Xiamen sketch

Freshman: "(walking out of the platform, as if wandering) I am a freshman in Grade #, 16 years, unmarried. I, a very talented person, have great momentum. I know everything from astronomy to geography. Today, I suddenly heard that my students are going to recruit new students as cadres. Originally, I was not interested in being an official, but I heard that being a student union cadre is quite imposing. Go and have a look! "

(shaking to the student union)

Freshman: "Wow! As soon as you enter the door, it is the learning department. Our school really focuses on learning! "

Learning cadre: (As soon as the freshmen entered the door, they met the minister of learning department, who was reading a collection of poems passionately over there) "Is there frost on the bright line at the foot of my bed?" . Looking up, I found it was moonlight, sinking again, and I suddenly thought of home! " (Khan! ! ! ! ! )

Freshman: (applauding him, of course, in a flattering tone) "This must be the Minister of Learning!" Come and see me, junior! ! "(hands bow)

Learning cadre: "Oh, yes, I am the minister of learning department who claims to gather the top learning backbone of the whole school!" " (smug) I wonder what's the matter with this brother? "

Freshman: "I'm here to apply for the position of student union cadre. I was in your learning department as soon as I came in, and I was attracted by your voice, so I applied in your learning department first! " I don't know what it takes to be a cadre. "

Learning cadres: "Dare to think and do! Brother is really ambitious. The conditions are hard to say, but we need some basic things. " (Shen takes a positive and negative look)

Freshman: "What is it?" (looks curious, looks at her hand)

Learning cadres: "(facing the audience) For example, the academic performance should be ranked in the top ten of the whole school. In fact, I am the first in my grade, so I have relaxed my requirements for you. This is the most important; Then, if I want to know a musical instrument, such as piano or flute, I know three musical instruments! (turning to the freshman, watching him motionless, and then turning to the audience) So I relaxed my requirements for you; Of course, I also have the same ability to appreciate art (freshmen immediately spit out when they heard this and ran off the stage). There is no need to be as poetic as I am, but they should have the same hobbies as me. Finally ... huh? Where are people? "

(Before he finished, the freshman was gone. )

Cadre: "Why are students so impatient now? Forget it. Even if I am the only one in the Ministry, I can hold up a sky! I am so poetic! ! ! HOHOHO！ The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light. Is it frosty already? ... "(read aloud from the audience)

Freshman: "(running to face the audience) Wow! I didn't expect there to be such narcissists in the learning department. If I am elected, it will be miserable! Go to another department. Huh? There is a girls' department in the student union? I don't know if this department is closely related to MM? " (a rather lewd expression appears)

Female cadre: (Seeing someone outside the door, she comes out and asks) "What can this classmate do for you?" I am the Minister of Female Student Affairs of the Student Union. "

Freshman: "(whispering) Wow! The girls' department really hides beautiful women. Hey, big sister, I'm here to apply for the position of student union cadre. "

Female cadre: "Oh, welcome, which department do you want to apply for?"

Freshman: "this ... hey!" " Only your girls' department! "

Female cadres: (facing the audience) "Ah? But our girls' department has never received male cadres. Because a lot of work in our department is centered on girls, all in order to let girls have a better study and living environment, you are a boy ... "

Freshman (crazy, suddenly want to open): "Sister, this statement is poor!" " There was Shang Yang's political reform in ancient times, and now the United States is attacking Iraq. There are exceptions to everything, and everything seeks innovation. I always care about girls in every way. Girls' problems are my problems, and girls' troubles are my troubles, big sister! For the happiness of hundreds of girls in our school, please let me join the girls' department ... "(kneeling on one knee, decisive)

Female cadre: "... OK, OK, OK, I'll take you there, and our department will make an exception and accept you as a male cadre." Then you come with me now to solve an urgent girl problem ... "

Freshman: "Oh? What's the problem? "

Female cadres: "Alas, although we girls usually love to talk and laugh (there are pictures of two girls joking on the table), we sometimes have some minor conflicts." It's not true that two girls in Grade Two are quarreling over a trivial matter now ... "(Don't make any noise when you start quarreling, be more intense, this is sudden).

Freshman: "Hey, isn't it just girls quarreling?" I'm going to solve it ... "(I just wanted to leave, but I was pulled back)

Female cadre: "Wait ... you don't know. Our girls' problems are small and big. If you don't handle it well, they may ... "

Freshman (scared): "What will happen ..." (Two girls watch the platform together)

Female cadres: "Grasp the hair (new students hold their heads), hook their nostrils (cover their noses), tear their clothes ..." (At this time, the two of them are at the table, and the female cadres do what they say, just for fun)

Freshman: "(hands blocking chest) Wow! Indecent assault! ! "

Female cadres: "Are you afraid?"

Freshman: "Ah ... no, no ... this dress of mine belongs to Metersbonwe Bang Wei Bang Wei. This question is not suitable for a boy like me. Let's leave it to you girls to solve it yourself! I walked first ... "

Female cadres: "Hey! Don't go! We girls need you ... "(chasing the freshmen off the stage and coming back soon, I said to the audience," Hey, let me solve the girl problem myself! ") As he spoke, he went over and said a few words to the two girls, and then the three of them walked down the steps together.

