A girl's fortune-telling joke _ girl's fortune-telling

Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid. Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat. The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions. Squid is very happy and says: You can take the exam! Then this man roasted squid .. 1. An international student took a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead suggested turning left. Not sure, he asked the examiner, "Turn left?" "Right" so ... hang up ... 13. One day Mung Bean committed suicide and jumped from the fifth floor. They shed a lot of blood and turned into red beans. It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans. Xiao Ming had his hair cut. The next day, when he arrived at school, his classmates all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. He cried and cried ~ then he flew ... ⒌ A person looks like an onion and cries while walking ... One day, the little penguin ⒍ asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again. "Dad, dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. Why? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?" A pair of corn fell in love, so they decided to get married. On the wedding day, corn couldn't find a wife. Corn asked the popcorn beside him: Have you seen our corn? Popcorn: Honey, people are wearing wedding dresses. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune. Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?" Xiaohua: Yes, Xiaoming: Do you know what the teacher is playing? Xiaohua: "Piano." Pet-name ruby two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, but what is the living? Call for help! 5. What are cloth and paper afraid of? Not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand. 1. Ants go to the desert. Why didn't they leave footprints, only one line? Because it rides a bike! The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back. Why? I saw his bike parked downstairs. 1. One day, a girl went to tell her fortune. The fortune teller saw that she had a tattoo and said that your boyfriend's name was Liang Xiao, right? I saw that the girl looked up and said with angry eyes, "This is hate." 3. One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride. The car was running out of gas, so they went to refuel. Suddenly a gust of wind blew away her boyfriend's hat. Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her, "I'll pick up my hat and you help me cheer." As soon as her boyfriend ran away, she heard Xiaomei shouting behind her: "Come on! Come on! " 4. An orangutan walked through the forest and accidentally picked up the excrement of a gibbon. The kind orangutan cleaned up the ape's feces. Soon they fell in love, and people asked you how you got together. The orangutan replied, "It's ape dung (fate)!" A fat man jumped from a tall building and became a dead fat man. 6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car while crossing the road. He shouted, "Quack!" From then on it became a cucumber. 1. There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, penguins were particularly bored at home and wanted to play with polar bears. He went out with him. But on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. This has been 10 years. But the door must be locked. So the penguin went home and locked the door. After locking the door, the penguin set out to find the polar bear again. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home. Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " As a result, the polar bear opened the door and said to him, "Let's go to your house to play. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss:" Sorry, not so much. ""The little white rabbit left in frustration. " The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, are there a hundred buns?" Boss; "Sorry, it's still not." The little white rabbit left in frustration again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, are there a hundred buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, there are a hundred steamed buns today!" " The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I want two!" " Xiao Ming: "Kang, let me ask you something. The shark ate mung beans. Into what? "Kang:" I don't know. Xiaoming: "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)" ⒑ Teacher: "How to reduce white pollution?" Classmate: "Make the lunch box blue. "1. One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the stomach hospital to see a doctor. He said to the doctor, "I eat whatever I pull, watermelon and cucumber!" The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you can only eat shit!" "Stewardess:" Why can't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high? " Child: "I know. Because the stars will shine! "3. Polar bears play with penguins. Penguins plucked all their hair. After plucking his hair, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" Polar bear, listen. He also pulled off all his hair and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold! Xiao Ming: What do African cannibals eat? "Xiaomei:" Man "Xiaoming:" The chief is ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What does he eat? "Xiaomei:" Vegetables! There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time, one of them shook. Wow! It's so cold ~ another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk? One day, a male deer ran faster and faster, and finally, it became a high-speed male deer. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit. She announced that children, after picking the fruit, we will wash and eat together. "All the children ran to pick fruit. It's assembly time, and all the children are assembled. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you choose?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them." "Teacher:" What about Xiaomei? "Xiaomei:" I'm washing tomatoes. Because I picked tomatoes. "Teacher:" The children are great! Where is Amin? A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit." "The teacher asked Xiao Ming in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: "Xiao Ming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? Tell me if you don't know! "Xiaoming:" Zhi ~" 9 Elephant asked the camel: "Why do your breasts grow on your back? "Camel:" Stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on their faces! ""5. How to make drinks bigger? Say the spell of mercy. Miss 1: "Business is bad now!" Boss: "Why?" Miss: "Bird flu." 1. A woman trembled when she met a robber. She said, "I'm from X school. I just graduated. I haven't found a job yet. I really have no money. " The robber repeatedly shouted: "Sister, I am also from X school. Please bring your student ID card. It's still school x that is robbed in front. Don't worry, I will never rob my own people! " A blind beggar is begging in the street with sunglasses. A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars. After a long walk, the drunk turned around and saw that the blind man was distinguishing the authenticity of a hundred-dollar imitation. The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Big Brother, I'm here for my friend. He was blind and went to the toilet, but I was actually dumb. " "Oh, yes." So the drunk dropped the money and staggered away. Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend. He happened to see his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new lover, and the more he watched it, the more angry he became, trying to humiliate them. So he greeted them politely and despised them. Just as he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and all inside is new!" " She gave me a kiss when we parted. It feels as real as People's Daily. 6. I just saw something like a news scroll bar at the top of my senior's computer screen. The words on it passed quickly. Curious, I asked, "Are these lyrics?" Senior: "Yes!" Senior: "How did it pass so fast? I didn't see it clearly! " Senior: "Yes, it's from Jay Chou!" Wife: I stepped on shit before I married you. Husband: Before I married you, I was stepping on shit. Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you two stepped on it. ⒏ A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, and C can be oxidized into D in air. Smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c, c and d? A: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg! Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin? A: Eraser. Because the eraser is poor. Q: What are three things with a head and a foot? A: Three monsters with one head and one foot! One day, a mother-in-law took a bus. She doesn't know the way halfway. She spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this? Driver: This is my ass. 3. The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep and the cat climbed the tree. Then there were owls. 2. Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day! 5. What is that man doing? He's shaking. Why is he shaking? He's cold. A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing. B: ... 6. A sausage is kept in the refrigerator. Feeling very cold, then he looked at the other one next to him and said, "Look at you! You are all frozen! " The root of the tree said, "Sorry, I'm a popsicle." Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired, I feel weak all over." The diver's movements are very difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month. ⒐ MM University is lost. Met it. Professor: "You can only study hard." The director and the section chief share the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, "You farted!" The section chief said, "I didn't put it there." Soon, the section chief was fired. The director's reason is: "you can't afford to manage big things. What's the use of asking you? " The landlord is not enough. I still have it. You can add Q and I'll send it to you. I can't write it here.

Hope to adopt