Twenty humorous jokes

1. In front of the cloth counter in the store, the salesgirl tore the cloth she bought into small strips according to a customer's request, and then the customer asked her to tie it up. The clerk is angry: you are crazy! Customer: Yes, I have the hospital certificate.

We should miss each other every day, but don't meet each other every day. I am in charge of beauty, and you are in charge of making money. You can love someone else, but don't let me find out. If I meet you, hum ... cook noodles with rat poison!

I've been meaning to tell you these days.

Three words, I am afraid that even ordinary friends can't do it, but I can't control my feelings and finally get up the courage to say "borrow some money" to you.

Teacher: "Do you smoke?" Student: "No." "French fries, then." Then the teacher handed over the French fries. The student naturally stretched out two fingers ... Teacher: "Don't suck? Go home and call your parents! "

The hunter saw a bird in the sky and opened it.

I missed three shots, but the bird fell. It turned out that the bird didn't hit the neutron bomb, patting its chest and saying, scared to death, scared to death.

6. One day, I suddenly found that I had an aunt.

Second aunt,

Fourth aunt,

Fifth aunt, but not.

Third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why not?

Third aunt? I thought for a moment: don't you think?

Third aunt died at a young age? My dad said angrily, you

Third aunt is your mother!

7. Military exercises. Some people were sent to check the shelling. When they saw someone dressed in rags, with dark face and tears in their eyes, they asked and answered: Stealing a cabbage, as for shelling?

Eight. Anonymous fortune teller. Fortune teller: Miss, be careful recently! Because you have a bad omen! W: Would it be better if I took off my bra?

Nine. Yuan is studying in other places. One day, he found that his living expenses had been used up in advance and was busy telegraphing home for help. Telegrams only have

Four words: run out of ammunition and food. A few days later, A Yuan received a phone call from home: Hold on!

10. A pig ran as fast as it could, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. It didn't bypass it, but hit it. Why? It's simple. No sharp turns.

1 1. A person is always farting in the office. My colleague said, can you be quiet? Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Ask him what? He replied: I set it to vibrate.

Twelve. A young man went to visit his girlfriend. The girlfriend's parents deliberately avoided leaving them alone in the living room to fall in love. When they kissed, they found their girlfriend's little sister standing at the door watching curiously. "Little sister, you go to sleep, I'll give it to you.

Ten yuan. "said the young man. My little sister ran away without asking for money. After a while, she came back and said, "I have." "

Ten dollars, let me have a look. "

Thirteen. Son: Xiaohua's father swims well. Why not? Dad: Xiaohua's father always eats fish, so he can swim. Dad doesn't often eat fish. How can he swim? Son: But you always eat chicken. Can you lay eggs?

14. I have known you for so long. You have always cared about me, and I really don't know how to repay you. I will pull weeds for you in my next life!

I know you pay attention to hygiene, wash your hands every time you go to the toilet, and wash them carefully. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time!

I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was swept away by the waves; So I wrote your name on every corner of the street … I was taken away by the city management.

17. A kind old gentleman walked slowly in the street and saw a boy trying to ring the doorbell, but he couldn't reach it. So he reached out and rang the doorbell for him. The boy then said to the old man, "Well done, let's run!"

18. I saw you dressed very dirty that day. When you go to the hospital, the nurse says impatiently: Go for blood test, urine test and stool test! After a while, you hold a pot of shit and say, please, the blood has been swallowed and the urine has been swallowed. I really can't swallow that shit!

19. Zhuge Liang in the west played a song that echoed outside the city.

150,000 Wei Jun is crazy. Zhuge Liang: "Thank you, please give me one or two tickets." Wei Jun frightened, for a moment:

150,000 people escaped, leaving no one behind. ...

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10. The little earthworm said to his mother, why can't I see my father? My mother touched the little earthworm's head and lamented that he had gone fishing with the fisherman.