Freshman: (running on stage again) "These girls are really troublesome! Forget it, then go to other departments. "

Veteran cadre: (appears from the opposite side) "Alas ..."

Freshman: "Hey? Why does this big brother sigh? Is it also for girls? "

Veteran cadres: "Oh! No, no, I'm the Minister of Labor and Health. (To the audience) It has always been our bounden duty to let everyone live in an elegant campus, study in a bright and clean classroom and rest in a tidy dormitory. (I didn't return to absolute being for a long time, and then I brushed it at the freshmen.) Excuse me, are you ... "

Freshman: "(To say the least) I have heard a lot about the Ministry of Labor and Health. My brother is here today to apply for the post of cadre of the Ministry of Labor and Health ... "

Veteran cadres: "Good! You come with me at once! " (Pull up a freshman and talk while walking)

Freshman: "Go? Where to go? "

Veteran cadres: "canteen!"

Freshman: "(excited) canteen! (Walking forward for a while, whispering to the audience) Oh, the Ministry of Labor and Health is the Ministry of Labor and Health! Talk about everything at the dinner table! What a style! (Stop to hold the hand of the veteran cadre) Big Brother! I support you ... but? It seems that it's not time to eat yet. What about the future? "

Old minister: "Alas, where is the rice?" ! We will reflect our opinions on the canteen to the students. "

Freshman: "What do you think?"

Old minister: "You are a freshman, so you may not have noticed. I ask you, when you go to the canteen to cook, do you find that when the waiter scratches your rice or food, your hands always shake like this ... "

Freshman: "(thinking for a moment) hmm ... it seems that there is such a thing."

Old minister: "That's right. Every time she shakes it like this, she loses ... a piece or two of meat. " It hurts to count the fallen meat. ! ! ! ! ! ! )

Freshman: "(Never mind)? Isn't it just one or two pieces of meat? "

Old minister: "classmates! (Seriously) You don't understand this! Each of us lacks one or two pieces of meat, and thousands of our students add up to a fat pig! " (makes a gesture of holding a pig)

Freshman: "Ah! ! ! Sorry, I'm not good at bargaining. You'd better go by yourself ... "

Old minister: "Hey! Why don't you go? Classmate ... "(chase)

Freshman: "(Khan! ! ! ! ! I went on stage again to face the audience. How many times is this! ! ! ) The Ministry of Labor and Health used to be a bunch of cheapskates! It doesn't matter if this department doesn't make progress. Huh? These two men in front are extraordinary in spirit. There must be some connection! (Running up to block the front) These two heroes, I will meet you. "

Minister Zhi: "Oh, I am Minister Wei, and he is my assistant. It seems that you are a new student, right? Our security department is the security department of the cooperative college, doing a good job in school security. Do you need help? "

Freshman: "No, no, I, I want to apply for the cadre of the medical insurance department ..."

(The phone rings suddenly, and the assistant picks it up and hands it to the minister, saying, "Minister, your phone!" " " )

Minister Zhi: "Oh, wait a minute, I'll take a call. Hello? Yes, this is the medical department. What happened? (Curious freshman, sneaking up to listen to the content) What? There are two drug dealers in our city? Nine deaths and one injury have been caused on the way! (The freshman looks surprised) What? Probably hiding in our school! ! (Freshman looks stiff) Ok, please inform other departments, I ... Oh, I just recruited a new cadre here, call him right away! (The freshmen run away in a panic) Wait a minute. How did the Yi people disappear ... "

Freshman: "(Super Sweat! ! ! ! ! ! ! Run up again, angry! That was close! I didn't expect it would be dangerous to join the medical department ... (seeing a boy walk into the student union) classmate! Classmate! Do you want to apply for a student union cadre like me? I advise you not to go! The student union is full of weirdos, either bitchy or stingy, plus a narcissist! By the way, life is in danger! ! Listen to me, don't go! Don't go! " (At this time, the four ministers took turns to take the stage to greet the chairman, and then glared at the freshmen to step down and hid in the eavesdropping. The freshmen bent down without hearing the chairman's words once until one hand touched the ground. )

Freshman: "O Lord ... Chairman"

Principal: (the principal helps him up) "Well, hello, classmate, I forgot to introduce myself to you. I am the president of the student union in this field. What you just said is absolutely right. What our student union cadres do is really hard, but as long as we can serve the students and help them, we will do it no matter how hard and tired we are! (Four people hiding on one side come out to applaud, and then follow the chairman's sentence "I'm not finished" and run down. If you are just addicted to official business and afraid of hard work, I advise you not to join the student union. "

Freshman: "... Chairman, you are absolutely right. Compared with other cadres just now, (looking at the stands) I found myself selfish and insignificant. Be sure to correct it when you go back and learn from them! (Affectionately) I had n chances to join the Student Union, but I didn't cherish it. Suddenly, a student came running and handed him a napkin. After the freshman took it, he twisted his nose and said thank you and gave it back to the students. The student looked at the new student with an expression of disgust. If God gives me another chance, I will definitely apply for the presidency of the Student Union (pause)! ! "

President: "Oh, my God!" " (stunned, four people came to the stage to help the chairman, and all stopped.)