Humorous short message quotations from lovers

1, my colleague just bought a car. One day, while he was waiting for a red light on the road, someone slammed the window. Colleague rolled down the window. The man scolded, "Can you drive? I can't see a car in the back. I have been reversing! " When my colleague saw it, he forgot to hold the hand brake!

2. Making money is like drawing water from a bamboo basket, spending money is like drawing a sword and cutting off water, income is like summer precipitation, and expenditure is like flowing water in the Yangtze River. Looking at other people's bankbooks, my eyes are full of tears. When you get rich, I'll treat you to mineral water.

You are a seed, which takes root in my heart. I will be happy because of your happiness, and happy because of your happiness. I will cherish your position in my heart, and you are not allowed to move anywhere in this life!

4. Pay attention to the fact that the god of wealth enchanted you, and you were hit by good luck as soon as you went out; If you stay at home, wealth will find you; If you open the window, money will float to your home. You can't hide, so accept it!

5. Because of your innocence, I believe in fate; Because your handwriting is Fiona Fang, I believe in justice; Because of your special position, I believe in fate; Because of you, I gave up fragrance and chose foul smell; Because of you, I gave up whiteness and chose darkness; Because of you, I gave up my distress and chose happiness; Because of you, my life is so regular, old place, be there or be square, my beloved stinky tofu, remember.

6. What if the temperature is too high? Take a walk in the swimming pool. What if it's still hot after the turn? Lick ice cream. What if it's still hot after licking? Stand in front of the electric fan. What if it's still hot after standing? Take a look in the air-conditioned room. What if it's still hot after reading it? No way, it seems that there is only one trick: peace of mind is natural and cool. May you fight against the heat and summer, and have a cool summer!

7. I want to hold you in my palm and serve you with my heart; I want to hold you in my arms and raise you carefully; I will try my best to take care of you: I will turn you into a cute little fat pig.

8. University graduation is just around the corner, and the school recruits a lot. A gentleman has never won an award at school, but his application is always rejected. In desperation, he wrote in the column of personal rewards: During his school days, he won the Master Kong "One more bottle" award for many times.

In view of your contribution to our friendship this year, I hereby award you the year-end friendship special contribution award. The prize is a warm hug and a warm blessing. I hope you will make persistent efforts for the lifetime contribution award in the new year!

10, I sent a short message to Shi just now: I wish the most beautiful woman in the world happy every day. Stone is guilty and transferred to the story of Deuxin, and Deuxin's story is guilty and transferred to you. If I had known this, I would have sent it directly to you!

1 1, happiness, stop! Shouldn't you stay at the home of someone who reads text messages? You should also tell him that a friend has been thinking about him, reminding him to cherish his health and wishing him good luck and peace!

12, I waved my hand and your troubles turned to dust; When I smile, your sadness is thrown away; With a wave of my hand, you are full of happiness; I sent a message saying that happiness is running behind you!

13. Sorrow is the burden of emotion, while worry is the burden of life. Business life should be tax-free, and the happy zone is the tax-free zone. Please increase your understanding of friendship coins, use a happy pick-up card, and then use a smiling credit card to overdraw. Learn to manage your mood, good luck can be superimposed, happiness can be multiplied, and the winner in life is you!

14. The mother bought a parrot for her son. Son: Is this parrot a male or a female? Mother replied: female. How did you know? The son asked again. Mom replied, can't you see that this mouth is painted with lipstick?

15, my salary has gone up, my face is smiling, my waist is strong, I dare to shout when I see my acquaintances, I want to try abalone and bear's paw, I dare to go shopping after work, and I burp loudly when I meet the opposite sex. I didn't expect prices to go crazy again, alas, in vain!

16, a man went to the supermarket to buy milk, and suddenly found that the price of milk had all gone up, and the increase was exaggerated. So he asked the waiter, why is it so expensive? The man replied: Niu is married, and her husband's price has increased.

17, tell you something, I met a fortune teller that day. He said I had bad luck this year, but there is a way to solve it, that is, telling a fool that it can eliminate the disaster, so I sent it to you, fool!

18, Bajie's mansion didn't return. At this moment, a man who looks like Bajie came. Friar Sand: Second Brother is back. Wukong: It's a monster. Tang Priest: I sent a text message asking, but it was Bajie who replied, and it was the monster who didn't reply.

