Today's fortune-telling jokes _ Today's fortune-telling jokes

Boutique short joke

1。 Office leader

A blind man can tell fortune. He only needs one finger. A naughty child stretched out his penis, and the blind man touched it and shouted, noble man! Tender fingers, no nails, good elasticity, must be the bureau leader!

2。 Dispel doubts

Nine out of ten households in a residential area have installed security doors, but only one has not. One day, nine families were stolen together. Only the thief on the door without the security door wrote: don't worry about me, I will worry about you!

3。 petrify

The weasel proposed to the little police dog, and everyone laughed: man is a flower of the public safety expert system, and you can count that. The weasel is angry! Blow on my ass and say to everyone, smell my ass? Laozi is a petrochemical system!

4。 like

I like to get to the bottom of things since I was a child. I want to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? ""I like playing since I was a child. When I grow up, I want to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. "

5。 Don't make a phone call

After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. The wife was not only not afraid, but also said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

6。 painful

A: "What is the most painful thing in the world?" B: "Go to work." "More painful?" "Go to work every day." "More painful?" "overtime." "No matter how painful it is." "White overtime!"

7。 Who cut it?

0 saw 8 and said: sample, fat is fat, and it is tied with a belt; 7 said to 2: kneel down, I won't marry you for 500 years; 6 to 9: Cool is cool, but also stand upside down; Seeing 3 and 8 running around crying, big brother, who cut it?

8。 Cover the country with trees.

A leader said: children are flowers of the motherland and growing saplings. But people still have to live. What will happen in the future? A person in the audience replied: Greening the motherland.

9。 society

If you accidentally mix into society, it is futile for the prodigal son to turn back. Now I am in such a mess, wearing factory clothes and suffering from foreign crimes. Bigger things have meetings and queues for dinner. Make some money and pay taxes. This is fucking society.

10。 Knock/fool/mess/wander

Prank joke: "Pig Lang, another year has passed, and it's time to end between us!" " ""Yulan, give me another chance. If I fool around with Chang 'e again, I'll be the pig who reads text messages next year! "

1 1。 Still young

A big mouse strayed into a flower shop and was chased by a Xiaohua Mall. Finding that there was no way out, the rat picked up a bunch of roses to prepare for low resistance. When Xiaohua Mall saw this, he immediately lowered his head and said shyly, Sorry, I'm still young. !

12。 Someone's taste

Lao Zhang made a report: "Comrades, my speech level is as low as a lump of sheep dung." The audience burst into laughter. He went on to say, "This is not to everyone's taste. Please forgive me. " Hearing this, everyone was dumbfounded.

13。 cotton-padded jacket

The reporter asked the soldier what inspired you to be so brave. The third-class hero said: Fight for the motherland! Second-class hero: They have occupied our house and women! First-class hero: the company commander issued a bulletproof vest, only to know that it was a cotton-padded jacket afterwards.

14。 report

Comments on Hua Mulan joining the army. This story must be false. Eating, drinking and sleeping will definitely be seen through! B: Stupid! If you share a bunk with her, will you report it? ?

15。 fan

There are many clocks in the church, and their speeds are different. The priest explained that a clock represents a person, and the more business, the faster it turns. Lady: Which is my husband? Father: God uses it as a fan.

16。 habit

Men can't find a girlfriend, so they have to tell their fortune. Fortune teller: You are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life. The man's eyes lit up: what about the second half? The fortune teller said: You will get used to it for the rest of your life.

17。 to promote sales

A drunk came home in the middle of the night, and his wife complained that he was late. The drunk explained, "There are two salesmen who have been pestering me." Wife: "What did they sell you?" They asked me if I wanted money or my life.

18。 Typical typo:

Check the banquet; Release funds; Alcohol test; Clean up your home for nothing; Fishing hard to get rich; Oil selection and admission; Want both money and money; Eat hard; Attacking miss officer; Prosperity and prostitution; Leadership characteristics; People are corrupt.

19。 So cool

Many cocks are chasing hens, and their necks are ringing. One cock has red eyes and says nothing, and the hens are moved. Newly married, hen: You are so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day ... I was afraid of vomiting.

20。 sing one's own praises

A foreign tourist visited the orchard and bragged as he walked, "In our country, oranges look like football, banana trees look like iron towers …" He tripped over a pile of watermelons. A fruit grower shouted, "Be careful of our grapes."