Kneel for the complete lines of 20 12 Spring Festival Evening's Golden Branch Stabbing Qin Sketch.

20 12 spring festival evening sketch "Jing ke pricks Qin"

Huang Hong-the box lunch deliveryman-Qin Shihuang

Shao Feng-Deputy Director-Eunuch

Sha Yi director Jing Ke.

Huang Hong: Ahem, Ahem ... Happy New Year, everyone!

Huang Hong: Boxman. Send a box lunch to the actors. This team is great. The historical drama "Jing Ke Stabs Qin" must be good-looking. I know this history. I think when Qin Gong was in the Golden Palace, I saw a poor dagger. Then Jing Ke pulled out his dagger and stabbed Qin Shihuang. Qin Shihuang couldn't dodge, ready to draw his sword and fight back. But the Qin bamboo slips are too long to be pulled out, so the minister shouted, "Your Majesty, put the sword on your back!" " Qin Shihuang drew his sword and killed Jing Ke. Later, he swept the six countries and unified the country! This play ...

Shao Feng: Oh, Dad, what are you shouting here? We're shooting here!

Huang Hong: Oh, my son, aren't you the deputy director? Why did you play it?

Shao Feng: If there are not enough extras, the staff will have to make up ~ ~

Huang Hong: What's that noise?

Shao Feng: I played the eunuch!

Huang Hong: Oh, my God, it's so similar ... I said, it's time for dinner.

Shao Feng: What to eat! Eat, you! in fact ...

Huang Hong: Why? Didn't the shoot go well?

Shao Feng: Oh, the extras who play Qin Shihuang haven't arrived yet. The director said that no one can eat the emperor's scene until it is finished!

Huang Hong: Isn't the emperor in a hurry and the eunuch in a hurry? No, I mean, don't be in such a hurry What are you doing? (Huang Hong takes off his coat and covers the box lunch. )

Shao Feng: Hey, hey, Dad, what are you doing?

Huang Hong: It's cold, and the meal will be cold soon! You must cover it. ...

Shao Feng: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Huang Hong: Then my coat still smells like a box lunch!

Shao Feng: Yo, the bento on your old coat smells like perfume!

Huang Hong: Fuck you!

(Shao Feng was kicked off. )

Shao Feng: Ah! dad ...

Huang Hong: You know I have a father! I tell you, eunuchs don't have sons, and you can't live without a father! What child? this is ...

Shao Feng: Dad, if the extras don't show up, it's my assistant director's responsibility. ...

Huang Hong: I won't be cold without his actor.

Shao Feng: You ... Oh, listen, come on, Dad, put this on. Shao Feng hands me a yellow robe. ) Oh, you said that this extra actor is also here. Why hasn't he come yet? Oh, it's really urgent ... (Huang Hong puts on his yellow robe. ) Hey ~ ~ ~ Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe ~ ~

Huang Hong: Is there anything wrong with this?

Shao Feng: Dad. ...

Huang Hong: Huh?

Shao Feng: Can you do me a favor?

Huang Hong: What can I do for you?

Shao Feng: Can you help me play the emperor?

Huang Hong: You can forget it! Qin Shihuang?

Shao Feng: Ah!

Huang Hong: I am a lunch delivery clerk. Can I play Qin Shihuang? Are you kidding? What do you do? What do you do? ...

Shao Feng: Why can't you act? In the last play, the old lady who sweeps the floor can play the empress. Why can't you play Qin Shihuang?

Don't delay. Besides, didn't you tell me the historical story of Jing Ke stabbing Qin when you were a child?

Huang Hong: I can tell stories, but I can't act!

Shao Feng: Jing Ke is the leading role in our play, and Qin Shihuang is the supporting role. Three sentences in a play. ...

Huang Hong: I can't say a word, I can't!

Shao Feng: Are you acting or not?

Huang Hong: I, I, I ... I can't play.

