How to understand &; Quot The authorities are fascinated, but the bystanders are clear &; quot？

Each of us may have had this experience. When we encounter something, we are often very anxious and don't know how to deal with it. When others ask us for something, we analyze it clearly, that is, "the authorities are fascinated, and the bystanders are clear." From the Yuan Xing Zhuan written by Liu Shao in the old Tang Dynasty, it was said that "the authorities call it a mystery, and the bystander knows it clearly". At first, it refers to the chess player and the spectator, and later it was extended that the parties to a matter often consider too much gains and losses because of their interests, and their understanding is not comprehensive, but they are not as clear as the bystander. If we want to explain this phenomenon from a psychological point of view, how can we explain it? Li Wei, a psychological counselor, came to talk to you.

Su Shi once wrote a poem, "From the side of the mountain, it has become a mountain peak, with different distances. I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, but toward which corner of the mountain. " The reason why we can't see the true face of Lushan Mountain clearly is that our position affects our perspective, so that we can't see the whole picture of Lushan Mountain clearly, and our emotions also affect our objective understanding of Lushan Mountain. This is actually the Aspendo effect.

In other words, when we are in the middle of something, we often can't see the truth of it clearly. Why is this happening? Analysis of its influencing factors, there are about three points:

1. Angle of the problem

Whether we appreciate Lushan Mountain or treat people with things, the position we choose and the perspective we take are very important. If our observation point is not good and appropriate, we can't see the picture clearly and the facts clearly. For example, a wooden board with two different colors is painted red and green respectively. People standing in front will say that the board is red. People who stand on the opposite side will say that this board is green. As a result, both of them blushed. In fact, what they saw was not the truth. They only saw one side, because they stood in different positions.

2. Emotional involvement is too deep

For an event, the parties often have a characteristic, that is, they are too deeply involved in emotion and pour too much emotion into it, so that they are addicted to it, unable to see the facts clearly and confused by appearances. Another reason is that most people are not so able to control emotions, but are led by emotions, which leads to personal behavior being influenced by emotions and it is difficult to see the objective truth of things.

Be selfish.

If all parties weigh the pros and cons everywhere, it will become more difficult to deal with the problem. Because once people have selfish distractions, it is difficult to distinguish right from wrong. In a typical example, Xiong's parents defended Xiong Haizi. Selfish people can't concentrate on observing things, even if they see the whole picture, they will inevitably have strange reactions and can't really look at and deal with problems objectively. A typical example is cheating. There are often people in society who scold and scold, and there are often more women. At this time, if anyone stands up and says something, it will become a "female boxing."

The environment around us has been changing, but we never seem to feel this way, because we are used to it and can't feel it. At the same time, changes in the surrounding environment also affect our lives, but we turn a blind eye. Wait until one day, we left, and then came back to see the once familiar environment, and suddenly found that this environment has changed. Because we have been far away, our habits have not changed, and our cognition has not been refreshed, we have discovered the changes and gaps in the surrounding environment, which is another embodiment of "the authorities are fascinated and the bystanders are clear" in real life.

How to solve this puzzle phenomenon?

1. Select a site.

An event has more than one perspective. Try to analyze the problem from different angles, so that you can brainstorm and let yourself see more aspects of things. For example, everyone is unemployed for different reasons; The same family background, everyone is different.

2. Learn to travel light

Involved in too many affairs, too many emotions, unable to see the problem clearly, especially the emotions generated when the incident occurred, which seriously affected their views and opinions on the matter itself. For example, something makes you angry. If you are angry all the time, you will not like anything. And when you sort out your emotions and review events, you will have different views and feelings.

3. Be truly selfless and unbiased.

People who get along with others for a long time, or live in an environment for a long time, often leave some stereotypes, which seriously affect people's judgment and understanding of things. For example, you happen to have a problem with a very annoying person. Because you hate this person, when you look at this problem, you are likely to think that everything is the other person's fault.

4. Master the zoom observation method

The so-called zoom observation method is to imagine yourself as an outsider and look at things outside the game. For example, or imagine what happened a long time ago; Or imagine things happening to others; Or imagine yourself as an elder to see yourself in things.

Therefore, in life, we should choose a good point to observe things, analyze them from multiple angles as much as possible, see the versatility of things from different angles, understand the whole picture of things, see the essence of things, and analyze specific problems in detail, so as not to easily fall into a puzzle.

My understanding of this problem is that no matter what things or problems are, don't indulge yourself and ignore them. You should stand on the side of a third party and judge them by axiomatic legal and moral standards, and don't have any personal bias to comment. Don't care about people, just talk about things and explain correct positions and viewpoints. In this way, I won't get dirty. Often people in the game are fascinated, plus personal feelings and selfishness, hobbies and interests, so as to be fascinated; Outsiders, on the other hand, are free, clear, impartial, fair, reasonable and correct, because they just observe and analyze, and are not bound by the emotional ties of problems or events. Therefore, the bystander is clear, and the authorities are confused. My own opinion, please forgive me! Thank you [pray] [pray] [pray] [rose] [rose]

We often have the experience that when someone around us asks for help, we can help him analyze the cause and effect of things and list various feasible methods. But when we face difficulties ourselves, we are at a loss and don't know what to do.

