13. I used to watch TV idol dramas and accosted: "Hello, how can I get there?" Or "Beauty, did you drop this?" My daughter-in-law and I first met at the night market: "Hey, brother, is this stinky tofu delicious?"

14. My wife is pregnant, bossing around all day, and complaining. I muttered, "Take a chicken feather as an arrow!" The wife was silent, bowed her head and said, "Son, your father said you are a chicken feather."

15. I bought a quilt on a treasure last time, and it was very comfortable to cover it, so I asked my husband to give me a good comment. As a result, the second-rate husband wrote an evaluation: I slept at home several times this year. Since I bought this quilt, I feel uncomfortable not going home to sleep for a day. Good choice of quilt, husband comes home early.

16. I have a skill in eating shrimp. When shrimp is thrown into my mouth, the shell is shell meat or meat. My wife eats one, I can eat 10, but she can't beat me every time. To this end, she has been practicing the skills of eating shrimp, and finally one day she successfully defeated me-she asked me to peel it for her.

17. How many days has the baby been born? Today, I commented with my mother-in-law that the baby's mouth is really beautiful, just like mine. Dumb second-hand husband suddenly jumped out: what a small mouth, obviously a big face.

18. I heard it from a friend. A fat girl is driving in a straight line in the driving school subject three-way exam. Suddenly, a dog crossed the road. The fat girl was so nervous that she held the steering wheel in one hand and screamed in the other: Call the dog! There is a coach ahead!

19. My wife's cooking is delicious and very much to my taste. One day at lunch, I wanted to flirt with my wife. I said, the food you cooked was too appetizing for me. In my last life, I was a maid who washed and cooked for my family. The wife said: You are the pig I raised in my last life.

20. My daughter-in-law is a Virgo and is very picky about everything. I was angry with her. As a result, she argued, "I call this perfectionism and strive for perfection in everything." What is like you? Just make do with anything. "I quite agree. After all, she chose me and I chose her.

2 1. Just now, I told my wife that I bought her a suite in Beijing. She grabbed my hand and said, "My God, is this true?" Honey, I'm so excited. "To tell you the truth, I am also very excited. After all, this is the first time I have lied.

22. When we were young, our teacher asked us, what is your ideal? I remember my ideal. When I grow up and get rich, I will buy a hundred bottles of AD high-calcium milk, pour it into a vat and drink it with a spoon. At that time, I was still wondering why the teacher was holding the podium and covering her stomach. ...

23. My wife threw me a half-eaten peach just now. I said, "Eat the rest and throw it to me. Do you think I am a dog? " My wife took a look at me and snatched it back. I was anxious at that time and said, "You even robbed the dog. Are you still human? "

24. When I was in college, I got up late one day and everyone was very busy. After washing, I picked up my book and ran to the classroom. After the teacher spoke for about 5 minutes, a buddy in my dormitory strode into the classroom with bare arms, holding a toothbrush jar and towel, and went straight to the dormitory boss and said, boss, give me the dormitory key, you locked me out. The whole class laughed. ...

25. My wife is leaning in my arms. Suddenly, she found a long hair on my dress with sharp eyes. Without saying anything, she picked up my crazy fan and said, "Say, whose!" " I wiped the blood from the corners of my mouth and said tearfully, "Isn't this yours?" She compared it, thought thoughtfully for a while, grabbed me and began to fan wildly: "You see my hair is split like this, why don't you take me to do nursing!" "