Shao Feng: Don't give me a box lunch after the performance!

Huang Hong: What does this have to do with delivering lunch boxes?

Shao Feng: Of course, because I am an assistant director, I used you to deliver lunch boxes to the cast. Our box lunch 12 yuan, I didn't order 10 yuan!

Huang Hong: No, I'm a real person from 12 yuan. Four dishes and one soup, two stupid eggs are newly laid by your mother ... no, they are both just laid by your mother's chicken. ...

Shao Feng: It's no use! The director fired me, so what box lunch did you give me?

Huang Hong: This, this, this, I can't play, son, I. ...

Shao Feng: Dad, listen to me. As long as you don't say in front of the director that you are delivering lunch boxes and that you are my father, I promise you will pass!

Huang Hong: Ah, I can't say it's your father.

Shao Feng: Yes, in the crew, the director has the final say, and the director is dad!

Shao Feng: Do you remember? All right, that's it. Qin Shihuang has arrived, please!

Huang Hong: Oh, I said I can't play ... Oh, my God ... (hiding behind Shao Feng. )

Shao Feng: Dad, don't go, don't go … don't panic, don't panic …

(The curtain rises, and director Sha Yi sits in the dragon chair. )

Sha Yi: All departments, listen up. I want to reiterate for the last time that no one can eat the emperor's play until it is finished!

Huang Hong: Oh, the director is really angry.

Shao Feng: Yes, or he is the father.

Huang Hong: Yes, I'm afraid.

Shao Feng: Come on, follow me, hehehehehehehehehe ~ ~ Come on, Director, let me introduce you. This is the actor who plays Qin Shihuang. This is the director.

Huang Hong: Dad.

Sha Yi: Call me what?

Shao Feng: Ah, well, this teacher is a cross-drama teacher. Last time I beat my son, he called everyone dad.

Sha Yi: Oh, I'm in the play.

Shao Feng: Yes.

Huang Hong: I'm in the play.

Sha Yi: Did you understand all the plots?

Huang Hong: I see. My son told me everything.

Sha Yi: No ... What?

Huang Hong: Oh, no, no, director. I also played my father in another play, so everyone called my son director.

Sha Yi: Wrist! What about the three dramas? Well, have you talked about the price?

Shao Feng: It's a deal.

Huang Hong: 12 dollars a box.

Sha Yi: Nothing ... What?

Shao Feng: 12 dollars a day!

Huang Hong: Ah, yes.

Sha Yi: The price is very low.

Shao Feng: Yes, the fee.

Sha Yi: Which unit?

Shao Feng: From the provincial drama troupe.

Sha Yi: Oh, save it!

Huang Hong: Oh, director, how did you know I was from another province? Yes, I have retired for several years! From other provinces.

Sha Yi: Have you ever played the emperor?

Huang Hong: Did I ... did I act?

Shao Feng: Yes!

Huang Hong: I forgot. ...

Shao Feng: Yes, this teacher has acted in many imperial plays. Alas, Kangxi, Yongzheng, Qianlong and Dao Ji. ...

Sha Yi: Wait, wait ... Dorje?

Huang Hong: It's Jigong. He is not an emperor. He is a monk.

Shao Feng: Yes, yes, if you play too much, you will run away.

Sha Yi: This teacher has a great sense of humor. All departments, listen. Our teacher is an old actor. We'll try to pass it later. Deputy director, tell the actors about the schedule.

Shao Feng: Hey, hey, hey.

Sha Yi: Get dressed quickly.

Shao Feng: OK, OK, OK.

Sha Yi: I want to dress up, too.

Shao Feng: Hey, hey, director, you also play, ok? Ladies-in-waiting, dress up for the emperor

Maid in waiting: promise

Huang Hong: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shao Feng: What's the matter?

Huang Hong: Wait a minute.

Shao Feng: What's the matter?

Huang Hong: Why are there maids?

