What do you mean there are many things in front of the widow? What should the next sentence be?

What do you mean, what should be the next sentence? This is a popular saying among the people in China since ancient times. It has been passed down from mouth to mouth, and the source is unknown. The complete sentence is: there is less smoke on the widower's roof, but there is more right and wrong in front of the widow's door? . Meaning: widowed, widowed or widowed men, no one cooks at home and smoke less; Widows, widowed women (especially young widows) are easy to gossip in front of the door, and there are many things.

Are there many things in front of widows? A woman whose husband died is likely to attract special attention to her private life, thus making irresponsible remarks. If a woman whose husband dies has no ability to make a living, she must rely on other men to survive. Survival needs and sexual needs are their weaknesses, and such women are easy to be used. Widows who have no worries about food and clothing take sexual needs as their weakness; Therefore, there are always some irresponsible men wandering around the widow's door, snooping around, approaching, looking for opportunities to start; There are adulterers and villains, rich people want to possess their own selfish desires, some want to carry on the family line, and a few want to win over and grab, which is the source of right and wrong; Even the normal communication between widows and men is easy to attract gossip. This scene: Widows are prey? No three no four people are hunters? . Is this wrong in front of the widow's door? Origin. There is less smoke on the widower's roof. .

Movies, TV programs and videos often show raped women jumping into wells and hanging themselves. The reason is that feudal rulers created many tools to hurt women: ① Men and women did not give and receive: women could not associate with men casually, let alone have physical contact. (2) three obedience and four virtues: don't marry your father, marry your husband, marry your son, be virtuous, speak well, be handsome and be meritorious; Obedience to the husband's power is a virtue, and those who tolerate words don't show their teeth and sit still and call names; It is a woman's job to be a husband and a child, and to be diligent in housework. (3) Three Virtues and Nine Lies: the moral integrity used by feudal society to encourage and praise women who died without marrying or losing their virginity. 4 chastity archway: chastity archway? In ancient times, it was usually used to commemorate some martyrs whose dead husbands did not remarry, lost their virginity or committed suicide? The archway built for it.

Are there many things in front of widows? Formally, the problem lies with widows, and the root cause lies in that men can have three wives and four concubines and promiscuous sex, while women can only be faithful to each other. So the widow has a lot of things in front of her? Its essence is the distortion of women's rights by male power; This is a moral kidnapping of women by men.

There is a saying that there is little smoke on the widower's roof, and there are many things in front of the widow's door. Since ancient times, I can't tell the bitter tears of widows and the loneliness of widowers!

Last year's Eve, the whole family went out for a reunion dinner. After eating and drinking, it's already past ten o'clock in the evening. At this time, there were crackling fireworks everywhere, and there were few pedestrians in the street.

I turned a corner and was about to reach my door when I suddenly found a flickering light on the roadside, as if someone was smoking there. I'm curious: who is still smoking here after the Chinese New Year?

I came forward to say hello, only to find that it was a neighbor in the village. I should call him Uncle Mao's bachelor. I handed him a cigarette and lit it for him, so I asked:

Uncle Mao, a student of New Year's Eve, is not at home. Why is he squatting here smoking alone? ?

Uncle Mao took a sip of his cigarette and sighed, alas, I am at home. What am I doing at home? Anyway, I'm going back alone, so I might as well stay here and watch fireworks and meet people. ?

Although I can't see the expression on his face clearly, I can feel that when Uncle Mao said these words, it must be the sad expression on his face.

Uncle Mao is almost 70 years old. When he was young, he didn't marry a wife because of his bad family composition, and now he lives alone.

After chatting with him for nearly half an hour, I was too drunk to stay, so I helped Grandpa Mao stand up and sent him home.

Is an old man like Uncle Mao what the ancients called a widower? .

"Mencius? Liang's definition of chivalry is as follows:

An old man without a wife is widowed, an old man without a husband is widowed, an old man without a son is alone, and a young man without a father is lonely. These four are the poor people in the world who have no complaints. ?

That is to say, the widower defined by the ancients? Is it limited to widowed elderly people, as some people think? That kind, including unmarried bachelors.

Old people don't want to go home, and no one wants to cook when they go home, so naturally there is less smoke at home? Yes So, why do you say there are many things in front of the widow's door? And then what?

When I was in Beijing a few years ago, the landlord's old lady was a kind old man, very talkative and ignorant of humanistic allusions.

This is the day when the wheat harvest is coming. I was chatting with the old lady in the yard when cuckoo calls came from the air.

I looked up at the sky and casually asked, aunt, what's the name of this bird here? ?

Well, widow bird! ? Aunt answered without thinking.

I was surprised: I had never heard of it. It's just a bird. How can you call that name! Ask aunt: widow bird? Why haven't I heard of this name? ?

Aunt smiled and pointed to the sky and asked me, well, listen again. ?