19, the autumn nights get longer and the weather gets cooler; The days are getting shorter and shorter and the leaves are turning yellow. Please take good care of yourself and don't shed tears when you catch a cold. Nothing to send more information to convey your warm friendship with me; If you sneeze, it doesn't matter, it means I am thinking of you!

20. Someone posted in a forum and asked: I like a bank counter MM, is there any good way to catch up with her? Reply: I went to save money and left without my passbook. She will definitely stop you: hey, your passbook! The landlord replied with a smile: it's your passbook!

2 1. A girl weighed herself on the smart computer in a shopping mall, and only heard the computer say, "Your height ... weight ... is thin, please pay attention to nutrition!" After seeing it, my girlfriend had to stand up and give it a try. After standing for a long time, the computer suddenly prompted: "Please line up and get on the bus one by one!" "

22. Wolf is a big star in the entertainment circle. The dog found him and said he was willing to serve him: serving tea and water, making the bed, and getting nothing in return. The wolf was treated very comfortably. One day he finally couldn't help it: what's good for you? The dog looked sincere and said, brother, I want to learn acting, too. Sometimes let me be your body double. . .

23. I'll prescribe a pure natural tonic for you, which is mild in nature and does not contain any pigments and additives. It has the functions of benefiting qi, caring skin, enhancing charm and pleasing body and mind. Its scientific name is smile. Remember to smile often!

24. A tramp was stopped by a robber while walking at night. The robber waved his dagger and shouted, Want money or die? The tramp was frightened and thought that he couldn't even save one life. Why did he need another life? It is better to be realistic and ask for money. So the tramp said to the robber, Give it back. And asked us for money.

25, give you a difficult problem, it is very difficult! Xiaoming's father has three sons. The eldest brother is called heavy hair, and the second is called two hairs. What's the third name? If you say Xiaoming, you are wrong. Of course, the name of the third child is San Mao, because Xiao Ming is a girl. hahaha. Laughing me to death, isn't it interesting?

26. The male colleague joked with the female colleague: I met your husband today. He said he kissed you on the mouth last night. Is it true?/You don't say. The female colleague was anxious when she heard it: He kissed me on the mouth? ! He's bragging, b!

27. I want to tell you a good thing, that is, I heard that marriage is very cheap now, so how about marrying me and my treat? Do you feel honored? If you don't let me invite you, you'll have to invite me to McDonald's!

28. Don't be sad. When you are sad, I am sad, too. My eyes are sad, my mouth is sad, my nose is sad, my hands are sad, and my legs are sad. Every organ in my body is from the inside out. It's really, really sad. God, move your sorrow to me and let me grieve for you.

29. The couple were robbed when they went out. The wife is very tough. She drove away the robbers. The wife looked at her husband proudly and said, awesome, why don't you praise me? The husband mumbled something, wife, you. . . You are such a man!

30. Being a workaholic, working hard and glowing, being stubborn and tenacious like "King Kong", the boss's professionalism will certainly be appreciated, but we should take care of our health and learn from each other's strengths is the best way to work!

3 1, we want to be a smart workaholic, regardless of hard work for work-when the boss is around; Fascinated by work-when the boss is watching; Take good care of yourself when the boss is away. Let's be smart workaholics!

32. It is said that an inch of money can't buy an inch of time. Well, I'll throw caution to the wind today. I will sell you all my time in exchange for all your money. Don't refuse, I am willing, get the money ready, and I will find time to come to you this afternoon!

33. In the desert, you are full of lofty sentiments, shouting and vibrating in the sky. Singing, watching the clouds move everywhere, holding a sword, asking who is the hero. Well, I have advised you to keep your voice down many times, but you just won't listen. Look, did you bring the wolf?

34. I heard that your turnover rate is quite high recently. I was very puzzled, so I secretly went to see you, only to find that it was because you gained weight that you really couldn't finish reading it at once. Take care of yourself, my friend.

35. That day, you went to the street without authorization. Someone wants to hug you, someone wants to take a photo with you, and someone wants you to perform in the street. Or I know your heart, stand up and say loudly: let this little monkey return to nature.

36. I dare not call you when I miss you, for fear of hearing your voice. Sadly, I always miss you, but I can't always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my mobile phone and dialed the phone for you. Hello? Why not you? Dizzy! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!

