Returning to the South —— Contributing to Mother's Spirit in Heaven

-Contribute to mother's soul in heaven

Last autumn, Zhen came back from overseas, lived for more than a month and left. He/kloc-wrote from Shanghai on October 30th, saying, "... I went to visit my mother's grave this afternoon, and it rained heavily. But as soon as I got to the grave, the sun came out. Mom has spirit! I took six photos. After the photo shoot, it began to rain again. Sister! Last time I went abroad, my mother saw me off in bed and told me that I didn't want this to happen now! ……"

My youngest brother is drifting at sea! My article "Return to the South" has long been in my mind, in my pen. Just because I want to hide it from you, I'm afraid that you will get this shocking news and read all these stinging stories when you are alone overseas and no one advises you. I held back my tears until you came back and walked away from my arms. I didn't start writing until you visited the grave of your kind relatives for the first time and returned to your wandering life! You know everything in your heart Everyone took care of each other with trepidation and became motherless children. The seas run dry and the rocks crumble, and the kind and gentle blessings in the world do not belong to us! Even if I try my best to write this sad past, how much pain can I add to your hearts? ! How much pain can I add to your hearts? !

Now I might as well untie the bloody ending and re-examine the scars in my heart. Let's throw away all the hard work and tears, have a hearty laugh with you, and then everyone will swallow their tears and run to the difficult future that mom wants us to run to!

I wrote the most vivid, flexible and sour pages according to my memories, my diary and our correspondence. My hand holding the pen, my pen, how could I think of such a day! I didn't expect it to be used like this one day!

On the afternoon of last winter1February 14, Zhao and I came back from the city. There was a telegram from Shanghai on the living room table, and my heart suddenly trembled. Quickly open the envelope, which says, "... Mom's cloud, if it comes back, it will be better in advance". After reading it, I looked up and realized that everything in front of me was dark!

Seaweed comforted me and said, "this is nothing more than my mother missing you and asking you to go back early." It will never happen. " I nodded. When I went upstairs to take off my coat, I only felt shivering all over, like taking a cold. Before going downstairs for dinner, I called China Travel Agency and bought a boat ticket. It is said that the ship is very crowded these days, and it will take 19 to board Shuntian, so there is no vacancy and it is not good. I said, I'm going anyway. Even if it is a pigsty or a dog's sinus, as long as it allows me to cross the sea, I will curl up for a few nights-so I booked a boat ticket.

Just like sleeping in an ice cave at night, you will always be startled. I know that if my mother's illness was not dangerous, my father would never urge me to go back to the south when the train broke and the annual leave did not arrive. When he drafted this telegram, although Qian Qian tried to soften his words, the anxiety and sadness behind him could not be concealed-seaweed comforted me with endless words; Say health is important, no matter what, on the road, at home, excessive sadness and anxiety are useless and harmful to mother. I know all this, so I slept all night and my heart was full of tears.

In the next few days, I spent all my time packing and cleaning up the remaining programs. Those days were particularly cold. The north wind roared and there was no heating in the building. At night, seaweed and I always smile at each other, and the throbbing, loneliness, terror and attachment in our hearts are only known by the silent clock and lamp!

Jay is still at school, preparing for the big exam. We can't hide the news of his return to the south from him, but when it comes to the speculation that his mother is ill, we are always optimistic in front of him, so he is still very calm. God knows, my brothers trust me out of common sense. He thought that with his sister gone, his mother's illness would not be a problem. Poor child, bless the ignorant trust!

18 express at 4: 25 pm, jujube took me to Tianjin. This is the first time we have taken a bus since our honeymoon. Although we still sit next to each other silently, the emotions in our hearts are quite different! Bo Xue is condensing outside the window, and the cold wind blowing into the window gap makes me feel abdominal pain. Afraid of seaweed worry, he refused to say, knowing that it was useless, he kept drinking hot tea. I arrived in Tianjin at seven o'clock and got off the platform. I can't walk because of the pain. Finally, I got out of the station, got on the bus, went to national hotel, checked in, and stayed in bed. Jujube stood in front of the bed with infinite horror in his eyes: "Are you sick again?" I groaned and nodded. -I later found out that the disease was chronic appendicitis. The root cause of this disease has been ten years, and it occurs once or twice a year. Every time it hurts, the pain sometimes lasts for twelve hours. In order to prevent recurrence on the way, I made a careful examination in Union Medical College Hospital before leaving, but I still couldn't see it. It wasn't until I came back from Shanghai and had another attack that the doctor was absolutely sure and opened the knife in Concord. This was in the middle of March of the following year.