Shao Feng: Oh, where are the 3000 beauties in your harem?

Huang Hong: I also have a harem play. !

Shao Feng: What are you thinking? Yes, this is your only scene.

Huang Hong: Then I'm relieved. I'm afraid I feel sorry for your mother.

Shao Feng: All right. Ladies-in-waiting, dress up for the emperor

Maid in waiting: promise

Huang Hong: Trouble girl.

Shao Feng: You pretend, and I'll tell you a play. You play Qin Shihuang, the director plays Jing Ke, and I play eunuch. I'll start with the audience of the messenger, Jing Ke standing on the stage. When you say the first sentence, who do you say is the next stop?

Huang Hong: Who's next?

Shao Feng: Jing Ke said that Jing Ke, the envoy of Yan State, visited the king. In your second sentence, Yan came to surrender, but you really meant it.

Huang Hong: Yan's surrender is sincere.

Shao Feng: Jing Ke said that there is a map of Yan. You say the third sentence and let Jing Ke submit it.

Huang Hong: Please let Jing Ke introduce us.

Shao Feng: Yes.

Huang Hong: Yes.

Shao Feng: Dad, don't tell me that you really look like this.

Huang Hong: Like what? Smells like a box lunch.

Shao Feng: Dad, do you remember the lines I just said?

Huang Hong: Remember.

Shao Feng: Come on, repeat it. The first sentence.

Huang Hong: Who's next?

Shao Feng: The second sentence.

Huang Hong: Yan's surrender is sincere.

Shao Feng: The third sentence.

Huang Hong: Yes, please let Jing Ke introduce us.

Shao Feng: No.

Huang Hong:No..

Shao Feng: Do it again.

Huang Hong: Hmm.

Shao Feng: The first sentence.

Huang Hong: Who's next?

Shao Feng: The second sentence.

Huang Hong: Yan's surrender is sincere.

Shao Feng: The third sentence.

Huang Hong: Jing Ke, please. There is no such thing.

Shao Feng: No.

Huang Hong:No..

Shao Feng: No!

Huang Hong: Is it true or false? !

Shao Feng: Yes, needless to say!

Huang Hong: Needless to say, you tell me what to do!

Shao Feng: It's my fault. it is ...

Huang Hong: Aren't you making trouble? What do you do? What do you do ... I'll tell you, just three sentences. ...

Shao Feng: Ah.

Huang Hong: After that, you must have dinner.

Shao Feng: OK, OK, let's eat after the show. Sit in the dragon chair.

Sha Yi: Attention, all departments. Let's try to get through and prepare-ah, that's ... Is the meal here?

Huang Hong: Yes, Director, here comes the meal, four dishes, one soup and two stupid eggs, all newly laid!

Shao Feng: I'm filming here!

Huang Hong: (to the maid-in-waiting) Two stupid eggs, both newly laid. Please try again later.

Sha Yi: Get ready-

Shao Feng: Please sit down!

Sha Yi: Go ahead!

Shao Feng: The Messenger has an audience.

(With the music, Jing Ke stands on the stage. )

Shao Feng: Next.

Huang Hong: Who laid the eggs?

Sha Yi: Stop it!

Shao Feng: No, what are you laying!

Huang Hong: Did I say eggs?

Shao Feng: You said eggs!

Sha Yi: That's all right, teacher. Let's just say we didn't take the first one.

Huang Hong: Thank you, director.

Sha Yi: The station.

Huang Hong: Stop.

Sha Yi: Remember, stand.

Huang Hong: Stop.

Sha Yi: Here we go again!

Shao Feng: Yes.

Huang Hong: Director, I'm sorry.

Sha Yi: Attention, all departments, one more time!

Shao Feng: The station.

Huang Hong: Stop.

Sha Yi: Ready to go!

Shao Feng: The Messenger has an audience.

(With the music, Jing Ke stands on the stage. )

Shao Feng: The station.