You know, when I miss you, I bite my finger. Since I fell in love with you and cultivated this hobby, I have never used nail clippers again, and my nails are still very clean. This is the price of love!

Honey, if you don't contact me again and apologize to me, then I will deliver the goods! I'm going to pack Xifeng and send it to you. Don't worry, it's guaranteed and not refundable! Remember to check on time. I sent it by express. It will be quick! Enjoy it! Uh-huh, see if you dare to contact me in the future!

39. Friend, you lied to me. You know, it deeply hurts my fragile heart. You bully such a nice person as me. You said you were too bad! Don't you know what's wrong? Think, think again! Oh, your memory is really poor! You said to contact me, why haven't you contacted me yet? Text me back quickly!

40. The father took his son to take a hot bath, which was slippery. The child accidentally slipped and grabbed his father's XX without slipping. Father was very painful and casually scolded: fortunately, you came with me. If you come with your mother, you will die.

4 1, five principles of life, smoking is good for health, gambling is good for mind, shaking your head without worry, fighting and practicing birds in bed. If you follow this principle, you will be happy and live forever! ! ! ! !

42. While walking, the couple saw a condom thrown on the road. The wife picked it up and put it in her pocket. Why does the husband use it? The wife is unhappy, and no one can see it. Take it home and wash it before use. Afraid of asking for something.

43. Note: In view of your long-term monopoly on my heart, I have lost my mind. When my career makes progress and the economy improves, I will hold your hand tightly and take you to the Civil Affairs Bureau to sign! This short message before Tanabata is a warning to you.

44. Job hunting! Major: Love. Specialty: washing dishes and pots. Ability: I love you without saying it. Salary requirements: the heart is yours. Ideal contract period: Never jump ship! Happy Valentine's Day!

45, love is a kind of pay, no matter how wide the Milky Way is, I will turn into a guard to fill the sea, no matter how far the road is, I will move mountains like a foolish man, no matter how strong your heart is, I will turn into a drop of water to wear through the stone, even if you are bored again, I will use an iron pestle to grind the needle and generate electricity. This life will make you happy. Happy tanabata.

46. On the occasion of Tanabata, I sincerely tell you that it is not your fault that there are soldiers staying, and don't be sad that there are guests staying; What about the Buddha left in the battle? The last one is king, but you are not the only one!

47. Not every flower can represent love, but roses do; Not every tree can stand dryness, but poplar can; Not every pig can receive a text message, but you did it; Not everyone likes pigs, but I did it.

48, buy your own roses, forget it, you will be laughed at; Buy chocolate, forget it, it will get fat; Light a candle, forget it, there is no lover; Valentine's Day, I wish you a happy Valentine's Day with me without a lover!

49. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

50. I am afraid that I will get an electric shock when I see you; I can't see you, I need to recharge; Without you, I think I will cut off the power. Love you is my career, miss you is my career, hug you is my specialty, kiss you is my specialty!

5 1, female: I promise you anything as long as you don't drink. M: ok, I won't drink it. W: Very good. What do you want to promise? Man: Let me drink, wife!

52. On the occasion of Tanabata, I wish all lovers in the world good! The majority of leftover men and women must not be discouraged! As the old saying goes, the last one is king!

53. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, only to find out after trying to find you: mom! Our wings are on the same side!

I really shouldn't waste my youth, so I will bravely say to the person I have always loved but she doesn't love me: Fan Bingbing, let's break up!

55. Happiness hugs, happiness kisses your mouth, sleep stumbles you, life smirks at you, health is never too late, easy to move, smile instead of trouble, I wish you happiness!

56, Tanabata remember: consolidate old lovers, develop new lovers, protect young lovers, beware of insiders, wish old lovers are not old, new lovers do not run, many young lovers, insiders do not disturb! Happy tanabata.

57. I've been under a lot of pressure recently and I'm not in a good mood. I have entered a depressed state, often suffering from insomnia and anxiety, and I have become shy and autistic. Friends who want to see me can invite me out for dinner, singing, watching movies and drinking coffee to enlighten me. If you can, send me an S6, bodhi, gold bars, silver ingots, suet jade, etc. Let me walk out of my closed heart with love and tolerance, let my illness be cured, and let me know that there are still true feelings in the world. ...