The pain of this night is to step up every second until three o'clock at night. I'm in a daze, I just feel like I'm sitting in bed, vomiting and moaning, and I don't even know the existence of algae. After midnight, I gradually eased, turned around and patted the seaweed sitting on the bed, revealing a sad smile. He smiled and shook his head at me, saying nothing to me. Take off my coat slowly and cover it tightly. I feel that when I close my eyes, my spirit flies away!

Wake up with tears; The fatigue after illness, the nostalgia for parting, the hardships of the current journey and the horrible facts that may be encountered when I go home are all in my mind. I dreamed of seaweed on the bed. I can't bear to wake him up after a night's fatigue, looking out the window at the dawn in Tianjin, or a cold cloudy day! Let me see, there is no other way but to give everything to heaven!

This morning, we sat together again. Sailing at ten o'clock in the evening, jujube can't and dare not say no to let me go. She said to me in tears, "You're a pervert! I am a poor child and a lovely husband. I can't go with you and I can't prepare the shipping space for you. I'll let you go alone at this time! ..... "He choked up. My heart is even bittersweet. I don't know what to do, and I don't have the spirit and strength to comfort him. I just cry silently.

Or seaweed cheer up first and propose to go to Liang Renhong's house to visit his daughter, Mrs. Zhou. I couldn't agree at that time. A couple there invited me to lunch. I drank a glass of brandy at the dinner table and felt much better. Mrs Zhou told me about her return to China last year, Mr Ren Gong's illness and his death. The sad words made me tremble with fear, and finally I couldn't sit still, struggling to get up and thank my master. I sent a telegram to Shanghai to report the sailing. At half past two, Zao and I got on the Shuntian ship.

This room is a special official cabin, unexpectedly small! Another big chimney passes through the corner of the house. The upper berth has been occupied by a Guangdong lady, and the box is full of boxes. Fortunately, my luggage is relatively simple, only a set of bedding and a suitcase. Seaweed made my bed, so I curled up and lay down. He also curled up and sat by the bed. Outside the door are laughter, shouting, shouting and competition; Mixed with oil, greasy, smoked, salty and turbid; Crowded, suffocated, uneasy, shouting! I held my breath and closed my eyes. Seaweed tears fell on my face: "love, I hope I can't go with you!" " This kind of place is something you can stand! "I opened my eyes and took his hand:" It's a pity that I am a member of the human race! " "

Until nine o'clock at night, another female guest came on the cross bed next to the chimney, with a little daughter. The room is more tense and crowded. I sat up, combed my hair and said to Jujube, "You go, I'm going to sleep, too. There is really no room to turn around in this room! " In the morning, he said that he would take a third-class train back to Beiping. He repeatedly told him, "It's cold, and there is no steam stove in the third-class carriage. It's best not to sit still. Sharing weal and woe with me is not such an emotional thing! " He promised me and squeezed out of the crowd.

After I arrived in Shanghai, I received a letter from him, which said, "Sorry, I flew third class after all. Imagine me watching you leave like that. Why do I have a heart for comfort? Even I still feel that I didn't share your hard work just in case! What's more, I bought some books at the second-hand bookstall in the market with the rest of the fare ... "-

During the sea trip these days, I only saw the broken ice in Tanggu and Hong Tao in the sea outside the window. In the window with vague popularity, only people's vomiting can be heard. In the restaurant, the waiter repeatedly shouted "Eat!" And the voice of current affairs and the tears of sea guests. In this 100 hours, I have been relieved, I don't drink or eat, I just want to sleep, and I dare not think about my mother's illness. When I can't sleep, I just think about the clear water and dark green bamboo on the Mogan Mountain in the West Lake during my honeymoon trip in summer, in order to get beyond the immediate hell!

