Collect humorous, funny, funny, funny, funny jokes and short messages. If you can send them to my girlfriend, please wash them for me.

1. Why do bats often hang upside down?

Because of its gastroptosis.

It takes 6 hours for a train to go from A to B, and now it has been running for 3 hours. Where should the train be now?

On the tracks.

After breakfast, Adi went to the toilet with a big bag. Why is there only half a steamed bread left after he came out?

He forgot to bring toilet paper.

4. Why does everyone say that kittens eat human flesh and don't spit bones?

Because he ate a dough kneading machine.

5. Why? My brother never stops when he meets an intersection by military vehicle.

He used to drive a train.

6. Under what circumstances does one plus one definitely not equal to two?

A kilo of flour and a large glass of water will only equal a piece of dough.

7. Why do vampires never drink juice or vegetable juice?

Afraid of the cross in the juice.

8. Male crabs drink because they are afraid of being scolded by their wives. He went home to wear cologne and rinse his mouth, but before he entered the house, his wife waiting at home found him drunk again. Why?

Because he walked straight back.

9. Abby will take an English exam tomorrow. He heard that the Bodhisattva in Foguang Mountain was responsive. He hurried up the mountain to burn incense and worship Buddha, asking the Bodhisattva to bless him to be admitted tomorrow. As a result, he still failed the English exam the next day. Why?

Because the Bodhisattva can't read English, she can't get through!

10. A man met 10 lions on his way home. What will he become?

Ten piles of lion shit.

1 1. Your girlfriend keeps pestering you for the stars in the sky. What should you do?

Give her a punch and ask her if she wants the moon.

12. Do you want to see the dentist first or have a toothache first?

Toothworm

13. Cosmetics make a woman's face beautiful, but whose face is ugly?

The person who pays.

14. Jing Wong is a polite person, but when someone knocks at the door, he won't invite others in?

He's in the toilet.

15. What is the most painful thing for birds?

Can't ascend to heaven after death

16. Wang Jing went to the store to buy things with 100 yuan. Since 75 yuan, the boss only looked for 5 yuan. Why?

He only gave it to his boss, 80 yuan.

17. What kind of people want to have as many children as possible?

Children's product manufacturer

18. What is the last thing people do before they die?

Take one's last breath

19. How big a ship does it take to transport 5 tons of logs from upstream to downstream?

No boat, drifting

20. A plane full of passengers fell from the sky, but no one was injured. Why?

They are all dead.

2 1. Jing Wong graduated from junior high school and taught himself high school and college courses. What's his education level?

superior

22. What's the difference between the son of a dragon and the son of a dog?

One is a prince and the other is a son.

23. What is the difference between a flea and a lion?

Have you ever seen fleas on a lion?

On 2000 1 month 1 day, everyone was doing a very important thing. Do you remember what it is?

breathe

25. Who knows best how many stars are in the sky?

Heaven/God knows

26. Under what circumstances can two tigers fit in one mountain?

The tiger is in love

27. What does tit-for-tat mean?

Tooth extraction and dental restoration

28. Jing Wong and Wang Jing died in a secret room with only a pool of water and broken glass on the ground. What was the cause of their death?

They are goldfish.

29. What food is produced in the east, west, north and south?

muskmelon

30. Jing Wong was ugly and had no money, but two handsome guys fought for her and died. Why?

Whoever loses will marry her.

3 1. Why do only female mosquitoes suck blood?

It's not inconvenient for male mosquitoes for a few days.

32. What does a coward eat to be courageous?

Extremely bold

33. When is the second child the coolest?

The boss is not here.

34. Why did Guan Gong die so tragically?

Beautiful women (often) have an unhappy life.

35. Which coin with the same score1992 or 1993 is heavier?

More than 93 years of "one"

In the second race of the tortoise and the hare, the hare tried his best, but he still lost. Why?

The destination is at sea.

37. What is the last thing you can see in broad daylight?

film

38. What wobbles, changes from three to five, and then changes from five to five?

fan

A fierce cat ran away when it saw a mouse. Why?

chase

40. Mr. and Mrs. Jing Wong have been married for more than ten years, but they have no children. Why?

ultiplets

4 1. Three people share an umbrella. There is only one umbrella, but no one gets wet. Why?