58. I ate beautifully in the first month, didn't lose weight in February, piled up meat in March, was chased less in April, was blown by my lover in May, sat at home in June, gained weight in July, felt inferior in August, didn't have three measurements in September, and was miserable in June. Still reading text messages? Go and lose weight quickly!

59. I really hope that the path has no end, so I have been walking hand in hand. Let's spend every Valentine's Day in our later life and wish a happy holiday!

60, Tanabata, Cowherd and Weaver Girl tryst. Man: Sister Weaver, my brother misses you very much. Come on, give me a kiss! Woman: Oh, I'm so shy. It's not good for hooligans to see me Man: No, no, hooligans are reading text messages!

6 1, I really want to leave this world with you and live in a secluded place with clear mountains and clear waters. Just you and me, there is a piece of green grass in front of us. When I am free, I lie on the grass and watch you gently … eat grass!

62. The husband said to his wife: Last Valentine's Day, I sent you flowers. You said it was too wasteful and uneconomical. This Valentine's Day, shall I accompany you to the fashion shop? The wife thought she was buying clothes and nodded with a smile. Husband went on to say: Go for a walk and lose weight!

63. Lanaha, once a thief, was in front of my eyes. I didn't take it lightly. Now I regret it! I want to shout out now: love tiger oil!

Honey, I drank the water from the washbasin yesterday. I kissed the cat's mouth unconsciously, but I still couldn't find my way home. It is said that I have a cold emergency. Do you know why? I'm waiting for you to send me a hand warmer. It's cold and I'm freezing to death.

65. The cause of the problem should be found at the root. For example, you often ask why you are so good and no one wants you. Probably because you are not good at all. Not only bad, but also narcissistic.

66. A simple and honest old cow witnessed the myth of love. A vast galaxy is stirred by surging love. A romantic magpie bridge is filled with endless lovesickness. Meet Tanabata, see you at the old place!

67. I have a bad personality, poor looks, low academic qualifications and poor qualifications. What can I do besides being my own boss?

68. Greeting comes uninvited and sends a happy signal; Cold and loneliness drive away, warmth and warmth; Trouble knots, bad luck drives away the broom; Laugh off your big teeth, there is no antidote to happiness; If you pretend to be serious, I'll throw you a bundle of money!

69. On the night of Qixi, the Cowherd complained that the Weaver Girl was an incompetent mother and had no milk to eat when giving birth. Weaver Girl's grievance: Pity my child. Cowherd proudly said, Fortunately, I have a cow. ...

70. The script I wrote for you, theme: signal. Protagonist: Me and you. Stage: mobile phone screen. Scene: Chinese Valentine's Day, I miss you in the distance, press my thumb gently, my thoughts have been sent out, and I can receive them when I turn on the phone!

7 1. Do you have a TV? Now, take a quick look at the murdered central Zhao Benshan. Pol.ice blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 65,438+0 disappeared,1fooled!

72. One day in geography class, the geography teacher asked me: What are the four oceans of the earth? I replied: Teacher, you are wrong. It should be five oceans, namely Pleasant Goat, Beautiful Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Sheep and Jonie!

Today is Valentine's Day in China. Did anyone go shopping with you? Does anyone go hiking in autumn? Did anyone go boating with you? Yes, yes, that person is me.

74. I have a particularly bad temper. One day, my classmate stepped on me and I told him to wait at the school gate after school. Walking around after dinner, I saw him waiting far away, and my anger was only half gone.

75, Tanabata lovers continue to be sweet, don't be discouraged without lovers, redouble your efforts with goals, continue to look for no goals, want a romantic candlelight dinner, and want to get together under the moon. Yue Lao sends you a low-key message, keep it a secret!

76. I like your big eyes best, so smart and lovely. I like your soft hair best, smooth and bright. I like your good voice best, so crisp and sweet: meow meow … if you are happy, remember to forward my message with your soft little hand …

77. The temperature is rising again. I will share with you three best summer remedies that I have personally experienced: First, think about the person you like, and your heart is half cold! Second, think about your bank account, your heart is cold, your heart is cold ... Third, think about your age, and your back is cold!

78. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I am a car and you are a driver, will you drive (marry) me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely marry you.

79. Female: Husband! The man was so absorbed in watching TV that he didn't notice his wife's phone call. Woman: Husband, old man! The man turned around: old woman, what can I do? After saying his word, a powder fist came to my face.