On the afternoon of the 22nd, the boat slowly sailed into Wusongkou. I quickly got up, combed my hair and dressed, and packed my things early. Shanghai is still cloudy! I speculated on what might happen a few hours after I got home. I can only tremble and pray in my heart! The wind on the river is rustling. The light at the bow of the ship, like a cold star, is reflected on the dark water at dusk, drawing a long pattern of bending and trembling. At six o'clock in the evening, the ship slowly stopped in Pudong. I am disappointed and scared, traveling alone for the first time. I don't even have the courage to talk to these porters and water workers. I will close the door tightly and wait for my family to pick me up. By 7: 30, all the guests had dispersed, and even the waiter had to disembark. Helpless, I opened the door and stopped a tourist from a China travel agency to take care of me crossing the river.

I was sitting on a bumpy ferry. Under the light of Shui Ying, I only felt myself swaying from time to time under the dark and high side of the ship, crossing several numbered boats with white awnings. In the cold wind, the wet stone steps set foot on the Bund. The words on the advertisement on the street top are still flashing, and the tram is still rumbling. I am in Shanghai again! I got into the car of the travel agency with my box in a daze, and even people took several seemingly fast and slow turns with my box before I reached the door.

Ring the bell and Yuan will open the door. My first sentence was, "How is your wife?" He said, "A little better." Without saying anything, I continued to walk upstairs. My father stood by the stairs to meet me. Walking into my mother's room, Hua sat by her bed and saw me stand up. Leaning on Hua's knee, he looked at me with shy watery eyes. I don't want to hug her. I leaned down and shouted, "Mom!" I was really sick when I went to see my mother! The so-called "skinny" people, I only pay attention to today! Compared with two months ago, she seems to be twenty years older. His forehead seems to be black, too Breathing is so weak that I can't even say a word. You just looked at me with sad and happy eyes ...

Father told me that the telegram had arrived. Han took Yuan to the dock after five o'clock in the afternoon, but I don't know why he didn't follow. At this moment, Xiao Ju jumped into my arms under the push and pull of China and called "Auntie". My little face is much fuller than before. I picked her up and fell on my mother's quilt together. At this time, my tears stopped and I hurried back to the canteen.

Han came back soon, his face was red with cold-I felt my legs and feet were as cold as ice. -It is said that it is on the Bund until seven o'clock. In a hurry, I walked into the shipping company and asked, but the people in the company said, "I don't know where the ship stopped, maybe it hasn't arrived yet!" " "He had to look back.

Everyone was silent at the dinner table. I outlined the journey, and my father looked at me intently, as if he was infinitely sorry. Hua told me that she didn't tell her mother until I was shocked. She just said I would come in person. Mother didn't say anything. After a while, she said, "Poor thing. She probably always thought she was a motherless child on the boat!" " "

After dinner, Han Hua and his wife went back to their room. My father and I sat in front of my mother's bed. Mom's eyes were half closed and I patted her. Father asked softly, "What do you think of my mother?" I said nothing, and my father was silent. He sighed and said, "I don't look well either, so I sent you a telegram." I am really helpless-my heart is broken! "

After half a month, it is the time to wait on illness. Not only have I forgotten the day, but I can't even tell the difference between innocent day and night! One by one connects the thin sleeping capacity of mother when she lies on her back, her weak voice and haggard smile when she is awake, the gloomy day outside the window, the coal fire exploding in the fireplace, the bell ticking on the fireplace in the middle of the night, the gray wall at dawn, and the misty morning fog when she opens the window in the morning! In these facts and tears, I am like an orphan without complaint, walking barefoot alone, dragging a heavy flame!

In this confusion, I only remember the first few days of illness. I go to bed at eight o'clock every night and get up at twelve o'clock until dawn. It's always cold when you get up. Han Hehua rubbed his tired eyes sadly and alternated with me. I stood by the fireplace and dressed. My mother slowly turned her head and said, "Your clothes are too thin. You might as well put on my black camel hair robe so as not to freeze! " "I agreed, she went on to say," I saw seaweed for the first time last year, and I was still wearing that robe. "

She always breaks out in a cold sweat around four o'clock every night, and it gets cold when she comes out of her forehead. At that time, I had been drinking Nanzhao Beimai soup, which was said to be antiperspirant and nourishing. I was afraid that she would catch cold, so I sewed her a rectangular piece of white flannel and wrapped it gently on her forehead. Mother closed her eyes and smiled slightly and said, "I look like Guanyin." I also smiled and said, "It's just like the Virgin Mary!"