No rain

42. Jing Wong was twelve years old when he was in the first grade. Why was he only twelve years old in the third grade?

Just every other day.

43. Dogs compete with frogs. Why did the dog win?

No breaststroke

44. Jing Wong took part in the 100-person hula hoop competition, and persisted until the last moment, but was disqualified from the championship. Why?

Too fat, it's stuck.

45. What are the parts of a pen?

Bamboo and wool

46. Why do modern people break their promises more and more?

The appearance of the telephone

47. All my friends who work around Jing Wong have gone to sea. Why doesn't he?

Fear of drowning

48. The cruel king told honest Jing Wong to buy one hundred pigs, but Jing Wong only brought back ninety-nine pigs. Why?

Don't answer! If you strongly demand to know the answer to this question, please leave a message!

49. A horror movie is being shown in the cinema. The audience screamed, but Xiaoying in the cinema laughed. Why?

She is watching a comedy in another cinema.

50. An eagle is flying in the air. Suddenly it rained and the eagle fell. Why?

It covered the rain with its wings, so it fell.

5 1. What method can make people blink for the longest time?

Let that man die unsatisfied.

52. Apart from saving time and effort compared with stairs, what is the biggest advantage of elevators?

In case the wrestling doesn't keep rolling.

93. What dances as soon as it dies?

Falling leaves.

What can carry a hundred bales of hay but not a grain of sand?

River water.

95. What can make a sound without mouth, run around the world without feet, hurt people without hands, and pass before it appears?

The wind.

96. What is white in the mouth and yellow in the soil?

rice.

97. What has countless leaves but no roots?

Books.

98. What runs day and night and never leaves its bed?

River water.

99. What can only be used if it is broken?

Eggs.

100. What broke and everyone applauded?

World record.

10 1. What can be destroyed without touching it?

Promise.

102. Why does the wedding ring symbolize eternity?

It has no head and no tail.

103. What is the least sociable thing in the world?

Milestones. They never stand together.

104. What question do you have to answer "Yes"?

"How do you spell y-e-s?"

105. Pandas are produced in China and koalas are produced in Australia. Where are the wolves?

Motorcycle shops in China.

106. Why do some people have three hands?

pickpocket

107. The sharper the knife, the less it will hurt others, but it will make you miserable?

Ice skates

108. Why are there typhoons in summer?

Because it hibernates in winter.

Why did dinosaurs become extinct?

Because it is called "the dragon afraid of extinction"

1 10. Why is the giraffe's neck so long?

Because its head is so high, it needs to be connected with such a long neck.

1 1 1. Which part of the earth's surface will never shine on the sun?

Therefore, because the earth cannot shine, it must not shine on the sun.

1 12. Why don't police bring umbrellas in rainy days?

I'm not afraid of bullets. Am I still afraid of getting wet?

1 13. Two owls are chatting. One of them claims that it can go out during the day without wearing sunglasses. Why?

13 1. Why is Rodin's sculpture The Thinker naked?

Because he is thinking about which one to wear!

132. Babies always cry at birth. Why?

Because the nurse who delivered the baby was beautiful, and I was too young!

133. Lao Zhao is a man who follows the rules. Why do you call him "old man" at the same time?

If you don't retire, no one else will be promoted.

134. What kind of woman should a playboy deserve?

A woman with flowers.

135. Dad repeatedly warned A Niu, who is still in high school, never to set foot in a beef farm, because there are things he shouldn't see, but A Niu secretly read them. What will he see that he shouldn't? Don't get it wrong! )

His father

136.6438+02 What is the most meaningful thing that the rats did?

Bullying a cat in distress

137. Why do richer people get bigger coffins when they die?

It is easy to "turn over"

138. Adults are older, children are younger, foreigners have more hair, and China people have less hair. What is soft and hard?

hand

139. Hua asked for a long time to sign, but he refused to sign. Why?

Because Hua asked him to sign the spouse column of his ID card!

