Zhihu Zan Q&A: Are sensible children happy? The answer surprised many people.

Being sensible and obedient is almost every parent's mantra.

This is almost a standard for most parents to educate their children.

There is such a question in Zhihu. Are sensible children happy?

This article has more than 5 million views, and nearly 6,000 people replied, but most people replied: unhappy.

Because they are used to meeting other people's wishes and gaining others' affirmation as the protagonist of their lives. They often ignore their real thoughts and needs, and if they do this for a long time, they will become very depressed and miserable.

In fact, such children are more likely to turn themselves into likable people at an early age-

1, they tend to feel the change of others' mood easily, and then try not to make others angry, and even try their best to make others happy.

2, too concerned about other people's evaluation, in order to meet other people's expectations, often dare not express their own demands.

They are often afraid of conflict, punishment and contradiction, so they often give priority to changing this state and making others comfortable first.

4. Faced with the needs of others, they are often difficult to refuse, and may even be repeatedly challenged by the bottom line and principles.

5. They are often a collection of sensible, intelligent and kind people. I wronged myself and helped others.

Especially, many children have been like this since childhood, even more to please their parents and become sensible and obedient in front of their parents.

In our life, some people do it for money, some for dreams, some for family and life.

We pursue and struggle hard.

However, some people pursue love all their lives.

In the movie "The Life of Abandoned Pine Nuts", he is a loveless child, and he loves it all his life.

As the eldest daughter, Matsuko lacked the love of her parents since she was a child. Moreover, because my sister was weak for a long time, my father devoted more love to his little daughter.

In the play, it is often difficult for the father to be happy because of his little daughter's illness. He is not good at joking.

Once, in an amusement park, pine nuts made faces at their father.

So my father showed a long-lost smile.

In the end, this grimace expression accompanied Matsuko's life.

Because whenever she makes a face, her father can't help laughing.

When she grew up, Matsuko went to the school that her father wanted her to attend and did what her father wanted her to do, in order to please her father step by step.

Matsuko has been trying to please her father. She hopes that she can become her father's favorite daughter.

Pine nuts are sensible, smart and reassuring.

Pine nut's father doesn't really love pine nuts, but what really makes him unhappy is his little daughter's illness.

Matsuko's misunderstanding and father's incomprehension of his daughter eventually led to Matsuko's tragic life.

The tragedy of her life is actually closely related to her flattering personality.

When you are young, please your parents. When I grow up, I may just please my colleagues, lovers and friends.

But as parents, we must know that children will grow up to be themselves in the future, not what parents expect.

A 9-year-old boy smashed a school window, but she was afraid that her grandmother would scold her, so she left a note and committed suicide.

Afraid of being punished, he jumped off the building. Isn't jumping off a building another pleasing type for children?

Although this case is an extreme case. But such examples are not uncommon.

Like pine nuts, she is afraid that her father will not want her and that her father will not love her.

This fear and pressure made her constantly please her father.

Some netizens said:

When I was a child, my mother asked me to buy salt, but I lost my money. I bought a bag of salt on credit in the canteen, and then spent several days saving pocket money before returning it. However, in the end, the people in the canteen told my mother about it, and my mother finally beat me up.

……

In fact, for children, they are very small. They throw things, break things, or in one way or another. For them, the first thing to fear is.

They are afraid of their parents' punishment.

For many children, they often escape the punishment of their parents by being sensible, or attract their parents' love by being sensible.

Therefore, many children are accustomed to courtship and courtship in a sensible and clever way to gain the love of their parents.

As a parent, you should know that the world of children is actually very small. No matter what kind of violence parents use against them, no matter how parents treat them, for children, home can only be their only one.

Here, his parents (guardians) are his only source of love and comfort.

From birth to growth, even to the age of 18, to the twenties, all kinds of mistakes will be made in this process.

Especially when children are young, children will make many mistakes.

This is a necessary process for every child.

Sometimes we blame our children, but we must tell them that no matter how their parents punish you, they love you.

Love for children is unconditional. Parents don't need them to please, and neither do they.

Children need a process to grow up.

We shouldn't let them be sensible in their early childhood.

This not only violates the law of growth, but also suppresses the child's nature.

Children should not be "obedient" children from an early age, let alone "sensible and obedient" children that parents must ask.

Children like that will only slowly lose themselves. '

Looking back at the beginning of the topic, those children who are sensible early, when they grow up, many want their children when educating them: children, I hope you can be naive for a long time.

Son, we hope that the child is still that child, and don't be sensible early.

We shouldn't let our children do whatever they want.

Because that's our own child.

We should give our children unconditional love.

We hope that our children should have their own opinions and ideas, and should have their own hobbies and dislikes.

They should have the right to refuse or accept.

They should not be influenced by family, parents, relatives and friends.

Kids, they're just kids. We shouldn't expect them to be sensible early and become adults.

Children like that will only lose their vitality. Children should look like children.

Finally, I hope parents don't blindly ask their children to be sensible and obedient, and we don't blindly let them feel that they have lost the protection of love from their families.

This should be the duty and responsibility of every parent.

Flattery is wrong in itself. Parents should learn to give their children free space, allow them to make mistakes and punish them, but they must not let them feel the lack of love.

A child who grows up in a loving family will not be bad. Children who grow up in such a family will be positive and happy, full of heart, and believe that they will have a more sound personality.

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