Because of bone pain, she is lying in bed and can't roll over. She is as thin as a bone. The mattress is too thin and the quilt is too heavy. So under the mattress, there are many cotton pillows, duvets and so on. It's just covered with a thin silk quilt on its head. She just leaned back in a half-lying position. It took me half a month to date her, poor sick mother.

In the dead of night, I lay by her pillow. If she is in good spirits, she will talk to me leisurely. Her voice is as light as a day and a half. Half-hazy and half-nostalgic, I can see her stone-like face, and her mood and tears are surging. She talked about her divorce and life is sweet after marriage, the tragic loss of her mother as a child, and finally her illness. She said, "I have suffered a lot since I was a child. Your father always said,' You can get enough medicine from snacks to open a pharmacy.' I never thought I would live to be sixty! When a man marries a woman, it's over. They said,' I haven't had a dutiful son before bed for a long time'. I was sick for five months this time. You are really exhausted! I have nothing against my daughter, son and daughter-in-law. I only hope that I can recover as soon as possible, and then enjoy your blessing for two years ... "We are exhausted. What if we can repay our mother's kindness?" Mother's overly loving words broke the listener's bones!

As a gift from heaven, my mother's dying illness two months ago was not osteopathy. But her old illness "stomachache" and "cough" came back. In addition to taking it every half hour, you should also take medicine, such as "Jianwei Pill" and "Zhike Pill", and the dose should be increased every time. We know that these drugs contain a lot of anesthetics, and at first we always tried our best to prevent her from using them more. A few days later, because of her unbearable pain, I gradually realized that her illness had no hope of recovery. I had to bite my teeth, endure my heart, follow her instructions and take this fierce medicine crazily to temporarily relieve her sudden attack.

Since then, her spirit has become weaker and weaker, and she is half awake day and night. However, because of cough and stomachache, she couldn't sleep peacefully. She had to rub her hard with her hands and put her to sleep in a semi-hypnotic state. 1The night of February 24th is the night when Christ was born. I fell in front of my mother's bed and was in a state of prayer all night! At the time of exhaustion of manpower, the climax of religious prayer life flooded my full consciousness. I feel my heart is full of fragrance, as if I were pleading with the virgin Mary, caring for the baby's deep love for his mother and giving me considerable comfort. Cheers and firecrackers were heard in the street that night. Through the window, I saw the brightly lit Christmas tree of our foreign neighbor's house, and the children were singing and dancing happily. In my tears, these are the stings of needles!

In the middle of the night, my father whispered to me, "I think everything behind your mother should be ready." I don't understand all the old rules. And I don't think it's necessary to follow blindly. What about burial-do you want to go back to your hometown The mountains are separated from the water, so you can't go back easily. It's been desolate for years, hasn't it? But you have to ask your mother about this. "I said," my father said that is the best. Originally, these superstitious and taboo methods, so we sometimes follow them, and we can't afford to brush the old man. Now my father doesn't care about these things, and my mother is a newcomer. Even if all the taboos have a posteriori, as long as the things behind our mother can be handled comfortably, all the five evils of disaster will come to our four sisters and brothers, and we are willing! "

The next day, we asked a relative to contact all the funeral homes in the world. My father and I also chose the steel coffin. These are all explained in detail in my letter to Zhao Hejie. ——

So a few days later. Mom is better sometimes, lying down with a smile. Xiao Ju climbed onto the bed, holding her mother's face and calling her "grandma". Hua and I sat in front of the bed, talking about my mother's bone pain in autumn, sometimes lying in bed to rest, sometimes sitting in the big chair in front of the porch to bask in the sun, and there was always a big bottle of chrysanthemums on the side table. Mom said, "Yes, the more you look at the flowers, the fresher they are, and they will never make people tired. When I was sick, the sun shone through the window and on the flowers, and I was very happy! " Mother's love for nature will not change in the deepest illness. Her bone pain, from fingers to arms, from shoulders to knees, is gradually decreasing, and her whole body is stiff and painful. If she stays in chains all the time, even if she turns to her side, it will break her heart. If I were her, I would cry, I would scream, I would curse everything and give up everything. And my most beloved mother, for all kinds of illnesses, is still the same acceptance, the same gentleness. For children, there is not an impatient word; For slaves, they are twice as compassionate. For these merciless nature, such as sunshine, such as flowers, it is doubly warm and fragrant in her rest of illness. This is a gift from heaven, and only she is worth accepting and enjoying!