Huang Hong: Who lays eggs standing up? Who lays eggs on their knees? A person who lays eggs in his stomach. ...

Sha Yi: Stop it! Teacher, do I look like a chicken?

Huang Hong: Director, director, you don't look like a chicken, but this posture does look like laying eggs. At first glance, you raise chickens. You have a life. Put the egg on your stomach. If you lay an egg standing, it will break. ...

Sha Yi: You, come here!

Shao Feng: Hey, hey.

Sha Yi: This way!

Shao Feng: Yes, the director ... acting.

Sha Yi: Did you find this?

Shao Feng: Yes, I saw it.

Sha Yi: Save it?

Shao Feng: Oh, save it.

Sha Yi: How much is it per day?

Shao Feng: 12 dollars a box ... Oh, no, 12 dollars a day! It's just a box of lunch money ...

Sha Yi: No, are you kidding? !

Shao Feng: Sorry, director. Do it again.

Sha Yi: One more time!

Shao Feng: Do it again. I'll talk to him.

Sha Yi: Attention all departments ... Oops!

Shao Feng: Oh, that's too harsh. ...

Sha Yi: One more drink!

Huang Hong: I said I can't come. My mind is full of lunch boxes. I can't play this. ...

Shao Feng: Dad, I beg you, don't think about box lunch. As long as you don't think about the box lunch in your mind, you will certainly perform well. Forget the box lunch.

okay ...

Sha Yi: Ready to go!

Shao Feng: The Messenger has an audience.

(With the music, Jing Ke stands on the stage. )

Huang Hong: Who's next?

Sha Yi: Jing Ke, the envoy of Yan State, visited the king.

Huang Hong: Is Guo Yan's surrender sincere?

Sha Yi: Here is a map of Yan State.

Huang Hong: OK! As long as Yan surrenders, I can sweep the six countries and unify the whole country!

Shao Feng: Stop it!

Sha Yi: Ouch!

Shao Feng: You are wrong!

Sha Yi: You are wrong!

Huang Hong: Who is wrong?

Shao Feng: No, he added words!

Sha Yi: What a good supplement! Not to save words. Can you add this word?

Shao Feng: Huh?

Sha Yi: Teacher, more money! Two boxes of lunch a day, 24!

Shao Feng: Ouch! Congratulations on your price increase!

Huang Hong: I tell you, if you don't send me a box lunch again, it will get cold. ...

Shao Feng: Don't always think about bringing a box lunch, bring a box lunch …

Sha Yi: Teacher, teacher, teacher! In this way, we passed the previous scene.

Huang Hong: Did you pass?

Sha Yi: Now let me give you a sentence.

Huang Hong: OK, OK.

Sha Yi: I said here is a map of Yan State, which you asked Jing Ke to submit.

Huang Hong: OK.

Sha Yi: Do you understand?

Huang Hong: I see.

Sha Yi: OK. Take this picture, all departments pay attention!

Shao Feng: Don't even think about bringing a box lunch. ...

Sha Yi: Ready to go!

Sha Yi: Here is a map of Yan State.

Huang Hong: Please bring Jing Ke up.

Shao Feng: You brought Jing Ke, didn't you?

Huang Hong: Please bring it to Jing Ke when he is ready.

Sha Yi: Stop it! Teacher, I see, I'm not a chicken, I sell box lunch! I'll serve it to you when I fill it out, and the play can't be filmed!

Huang Hong: Director, director, I was wrong. Director, I will direct it again. I beg you, director, give me another chance. I can definitely say yes. (to ladies-in-waiting) Girls, please fight this, ok? ...

Shao Feng: Oh, dear. ...

Huang Hong: Give it to me, please sit down quickly ... get ready-here we go, where are the listeners of the messenger ... (They sit back and face Shao Feng) Get up! Are you sitting there? !

Shao Feng: Can you act it well? ...