80. A lady walked into a shop, pointed at cosmetics and said to the shopkeeper, What's the use? The shopkeeper turned to another young woman and said, Mom, show her your skin!

8 1, dodged bin Laden's tail, avoided the crowds in the American election, avoided the violent explosion of mine disasters, and bypassed the tsunami attack in Southeast Asia. After so many dangers, I just want to say to you: Happy Valentine's Day, my friend!

82. I suddenly had a stomachache at work and ran to the toilet. I just took off my pants and farted. I found that I didn't bring any toilet paper, so I had to put on my pants and run out to get the paper. Then a buddy in the pit next door said, this quality is really awesome. I'm going to the bathroom to fart. ...

83. It's Tanabata again. The wife is tasteless, the lover is too tired and the young lady is too expensive. It is better to have a reunion and break up a couple!

84, Tanabata is not lazy, love you is inevitable, kiss your face, throw emotional bombs, quietly hold hands, release romantic smoke, love to invade and occupy your heart, Tanabata is coming, listen to my oath: love you forever!

85. The man said to his wife, Dear, please watch the World Cup with me for more than a month. Wife: No, I'm suffering from staying up late. M: As long as China scores a goal, I will buy you a LV, one for each person. Wife: I love you so much, husband, really! Wife: It's been over a week. Why hasn't China called yet?

86. When I came home from work at night, an overbearing car drove across the street with the high beam on. So I reminded him alternately with the low beam and the high beam, but the goods didn't care about me at all and still went their own way. MD, I really want an electric car to kill you!

87. There are two things that others can't take away. One is the food you eat in your stomach, and the other is the blessing you hide in your mobile phone. Be a foodie with blessings in your mobile phone, and you will be happy all your life!

88. One person buys meat: Boss, 100 yuan for the dog to eat beef! Then he said to the people in line: Do you mind if I cut in line? The man replied coldly, of course, since you are so hungry, come first.

89. Having dinner together again makes me smarter this time. I pretended to be drunk when I had almost eaten. As a result, I was surprised to find that this group of * * * was actually taking out Lao Tzu's wallet. Damn it, why don't you die! ! !

90.MM, Valentine's Day on Tanabata in May: The boss follows you, the car lets you go, the flowers are fragrant with you, the handsome guy accompanies you, and the love is sweet with you-gg I miss you so much!

9 1, a girl went to the pasture to milk, and everyone else squeezed a bucket. She only squeezed a little. She was in a hurry and suddenly kept saying, miss, you are in the wrong place!

92. You know me better than Byakki Smoker, you are more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi, and you are smarter than your grandson, so I always call you Jing Zhuang's grandson!

93. There are dozens of bamboo boards. I don't praise others. I praised you as a flower. Although you look like a flower, you must hang it down. You can eat three steamed buns in one bite!

94. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

95. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

96. Although you are eager to follow me, although I don't want to refuse you, I still want to say: puppy, don't follow me, I really just have a white radish in my hand, not an extended version of meat buns!

97. I have no intention of falling in love with you at first sight. I am willing to take care of you all my life. I dreamed of you last night, and your charming official fascinated me. My heart can't be calm. I said: I was wrong!

98. I have never been a thief, but I want to steal a happiness for you! I have never lied to anyone, but I want to lie to you about happiness! Never hurt anyone, but I want to give you a happy turn! I have never depended on anyone, but I want to deprive you of peace!

99. Last month, one of my sisters borrowed a dollar from me for plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become. My RMB

100, the past is called loneliness; Now, it is called happiness; Tomorrow is called expectation; Always called sex; Wandering, vast sea of people; Wait, the epiphyllum will bloom again; Life is wonderful because of you; Love you, now!

10 1. Remember to eat roast duck together? You like to eat duck, and the food has just been served. You grab it like an arrow and stuff it in your mouth. I asked in a low voice: Why don't you see the duck? You proudly pointed to your mouth and said, * * * is here.

102, I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel to you, but the ring is still in the safe; I can only give you one.

103, a rock singer sang: Looking for a girlfriend or getting a dog? It's time for canaries to say this today: find a boyfriend and a dog at the same time.

104, if you blink, I will die; if you blink again, I will come back to life; if you blink again, I will die!

Finishing: zhl20 1704