Knowing that mother can never celebrate the New Year in the old calendar, we want to celebrate the New Year in a big way in the solar calendar. When I got up early in the morning, I put Xiao Ju in a red silk cotton gown, carried her to bed, and said I would pay a New Year call to my grandmother. There are two plates of Dafu oranges on the table, and the daffodils on the balcony window are tied with red paper. I bought a dozen small red tulle lanterns and hung them at the corner of the bed, by the fireplace and under the electric light. We dressed ourselves a little-I hadn't combed the mirror for ten days then! I think we haven't been so excited about the Spring Festival for a long time! At dusk, I lit a dozen gauze lanterns and hung them up. Tears came from nowhere and kept flowing!

Who has experienced this kind of pain? The person you love the most has the most distressing disease and will disappear from your wrist and upper arm in the shortest time; At the same time, you should pretend to smile and accompany you, watch, listen, watch, cherish and fear every minute together! This kind of life can make young people old, old people die and people in heaven go to hell! There are such miserable people in the world, and you are all my deepest sympathy!

The tailor came to cut the clothes wrapped by mother. I quietly took him to the third floor. Mom is not vague about what to wear at ordinary times. When you go out on a good day, you always compare the clothes you want to wear, look at them again and again, and iron them again and again. So this time, I took pains to remind my mother of the material, color, style and size of the shroud. Tell him to make things like people's clothes, and redo them if they are blurred. As for robes, hats, socks, gloves, etc. Outside, I stole my bedtime and bought it myself. It was very cold in Shanghai that day, and the whole city was like ice. And my heart is frozen ten thousand times!

Come back, take off your coat and go to your mother. She is better today and asks me, "Have you had enough sleep?" I smiled and said, "Enough sleep." Because I told my father's birthday-Gregorian calendar 1 3rd of the month, lunar calendar14th of February-is coming soon. Father got married on his birthday. Because my mother was ill, my father once said not to celebrate my birthday, but we still couldn't help celebrating my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. At this time, my father Han Hua and others were in front of the bed, and everyone was laughing their heads off. We pretended to ask what it was like for her mother to be a bride. Mother smiled, too, and her eyes seemed to shine with the brilliance of youth. She told us about the wedding ceremony, wedding gifts, and how she was crushed by the corolla on the wedding day. We all laughed. Xiao Ju, who climbed on the pillow, saw that everyone was laughing, and she laughed loudly for no reason. At this point, all the sadness in front of us seems to have been forgotten.

Celebrate my father's birthday the next night. This day my mother is not good, she said to me:

"I'm afraid I can't get over this disease. In the past, when everyone was in danger, I always said,' Every day is getting lighter and heavier, and every day is eight or nine points worse'. This is my scene at this time. " We all laughed and explained that it was the weather. It was a little cold today. Mom doesn't talk. But her cough became more and more difficult, and she vomited one mouthful phlegm, so someone had to hold her chest hard. The stomachache is worse, and every time it starts to hurt, the face becomes worse. -In the evening, sons and nephews who offered birthday felicitations to their father came. Han Hehua is busy planning downstairs. I'll stay with my mother. My mother has been urging me to get dressed and go downstairs for my dad's birthday. I agreed with tears in my eyes. I tidied up hastily, and when I went downstairs, I saw only the red candle on Shoutang, where my father was sitting, and an empty chair stood side by side on the right. As soon as I knelt down, my tears suddenly stopped. As soon as I turned over, I hurried upstairs, and everyone looked at me silently.