Ig Grossman, a psychologist at the University of Waterloo in Canada, called this phenomenon the Solomon Effect.

Grossman and others have conducted a series of experiments on this. There are two groups of subjects in the experiment One group thinks about their own problems, and the other group thinks about other people's problems. The results show that the experimenters all show a high level of wisdom when thinking about other people's problems.

This may be explained by "self-withdrawal" and "self-immersion".

"Self-withdrawal" means treating yourself as someone else and looking at the problem from the perspective of a bystander. Correspondingly, "self-immersion" means looking at the problem from the perspective of self-centeredness.

When people adopt the perspective of "self-withdrawal", they consider problems more comprehensively and rationally, and are not limited by their own circumstances, so they can handle problems well.

So when we are fascinated by the authorities, what concrete and feasible measures are there?

1. Imagine your own experience as that of others. Doing so is actually "self-shrinking". Changing the perspective of looking at problems is conducive to thinking about what is happening at present and improving the level of problem solving.

Imagine what happened now as what happened a long time ago. Sometimes we can't see the problem clearly, and there are some urgent reasons. When things happen in front of us, many people will be confused and unable to think calmly. At this time, we should treat the problem as a long time ago, give ourselves a sense of distance, ease their emotions, and be more conducive to dealing with the problem.

3. Imagine that you are an elder or a teacher, and things happen to a child. When we pretend to be elders or teachers, we will feel that we shoulder the responsibility of educating and protecting each other, then we will solve problems for each other in more effective ways, so as to spread our thinking and improve our thinking and cognitive level.

The authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear. "From Yuan Xing Chong Zhuan, an old Tang book", it is a metaphor that the parties to a matter often think too much about gains and losses and have an incomplete understanding, but they don't see it so clearly as onlookers.

Psychologically speaking, it can be said to be the "Su Dongpo effect". I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, but only in this mountain.

Social psychologists call the psychological phenomenon that it is difficult for people to correctly understand "self" as "Su Dongpo effect", and it is often difficult for people to correctly understand "self" as something in their hands. In a sense, it is often more difficult to know "self" than to know the objective reality.

It just confirms the poem of Su Dongpo, a poet in the Song Dynasty: "I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, but I am only in this mountain."

We get along with ourselves day and night. It stands to reason that we should know ourselves best, and we do think so ourselves, but this is not the case.

It is difficult for us to have an accurate judgment of ourselves, either overestimating ourselves or underestimating ourselves, which is often not as clear as the onlookers.

American psychologists have done such an experiment, which proves that the authorities are fascinated and the bystanders are clear.

He asked 25 people who were familiar with each other and knew their own advantages and disadvantages to be experimenters, and asked each of them to rank everyone including himself from one to twenty-five according to nine criteria, namely, elegance, humor, intelligence, sociality, hygiene, beauty, arrogance, snobbery and rudeness.

Everyone has a self-evaluation in every aspect, and others have made 24 evaluations.

The experiment found that all 25 people overestimated or underestimated themselves to varying degrees.

For example, a person thinks that his elegance is the first, but according to the evaluation of other 24 people, his elegance ranks in the twenties;

There is a person who ranks his "love of cleanliness" in the top five and his "intelligence" and "beauty" in the top six, but his "snobbery", "arrogance" and "rudeness" are lower than others, ranking six places behind others.

It can be seen from this experiment that it is easy for us to overestimate our strengths and underestimate our weaknesses. This result accords with our psychological characteristics. We will have that confidence in our own advantages and disagree with our own shortcomings.

This is a lack of self-awareness. Psychologists have done a lot of research on self-awareness. Let me tell you why we are obsessed with the authorities.

There are many researches on "the charm of authority" in the field of psychology. Among them, in order to better understand the self, psychologists Joseph Loew and Harry Ingram put forward a model called "Zhou Harry Window", which divided the self into four parts for analysis.

The four parts of Zhou Harry's window model are: open me, blind me, hidden me and unknown me. The charm of the authorities belongs to the "blinding me" part.

65438+

The window in the upper left corner is called "open me", also called "public me", which belongs to the field of free activities. This is the part that I know and others know.

Such as height, body shape, gender, marriage or not, these obvious personal basic information.

For example, if an extrovert is willing to expose himself, the "Let me go" part will be heavier.

They will show themselves to others, share their views and feelings, and others will know themselves better.

2. Blind me

The window in the upper right corner is called "Blind Me", also called "Back Me", which belongs to the blind field. This is the part you don't know others know.

In other words, this is what others think of you. Usually, you are different from yourself in the eyes of others, and you will not be exactly the same in the eyes of everyone.

Maybe your friend A thinks you are cold, your friend B thinks you are difficult to get along with, your friend C thinks you are neither bad nor bad, and you think you are approachable.

In the eyes of your friends, you should get along with them more truly, while in your own eyes, you are yourself beautified by your brain.

Hide me.

