Looking for your own essays

Looking for your own composition 1 The camphor tree in high school has gone away from me, and the ink in the nib has faded. Think of the girl who is free in the sea of books, the girl who just tied a simple ponytail, wore a uniform school uniform and loved to laugh. Time passed through my fingers, and I passed my sophomore year unconsciously, turning over the yellowed diary, but I missed her a little.

I remember it was a rainy day. Like other children, I looked at the sky through the fuzzy window and felt indescribable joy in my heart. My father, like other fathers, takes good care of me. Occasionally, the corners of the mouth rise. This is the beginning of a new youth. After entering the university, maybe many things will be different from now on.

Looking at the sky, I don't know if I should sigh, "forward, forward; In the middle of coming and going, what kind of hurry? "Still want to change yourself to meet a beautiful youth? Perhaps it is in this change that I began to miss the girl who loves to laugh.

Many people say that the university is like a big dye vat and a small society, which will gradually dye you into a color that matches the society. In the past two years, I don't know whether to thank the university for my experience or to reflect on myself. In two years, I have done a lot of things, leaving only my good writing style and a free smile in high school. I remember many students in high school said that you had so many happy things in one day, and you were happy all day, like finding gold. I just smiled at each other and walked happily. But now it seems that a shadow has been following me, and many things are surrounded by shadows. Some people say that the mentality is poor, right? I think maybe I'm older and wiser. At that time, a person secretly wrote a few articles during the self-study class, but some of them were discovered by the teacher and passed out by the classmates. I was still quietly proud of myself, thinking that I must become a magazine editor in the future, but later I went to college, as if I had fewer opportunities to write. Now, I can't stop thinking about that girl Sometimes I want her back, but I just find a small shadow, and then it disappears.

Summer vacation back to high school, the camphor tree is still there, but the branches are more and thicker. There are classmates like me in the classroom, and it seems that I have found myself again. I want to start this journey again, knowing that this time I found myself, not a shadow.

She fell in love with the masculinity in his brow and coveted the confidence in his mouth when he smiled. A 23-year-old girl, in her unruly youth, has an infatuation as simple as jumping rabbit. She can't help sneaking out and hurriedly hiding in the cave. I can't sleep every night, just for a loving eye when he helps her correct her mistakes during the day, or a gentle thank you when he takes coffee.

She met his wife, that time in the park. He held his wife in one hand and his daughter in the other, with a smile in his eyes. The warm sunshine in early spring poured down, hitting the faces of three people and dangling, all of which were happiness and peace. She ran away in a hurry for fear that someone would see through her inner secrets.

In autumn, he went abroad for an inspection. Half a month is not too long, but it seems like a year to her. A few days later, people are already haggard. It happened that he called back to ask about the company. She picked it up lazily and heard him say "hello" at the other end, and her heart thundered. Holding the microphone, my throat choked, and I couldn't say anything. Raise your hand and call your colleagues quickly. When the microphone was lost, people fled.

On New Year's Day, the company routinely held a gala, and he and his wife attended it together. She hid in the corner, watching the elegant woman humbly thank the staff for him, watching him gracefully slide into the dance floor by holding her hand, watching him gently trim the hair on her temples, and watching him whisper in her ear. Her heart ached and she suffered every minute. Before the party was over, she left on an excuse. In a bar, she has never had a drink. She is completely drunk.

At dawn the next day, he woke up. When he opened his eyes, he was sitting in front of the bed, smiling at her. She is in a trance. Is this a dream? He rubbed her hair and said, "You girl, you can't drink. You still drink so much. Fortunately, we passed by, otherwise you wouldn't know how drunk you are. " "

His wife put a cup of hot tea in her hand, and a word hit the nail on the head: "Thank you for loving him, too."

She betrayed herself. She kept calling his name in her dream last night, and her inner thoughts were clear.

The woman smiled and said, "I understand you, because I had this kind of obsession and love when I was your age." There is nothing wrong with love, but it needs a more suitable bottle to carry it. "The woman stroked her hair lovingly." Silly girl, you are still young, and you will find the bottle that really belongs to you. "

Her eyes were closed and her tears flowed freely.

A week later, she resigned and returned to the stable and comfortable town in her hometown. Two years later, she found a gentle and elegant man who loved each other and was happy. She likes to call him "bottle". In the kitchen filled with lampblack, in the crowded vegetable market, in the forest and vagina running in the morning, this irrelevant name is so loud that it deserves sweetness. Once, she suddenly asked him, "Do you know why I call you a bottle? He was repairing the leaking faucet and said without looking back, "You are a beautiful rose, and I am a celadon vase;" You are cold water, I am a mineral water bottle; You are mellow wine, and I am a carved wine bottle. Hey, pass me the pliers. "

She gave a sloped smile. She admits that this is the most beautiful love story she has heard in more than 20 years. Yes, full of feelings, only in their own bottles, can open wantonly fragrant, delicate and mellow.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up quickly. I remember when I was in primary school, I often hoped that I would become an adult when I woke up, and I could make my own decisions and do whatever I wanted, without being restricted by adults everywhere.