In the evening, my mother suddenly told me about her childhood illness: "You are much more blessed than me. I lost my mother when I was fourteen! " Your grandmother has lung disease. On September 9 that year, she stayed in bed and didn't get up. He died in Rabbah. Your uncle and I took turns to serve you during your illness. I was still young. I only remember that your grandmother swallowed in the middle of the night, and your grandfather asked the old lady to carry me to your uncle and grandmother in the front yard. Since then, I have been a child without a mother. "She sighed," Laba again. "I really didn't know what to say at the time. Mom added, "Jay hasn't come back yet-the fortune teller said I only have two children to die, so I'm satisfied that you and Han are here." "

Father also sat on one side and slowly led her to talk about life and death and the land of her hometown. Father said, "What we usually call' the fox dies first' is actually not ..." Mother went on to say, "In fact, when a person dies, there is only one body left, and it is the same everywhere. Why do you have to bring Qianshan back, so that your children and grandchildren living in all directions can't take care of it. "

Looking back now, my mother seemed vague about her illness at that time, but we were silent. At rest, we always wash our faces with tears on our backs. I know my pillow is always wet. At the right time, I walked up to my mother, but I forced a smile and talked about something unimportant. Han has been a muddled person since he was a child. His mother was ill, so he didn't pay much attention. This time he gave me infinite surprises! He is as silent as a doctor and considerate as a nanny. I stood by and watched him feed orange juice and massage. It doesn't look like a son serving his mother, but like a father feeding his daughter! He often said to me: "The patient is the most pitiful, like a child, and he can't say anything." His eyes turned red when he spoke.

This reminds me of two other brothers! Jay went to Tanggu factory for an internship in summer. He didn't even see his mother's illness. Ba Yu 1 1 resigned in the middle of the month. Wandering at sea, this day next year, may not come back. Mother seems to know that she will never see him again, and she doesn't think highly of him. However, I often ask Jay, "The annual leave is coming. Should he come back?" I always ask three or four times a day. In the last few days, she said, "He knew I was ill, so he shouldn't have come back early! A mother's life, ... "I was silent. My mother knows nothing about poor Jay and her illness!

1February 3 1 day, New Year's Eve. My mother knows it's not good, and she seems to be in a hurry. She told me several times a day: "Please come and see big doctor, ok, let everyone settle down." In fact, after a day or two, there will always be a doctor to see you. Mother seems tired of injections and cough medicine. We immediately discussed inviting Dr. V, the most famous German doctor in Shanghai, who also came to see her in autumn. At dusk, the doctor came. I took it, but he still recognized us and nodded and smiled. Listen to mom's lungs, help her lie down slowly, and then serve the table. I asked in a trembling voice, "How's it going?" He looked back at his mother. "Does the patient know English?" When I shook my head, my heart and gallbladder were cracked! He whispered, "There is no hope. Now I just want her to spend the last few days in peace! " "

Originally, it was a very clear thing in our consciousness, but as soon as the doctor opened it, it seemed that the whole curtain was opened. A tragic phenomenon, all jumped out! After seeing the doctor off, Hua and I both cried in the aisle, but we quickly convinced each other: "Don't cry your eyes red. Looking back at your mother will make her afraid and sad." We wiped our tears, smiled straight, walked into the house, went to my mother's bed and said, "The doctor said nothing. As long as we can rest with peace of mind, eat more, be healthy and energetic, we will get better gradually. " Mother nodded. We also said, "Tonight is New Year's Eve, and tomorrow is the New Year. Let's keep the year. "

It's easy to appreciate life, isn't it? I said all kinds of ignorant, stupid and arrogant things. I said, "I am willing to taste all the interests in life. I am willing to taste all the interests in life." He also said: "If you want to appreciate life, you have to feel like a needle, and taste it repeatedly with flesh and blood, so that he can hit the nail on the head." He also said: "There are mixed feelings of sadness and joy, and if you don't do your best, you won't see the mystery and greatness of life." In fact, the so-called "mystery" and "greatness" are words that people's ideals did not expect, and they are words that people who have experienced laugh at themselves! I'd rather be a numb, stupid and confused person and live in a happy, cowardly and dependent environment all my life. I don't want to know the mystery, and I don't need greatness!

Speaking of which, life is approaching like a storm. There is nothing to do but bow your head and close your eyes and tremble. When the rain stops, it is another world. There are only withered grass and fallen leaves on the ground, only the withered body and mind that have experienced wind and rain. The rich spring scenery before this moment has become a thing of the last life! At this time, you will blame yourself! What have you done in the past to enjoy all kinds of happy and carefree lives?