I listened to the bird's cry, cadence, a total of four syllables? The first two are flat, the third is up, and the fourth is in. However, what does this cry mean?

My aunt saw me puzzled and said with a smile, didn't you hear me? Its cry contains four words. These four words mean that widows are so bitter? ! ?

Aunt said here, I listened carefully to the chirping of birds for a while, while listening, chanting widow's suffering in my mouth? Four words, I feel that the bird singing is really right!

I learned a lot this time and had to admire my aunt secretly.

Then I asked my aunt: So, why do you think widows are so bitter? ?

Aunt sighed and said, Xiaolizi, you are still young. You don't know this mess. I can't tell you a word or two. Let me tell you simply, is it difficult for a widow to support the elderly and raise a small family without a man? ?

I nodded my head.

If someone has a man, they can wear red and green, and they will go to the market or something. Not a widow. Dress brightly. People say that you are beautifully dressed, that you go out to seduce men, and you can only live in a gray face. ?

If you need anything, just borrow it from someone else's house. The widow has to wait for the hostess to come in, or she will be stabbed in the spine. ?

If there is something at home or something, it is even more difficult to ask a man to help you. Unless you call your mother's brother, even if your uncle and son come over, someone will gossip, so you have to answer that sentence: there are so many widows in front of the door! ?

On second thought, I think what my aunt said is really reasonable!

I have a neighbor and have to call my aunt. She lost her husband in her thirties, leaving two men, one woman and three children. At that time, others advised her that it was not easy to bring up the children alone and find another family, but she told people that her son was taken to another family, not only with his own surname, but also angry with others when he grew up, so he never remarried.

I remember it was around noon in beginning of autumn, and there was a noise in the street. Walking down the street, it turned out that this aunt was quarreling with another woman. The woman jumped up, foaming at the mouth, pointing at the widow and cursing: you are shameless, you can't seduce anyone, you want to seduce our master, you bully you with me, I won't tear you X.

She cursed desperately. Anyway, this is the most vicious and ugly thing in the world, and she almost scolded it. The widow blushed and cried her nose and tears. She defended herself there: I couldn't carry the medicine bucket on my back, but my third brother helped me for a while and didn't even touch my hand. What do you mean, who seduced who? You have to be reasonable! ?

However, this woman can ignore this article and tear it when she comes out.

According to people nearby, it turns out that this widow is spraying pesticides on crops in the field. When we were fighting pesticides there, we used buckets to lift water from the well, then poured the water from the bucket into the medicine bucket, squatted down, buckled the belt of the medicine bucket on her, and then got up with difficulty to carry the medicine bucket.

That bucket of water, about thirty or forty kilograms, is well made. For a woman with poor health, it is really a bit difficult to squat on the ground and carry that bucket of water.

The third brother in life saw her struggling to lift the medicine bucket and quickly stepped forward to help her. This scene happened to be seen by his wife, which caused an uproar.

In fact, everyone can see that this woman is clearly bullying the widow, but the bystanders in the street dare not speak for the widow, otherwise it is time to buckle the lavatory on her head again.

This is a normal neighborhood relationship. If you leave it to a widow and meet an unreasonable woman, it will be. So the ancients said: there are many things in front of widows!

In the Qing dynasty, Guo Xiaoting wrote a biography of Jigong, including a passage:

Sun Kang's family said: Master Hui, my husband runs a drugstore in Japan, and we are sworn brothers. My husband is ill, and he saw it. My husband died, and he helped organize the funeral. After the funeral, the little woman said to him, there are many things in front of the widow. I have something to invite you. You don't have to come to my house. He hasn't been here since. Therefore, I know. ?

Here, what did Sun Kang say about him? Xu Jingkui, her husband's doctor. Sun Kang's husband is ill, which Xu Jingkui saw; After Sun Kang's husband died, Xu Jingkui helped with the funeral.

During that time, Xu Jingkui often went to Sun Kang's house. Later, when she was busy, Sun Kang told Xu Jingkui: There are many things in front of the widow's door, so don't come if you have nothing to do in the future. If you have something to do, I will invite you.

This is the earliest source of this sentence I have found so far. However, there is not a word in the book about widowers? That couplet needs to be supplemented by later generations.

There is such a legend:

There was a woman whose husband died after only two years of marriage, leaving no man behind. The woman is widowed in her husband's family, and her mother-in-law is very strict with her and forbids her to associate with any man.

One day, the long-term worker at home accidentally spilled water on her, and the long-term worker quickly apologized. The widow answered, and her mother-in-law saw her. Mother-in-law immediately reprimanded loudly, saying that she was not like a woman and made eyes at wild men.

A few days later, wherever the widow went, there was always someone pointing behind her, and even the servants looked at her with strange eyes.

She can't stand such a life. One dark night, the widow dressed up, silently walked to the wellhead and committed suicide by jumping into the well.