Huang Hong: Please let Jing Ke introduce us!

Sha Yi: Yes, that's it.

Huang Hong: Well, it's time for dinner.

Sha Yi: Hey, hey, hey ... Wait a minute, teacher. There are two more sentences. Eat after the filming.

Huang Hong: Huh? What else is there?

Sha Yi: Right?

Shao Feng: Ah, yes.

Huang Hong: No, isn't it just three sentences?

Shao Feng: There are two other sentences, which are particularly simple. The first sentence, ah.

Huang Hong: Ah.

Shao Feng: The second sentence, ah.

Huang Hong: Ah.

Shao Feng: Ah.

Huang Hong: Ah.

Shao Feng: Ah.

Huang Hong: Ah.

Shao Feng: Ah.

Huang Hong: Is this Qin Shihuang or a crow?

Shao Feng: No, no. ...

Sha Yi: Yes, sir.

Huang Hong: Huh?

Sha Yi: See the photo. I unfolded the photo and took out the dagger. You're surprised, huh?

Huang Hong: Ah, yes.

Shao Feng: And then stab you.

Huang Hong: Ah.

Shao Feng: Ah.

Huang Hong: I know this scene, so I must have a sword.

Sha Yi: No, no. Attention, all departments, this part has been filmed. On my command, get ready-let's go!

(Jing Ke pulls out a dagger and stabs Qin Shihuang. Qin Shihuang dodged left and right, and Shao Feng was trampled. )

Shao Feng: Ouch! !

Sha Yi: What are you always running from?

Huang Hong: If I don't hide from you, I will stick to you!

Sha Yi: I must stab you, not only stab you, but also stab you to death!

Huang Hong: Is it dangerous to play with this thing? !

Sha Yi: Oh, I didn't stab you, I stabbed Qin Shihuang!

Huang Hong: Wait a minute-he stabbed Qin Shihuang to death?

Shao Feng: Yes, I was stabbed to death by a sword.

Huang Hong: Then who unified the six countries?

Shao Feng: Jing Ke.

Huang Hong: Isn't that nonsense? You just ... ...

Sha Yi: Teacher, the novelty of our play is that it is a time-travel play.

Shao Feng: Time travel drama.

Sha Yi: After Jing Ke stabbed Qin Shihuang to death.

Shao Feng: After the occupation of Qin Shihuang.

Sha Yi: I went to the Song Dynasty, where I participated in an important historical event, the Tokyo Five Rats.

Shao Feng: I won back Li Shishi.

Sha Yi: From the Song Dynasty to the Qing Dynasty, I had a private visit with Kangxi.

Shao Feng: Married to Princess Zhu Huan.

Sha Yi: Finally, he crossed into the Republic of China and fought bloody battles on the beach.

Shao Feng: Conquered Feng Chengcheng.

Sha Yi and Shao Feng: Experience and conquer everything! Yeah!

Huang Hong: Aren't these two idiots? Don't! Let me ask you, I'm sorry, I'm not acting your play!

Sha Yi: Stop it!

Huang Hong: What?

Sha Yi: As a professional actor, what can you do?

Huang Hong: Who is a professional actor? I'm a box lunch delivery man!

Sha Yi: Don't you keep your word?

Huang Hong: Yes! The provincial fertilizer plant, referred to as the province, is there a mistake? !

Sha Yi: Deputy Director!

Shao Feng: Hey.

Huang Hong: Don't ask him! He is my son.

Shao Feng: This is my father.

Huang Hong: Let me tell you, I have told you the story of Jing Ke stabbing Qin since I was a child, and now I want to tell it to my grandson. If you do this, my grandson will think I'm lying. Did you get a look at him? If you don't eat a good box lunch, your stomach will hurt for a few days at most. You can't fix this thing, only several generations can fix it! Ladies, are you hungry?

Maid in waiting: Hungry!

Huang Hong: Dinner!

Maid in waiting: promise