I don't want to appreciate life any more, and I don't want to appreciate life after 19 years 1 month 1 day! That miserable life with a smile once ground me into dust and twisted me into juice. If I can do my best, I will sever my love from now on, in order to avoid this kind of life and pain from happening again! But who knows this!

1 3 is my father's birthday. In the morning, I went to the market and bought some snacks, such as snacks, smoked fish, roast duck and so on. Because we know that tonight's party is only for my mother. Eating a table just makes her tired. At night, we will light the red light together; In front of her bed, there is a small round table; The table is full of small dishes; Sit down in groups. He pushed his father to his mother and sat down. He smiled and said, "Here comes the groom." Father smiled, and so did mother! She only tasted a little food, then shook her head and shouted, "Go away and have a good meal in the front room and let me have a rest." We left our father and hurried to the front for dinner. When I came back, I saw my father leaning on the pillow, and my mother seemed to be asleep. Father's eyes are full of tears! I know he thinks forty years of spring is unbearable!

So after two nights. Mother's pain is infinitely increasing. Lung fanaticism, no matter how cold, always fades under the chest; The flame of the fire is also isolated from the bed (this always reminds me of the phrase "phlegm burns the lungs and spits when you see particles" in Xiaoqing Biography. Every time I turn a corner, I am out of breath. Everyone's terror is also infinitely tense. I only remember saying a prayer in my mouth day and night, that is, "God accepts this pure soul!" " "At this time, I don't want to see my mother delay the sun and the moon. I just want her to be quiet and safe! In the middle of the night, I was kneeling in front of her bed. She looked at me and gasped, "thank you ... when my business is over, you can have a good sleep for a few nights and then go back to Peiping." Then it will all be over. "Mom said this event was so ordinary and so calm! Every time I think back, only these words touched my heart the most! I didn't dare to promise at that time, and my throat choked!

Zhang Ma is beside me, comforting me. Mom seems to be asleep again. Zhang Ma sat on a small stool and whispered to me. She said, "My wife is always in such pain! When I am recovering from illness in autumn, I always read all night at night. Just tell me to sleep. Get up in the middle of the night and refuse to call me. I said,' Don't struggle alone. It's not fun to step back. She wouldn't listen either. She can't sleep until dawn. The rich lady came over with Miss Chrysanthemum in her arms, and she woke up again. "

Speaking of books my mother reads, she really reads much more than anyone in our family. She likes reading novels and lyrics, magazines and newspapers, new and old, creative and translated. In normal good times, every night, I either do my work or read books. I didn't go to bed until eleven or twelve. Get up early in the morning, wash up and get my knife ruler and book back. There are always books in her sewing box. After reading it, she likes to chat with us, and her original opinions always surprise us. There are many new terms that we heard from her for the first time, such as "general literature". I often feel ashamed in silence and feel that we are behind the times in new ideas.

On the fifth night of January, my father was in front of my mother's bed. I was so sleepy that I dozed off sideways in my father's bed and was awakened by my mother's groan. My mother and father seem to be arguing loudly. I got up quickly and only heard my mother say, "Do me a favor and pass me the sleeping pills. I really don't want to delay any longer! " "At that time, my mother groaned, her face was red and she was panting. I know her pain has reached the extreme! She told me a long time ago that when she had a bone pain, she wrote down the name of a sleeping pill and hid it in a bag. When she thought of the extreme pain, in order to get rid of it, she quietly asked someone to buy it and took all her clothes. At this time, I hurried to her side and begged her. She shook her head and ignored me, only looking at her father. Father stood for a while, turned and took the medicine bottle, poured two pills and put them in her mouth. She shook her head again and again and gasped, "You really … it's not like you'll never see me again!" " "This sentence is like a stimulant. My father's eyebrows are wrinkly, and the tragic god makes me shudder. He suddenly turned around and stuffed a few more pills into her mouth. I lost my mind. I flew over and grabbed my father's arm. It's too late! Mother has swallowed the medicine, closed her mouth and lowered her eyes, as if she were going to sleep. Father sat down with his head on her shoulder and tears rolled down his face.