Widow, her every move, every word and deed, including dressing and so on, should be scrupulous.

There are two classic sayings in augmented literature: a gentleman loves money and takes it wisely; A virtuous woman loves color and accepts it politely. ?

It means: a gentleman can also love money, but he must choose the right method and have a proper way. . Widows can also love beauty, but they should also be polite in dressing.

From Mencius in the Spring and Autumn Period to the literary grace in the Wanli period of the Ming Dynasty, almost all the festival-keepers have set up layers of commandments for widows for a thousand years. So, it's hard to be a widow!

Then, since widows are difficult and troublesome, why not choose to remarry?

This has to start with Confucius!

Ancient women remarried, and there was a special word called remarriage? .

Candy, originally meant to drink and toast; One more drink, the second one. "Confucius Family Language" stipulates:

When the husband dies, the son follows, and there are endless words. ?

Without a husband, a woman should take good care of her children and can't remarry, otherwise it is immoral.

Therefore, Confucius stipulated three obedience and four virtues for women, not marrying from the father, marrying from the husband and dying from the son.

If you don't listen and want to marry someone else, I'm sorry, you will be scolded for life or killed.

For example, Evonne, the mother of Qin Shihuang! After her husband died, unwilling to be lonely, she fell in love with false eunuch Laoai and gave birth to a child. After Qin Shihuang was sensible, he felt that he had brought great shame to himself and imprisoned his mother. That false eunuch Ed, no discussion? The car cracked and was killed.

What about the children born to the mother? Packed in a sack, it makes people fall to the ground and be exhausted.

This is the price of not keeping women's morals!

Because of this, Qin Shihuang ordered stone carving in Huiji, vigorously advocated women's chastity and severely punished widows for remarriage. This famous stone tablet in history is engraved with the following sentence:

Marry a wife, have children, and die unfaithfully? .

? After a man dies, if he leaves his son, a woman can't remarry. Whoever dares to abandon his son and die again is a capital crime!

During the Sui and Tang Dynasties, it was relatively open. When a woman dies of her husband, she can remarry without leaving her son.

In the Song Dynasty, the widow's life was even more difficult. Neo-Confucianism prevailed in the Song Dynasty, and the conservatives represented by Sima Guang, Zhou Dunyi and Er Cheng? Children are firmly opposed to widows' remarriage.

In the era of Zhu, Zhu founded a set of neo-Confucianism, which believed that it was a small matter for a woman to starve to death, but a big matter of dishonor? , formally set the tone for women's chastity.

Want to die again? You have to go through Cheng Zhu's Neo-Confucianism first!

Then, if you abide by women's morality and remain a widow for life, will it bring you or your family any benefits?

Zhu Yuanzhang made detailed regulations on this! In the first year of Hongwu in the Ming Dynasty (A.D. 1368), Zhu Yuanzhang, the first emperor of the Ming Dynasty, issued an imperial edict to show virtuous women: any folk widow whose husband died 30 years ago will show signs of success if she does not change her manners 50 years later, except her own courtiers. ?

? A widower who has been widowed before the age of 30 must be famous, profitable and respected by his neighbors as long as he has lived for 20 years.

Under the influence of this social system, generations of widows are faced with the morning breeze and the night rain, and the cold wall is lonely. You can only choose one person to live.

Therefore, for more than 2,000 years, countless women who have lost their husbands have had to give up the happiness of their lives and would rather bear the right and wrong in front of their doors? Embarrassed, dare not, can't remarry.

postscript

A virtuous woman became a widow when she was young. When she was 70 or 80 years old, her children surrounded her and asked her, "How did you survive for so many years alone?" ? ?

The old lady didn't say anything, but took out a cloth bag from the pillow, huh? Fell to the ground. Later generations were puzzled when they saw that it was a bag of copper coins.

The old lady said slowly, sixty years, sixty years! I couldn't sleep every night, so I took out the hundred coppers and scattered them on the ground, looking for them in the dark until I found them. I was exhausted and went to bed. I have put up with such a life for sixty years! ?

Everyone's expression is ruthless.

There is an old saying: it is easy for a husband to die generously, but it is difficult for a widow to be calm and sober? That's what happened.

Whether it's the three cardinal principles and the five permanent members. , or three obedience and four virtues? Or The Daughter's Sutra and The Filial Piety Sutra are a kind of shackles for ancient women, locking them firmly in the cage set by men and making them suffer from generation to generation.

This phenomenon was not improved until the rise of the women's liberation movement in the Republic of China.

After the founding of New China, the first law promulgated was the Marriage Law, which advocated freedom of marriage and completely liberated women from the patriarchal society. Marriage, divorce and remarriage can all be decided by themselves.

Of course, there are also widowed women in today's society. However, most of this is her voluntary single life, not forced by external forces.

As a family, please correct your shortcomings, thank you!