140. If there is only the last man left on the earth, he is writing a suicide note at his desk and suddenly there is a knock at the door. It is not an alien, an animal or a sandstorm. Guess who is knocking at the door?

It's a woman

14 1. I touch the train with my body many times every day, but it doesn't hurt at all. What happened?

He is in the carriage of the train.

142. On the bus, an old gentleman stood next to Xiaoming, and there were no empty seats around him. Xiao Ming is always polite, but this time he didn't give up his seat at all. Why?

Xiaoming is a driver.

143. A dog fell from a plane at an altitude of 10,000 meters, but it didn't die. What happened here?

The dog fell on the plane floor.

144. Pangpang and Liangliang are both third-grade students. They usually walk as fast, but Pangpang always arrives at school 15 minutes later than Liangliang, and Pangpang doesn't stay or play. What happened?

They are not in the same school.

145. Why is it better to have no money than to have money?

Happy ah ~ (the so-called poor happy also! )

146. What's better about short people than tall people?

I'm not afraid of pressure when the sky falls ~ (hee hee ~ there's a tall man standing on it)

147. Who runs fastest in the Three Kingdoms?

Cao Cao ~ (As the saying goes: Speak of the devil)

148. Why can't tigers compete with cats?

Catch mice ~ (Who has ever seen a tiger catch mice? )

149. The thermometer has dropped. What does this mean?

The nail on the wall is not nailed firmly ~ (it won't hang, of course it fell-)

150. How can I keep a stone from sinking into the sea?

Put it on the boat ~ (hehe ~ there are many answers to this question. This problem is just irrigation)

15 1. What do risk-averse people who dare to "throw themselves into the river" do?

Bungee jumper ~ (If he dares to "commit suicide", why is there a rope tied to his leg? )

152. Why are the tickets for two exhibitions that are not much different more expensive?

If something is rare, its price is high-the rarer the better.

153. Someone bought a bottle of soda and opened the lid and found that there was no bubble at all. He couldn't help asking the salesman loudly, "Why is the soda flat?" The clerk said yes, so where is it?

If you drink it, the gas in your stomach will not come up.

154. Someone went to the bathhouse to take a bath. The waiter looked down on him for the first time, threw him an old towel and left. He left a gold coin after taking a bath, so when he went there for the second time, the waiter paid him attention, but after washing, he only

Take out a copper coin. Why?

This time I gave the money for the last bath, and last time I gave the money for this bath.

155. What kind of white rice can eat three flavors?

Raw rice, raw, cooked and unripe.

156. Where is the birthplace of the Yellow River?

The sky, doesn't it say how the water of the Yellow River moves out of heaven?

157. A pickpocket gave the priest 50 pounds to bless him. What does the priest say to get the money without violating his conscience?

The priest said, "If God punishes a thief, I hope God will realize his will through you."

158. Why do people grab things with five fingers when they are hungry?

Because one hand has only five fingers.

159. The husband is the head of the family. Why does he listen to his wife?

Because the wife is the neck.

160. Who needs to wait on other people's wives besides their own?

Because he has a daughter.

16 1. Mary broke a plate. What did mom say in the past that she found the plate broken again?

Mom asked, how did you break it?

162. How to do homework to ensure that there is only one mistake?

Don't do your homework. This is your only mistake.

163. Why can't Jesus' father be seen in the picture of the Virgin Mary hugging young Jesus?

He was painting this picture at that time.

164. When a person went out on business, he wrote to his wife and told her why she asked him to go home immediately after reading the letter.

His wife had to let him read the letter by himself because of the scrawl.

165. Jack put his wallet under his pillow this morning. Although he has an honest servant, why is he still worried?

Because servants will give their wallets to their wives.

166. The husband said that he was not afraid to face death for his wife, but why did the husband leave his wife as soon as the big black bear appeared?

Because it is not a dead bear (dead = dead bear)

167. What are the advantages of buying an expensive ring for my wife?

Gloves can save money, hehe, it seems that it is not worth the loss ~

168. What egg is alive when it is born?

fool

169. Xiao Li spat everywhere and was fined 50 cents. He took out a dollar, and the police had no money to change it. What should I do?

Take another spit.

170.1There were six wars in Spain in the 5th century. What were those six wars?

