Tell a story, an emergency, a joke, anything! ! !

1, the moon is dark and windy, and drug dealers make deals with underworld bosses. The drug dealer took out a black suitcase and put it on the table. He opened it and it was full of * * *. The drug dealer said to the boss, fair trade! Pay when you see the goods! The mafia boss flew into a rage, pulled out his pistol and pointed it at the drug dealer, shooting and shouting, you are a fucking bitch! You're the fucking bitch!

2. My friend's son came to my house to play, saw my wireless mouse and keyboard, and curiously asked me why there was no cable. I blurted out, "Don't bother to cut it." In the afternoon, my friend called and gave me a class all afternoon.

"

Song Jiang was kidnapped. When he woke up, he looked around and said loudly, "I didn't expect Song Jiang to die here!" A gangster was startled: "Are you Sanzang Song Jiang of the Tang Dynasty in the East?" , "eh? Well, I ... "The crowd gathered around:" Is it Sanzang Song? I want to eat meat! " "Help me cut a butt tip!" ... Song Jiang: "Your books are mixed up! You should call me big brother! Ah! Fuck! .. (The four classical novels saw the consequences of mixing) "

4. One more word in the famous works would be a tragedy: the madman was kept in a diary, the overlord was not gay, Harry Potter exploded, the sexual life exploded, the swan jumped into the lake, when happiness knocked on the anus, the heroine of Camellia couldn't come, and death couldn't come, the 300 warriors of Sparta Day, the romance story in Wulin, Doraemon, happiness like chrysanthemum, the brothel of Notre Dame de Paris, on the lasting field battle! 5. If the word "heart" in every lyric is changed to "egg" ... there will be ... Little Tiger: String your eggs together ... Jane Zhang: My eggs are only willing to give up for you ... Liang Guang: Oh, when I first said I love you, my breath was sad and my eggs kept shaking ... The True Egg Hero was in my eggs.

6. Once I felt particularly wronged, I asked, Mom, why am I a girl? Mom gave me a deep look: Son, because you were awesome in your last life, ..........! !

7. A surgeon went to KFC for breakfast, and when he was waiting in line to buy something to eat, he found that the waiter in the bar always subconsciously touched his ass and asked with concern, "Is there hemorrhoids?" The waiter whispered politely, "Sir! Would you please click on the list?

8, the thunder of the college entrance examination zero composition! The essay topic "Walking": "Big Brother, did you have a good time? ! ""How much is it? " "200。" "Cheap?" "150 night, as usual!" "Ok, let's go!"

9. Go to fortune-telling alone. The fortune teller touched the bones and translated the eight characters, saying: You fall in love at the age of 20, fall in love at the age of 25, and have children at the age of 30. Your life is rich and stable, and your family is happy and carefree in your later years. The man said angrily, I am thirty-five, a doctor, single and have no girlfriend. When Mr. Wang heard this, he pondered a little and said, Young man, knowledge changes fate!

10, "I have a friend who was bitten by a Agkistrodon on the mountain. I heard that five steps will kill you. What should I do? I am so anxious. Now we have taken four steps. We each caught a few acutus and bit him a few times. It is estimated that it should accumulate to 100 step, but what should I do next? "

1 1. This is the first time that intern Ed has participated in the operation. He watched everyone nervous and busy, standing on the side at a loss. For a long time, he carefully asked the surgeon John, "I ... What should I do?" John glanced at the oxygen tube during the operation and ordered, "Ed, give oxygen." Ed was shocked, and then faltered and sang, "Hold you in the palm of your hand and burn incense devoutly ..."

12, I just read the news that the headband sold in the market is made of condoms! ! ! The manufacturer also made it clear that this is a recognized thing. However, condoms are so expensive, but the headband is very cheap. It is impossible to cut them into sections at the purchase price of 20 cents, so they should be made of used condoms! ! ! So, look at the children's paper in Weibo. Do you have a condom on your head now?

13, A: Actually, I never understood why all the "father-in-law" in martial arts novels must be martial arts experts. Any allusions? B: When nobody is in charge, everyone is practicing martial arts.

14, when I was a child, my mother always hated iron and scolded me: "Just like you, you can't keep up with the heat when you grow up!" At this time, dad always said kindly, "It's okay, dad will pull it for you." 」