The windows in the lower left corner are called "Hide Me" and "Privacy Me", which belong to the field of escape or hiding. This is the part that you know and others don't know.

This part is my privacy, but I don't want others to know my inner world.

Usually it is identity, shortcomings, past events, illness, pain, exulting, guilt, embarrassment, desire, thoughts, etc. Maybe it's the content of "avoiding me"

Relatively speaking, people with strong psychological endurance, forbearance, autism, inferiority, timidity, vanity or hypocrisy will avoid me more.

4. Unknown me

The windows in the lower right corner are called "Unknown Me" and "Potential Me", which belong to virgin land. This is the part you and others don't know, which needs to be excavated and discovered.

Usually refers to some potential ability or trait. For example, we often say that mothers are strong and girls are generally soft and weak, but once they are for their children, they will inspire countless potentials and do things that are impossible under normal circumstances.

The unknown self includes icebergs hidden under the sea, which was put forward by Freud. It is a subconscious level, which is powerful but easy to be ignored. Only by constantly exploring and developing the unknown self can we know, motivate, develop and surpass ourselves more comprehensively and deeply.

People who are brave in self-exploration should be good at developing their "unknown selves", learn to try to do something they have never done before, and tap their potential.

If you want to know yourself more clearly, you must observe yourself in the eyes of others. In the eyes of every friend, you are yourself that you have never discovered.

Read such a story:

A couple attended an art exhibition. The wife stood somewhere in the exhibition hall for a long time, frowning and hesitating.

Her husband walked around and saw that she was still standing there, and went over to take her to the next exhibition hall.

As soon as the husband pulled her, the wife inexplicably said, "The woman in the painting is so ugly, why should she hang in such a high-level place?"

The husband put his hand over her mouth and explained in a low voice, "This is just a mirror." Half dragged her away.

This story is a bit exaggerated. It is impossible for anyone not to recognize himself in the mirror. The story is a metaphor for "blind me" that others know but they don't know, that is, "the authorities are fascinated."

"The authorities are fascinated, but the bystanders see clearly", because you can't know yourself who you can't see, but you can know yourself through the "bystanders".

Charles Horton, an American sociologist, once put forward a theory of mirror self-reflection. He believes that the self-knowledge that determines people's behavior is largely formed through the social interaction between individuals and others. Others' comments and attitudes towards themselves are mirrors that reflect ourselves, and we can know and grasp ourselves through this mirror.

Self-righteous, taken for granted and idealized self-image often appears in our brains, which is far from the real self.

According to the mirror image theory, human self is formed through interaction with others, which includes three aspects:

We need to pay attention to two points when we understand ourselves with the help of self-theory in the mirror:

(1) In this process, it is others' evaluation of themselves, not their own evaluation of others. Don't turn the subject and object upside down because of subjective consciousness and fall into a state of ignorance.

(2) Everyone wants to be praised by others. The facts are often different from their expectations. We should estimate ourselves objectively according to our actual situation, don't take it for granted, and try to avoid Barnum effect.

Barnum effect is a psychological phenomenon proved by psychologist bertram Fowler in 1948. People often think that a general description of personality reveals their own characteristics very accurately. When people describe a person with some common, vague and broad adjectives, people tend to accept these descriptions easily and think that they are talking about themselves.

Barnum effect is a psychological effect. When we want to believe something, the brain will try its best to find relevant evidence to prove that what we believe is true.

In other words, when we want to be praised by others, we will find countless evidences to prove that we are that person.

This is also a "blind self", and we should try our best to avoid such subjective mistakes.

Conclusion: If you are too self-righteous, you can take it for granted that if you speak with facts, you can reduce the situation of "fans of the authorities".

Simply put, everyone's ideas are different ... which is caused by thoughtlessness in doing things. For example, when doing something, I am very persistent about a person or a thing, and I have given up a lot of things that I shouldn't give up for a certain thing or a certain person. Of course, people around me think that these things I shouldn't give up are wrong, and my own inner state (impulse, infatuation, etc. ). When people face every bureau, they usually encounter great events. How can they not panic when they encounter something important? So with these occupations ~ psychological counselors, feng shui masters, fortune tellers ... so that every time they encounter a situation, someone will help them solve it, seek psychological comfort and do things practically. ...

Do you still think it's good to see your girlfriend stingy and snub her nose? Still cute?

People will only focus on their own interests and personal interests.

Everyone knows that drinking and smoking are bad for your health, but you still can't quit just because you feel good.

Second, you can't observe all the truth.

Due to the limitation of senses, people can only understand some characteristics of things and people.

A glamorous beauty, you can't see her ugly side.

A beggar in rags, you can't see his gentleness in taking care of cats and dogs.

Third, everyone sees things differently.

Wow, this boy is so handsome.

Wow, this boy is over 1.8 meters.

Fourth, everyone's knowledge of things is limited.

Wow, this boy is really thin.

Wow, this girl is really fat.

These judgments do not represent everyone's cognition.

This question is very much like a poem "I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, but toward which corner of the mountain".

Explained from the psychological point of view, the so-called obsession with authority means that individuals have certain qualities or forms of cognitive objects or things.