1, 2,3,4,5,6 times

17 1. How many sides does the box have?

Two sides: inside and outside.

172. The fortune teller gave Xiao Li an envelope and told him that he couldn't open it without something happy. On the day of Xiao Li's blind date, he opened the envelope and was surprised: "What a coincidence!" What's written in the envelope?

"You have fun today!"

173. What bird likes to dress up?

wood thrush

174. Which sea is the widest in the world?

Cihai

175. If there was a fire in the museum and only one work of art could be saved, which one would you choose?

The one closest to the door

176. Who is the most polite to the guests?

hunchback

177. How many apples are there if you eat one of three apples?

Three (two outside and one inside)

1.78 million tons ship leaves port, where to go?

Shanghai

179. There is a banner slogan at the door of the enterprise: "It depends on everyone's love". What kind of enterprise is this?

Maozi factory

180. Where can I teach the secret of obesity?

Chef training class

18 1. When you were playing cards, your wife asked you to go home. You said, "The car broke down and you can't go back!" My wife bought it, why?

Because it was said on the phone.

182. Under what circumstances, who is really worth it?

The fruit shop owner offended all the customers.

183. After handing in the pledge of quitting smoking, she still smokes every day, but her wife is helpless. Why?

The guarantee says: "Quit smoking tomorrow"

184. The baby is not ill, but the mother clamors to take him to the hospital. Why?

The baby is coming.

185. Which tooth grows the latest?

false tooth

186. A triangle has three angles and a hexagon has six angles. How many angles does a circle have?

A circle has ten angles.

187. What is the "nominal" unit?

air force

188. What is the first impression of the mute?

deep

189. except for nails and hair, Chang has never been cut. Can you believe it? Why?

Impossible, because his umbilical cord was cut at birth.

190. What ladder can only go down but not up?

Slide (for children)

19 1. How can I get double rest?

I dreamed that I was sleeping.

192 why are Buddhists concentrated in the north?

Namo amit Ba

193 who is afraid of the polite expression "take care"?

Photo studio owner

194. What do you really want to know but regret when you see it?

truth

195. What music do soldiers like best?

The sound of the horn

196. What happens when people are beheaded?

Get shorter.

1. There is a place where bad people are taught, but no police dare to take action against it. What is this place?

Temporary detention center

Please put nine horses in ten stables evenly, and make the number of horses in each stable the same. How to divide it?

Put nine horses in a circle, and then put nine circles outside the circle.

Xiao Wang is a good soldier. One day when he was on duty, he clearly saw an enemy touching him quietly. Why did he turn a blind eye?

He's aiming.

4. When will the clock in Times Square ring 13?

When should it be repaired?

6. There is a truck full of goods. One person pushes in front and one person pulls behind. Is it possible for the truck to move forward?

Maybe, when this truck goes downhill.

13: What products have the same production date and effective date?

newspaper

15: Xiao Wang whistled leisurely while brushing his teeth. How did he do it?

Brush false teeth

16: An old lady got on the bus. Why didn't anyone give up his seat?

Have time to sit in the car.

2 1: A major earthquake occurred in a certain place, causing heavy casualties, and the disaster situation was constantly reported on the radio. In the process of looking for you, an old man has been listening to the radio report. Someone asked him: Did you hear about your grandson on the radio? He replied: No. Then he added: But I know my grandson must be safe. Excuse me, how did he know?

His grandson is a radio announcer.

23: Xiaoming sets the alarm clock to six in the morning. He woke up after five, but he didn't know where the alarm clock was. Can you help?

Wait until six o'clock, when the alarm goes off, and you will find it.

24: What door can never be closed?

Football goal

25: Why do geese fly to the south in autumn?

If you go, it's too slow.

26: What is easy to type?

doze off

27: There is a ladder hanging on the side of the boat, 2 meters away from the sea surface, and the sea water rises by half a meter every hour. How many hours can seawater submerge the ladder?

A rising tide lifts all boats. Water won't drown the ladder.

28: Two people from south to north, one carrying a pole and the other carrying a backpack, didn't argue, didn't make any noise, and no one gave way, but they passed the wooden bridge smoothly. Why?