When I was in college, this idea suddenly changed dramatically. I don't want to enter the adult world when I grow up. At that time, I felt at a loss about life. I didn't know what I really wanted to do, let alone my future. Even if I study my favorite painting and art, it doesn't mean that I have no uncertainty about life.

So after graduating from college, because I can't see the future, I naturally go to graduate school and continue to study at school. Unexpectedly, after I got my master's degree, I still didn't find the answer, and I still felt very uneasy about the future.

But this is a necessary process, and many people will encounter the problem of self-identity. Before being yourself, you must first "find yourself". In this process, in addition to being confused about the future, there may be times when you feel lonely and sometimes even dissatisfied with your appearance.

At this time, the fastest way to start is of course to explore and transform the appearance. When I was young, I used myself as an experiment. I have long hair and short hair. Sometimes I blow-dry my hair, and I have burned it black and straight; I have worn very elegant clothes and made very masculine dresses. I have applied black nail polish and even green lipstick. These completely different clothes and external images are actually a kind of catharsis when I can't find an exit in the process of finding myself.

When a person's appearance can have such a huge gap, it actually shows how strong his inner hesitation and loss are.

From college until I was 30 years old, I told fortune everywhere like a headless fly, because I didn't know what I wanted, what I could do and where I should go in the future. All kinds of divination, from bird divination, turtle divination, eight-character divination, purple divination to constellation and tarot cards, regardless of Chinese and western sects, from fortune tellers who set up stalls on the roadside to numerology masters used by retired generals, as long as I know, I will try my best to find answers at home, hoping to guide me to a bright road.

I also held several solo exhibitions, but in the end I didn't even sell a painting. So all kinds of concerned eyes and voices around began to appear one after another. Many relatives and friends came to whisper to my parents privately: "You have spent so much money and time to train this daughter, but can she really make a living by painting?" What will you do for a living in the future if this goes on? "I am often asked by my parents to be speechless. On the one hand, they are secretly worried, on the other hand, they feel disgraced.

In fact, how can an artist's achievement be decided by several solo exhibitions or selling several paintings? The concern of those relatives and friends was actually quite stressful for me at that time, but I still couldn't swallow it back: "You don't know art at all!" " "

When I think hard about where the future is, I am also overwhelmed by one blind date invitation after another. At that time, the phone at home kept ringing every day, and a lot of people rushed to introduce me to someone. My parents were also very happy to see it. I hope I can find a good man to marry before I am 30, otherwise it will be too late.

I obediently joined one fraternity after another and was highly recommended by distant relatives and neighbors, but my parents never asked me what kind of boys I liked from beginning to end, but arranged for me according to their expectations. For example, if I study for a master's degree, I have to find a boy with equivalent academic ability. Otherwise, my family background is better than ours, and at least my life can be very good.

As you can imagine, I ended up with these blind dates because none of them are my type. When I was in my thirties, these phone calls for arranging blind dates suddenly stopped. Everyone laughed and said that the Qu family had a 30-year-old daughter who was not married, as if my taste appreciation period had passed and I was kicked out of the marriage matchmaking market overnight. Although it sounds a little sad, I feel relieved, and the pressure of being urged to get married disappears instantly, hahaha! I can finally start my own life.

Confucius said, "Stand at thirty." When I entered the age of thirty, it seemed that I really began to be independent. For me, the age of 30 to 40 is a period of struggle in life; I feel that 30 is really close to 40. At that time, I suddenly had a sense of crisis. I feel that if I can't grasp the next decade, my life seems to be really over.

It seems that time is up, and I begin to enter another stage of my journey, thinking: who am I, why am I here, and where is my future? I ask myself these questions that I can't find the answer at the moment. To this day, I am still piecing together my own appearance.

Looking for yourself 4 Youth is very confused, really confused, and you will never find yourself. In the colorful world, I don't know what color I belong to, only know that there must be my own existence in the crowd.

I'm sneaking around in the crowd, trying to find myself in a remote place until I can only walk but not stay, because I haven't found myself yet. Smell the smell that belongs to me and speed up the pace, but why can't I find myself forever?

Mother said, "Son, you don't have to find yourself, you just need to know your existence." No, I don't want to. I don't want to just know that I exist. I also want to know my value, status and everything that belongs to me. However, God is always unfair. It closed a window with sound for me, so that I couldn't feel all the natural sounds. Fortunately, it left me two windows with eyes, showing me that the world is not only black, but also other colors.

When I walked through a place where nothing belongs to me and arrived at a beautiful forest, I found that I could understand my position and value. Yes, I am not as rich as others, so I choose to walk. I don't have the beauty and value of others, so I came here through the crowd wearing a famous brand. There are flowers, grass and trees here. There is everything worth appreciating. Only here can I find myself and know my ordinary and value.

I don't need other people's height, because I have my own position. I don't need any brand, because I am a brand. I found myself and found my own value.