South to north is the same direction, of course, you can cross the wooden bridge smoothly.

Are there aliens on the moon?

Astronauts from the earth have landed on the moon.

3 1: Xiaoming is always so-so. He wrote ten letters at the same time. After packing the envelope, he checked it and found that a letter was wrongly packed. Dad said he was careless again. Why?

If the installation is wrong, it should be two mistakes at the same time, not one, and Xiao Ming is careless when checking.

I can't do light work. I put one foot on the egg, but it won't break. Why?

Stand on the ground with the other foot.

Xiao Wang went to a meeting at noon. Why doesn't he see anyone?

Not a shadow.

39: When eating an apple, eating a bug makes you feel sick, so how many bugs are the most disgusting?

Half a bug

45: Who is sick and never sees a doctor?

blind person

46: You just call it by name, and it will be destroyed. What is this?

silent

What comes often, but never really comes?

tomorrow

When the car turns right, which tire doesn't turn?

spare tire

50: There is a natural black marble. What will happen if you throw it into Qiantang River on September 7th?

Sink into the bottom of the river

5 1: When do people tear their hair?

cremate

52: foxes are best at confusing men, so which best men and women are fascinated together?

alcohol

54: There is one thing you can only take with your left hand, but you can't get it with your right hand. What is this?

right hand

55: A sheep eats half of the grass a year. How many years did it take to eat all the grass flowers?

It will never eat up the grass, because the grass will always grow.

56: How can I drink a drink full of drinks at the bottom?

Suck through a straw

Jack should have sailed to the Red Sea, but he went to the Black Sea. Why?

He is color blind.

60: What is the only thing a person can do?

have a dream

6 1: What animal stays up all night?

Panda, can't you see its eyes are all black?

66: When can children meet side by side?

okay

68: What kind of gun kills people and doesn't hurt them?

Water gun, starting gun

70: What has five heads, but people don't think it's strange?

Hands, feet

7 1: What gives birth to a tail at night?

meteor

72: What English letters do people like to listen to best?

laser record

73: The plane flew in the sky and suddenly ran out of gas. What fell first?

Oil gauge pointer

74: The angrier things get, the bigger things get.

mediate

A hungry cat walked past a fat mouse. Why did the hungry old cat leave without looking at the mouse?

A blind cat meets a dead mouse.

80: Two people, one facing south and the other facing north, are not allowed to look back, walk or look in the mirror and ask if they can see each other's faces.

Of course, they stood face to face.

82: If someone asks for directions, which sentence are you most afraid of hearing?

Is this the earth?

83: Is the black-bone chicken more powerful or the white chicken more powerful? Why?

Black chicken, black chicken can lay white eggs, white chicken can't lay black eggs.

84: When you come home in the middle of the night, only to find that you forgot your key and there is no one else at home, what is your greatest wish?

I forgot to lock the door.

85: What are the benefits of black hair?

Not afraid of tanning

If tomorrow is the end of the world, why would anyone want to commit suicide today?

Sit down in heaven

88: Why is a bottle of medicine marked highly toxic harmless to people?

As long as you don't drink it

9 1: What's the difference between being bitten by a crocodile and being bitten by a shark?

Nobody knows.

92: When does the clock stop?

The clock won't go.

93: Innate refers to the inheritance of parents, so what is acquired?

the day after tomorrow

97: Why does the Statue of Liberty always stand in new york Harbor?

She can't sit

106: What's not afraid of rain in rainy days?

Raincoat or umbrella

1 12: a truck without any lighting is driving fast on the dark road, and it is still raining, without lightning, moonlight and street lights; Just then, a blind man in black crossed the road! At this critical juncture, the driver braked suddenly, avoiding a vicious accident. Why is this happening?

The dark road is the color of the road, and it is daytime.

1 18: A man committed suicide by jumping from a 50-meter-high building and fell heavily to the ground. Why isn't he dead?

He was scared to death in midair.

1 19: There is a master with strong martial arts. On rainy days, he went out without any rainproof items, and he was soaked through, but his hair was not wet at all. What happened?

He is a monk without hair.